I’ve rewritten this message 5 times. I give up on even trying to explain. Just a bad day. Let’s hope I can let today go and move forward.

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I'm sorry you have been feeling down.
It sounds lik,e you are trying hard to get ahead of this, which is great!
I truly admire the time/energy input
We are here for you!

Thank you! felt quite a bit better today

Hope you're well

[Blue_Bird]

Went to the laundromat today, glad to have that over with. Finished a book I was reading. According to Goodreads I've read 49 books this year, not as much as I normally read but my concentration is getting back to where it used to be.

I have a phone interview coming up with a new apartment complex I'm trying to get into. Hopefully that goes well. I'm so ready to get out of my current apartment. It's a nicer place overall and better for me financially. Plus they work with your care manager, therapist, and doctor to help you meet your goals and keep you on track.

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Went to the laundromat today, glad to have that over with. Finished a book I was reading. According to Goodreads I've read 49 books this year, not as much as I normally read but my concentration is getting back to where it used to be.

I have a phone interview coming up with a new apartment complex I'm trying to get into. Hopefully that goes well. I'm so ready to get out of my current apartment. It's a nicer place overall and better for me financially. Plus they work with your care manager, therapist, and doctor to help you meet your goals and keep you on track.

I really hope you can get into this new apt. It sounds great!

All that reading is awesome. I used to read all the time too. Since I went through a psychosis, I've had a hard time reading. So cool that you can read better! You always seem so positive. Glad you got the laundromat out of the way too.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Scooter9

I got a surprising email from my pdoc.

She said that since there zopiclone didn't do anything, she consulted with her colleagues (she works in a hospital), and decided to stop both the Wellbutrin and Mirapex.

She says that they're not helping my depression much and are instead causing side effects, so she wants to stop them.

Instead she wants to start me on Remeron. I'm worried about the side effects of increase in appetite and drowsiness.

She says it's up to me to decide. I have asked her to see if there's something else she can prescribe.

Scooter, I was on Remeron for two years. Cannot recall the dose. It did help me sleep, but man, the next day was really hard sometimes. Super sleepy. Ate a lot. It did help my depression, but finally, the daytime drowsiness thing was just too much and we switched to Cymbalta, which worked pretty well. Sending you positive vibes. Med changes are never fun.

Well I slept about 2 hours. I'm excited tho, I saw my therapist and we're going to do a cbt fear ladder about my bathing. It sounds like it might work. I so hope it does. Having this horrible anxiety about bathing just makes me want to isolate bc I don't want to go out in public not bathed.

I'm gonna make egg salad sandwiches with cut up apples for dinner. We have a ton of eggs.

So far I'm following my eating plan.

Hope everyone is well. If you're struggling, know this too shall pass.

[yellow_fleurs]

Took a work class today that was pretty interesting. Now I am making some veggie chili. It goes such a long way to make a packet of dried bean chili so I will have food for a few days. I might also make some cornbread. I made a goal to call my psychiatrist by Friday, because I am working from home Friday and will have the time. I have therapy on Monday so there's some accountability because I've had a couple of weeks to do it. Would be embarrassed to say I still hadn't done it haha. Sending compassion to everyone.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Something really got me crying for a while this morning. I won't go into what it was, but it's clear how sensitive I still am after too many weeks of stress. I really wish it would ease already. The coming holidays aren't that appreciated, either. To date, I have only purchased one (yes, only one) Christmas gift. Luckily, I don't exchange with many people, but I should still have more than one by now. Later today I'll do some online shopping.

I love my state, but it can be so hectic here sometimes. Obviously, we all want our roads and bridges to be fixed, but they seem to plan the repairs in such a way that it creates utter traffic chaos. And people in my state can be pretty aggressive and easily angered. Me included! Yesterday I was trying to cross a highway to continue on a road. While my light was still red, I knew cars had already unnecessarily created a gridlock/jam. Then my light turned green and the jam was still there. I had just had enough, and put my hand on the horn so it continuously was blowing. Of course some woman gave me the finger, but I just kept blowing the horn. Then on the way back (same intersection), people try to aggressively butt in. I was not going to have that happen. I had arrived at the intersection with some woman in a rather odd spot. Since she was there before me, I was planning to let her go before me, but I was also preventing this smart aleck from squeezing passed us to butt in. So the light turns green, and the woman I was letting go didn't go, even though I had opened my car window and motioned that she should. People would all look at her as being a fool, in the end , and doing everyone more harm than good. I'm glad at least that I don't drive at night. My poor husband does. People drive on back roads as if they are highways. At night, many people also put on their high beams and just leave them on, no matter what. Then if it is raining, you have the glare. Also, my state has a dense population of white-tailed deer. You have to worry about them, too. Almost every night on my husband's way home, there is someone in the ditch with the cops there. People just don't get it! Also, many people think turn signals are optional. They also think they can go straight from a right or left turn lane. Of course many are looking at their stupid smart phones, while driving.

I hate driving anywhere, anymore. Even driving to the grocery store can be a nightmare! Even in parking lots it can be nightmare! It's amazing how many people don't know how to back their cars out of a regular parking spot! Also (usually out of staters) people don't know how to parallel park. Or they don't know how to drive in a traffic circle (aka rotary). Some people also have some weird notion that people turning left have right away before those turning right (that is unless there is a left turn signal). Or, they drive such huge ships that they can't see.

Thank you for letting me vent!

I am sorry you were sent into crying this morning, BirdDancer. That sounds like not a very nice start to the day. I hope things got a bit better for you after that. The holidays!!

I went to college in NYC and I remember driving in the tri-state area and even down to Philly and DC. It was generally not an enjoyable experience. There is just such population density there. Too many people vying for too few lanes. Coming from the west coast, it was just shocking to me. Not sure where you are located BD, but, it sounds like you were dealing with some stressed holiday motorists today. Not fun. Glad you made it home safely. Hopefully you can have a nice, peaceful evening with your hubby and a good sleep and not have to drive anywhere tomorrow morning...

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Went to the laundromat today, glad to have that over with. Finished a book I was reading. According to Goodreads I've read 49 books this year, not as much as I normally read but my concentration is getting back to where it used to be.

I have a phone interview coming up with a new apartment complex I'm trying to get into. Hopefully that goes well. I'm so ready to get out of my current apartment. It's a nicer place overall and better for me financially. Plus they work with your care manager, therapist, and doctor to help you meet your goals and keep you on track.

Really hope that apartment works out for you. That sounds like a fairly unique place. At least around here, I am not aware of any complexes that have that kind of structure or whatever to help one stay on track. I wish we did.

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

I am sorry you were sent into crying this morning, BirdDancer. That sounds like not a very nice start to the day. I hope things got a bit better for you after that. The holidays!!

I went to college in NYC and I remember driving in the tri-state area and even down to Philly and DC. It was generally not an enjoyable experience. There is just such population density there. Too many people vying for too few lanes. Coming from the west coast, it was just shocking to me. Not sure where you are located BD, but, it sounds like you were dealing with some stressed holiday motorists today. Not fun. Glad you made it home safely. Hopefully you can have a nice, peaceful evening with your hubby and a good sleep and not have to drive anywhere tomorrow morning...

You're so sweet, bpcyclist. Thank you! I hope you have a pleasant evening and good sleep tonight.

You hit the nail on the head about my general location. I'm exactly halfway between NYC and Philadelphia, as the crow flies. Tomorrow we have to go to Philly for my husband's regular eye appointment at Will's Eye. It's a rough drive.

[bpcyclist]

Well, it seems the rains have finally begun. We are so far behind on precip it isn't even funny. Dark and rainy now. We'll see if it stays.

Feeling pretty good. No voices for a couple of days. Not very paranoid. Did see some weird guy in my building I've never seen before. He glared at me. Little paranoid about that. Seems like my computer just magically turned on while I was trying to sleep last night. Not sure about that. But overall, pretty good.

Need to go and finish this chapter on yoga at the hospital. Funny story. Anyhow, hope everyone is holding up all right. Very stressful time of year. Hang in there, everybody. We can do it!!

[fern46]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Well, it seems the rains have finally begun. We are so far behind on precip it isn't even funny. Dark and rainy now. We'll see if it stays.

Feeling pretty good. No voices for a couple of days. Not very paranoid. Did see some weird guy in my building I've never seen before. He glared at me. Little paranoid about that. Seems like my computer just magically turned on while I was trying to sleep last night. Not sure about that. But overall, pretty good.

Need to go and finish this chapter on yoga at the hospital. Funny story. Anyhow, hope everyone is holding up all right. Very stressful time of year. Hang in there, everybody. We can do it!!

Thank you for being a superb teammate. Even at your lower points you radiate very loving and supportive energy. It is great to see you doing better than the past few weeks. I hope this trend continues for you and allows joy to come forward regularly in your experiences.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Something really got me crying for a while this morning. I won't go into what it was, but it's clear how sensitive I still am after too many weeks of stress. I really wish it would ease already. The coming holidays aren't that appreciated, either. To date, I have only purchased one (yes, only one) Christmas gift. Luckily, I don't exchange with many people, but I should still have more than one by now. Later today I'll do some online shopping.


I love my state, but it can be so hectic here sometimes. Obviously, we all want our roads and bridges to be fixed, but they seem to plan the repairs in such a way that it creates utter traffic chaos. And people in my state can be pretty aggressive and easily angered. Me included! Yesterday I was trying to cross a highway to continue on a road. While my light was still red, I knew cars had already unnecessarily created a gridlock/jam. Then my light turned green and the jam was still there. I had just had enough, and put my hand on the horn so it continuously was blowing. Of course some woman gave me the finger, but I just kept blowing the horn. Then on the way back (same intersection), people try to aggressively butt in. I was not going to have that happen. I had arrived at the intersection with some woman in a rather odd spot. Since she was there before me, I was planning to let her go before me, but I was also preventing this smart aleck from squeezing passed us to butt in. So the light turns green, and the woman I was letting go didn't go, even though I had opened my car window and motioned that she should. People would all look at her as being a fool, in the end , and doing everyone more harm than good. I'm glad at least that I don't drive at night. My poor husband does. People drive on back roads as if they are highways. At night, many people also put on their high beams and just leave them on, no matter what. Then if it is raining, you have the glare. Also, my state has a dense population of white-tailed deer. You have to worry about them, too. Almost every night on my husband's way home, there is someone in the ditch with the cops there. People just don't get it! Also, many people think turn signals are optional. They also think they can go straight from a right or left turn lane. Of course many are looking at their stupid smart phones, while driving.


I hate driving anywhere, anymore. Even driving to the grocery store can be a nightmare! Even in parking lots it can be nightmare! It's amazing how many people don't know how to back their cars out of a regular parking spot! Also (usually out of staters) people don't know how to parallel park. Or they don't know how to drive in a traffic circle (aka rotary). Some people also have some weird notion that people turning left have right away before those turning right (that is unless there is a left turn signal). Or, they drive such huge ships that they can't see.


Thank you for letting me vent!

I’m sorry you had more tears flowing, I think it’s a normal thing, your life has been full of struggle for months now. Go easy on yourself.

Oh boy do I understand the driving bit. I seldom drive when we go to Florida it just stresses me out. I use to drive in it daily and never gave it a second thought.

Where I live now it’s hysterically easy. The deer problem ?? Yes yes that is a big issue rutting season or not. In the 15 years we have been here we have hit 2 and 3 have bashed into the sides of our truck. They are beautiful but dumb dumb dumb !

Can you do some of your shopping online? Could avoid the driving and crowds.

Be kind to yourself

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Last night I read far too late/ early. I think it was 3am when I shut my light off. Still couldn't sleep. Had to give up at 9:30 as my nephew is coming. Mum is all anxious to see him. Hasn't seen him for over a year. He works as a federal prison gaurd at a security hospital. Hard to believe but he's aging out. There's mandatory retirement at 55. Hard to believe my nephews are that old but they both have grand kids! My oldest sister is much older than me.

“ Aging out “ that just sounds like some horrible disease... is he looking forward to it ?

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by liveforsummer

I haven't been here in ages. It's comforting to see familiar 'names' again. (is that a new hair color/look ~Christina? I love it, it rocks!)
Yup Birddancer, driving and drivers suck.
Hugs to all that are struggling and continue to fight this battle, I hope we all find restful sleep as much as we can.

I'm ok. Wouldn't know where to start at this point. Same ol same ol, the good the bad and the ugly.
Posted some "poems" ( I use that term very loosely) in Creative. I guess its a way of helping to get some of the blah out of me.

Fa la la la la la la la la

HUGS

Hey there !! Have missed you

Yup that me I quit dying my hair and now kicking myself for not doing it a couple decades ago lol

I’m going to check out the poems

Are you ready for Christmas?!?

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Went to the laundromat today, glad to have that over with. Finished a book I was reading. According to Goodreads I've read 49 books this year, not as much as I normally read but my concentration is getting back to where it used to be.


I have a phone interview coming up with a new apartment complex I'm trying to get into. Hopefully that goes well. I'm so ready to get out of my current apartment. It's a nicer place overall and better for me financially. Plus they work with your care manager, therapist, and doctor to help you meet your goals and keep you on track.

Glad today was better for you

I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you getting the other place

[~Christina]

I finally got sleep ! 9 hours ! Woke to a horrible headache but it’s lifting and I feel a internal calmness again that I have been lacking for a long time because of the insomnia.

Hugs to all ~

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I finally got sleep ! 9 hours ! Woke to a horrible headache but it’s lifting and I feel a internal calmness again that I have been lacking for a long time because of the insomnia.

Hugs to all ~

I'm so glad you slept! I hope tonight it good too.

[Nammu]

I'm glad you slept too.

He's already looking at other jobs he can do. He'll get a pension but he wants his toys too so he's looking into other jobs.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I finally got sleep ! 9 hours ! Woke to a horrible headache but it’s lifting and I feel a internal calmness again that I have been lacking for a long time because of the insomnia.

Hugs to all ~

'

wow!!!9 hours of sleep!!!!
Hopefully the head ache went away.
happy you got a good nights sleep.
((((((HUGS))))))
bizi