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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 1,897
11 1 hugs
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Nov 14, 2019 at 01:08 PM
#1
I have tried to tough it out as I look for a new job. I think I have hit my limit and am starting to relapse. I really wanted to stay at this place but change jobs. But everything moves so slow. Today I got in trouble for just asking a question. It went from a question to getting lectured about me not answering questions but I did answer his question. I am just tired of getting blamed for everything. I know I should have left a long time ago. But I always try to tough things out for too long. My anxiety is part of what keeps me from moving on. Even though I have anxiety in both situations. I would rather have the situation I know than the unknown.
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 *Beth*, Anonymous46341, Purple,Violet,Blue, Sometimes psychotic, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2017
Location: Britain
Posts: 2,899
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Nov 14, 2019 at 03:06 PM
#2
Yes, I understand that. It's an awful feeling. But, as you say, the unknown is terrifying for anxious people.
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 1,897
11 1 hugs
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Nov 14, 2019 at 06:10 PM
#3
I can’t even read the email again it is too triggering.
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| Purple,Violet,Blue, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2017
Location: Britain
Posts: 2,899
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Nov 14, 2019 at 06:44 PM
#4
Totally get it. Oh, my friend, I do feel for you.
It's been a loooooong journey for me to find a way of making my workplace safe. It can be done, I promise. It's largely due to this forum, and the people I met here, that I'm managing to protect myself somewhat now in a work environment. Big hugs. Don't read their stupid email. It sounds awful and unfair! |
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Legendary
Community Liaison
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 12,735
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Nov 14, 2019 at 07:00 PM
#5
Hi Crook,
You sound very distraught.  I an very sorry for all you are going through. I honestly do not know the back story. I am sorry. I'd wanted to lend some support. What can you do to help yourself from experiencing a BP episode? Anything? Thinking of you! 
__________________ May we each fully claim the courage to live from our hearts, to allow Love, Faith and Hope to enLighten our paths. 
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 1,897
11 1 hugs
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Nov 14, 2019 at 07:49 PM
#6
They tell me to communicate more but every email I send him he ignores or says he doesn’t understand. Then I also got in trouble for writing emails that were too short. I have never heard of such a thing. Then they constantly contradict themselves but it is my fault that I can’t read their minds. Then I also get in trouble if I didn’t run their experiment because the equipment was broken and I had to fix it first. I also get in trouble if I charge just 1 hour a week to their project because they don’t “understand” what I have been doing. Well maybe if they would read my emails they would know. I am going insane. I can’t find a new job because I have been crap at interviews. Plus most of the jobs are too far away. I just want to quit and stay in bed.
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| Purple,Violet,Blue, Wild Coyote
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Legendary Wise Elder
Community Liaison
Member Since Jul 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 22,450
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Nov 15, 2019 at 12:11 AM
#7
Do you think taking a bit of time off using FMLA would help you ??
__________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2017
Location: Britain
Posts: 2,899
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Nov 15, 2019 at 07:27 AM
#8
You deserve to be treated decently in your workplace, Crook.
No one should feel bullied, or as though they never know what is the right or wrong thing to do (because the goalposts keep being moved). Thinking of you! |
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*Beth*, Wild Coyote
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 1,897
11 1 hugs
given
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Nov 15, 2019 at 02:58 PM
#9
I need to talk to my wife and see if I could quit or go part time. She said no last time I asked. She thinks I will just stay in bed all day. I just wish I was strong enough to end this pain.
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| *Beth*, Purple,Violet,Blue
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2017
Location: Britain
Posts: 2,899
6 10.3k hugs
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Nov 15, 2019 at 05:40 PM
#10
I thought that way, too. Bullying in the workplace has a devastating effect. It spoils everything, including family life. Many many times, i felt I could not go on.
It was the bullying talking, Crook. I promise. Its sickening, the way it makes you feel like a piece of crap. I really think you can get through this. Honestly I do. An anti depressant helped me to get started in making my workplace safe. I'm not sure how you'd feel about meds? I wasn't able to get therapy because of waiting lists and being too scared to ask work for time off to attend. Would that be a possibility you'd consider? |
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*Beth*
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 1,897
11 1 hugs
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Nov 16, 2019 at 08:26 AM
#11
I am already on a bunch of meds and can’t take antidepressants anymore they make me worse.
I know they are doing this all on purpose to drive me to my breaking point. They want me to quit because they are afraid I will sue if they fire me. It is a dangerous game because they don’t understand that me hitting the wall means being suicidal. They feel I shouldn’t be there because of all the time I took off of work. They say I don’t pull my weight. Maybe part time is the way to go. |
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| Purple,Violet,Blue
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2017
Location: Britain
Posts: 2,899
6 10.3k hugs
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Nov 16, 2019 at 04:07 PM
#12
I feel for you!
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 1,897
11 1 hugs
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Nov 17, 2019 at 11:14 AM
#13
I feel like I am in that dead zone where I am just old enough that people don’t want to hire me but not quite old enough to actually retire. I wish there was a concrete number to shoot for but all you can do is make an educated guess at how much you will need. I just feel frustration from all sides right now.
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 1,897
11 1 hugs
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Nov 18, 2019 at 04:39 PM
#14
Another job rejection. Oh well.
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Legendary Wise Elder
Community Liaison
Member Since Jul 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 22,450
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Nov 18, 2019 at 06:29 PM
#15
I’m sorry
__________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2017
Location: Britain
Posts: 2,899
6 10.3k hugs
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Nov 18, 2019 at 07:21 PM
#16
Good on you for trying!
Job hunting really hard to do, at the best of times. Thinking of you! Crook, you seem to be seeing things clearly. It is one of those situations where there are several options, none of which are perfect. There really isn't any way to know things like how much money you'll need. I find change so difficult, believe me... But I'm concerned for your mental and physical health. I just wanted to remind you that this should come first. Take care! |
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