Bipolar Check-in #40

2am and I'm wide awake. That's 4 hours sleep

I'm so tired so I don't think it's hypomania. No racing thoughts, I'm not taking risks, no big plans, no shopping.

I think I'll reduce Mirapex a little.

FINALLY, my stressful period is OVER!! Now I don't have to work weekends anymore!! (Well, for the time being...)

Also, i can't believe thanksgiving is next week. Wow!! How times flies!!

I am not doing anything special for thanksgiving. Probably gonna hang around my parents' house. Idk yet for sure, though.

Anyways, I am going to read some more today. I read quite a bit on thurs and fri last week, but none this weekend because I was busy with other things. However, I think I deserve a small break to read today considering how many weekends I've worked. Ughhhh... Plus, I started working at 3:30am today and it's now 5:55am. I am overdue for a break!!

I am glad I can read though. It takes a lot of energy out of me, but with an audiobook, I can read a lot easier. I just wish I could read without an audiobook.

Scooter, I hope you got some more sleep. I have been waking up in the middle of the night, too, several nights in a row.

bluebicyle, that's great news! Do savor those weekends!

Today will be a very busy day! As soon as I finish the morning rituals (still need to iron shirt and make lunch for hubby), I need to pack my car with the stuff I bought for my dad for his assisted living, along with a few things I bought for my brother, who is in the hospital. Then I drive to my sister's house.

Sis and I will set up Dad's room, then go to visit bro in the hospital and visit Dad at his rehab center.

Last night I did a bunch of laundry, washing/drying the bedding I bought for Dad's room at the assisted living. The bed is a different size than any one of us have, so I had to buy new.

I also need to call the local IOP for Dad, to get his intake process started. Ideally do that before we visit him today. Once he starts there, I will need to taxi him there at least a few days per week. I also want to take him to AA meetings, but I told my sister that perhaps he could wait on AA until his IOP schedule lightens. He'll attend their addictions plus psych program. Dad says he's overwhelmed by all of this. We need to help him through.

We have not told our father that our brother is in the hospital with congestive heart failure. A lot of Dad's depression stems from improperly processed grief. Though I am sure my brother will be OK, such a thing would still likely bring panic to Dad.

Thank you for the kind thoughts so many of you have expressed. It means a lot! It's hard not to break down and cry because of this present situation.

Hi Scooter!
I am sorry you continue with short nights.

I have run into the problem of needing X amount of Mirapex to not spiral into depression; yet, X amount gives me insomnia.

I have decreased my night dose. That did not fix the insomnia.

I am currently trying an herbal transdermal patch made for insomnia.
I've only used it 2 nights so far. I need more time to be sure about the efficacy.
(I have a co-occuring medical condition right now which might skew the results. )

I had chosen this formula for trial because the ingredients are so very close to a formula an herbalist used to make for me in tincture and tea.. Her tinctures were very potent. She has passed on now.

I am very happy to share any info with you as I, too, try to find answers to the Mirapex insomnia.

Incase you'd like to take a look: Klova - Topical Sleep ZPatch. Naturally a Better Night's Sleep.

I hope you achieve some decent sleep asap!

it must be both exciting and a relief to have completed your recent article.

My best to you and to yours!

Dearest BirdDancer,

I admire your dedication and your courage as you carry on with all that needs energy/attention. You and your family continue in my thoughts and in my prayers.

Much Love to You

Big day ahead for you, @BirdDancer. Sending prayers for your family and support for you.

So, I guess I had a big psychotic break or episode or whatever I'm supposed to call it. Spent several days in respite, glad it wasn't the hospital. I have spent too much time in the hospital. They changed my meds around a bit. I guess the decision to not be on Abilify (due to EPS) was maybe not my best choice ever. Anyway, now on Seroquel again with Zyprexa for short-term, super-emergencies. One night, basically. If that doesn't work, then, I probably will have no choice but to be readmitted again.

I am very sad about having to be on an atypical again. It is hard for me to zip my coat. Sometimes I can't sign my name. And while I generally do not care one bit what other people think of me, it is embarrassing when my hands are moving in public and drawing attention to me. But I guess that is just who I am now.

That said, having terrible voices and microphones in my walls and IR cameras in the apt. upstairs and armed secret agents in the hallway ready to kick in my door and shoot me is not something I can live with. It's just too exhausting. I just won't survive long having to do that. So, Seroquel it is.

It has helped a lot so far. I slept from 6 pm to 2 am this morning, which , obviously, is unheard of for me over the last month or so. I've probably been averaging maybe 3 1/2 hours a day over that time span. This morning is the first time I have not heard voices in many days. Not paranoid right now. Not seeing things. Maybe there aren't secret agents and infrared cameras after all.

I want to sincerely thank everyone for their support during all this. I really, really appreciate it. I have very few people in my life anymore and having you all just means so much to me. Thank you. And a special shout-out to Fern and WC for your kind words. Y0ou guys are the best!!

Marvelous! Great idea to read along with the audible book. I might try that

Love ya!

Hi there!

I am so happy to read you are doing better! Your post brought tears to my eyes. It's' such a blessing that you are headed in a helpful direction and are free from distressing symptoms.
I hope and pray you continue to do well.. Please do let us know how you are doing when you are up to it??
It's wonderful to have you around!

Hi akarro123,

Welcome to the Bipolar Forum at PC!

I hope you find the information and the support you may be seeking.
Please do make yourself at home.
I hope to see you around the forums.

It surely helps when our teams listen up!
I believe there is a certain amount of healing that accompanies a very attentive caretaker, one who listens deeply to both the patient, as well as to loved ones.

You and your family continue in my thoughts and prayers. Sending lots of mojo your way!
Much love

Hi, all. Wanting someone to talk to.

Have a good day.

Got a full nights sleep. Vaguely recall the dreams. Something about a daycare set in Disney land. The kids were Runnings the show. The adults were hapless. Lots of adults were covered in candy and gummies from falling into the traps the kids set for them. I seemed to be more of an observer than a participate. Was a funny dream, nice change from the drama of real life.

This reminded me of a Disney movie called Heavyweights. The kids are at diet camp and they rebel and take it over. Check out the party scene

YouTube

Oh my! My dream was tamer than that, the kids were all under 5.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Polibeth!!

(Sorry for chop off of end, bus editing is a *itch, lol)
Work's great (arriving right now as it happens). Sleep, pretty good. MeetUps, yeah, I'd almost never go out otherwise.
Well, better get at that work-- just wanted to pop in before the thread totally took off!

*********
Mr. Robot

Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside.

--The Cure

Day one of my new job in my new department went well! I think I’m going to like this position much much MUCH better. I am very much relieved. I feel so much better about working for this company now. I have potential to move up the ladder, but I’m still going to look for jobs in my field. We’ll see where life takes me 😊.

I'm so glad you were able to find a respite center to stay at. That is on my list of things to pursue if psychosis ever sets in for me again. I didn't know they were an option before, but it seems like a less traumatic experience compared to an IP stay.

Have you considered an IOP program? The regular interaction with a group for a while might be beneficial while you ride out your med adjustments.

I hope the doctors get things straightened out for you soon. You're taking some pretty heavy short term losses in the hopes of having long term gains. It is usually a very effective strategy and I'm glad you're open to it. Try not to be too embarrassed. You're fighting for your life and you are incredibly brave. Maybe wear a hoodie and just make your mark for a while. It will be enough. You are more than enough.

I'm so happy to know that the voices are gone and that you're able to better deal with the delusions and you're starting to see them for what they are. That's really fantastic. The sleep update is great as well. I hope you are able to continue on with that trend for a while.

Huge hugs to you my friend. We are all pulling for you. Reach out anytime.

Nice! I'm glad it went well. I hope it continues to work out for you.

Is it just shaking/tremors or more like TD? There are meds for both. For tremors I know you can take propranolol....the effect is just temporary so you take as needed. TD there are some new meds I know next to nothing about except that they exist. Anyway if you’re not averse to one more med to control side effects there are options.