[~Christina]

Well I finished my book last night. I have forced myself to read only a few chapters at a time, usually I just read it in one day lol. I am going to start reading it again of course.

Sleep ? Meh a few hours but that’s okay I’m still enjoying the 9 hours I got

So this psoriasis is getting worse. I have a medicated shampoo I must use and it has to be left on for 5 mins then rinse. Well I do this in my kitchen sink because I can’t just lather up and stand in my shower waiting , often the water is painful hitting my skin, I hate Fibromyalgia! So while gone it’s just going to be such a hassle.

I do hope that my breathing starts to improve, having this psoriasis flare could be a sign that the Humira is leaving my system. It’s just miserable I have 3 different areas of my body breaking out

Anyone have some cheese ? My whine is getting deep !

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Geeeezzzz I would think they would call as a reminder? Hope you hear something soon Did you get some sleep ??

They just called. I don't have to be there until 11:40am. That works out great. My daughter is driving me and she has to come from her town. Nothing to eat after midnight.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Nammu

They just called. I don't have to be there until 11:40am. That works out great. My daughter is driving me and she has to come from her town. Nothing to eat after midnight.

I hope your procedure goes smoothly.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Nammu

They just called. I don't have to be there until 11:40am. That works out great. My daughter is driving me and she has to come from her town. Nothing to eat after midnight.

Glad you got the call and you don’t have to be up at the crack of dawn

[wildflowerchild25]

I’m back to smoking. I just ordered the nicotine patch. I think if I step down on nicotine it will help me. Chewing regular gum helps for the oral fixation but not the nicotine cravings. I am supposed to get the patch tomorrow so I will start on Saturday. I hope it helps.

My job is stressing me the **** out. My kid is just SO BAD. He’s so disrespectful. It’s wearing to be called stupid and be screamed at all day. I was legit going to cry this morning. I listened to metal on the way home and felt better. I think tomorrow will be better. I’ll be better prepared. Only 6 days until winter break!

I think I’m done Christmas shopping. I just have to get RS his Jeep parts. They’re about $70. I told him to buy me a pretty necklace lol. Luckily my gma loaned me some money for my dental procedures and I didn’t spend it all. So I should be ok.

I just got off the phone with a good friend that lives in Portland, she struggles with anxiety too. She uses weed to cope with it. Weed just makes me anxious, even pure indica. I can't have it the house anyway bc my son. It makes him psychotic. I'm so glad he has quit bugging me to buy it for him. That was always just a battle. Last time he had my card and bought oil. All without my permission. He got really paranoid, I think that scared him not to use it again. Such a relief.

I'm nervous about my appt with this new pdoc. I've written out all the things I need to discuss I hope I didn't leave anything out. I see him tomorrow at 3:40pm.

I'm taking a bath tonight after I take my meds and I have such an awesome friend that stays on the phone with me. She works late so it works for her.

I wish I knew what to do about my son. He's taking his meds, I just wish he was out living. But mental illness has really taken over. Now it's mainly paranoia and ocd. Ugh! It's hard.

Hope everyone is doing ok. Hugs to those that need them.

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Oh your cookies !!!!!! Yummmy !!!!

I love seeing them, I am just not a good baker, I tried for years and finally just admitted defeat lol

I know you dread the trip for your husbands eye appts , I hope it all goes well. Did you head out to that cafe you found last trip ??!

Are you feeling better today ??

Thanks, Christina! And I hope the medicated shampoo helps with your psoriasis. That, on top of your pain, must be terribly miserable. Skin issues are a pain to tame sometimes. Mine is very sensitive and I have had rashes and eczema, and other issues, in the past. My husband has dealt with psoriasis. He uses coal tar shampoo sometimes. The irritation makes him scratch his head to the bleeding point.

We left just after 1 pm for Philly, getting us there at 2:15 pm because of traffic chaos. Then it was about two hours there in the office. I did go to the cafe I usually like, but no wait staff was coming for several minutes, so I left and went to a Starbucks across the street. That was packed and chaotic, too, so I left and went to the little cafe stand on the ground floor of Will's Eye. That was peaceful. Should have gone there from the start.

The drive home was horrible! As we approached our approximate area, we chose one route only to discover it was jammed with cops directing one lane of traffic. We, and many others, did U turns to get back onto the highway to try a different route. That was packed, but moving. Then we chose a back way to avoid an inevitable jam closer to our downtown area. That moved fine, but fits into the "back road highway with deer danger and high beam lights, regardless" category.

Thank goodness we're home. We pulled into our driveway after 6 pm (5 plus hours total). The only bright spot was a beautiful full moon shining.

Hubby took tomorrow off. That's nice.

One advantage of going to NYC from our house is that there is a train going there directly. Trains to Philly are a hassle! It's better to drive to Philly. But it can be hard to find parking at the train station near us, and parking isn't free. Also, around commuter time, boarding the NJ Transit train to/fro Penn Station NYC is a real trip, especially from. I don't think many people in the world have an idea how that is. It's a real sight to see! When the train gate is announced in Penn Station (commuter time) people literally run, en mass, as if running from a coming tidal wave, then race, in desperation, for a seat on the train. It's similar when taking NYC subways at such times. In both cases, many people are left standing packed like sardines. This situation does become normalized for the regulars. Driving to/from NYC can be even more stress-inducing. Many people who live near me commute into Philly or NYC for work.

There are great aspects to these locations, but not without a price.

[Wander]

My mood has been great the last few days. Not too up, and certainly not depressed. My Mum and T think I’m a bit hypomanic because I’m happy and chatty. I don’t know. I feel normal. My thoughts are all over the place but calm. My concentration and memory have tanked. Think that’s the meds though.

As my eyes are getting blurry I am coming off of of Haloperidol. This sucks as it has been the best med for me while in this state.

If I repeat myself in posts I apologise.

My memory is cactus now. Probably the meds mixed with PTSD. It’s getting embarrassing though. I keep forgetting if I took my meds and when the nurse comes to remind me I feel sure I already had them. Notes are checked and it’s clear I was given them. This has happened 3 times in the last few days.

Today I feel a bit better. Hopefully this means I am on the mend and will have a calm mind, and joy filled heart soon. Today will be long if I can’t concentrate to read. A friend who is over from the UK is picking me up to go for sunset swim. It will be 42’C (around 110’F for US people).

If it weren’t for the fact I need to be in hospital to wait for the injection on Tuesday I could possibly go home by Saturday. My pdoc is not convinced. He wants to see a stable pattern first. I suspect he is worried I am faking being better to get out and harm myself. That is not my headspace st all.

So if my illness behave I could be discharged as early as next Wednesday. I don’t want to rush out like last time and be struggling intensely after discharge. Still, I am so so bored. Grey carpets, and white walls is all I see mostly. I have a beautiful view of the first floor roof from my window. Yo get some exercise I walk around the hospital. Unfortunately, I got told off for fast pacing down the halls as I was stressing out some patients. Now I pace in my room. Even dance st times. This makes me happy.

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Well I finished my book last night. I have forced myself to read only a few chapters at a time, usually I just read it in one day lol. I am going to start reading it again of course.

Sleep ? Meh a few hours but that’s okay I’m still enjoying the 9 hours I got

So this psoriasis is getting worse. I have a medicated shampoo I must use and it has to be left on for 5 mins then rinse. Well I do this in my kitchen sink because I can’t just lather up and stand in my shower waiting , often the water is painful hitting my skin, I hate Fibromyalgia! So while gone it’s just going to be such a hassle.

I do hope that my breathing starts to improve, having this psoriasis flare could be a sign that the Humira is leaving my system. It’s just miserable I have 3 different areas of my body breaking out

Anyone have some cheese ? My whine is getting deep !

I hope you feel better/get some relief soon

What kind of books do you like to read? I love reading too

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Thanks, Christina!


We left just after 1 pm for Philly, getting us there at 2:15 pm because of traffic chaos. Then it was about two hours there in the office. I did go to the cafe I usually like, but no wait staff was coming for several minutes, so I left and went to a Starbucks across the street. That was packed and chaotic, too, so I left and went to the little cafe stand on the ground floor of Will's Eye. That was peaceful. Should have gone there from the start.


The drive home was horrible! As we approached our approximate area, we chose one route only to discover it was jammed with cops directing one lane of traffic. We, and many others, did U turns to get back onto the highway to try a different route. That was packed, but moving. Then we chose a back way to avoid an inevitable jam closer to our downtown area. That moved fine, but fits into the "back road highway with deer danger and high beam lights, regardless" category.


Thank goodness we're home. We pulled into our driveway after 6 pm (5 plus hours total). The only bright spot was a beautiful full moon shining.


Hubby took tomorrow off. That's nice.


One advantage of going to NYC from our house is that there is a train going there directly. Trains to Philly are a hassle! It's better to drive to Philly. But it can be hard to find parking at the train station near us, and parking isn't free. Also, around commuter time, boarding the NJ Transit train to/fro Penn Station NYC is a real trip, especially from. I don't think many people in the world have an idea how that is. It's a real sight to see! When the train gate is announced in Penn Station (commuter time) people literally run, en mass, as if running from a coming tidal wave, then race, in desperation, for a seat on the train. It's similar when taking NYC subways at such times. In both cases, many people are left standing packed like sardines. This situation does become normalized for the regulars. Driving to/from NYC can be even more stress-inducing. Many people who live near me commute into Philly or NYC for work.


There are great aspects to these locations, but not without a price.

Oh these trips are just so stressful for it I’m sorry.

Traffic troubles as if your day wasn’t tough enough I had a friend who lived outside Chicago, he would use the train because the cost of parking a month in the city was outrageous. But even the cost of riding the train seems ridiculous.

Back in my 20’s a friend of mine was originally from NJ she wanted to take a trip to see her grown daughter. So I went with, I dont remember the town but we were about 1.5 hours ? from NYC by train .. We made sure to avoid rush hour but holy hell it was still a nightmare for me and she wasn’t handling it much better, she had used that train daily to work in the city , but years away from it changes things.

That’s why I typically let my husband drive when we are in Florida, the traffic just was what is was my whole life but getting away from it ? Now it makes me a nervous wreck. When I’m out with my daughter I typically just close my eyes or look at the floor lol she’s just driving like I had to. The Tampa Bay Area is just crazy traffic and rude people and there is never an end to road work.. I tend to need xtra doses of Xanax while I’m there !

I hope your husbands exam went well.. can you relax and just stay home for a few days now?

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I hope you feel better/get some relief soon


What kind of books do you like to read? I love reading too

I have found lots of great indie writers because I love free books with my kindle on amazon lol ... not all great but lots are. My favorite book series was one that offered first book free. Randolph Lalonde Spinward Fringe , it’s sci fi series which I was never really super into , but it sucked me right in. The characters are so complex and real there is now 16 books in the series.

He’s just a great guy and very easy going he’s always got time to chat with all us addicts on Facebook lol he charges 2.99 -3.99 each book, he was able to quit his day job and makes a great living doing what he loves now.

It’s been at least 2 years since I bought any books besides indie writers and I’m proud of that. I’d rather support the little guys and gals lol plus I can always download free books when I’m flat broke LOL

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I have found lots of great indie writers because I love free books with my kindle on amazon lol ... not all great but lots are. My favorite book series was one that offered first book free. Randolph Lalonde Spinward Fringe , it’s sci fi series which I was never really super into , but it sucked me right in. The characters are so complex and real there is now 16 books in the series.

He’s just a great guy and very easy going he’s always got time to chat with all us addicts on Facebook lol he charges 2.99 -3.99 each book, he was able to quit his day job and makes a great living doing what he loves now.

It’s been at least 2 years since I bought any books besides indie writers and I’m proud of that. I’d rather support the little guys and gals lol plus I can always download free books when I’m flat broke LOL

That's awesome! Yeah there's a lot of great indie writers! , I like reading them too. So many hidden treasures

Boiling in poisonous shame over things i said and did in my hypomania this Fall. Muttering to myself what a stupid b!t(h i am, what an asshole, what an idiot. Overeating and oversleeping. Unwashed. Home is a dump. No food in the kitchen. Living on junk from the convenience store. Down a dark hole again. Thought my new regimen of less Seroquel and more Lamictal would save me from depression again but it appears not.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

Boiling in poisonous shame over things i said and did in my hypomania this Fall. Muttering to myself what a stupid b!t(h i am, what an asshole, what an idiot. Overeating and oversleeping. Unwashed. Home is a dump. No food in the kitchen. Living on junk from the convenience store. Down a dark hole again. Thought my new regimen of less Seroquel and more Lamictal would save me from depression again but it appears not.

I’m sorry can you just go back to previous doses that were working for you or do you need to go see your Pdoc to get straightened out??

Bipolar is like a horse we all get bucked off here and there but we get up and dust ourselves off.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

It’s been at least 2 years since I bought any books besides indie writers and I’m proud of that. I’d rather support the little guys and gals lol plus I can always download free books when I’m flat broke LOL

Have you and BlueBird (and everyone else I guess) seen BookBub? It has a daily email of books from genres on Amazon or BN.com you select with sale prices from free $2.99 at highest (usually more like $1.99 at most). I love it and even more because I can earn a gift card for my Nook on Swagbucks and then download 12 or more books without any cost, even getting some bestsellers in there.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Have you and BlueBird (and everyone else I guess) seen BookBub? It has a daily email of books from genres on Amazon or BN.com you select with sale prices from free $2.99 at highest (usually more like $1.99 at most). I love it and even more because I can earn a gift card for my Nook on Swagbucks and then download 12 or more books without any cost, even getting some bestsellers in there.

Oh nice !!!! Does that work with a kindle ? I thought with my kindle I’m stuck with Amazon.... I’m not really educated on this lol

[Nevvy]

Pdoc todaayyy and I'm feeling okaaaayyy.

Stopped EMDR because I was being forced into having a set amount of treatments within a set amount of time (next week would have been the last week). Not going to work if I have a very busy job (that I can't risk screwing up) and it's the holidays. So that ended quickly....

But work is good, personal life is good, med adjustments are going awesome.

Let's see if it carries through the holiday chaos, fingers crossed.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Oh nice !!!! Does that work with a kindle ? I thought with my kindle I’m stuck with Amazon.... I’m not really educated on this lol

Y

Kindle is Amazon so you are ready to go. You actually have an advantage; sometimes my nook offers are less than Amazon offeres. Have fun!

[fern46]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

Boiling in poisonous shame over things i said and did in my hypomania this Fall. Muttering to myself what a stupid b!t(h i am, what an asshole, what an idiot. Overeating and oversleeping. Unwashed. Home is a dump. No food in the kitchen. Living on junk from the convenience store. Down a dark hole again. Thought my new regimen of less Seroquel and more Lamictal would save me from depression again but it appears not.

I'm sorry the med adjustments didn't work. I'm also sorry you're feeling this way. Shame can be very difficult to process.

Can you focus on one small thing at a time? Tiny wins aren't as hard as a big lift, but they add up over time. You actually already started. Yesterday you were brave and honest with us. Today maybe a shower. Tomorrow a trip to the store for proper food. The next day less rumination. The day after that some light cleaning.

I agree with Christina. You're going to have to get back that horse again. You've done it before and you'll do it when you're ready. We're here for you until you are. You're still the woman with all of the amazing qualities we know and love. Don't forget that while your brain is swimming in those poisonous waters.

[yellow_fleurs]

I am doing okay. Had a strawberry donut and coffee this morning. Yum! Been feeling decent this week. I wonder if it has anything to do with using the light therapy or not. I also recognize I have gotten way better at recognizing when I am catastrophizing and that's helping me. I originally did not find the little CBT I did useful, but in the long run, working on it on my own it does seem helpful. Catastrophizing is a big cognitive distortion of mine.
I have to get up the courage to call my psychiatrist today. I have decided I am somehow distorting that situation in my mind, too, where I think they don't want me to bother them or that I don't really need to since I am "okay". I am really a very stubborn person and always have been.
Anyways, got to get to work. I am working from home today. Sending compassion!