Bipolar Check-in #40

I’m glad to hear your mum is on the mend and will be home Thursday.

That’s great that the neighbor did the leaves.

It’s nice that you’re getting the TV to yourself for a few nights.

I am also constantly trying to cut deals with my pdoc so she does not take my Mirapex away! Funny!

I am not great, yet am better than I was without it and I truly do not want to lose my new friend, MIrapex!

Each week we cut a deal where I will try to get more sleep and she will let me stay at the same dose until we meet again. Last week, brought my sleep patches in for "show and tell" and as a bargaining chip to keep my MIrapex.
What we won't do for MIrapex!

I have stopped my compulsive new hobby,, thankfully. Not even tempted.

I hope you can get some sleep.

Doing ok bipolar wise. I’ve been given the go-ahead by my cardiologist to stay on my anti-psychotics which is a relief. I’m so stable on them I would’ve hated to change meds.

Anxiety wise not as good. Went out for a rare dinner out with DH last night and it got the better of me. I had to take a Valium half an hr into dinner. (Could feel a panic attack coming on.) It was either that or bolt out of the restaurant.

It was mostly a grim day, berating myself for overeating. Our condo meeting was interesting tho. I go to events mostly for the entertainment value, to see people and hear them talk. As in Overeaters Anonymous. As i used to go to government meetings for entertainment when i was more active. At one meeting one guy called the other guy a potato head! Haha! Tonight the person i most enjoyed was this bumbling man who spoke soooooooo slowly and said simple things. I REALLY liked him! I love bumbles! Bus drivers really like to help me when i'm bumbling. "To act or talk in an awkward or confused manner." I'm a lovable bumble! I'm going to start a collection of bumble bee brick-a-brack! By the laws of aerodynamics a bumble bee shouldn't fly yet it does!

My doctor and i made a plan for the slide into depression i feel coming on. Med changes. So it's nice to be making some adjustments that may help protect me over the Winter.

Buzz!!!

Yeah that’s pretty typical when someone goes to rehab to build up strength, PT is always cracking the wipe lol

Honestly enjoy having the tv to yourself , it is true if you don’t HAVE to be somewhere go to bed whenever!

Ahhh that’s a great neighbor. I honestly would freak out if we got a lot of snow here regularly.. They never do anything to roads I need to get back and forth on to town. One year we were forecasted to get 1-2 at most .. well it stalled right over our head and we got 13 inches. We were literally stuck at home for 7-8 days , which was fine we had no where to be.. even in town it took a couple days to clear out important roads LOL

Of that sounds amazing !! Thanks

Work went pretty well today. My student was suspended so no running after him. I was put with this adorable little girl with this high squeaky voice. It sounded so cute When she said **** you, ***** LOL. I didn’t mind her. Nothing I haven’t dealt with before.

RS put up our Christmas lights today! They are so beautiful. We will put up the tree after thanksgiving. My son and I will do that as RS is working his side job Friday and Saturday.

Not much to report other than that!

13! That's a lot of snow for anyone much less a place that doesn't have the equipment to deal with it! I'm resigned to the fact we're getting significant snow but hoping its on the lower end of the forecast cause Friday/ Saturday it's supposed to snow a lot again. Oh, joy( said not at all joyfully) winter has arrived

I truly was hoping was another mild winter but our weather man out of Nashville posts lots of stuff on Facebook and always responds to people. He told me to go ahead and pull out the much warmer clothes this year, I was legit bummed

I checked with farmers almanac, "a wild ride" fridget temps and hefty snow for most of the country. Mild in the western thrird. I guess it's time to move to New Mexico!

Feeling nauseous. Just trying to rest my stomach before bed. I think the med increase might be causing this. I was feeling really depressed today and anxious later on. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. I'm trying to do at least one thing per day to stay busy and keep my mind off of things, but it's hard.

Hugs to all who need one.

I am hear listening to music with my new stereo setup. This is relaxing me, listening to Kitaro. I did not accomplish anything over the past week. I do not know what is wrong with me. Maybe something to do with my frame of mind. I have allot to do. Two bilks are very late, past due. My dirty clothes is everywhere. I will get these things done...eventually.

I'm so happy that my lungs seem cleared up and I'm feeling better - I even stayed late a couple of hours at work.

Hope everyone is doing well

I’m feeling much better. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the kindness and support.

fern46 - something you said to bpcyclist really resonated. Professional warrior. What a beautiful phrase. You are right...it may not be the career that was wanted but it is the work before us. It gave me a sense of purpose and straightened my spine. Thank you for that.

Warm regards to all and hugs to those that are struggling.

You are welcome. Thanks so much for sharing. It really holds true in my mind. Everyone in this world has struggles, but those with mental experiences truly get it from all sides. There is of course a mental component, but the emotional effects are extreme. The physical changes our bodies endure are also extreme in many cases and so many of us have had deep spiritual experiences that sometimes include torment. Everyone in life has to fight to stay alive and to thrive. However, it is my opinion that the people I have met through my mental illness journey are doing this on another level all together.

We are truly using all of our faculties to take another breath at moments. We are coming up with whatever we can possibly say to pull each other off the ledge sometimes. We feel things most people do not and we have to unravel the twisted and intricate lies our minds tell us. Many have sacrificed or lost their happiness, their jobs, their friends, their family, their way of life, their pride, their bodies and their confidence. It takes all of our strength to not let it consume us. I'd say that takes the heart of a fierce warrior. It constantly blows my mind that so many here not only survive, but they truly rise and at times find ways to thrive. Truly amazing!

For me, it helped to find humility and surrender to this battle. I kept trying to understand why this happened to me. I finally decided to stop looking at it as something that happened to me and more like my next opportunity for service. An opportunity to serve myself and grow. An opportunity to serve others through support. An opportunity to serve my family by becoming a healthier me. I stopped pushing back against my reality and started to work with it to see what I needed to see. I started to look for ways to use the given variables to create a strategy to attack this from all angles.

It was my belief as a project manager that the work that was laid before us was nowhere near as important as the mindset we used to approach it. I believed that we were meant to laugh while we work. I believed we were meant to support each others like kind humans would. I believed we could blend the best of everyone together to make the work easier so that we had more time to innovate and relax. I believed we could do this so well it wouldn't feel so much like work anymore and more like the game we were playing together. I am doing a different kind of work now, but my beliefs have not changed.

Stand tall Jennifer. You earned it!

Fantastic! It's so difficult to have breathing challenges.
Our bodies are programed to survive and these types of challenges can set off a lot of panic. I have been quite fortunate so far this season.

It's such a relief!

Simply awesome!

It must be such a relief to be feeling better!

So good to see you xRavenx!! Here's to today being much better!

*********
Mr. Robot

Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside.

--The Cure

Great to see you!

You are very wise to see a cardiologist.
It has to be a relief to know you can stay on meds which work for you!

I would sometimes feel extra anxious when out to dinner. In some cases, the food/seasonings/preservatives were causing this increase in anxiety and increase in heart rate.

You know yourself best, of course! Just thought I'd throw this out there for anyone reading.

Thanks so much for sharing!