Bipolar Check-in #40

It is a great great day! I finally applied for my ID! It was an awful process but i got thru it with dignity. Then my superintendent drilled a hole in my welcome chip from Overeaters Anonymous (OA) so i can wear it around my neck and didn't charge anything! Then my cheque for the trip i cancelled in October came! Then my balcony that has been closed for ten weeks due to repair was finally re-opened! I tried to help an ancient lady at the mall today but she was too confused and i had to leave her with the security guards. Well, i tried. Hugs to aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love a great report! Enjoy!

*********
Mr. Robot

Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside.

--The Cure

The headaches are back again. I am not convinced that it's not something I can control in the environment that causes it, though. I'm gonna give it one more month and if it doesn't seem to clear up.. I'll seek some help for it. Other than that-- life is about the same.

Hey, Scooter, I just wanted to say that I really empathize with you and this sleep thing. I am also now on Seroquel (again_ mostly to try to break this sleep logjam). Went to bed early and was wide awake by 2330 or so. Anyway, I just wanted you to hear from someone else in a somewhat similar situation to yours. You are not alone. Hang in there. They/we/someone will figure this out at some point. All the best--

That sounds absolutely miserable, BD. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. Are you sure you shouldn't maybe see a doc or NP or something? Just out of an abundance of caution?

Yes, you are. You are posting on PC, which is a place where a lot of support is available and happens. That is a very positive thing, a constructive thing that is pro-recovery and anti-isolation. Good job. Hang in there. Maybe later today or tomorrow will be a better day. Sometimes I just have to tell myself that. Sending you get-things-done vibes.

Thanks, Christina and bpcyclist! I'm going to see how I feel tomorrow. I might consider calling my GP. Or some GP, since mine is rarely available.

If I feel very sick tomorrow, I'll not only cancel my tdoc, but maybe even my pdoc who I'm supposed to see on Wednesday. That would mean I am really bad!

Hopefully you’ll feel a bit better when you wake up really hope you don’t have to miss appts.

Oh, man, these sleep issues are everywhere! I am so sorry. That 'mindless rest' state you describe? Sometimes I think it's worse than just no rest. My mind gets going and pretty soon, it can get out of control.

Not sure how long it's been since you took Ambien, but just a friendly reminder that people sometimes get disinhibited and sleep-email, sleep-text, sleep-call, sleep-cook (me), and sleep-travel/drive on Ambien sometimes. I was cooking on it and we had to stop it--just too dangerous for me.Best to take it and get in bed, in my view. I am sure you already know this. But I do hope it helps you sleep.

What a great day! Wishing you an equally awesome tomorrow

Personally, I don't think you should probably wait that long. Are you closer to Louisville or Lexington? There is probably a Headache Clinic at U of L, or at least a guy or gal who does a lot of headache work. May also be one in Lexington. Might be worth the drive and effort to explore this. I am sorry, I have not been especially well myself and so do not know your whole headache story. But I am just suggesting to you that you might want to have a bit more urgency here, if for no other reason than that putting up with another 4 weeks of this will be misery. You deserve better.

Sending you positive headache-squashing vibes. Hope you feel better soon!

Well, just posting a second time today, sorry. Need to just say to someone besides my team that I started getting psychotic again this morning at around 10 or so. Microphones in the walls. Infrared cameras and spies in the hall and upstairs apartment. People banging on the door when, in fact, noone was even there. Voices. Same old story.

I am just sharing this here because it makes me feel better. In the last hour, for some reason, it almost all went away. Why does it come and go like that? Why, when I know with my healthy brain that it is not real, why when I'm in it do I so believe it is real? It's a mystery.

Anyway, a lot better right now. So, that's good. Update tomorrow, assuming the CIA doesn't kick down my door or rappel through my window... There are train tracks across the street from my apartment building. I think I hear the Clozaril Express heading straight for my door!

So I’ve been using the juul vape for three months now. I use the mint flavor as I don’t like tobacco flavor. Now, thanks to our great state government, they are no longer allowed to sell the mint flavor in stores. So I guess they get what they want out of me, because I won’t vape the tobacco flavor. I was going crazy so I bought a pack of cigarettes, smoked one, and threw the rest out. So gross. So I bought a bunch of sugar free candy and I’m going to seriously try to quit nicotine. It’s better for me anyway. I don’t like the nicotine gum or lozenges. And I don’t wAnt to rely on a patch. So I’m going to try to quit cold turkey. I think having RS by my side will help greatly. He hates smoking and doesn’t wNt to see me smoke. Wish me luck everyone, I’m already miserable.

In other news I had to leave work at noon today to come pick up my son because his district had a half day due to weather. I was so mad when I drove up there and there was absolutely nothing on the ground. It’s snowing now but not sticking. So much for the five to eight inches! The weather team up here always overreacts which causes the schools to overreact. But, I’m thankful for no snow. I may have to brush some off my car in the morning but that’s about it.

Oh I just gotta complain for a minute

Since the biologic Humira caused all this breathing shyt I have to wait until that clears up before we start a new biologic for my psoriasis and PsA , I can barely make a fist my hands and fingers are just so painful.

My left middle finger is swelling up middle joint, feels frozen in place ugh

I don’t got time for this. My heads already starting to itch bad , no plaques yet but they will start to build. I have medicated shampoo to help manage it but I’m gonna start looking like a dog with mange the itching is unbearable.

I’m barely able to walk around when I first get up because of the foot and ankle pain. I hobble like I’m 94 years old

My lungs need to get it together and quick...

#EndRant

Christina oh my gosh, that sounds terrible. While it is amazing what medicine can do in our current time, at the same time it's like can we get some medication that just supports our bodies and makes us feel better without throwing something else out of balance? Is the breathing getting any better at all or are you feeling the same?

Good luck Wildflowerchild! I am sure it will be a challenge, but it's great that you have support and I believe you can do it.

I “think “ there’s a very slight improvement if I’m just sitting or lying down , but any time I’m up I get out of breath really fast.

I am trying to focus on the fact it’s not getting worse at least.

I see the pulmonary specialist the 16th so I’m hoping he has a better idea of when the Humira should be totally out of my system. * fingers crossed *

How are you doing?

I am sorry you are sick. That sounds miserable. I hope you feel better soon.

I'm so sorry Christina. I hope the 16th come fast for you and they can do something.

Thanks ! I hope so too ! But I think it’s just a waiting game. The half life of Humira is ridiculous