In hospital - would love support

Wander · Dec 08, 2019 at 04:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Sorry you're struggling so much, Wander.

For what it's worth, I think you're a very strong person for not giving up. You're putting up a fight, you're advocating for yourself, and you're doing your best to get better. That's what counts IMO.

Although things may seem bleak right now, things will get better for sure, and that's because you're not giving up. I know that "things will get better" sounds so cliché, but it really is true. You've got this. Your doctors, nurses, and all of us are fighting for you too.

Thanks Blue! Your kind words are encouraging. I am beginning to see some light, some hope, and the mass of support I have right now. I’m so thankful.

Wander · Dec 08, 2019 at 05:01 PM

After 9-10 hours sleep. Beautiful sleep without waking up all the time. Longest time I have slept through like that for ages. I believe this is because I finally feel safe, and am exhausted.

Just about 6 am. I’m groggy from the sleep med, but my anxiety seems less, and head is slowly clearing up. I’m onto my third coffee already. Every morning I brew up a plunger full of three cups of coffee and drink them while I wake up and surf the net. Then I do my hip exercises then some meditation.

Already I feel panic brewing because I’m scared today will just get worse. I find it hard to accept my past traumas, and truly surrender to life as it is. Sometimes it makes me feel like I’m letting my abusers to win. In reality I know living a free and peaceful life is the best revenge.

Wander · Dec 08, 2019 at 08:44 PM

Hmmmn ... Lithium took away my bad Premenstrual symptoms. Since I have reduced my dose the symptoms have been back each month for a couple of days around that time of the month. TMI sorry, but to make my point I have been much more reactive, overwhelmed, agitated and irritable in the last few days. Today I go my period (sorry for tmi) so perhaps by tomorrow I will be out of this crisis, and back to 'just' severe PTSD. STUPID F'N hormones. How am I going to survive menopause?

bizi · Dec 08, 2019 at 08:50 PM

Day at a time my dear.
((((((HUGS))))))
bizi

~Christina · Dec 08, 2019 at 11:18 PM

9-10 hours is glorious! Sleep always makes things better

Wander · Dec 08, 2019 at 11:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

9-10 hours is glorious! Sleep always makes things better

That is AWESOME news! Our brains, and bodies, NEED sleep to function properly. May this continue for you and help your body heal. I have been worried about you as we all have that point where we unravel without sufficient sleep.

Wander · Dec 08, 2019 at 11:44 PM

@christina

Oh, I misread. I thought it was you getting the sleep.

I had a lot of drugs and utter exhustion which got me to sleep. I hope you can cut a break and get some regular long sleep.

~Christina · Dec 08, 2019 at 11:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wander

That is AWESOME news! Our brains, and bodies, NEED sleep to function properly. May this continue for you and help your body heal. I have been worried about you as we all have that point where we unravel without sufficient sleep.

Ohhhh I was talking about your sleep lol

My body simply can’t understand that it needs quality daily sleep. Chronic life long insomnia so I don’t really expect it to happen but when it does oh I enjoy to the fullest !

~Christina · Dec 08, 2019 at 11:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wander

@christina

Oh, I misread. I thought it was you getting the sleep.

I had a lot of drugs and utter exhustion which got me to sleep. I hope you can cut a break and get some regular long sleep.

Thanks !

When we are in a crisis mode it truly takes a lot of meds to literally knock us down, of course we don’t want to always be snowed under but it breaks the cycle and then we can put ourselves back together again

Wander · Dec 08, 2019 at 11:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Ohhhh I was talking about your sleep lol

My body simply can’t understand that it needs quality daily sleep. Chronic life long insomnia so I don’t really expect it to happen but when it does oh I enjoy to the fullest !

That must be awful. I have had periods of months with little to no sleep before. It makes functioning so difficult. You are incredible to be able to endure this without totally losing your mind. You are a strong woman. You should be proud of all you do accomplish with all your health issues in tow.

Wander · Dec 08, 2019 at 11:56 PM

High dose Haloperidol and Lorazepam three times a day seen to be helping reduce my agitation. Unfortunately. I can only take haloperidol for a few days before my vision goes wobbly. SOOOOO frustrating as it works a treat. My hope is that as my nervous system calms down and lets the parasympathetic system to kick in and shut this s*** down. Living in fight, flight, freeze mode is exhausting. Every day I tell myself I am safe now and can now calm down. It kind of works sometimes.

~Christina · Dec 09, 2019 at 12:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wander

That must be awful. I have had periods of months with little to no sleep before. It makes functioning so difficult. You are incredible to be able to endure this without totally losing your mind. You are a strong woman. You should be proud of all you do accomplish with all your health issues in tow.

Thank you

bizi · Dec 10, 2019 at 10:06 PM

have not heard from you in a couple of days.
How are you?
I am wondering if you are on the locked in floor. If you are then I think you said they take away your electronics so that maybe why you are silent.
hugs to you
((((((HUGS))))))
bizi

Wander · Dec 10, 2019 at 10:24 PM

Thanks for your thoughts, and care for me. I’m struggling to post. It kinda freaks me out. I seem to be more able to post on other threads. I also thought by now everybody would be fed up with me. Even I’m tired of my sad posts. Many of my closest friends have abandoned me as they could not cope with my behaviour. So much is going on in my head so it’s tough to write. Even this was written over a half hour. period. Seeing T today. It should help a lot. I’m in a bad place right now. It came on quickly. Gotta go. Will post when up to it.

yellow_fleurs · Dec 10, 2019 at 10:34 PM

Thinking of you Wander. I am not fed up with you! By the way I saw your previous post regarding hormones and as you might recall from my posts I deal with a similar thing (though not the PTSD part) Have you ever tried tracking your moods and hormones? It was pretty eye opening for me and really helps me stay grounded to know what's going on and predict that mood switch. By the way coffee makes my symptoms way worse that time of the month, might just be me but I know others with PMDD like I have say they have to watch out for drinking too much coffee/caffeine. Just mentioning in case there's a pattern for you, too and you find the info useful. I hope you feel better soon.

~Christina · Dec 10, 2019 at 10:49 PM

I’m glad that you are no longer in that frantic scared state of mind.

Your doing really well

bizi · Dec 10, 2019 at 11:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wander

Thanks for your thoughts, and care for me. I’m struggling to post. It kinda freaks me out. I seem to be more able to post on other threads. I also thought by now everybody would be fed up with me. Even I’m tired of my sad posts. Many of my closest friends have abandoned me as they could not cope with my behaviour. So much is going on in my head so it’s tough to write. Even this was written over a half hour. period. Seeing T today. It should help a lot. I’m in a bad place right now. It came on quickly. Gotta go. Will post when up to it.

I am sorry you are struggling to post. and am very sorry that you are in a bad place......hope the T helped! ((((((HUGS)))))))
bizi

*Beth* · Dec 10, 2019 at 11:52 PM

I'm not weary of your posts on this thread at all! I came to this board specifically to check and see how you're doing, Wander. And to just say Hi.

Wander · Dec 11, 2019 at 12:50 AM

Just saw my T and as I was happy and chatty after hellish last 10 days with PTSD. My T thinks I’m about to hit hypomania. While I would welcome some euphoria it always ends up in overwhelming mixed states. I disagreed, I’m just happy to be happy and want to share my joy. My only other symptoms linking to poss. hypomania are trouble sleeping with or without meds and faster talking. My thoughts seem chilled but I’m on a truck load of meds.

Oh, and NO SI today. I am in love with life again.

Now I have to convince my pdoc I’m ready to home home and swim all day in the tiny ocean pool. It is nearly 110’F. So I can be thankful I have air con as I don’t have it at home.

Wander · Dec 11, 2019 at 12:52 AM

Sorry for the double post. Don’t know what I did wrong. They are both slightly different

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bizi Bizi is bizi Member Since Nov 2005 Location: cajun country Posts: 10,851 18 43.8k hugs given	Dec 08, 2019 at 08:50 PM #104 Day at a time my dear. ((((((HUGS)))))) bizi __________________ 150mg of lamictal 2x a day haldol 5mg 2x a day 1mg of cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night, 4-5 peri-colace for chronic constipation multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine at noon PRN Remeron 15mg at night, zyprexa10mg under tongue, requip2mg.
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~Christina Legendary Wise Elder Community Liaison Member Since Jul 2011 Location: Tennessee Posts: 22,450 (SuperPoster!) 12 12.7k hugs given	Dec 08, 2019 at 11:18 PM #105 9-10 hours is glorious! Sleep always makes things better __________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~
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Wander Grand Magnate Member Since Jul 2014 Location: Milky Way Posts: 4,746 9 2,611 hugs given	Dec 08, 2019 at 11:44 PM #107 @christina Oh, I misread. I thought it was you getting the sleep. I had a lot of drugs and utter exhustion which got me to sleep. I hope you can cut a break and get some regular long sleep. __________________ Bipolar 1 with psychotic features PTSD "Phew! For a minute there I lost myself." 'Karma Police' by Radiohead
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~Christina Legendary Wise Elder Community Liaison Member Since Jul 2011 Location: Tennessee Posts: 22,450 (SuperPoster!) 12 12.7k hugs given	Dec 10, 2019 at 10:49 PM #116 I’m glad that you are no longer in that frantic scared state of mind. Your doing really well __________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~
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Beth catches the flowers Member Since Jul 2019 Location: Downtown Vibes, California Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!) 4 23.7k hugs given	Dec 10, 2019 at 11:52 PM #118 I'm not weary of your posts on this thread at all! I came to this board specifically to check and see how you're doing, Wander. And to just say Hi. __________________
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Wander Grand Magnate Member Since Jul 2014 Location: Milky Way Posts: 4,746 9 2,611 hugs given	Dec 11, 2019 at 12:52 AM #120 Sorry for the double post. Don’t know what I did wrong. They are both slightly different __________________ Bipolar 1 with psychotic features PTSD "Phew! For a minute there I lost myself." 'Karma Police' by Radiohead
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