Giddy's Thoughts #1

I hope your taxes went well.

I am marinating as well! We are having steak Monday night and I like to really flavor the meat and tender it up.

I understand about the racing thoughts. Sometimes it's hard to hold onto one as they go flying by lol.

What movie series were you watching if you don't mind telling me?

I've been on a break from the forums for awhile and might not stay long now either because of x, y, and z, but I have finally had that appointment with my GP and things are finally starting to progress in the sense that he's really getting a better idea of me and with what's going on. He was concerned about my moods specifically, so we spent a good amount of time discussing this and I recounted my latest elevated mood episode which I was finishing up as I spoke with him. He asked me "do you ever do anything reckless like driving at high speeds or spending a lot of money that you don't have?" I said, well, no. I don't do anything really reckless like that. "what about (and now I can't remember the exact wording but like) writing excessive or lengthy emails or messages?" and I said, "well, perhaps I did in the past, but now I seem to have that in control. If someone lets me and is receptive of longer messages, I do that, but if I get the sense that they don't want to talk or if I'm just getting to know someone, I try to keep it short. He said, "well then you don't have hypomania". I am relieved in the sense that I don't have to take more medications and that I can enjoy the highs that I do get, but I'm also just still stumped by what this is that I DO have. I mean, these are abnormal highs for me...or these are not my typical moods and more elevated than just having a good day. It's odd.

Oh and then now we are into the topic of marital help. I'd mentioned that I was having some issues and kinda wanted him to advise couple's counseling. This was after the appointment though, so he couldn't speak with my husband for his side of the story. He messaged me back asking if we could do another session. Well, turns out, hubby is refusing to talk to him about this. I told this to doctor tonight. Will hopefully see what he says tomorrow.

Meanwhile, it's strange, but hubby was very affectionate and comforting-like tonight and we actually cuddled. (my anger from the past few days finally subsiding some but we still have issues). It was really nice and comfortable, though it makes me kinda wonder if it's just his way of keeping me from pursuing outside help for us. I really think it's needed though.

Forgot to mention the GP prescribed a new med for me to aid in sleep as well as to eventually replace the Clonazapam for anxiety.

Well, I tried the Gabapentin last night and while it still took me a minute to fall asleep initially (got in bed at 12:45am, but didn't fall asleep until after 1:15am), it did help me stay sleepy and relaxed throughout the night...although I did have earbuds in as well for the first half of the night, but I don't think that mattered as I slept well after...and now I'm up and awake since 10:30am and feeling, well, better! So, yea...oh and no side effects (i think. i hope)
Now just to see how it will work for my anxiety. I'll be slowly tapering off of the Clonazepam now too.

That's great! I find gabapentin to be really helpful. I've been on a small dose up to a medium dose over a lot of years and it has been consistently helpful, even when tapering incredibly slowly off clonazepam and dealing with some really difficult life events during the time I've been coming off the clonazepam.

Good to hear, giddykitty. I hope your taper off klonopin goes well. When are you starting your taper?

I'm not so sure if it's a result of the Gabapentin or if I was just too anxious to get back to writing my story (I didn't get to write any words yesterday). But the fact is that I kept waking up feeling it was time to wake up, but it wasn't. First it was around 7:30a and then again at 8:30am. At 8:30 I just got up. I figured I could take a nap later if I needed it...at least I hope I'll be able to do so and without guilt. I did get in half of my daily words goal for today already, so that's a good start!
Oh, but so I guess the Gabapentin was/is working to reduce my need for excess sleep (??)...actually, come to think of it, I still required a nap yesterday for like an hour...I don't know. And it's probably too soon to tell how this works for anxiety since I've only started half doses of Clonazepam yesterday. (is that too drastic of a "taper"? It was GP's recommendation.) And finally, I believe I forgot to mention this part of it before. The Gabapentin is supposed to help with my OCD tics...but it doesn't seem to be making a difference at all right now. I was picking at my fingernails again last night, with the nagging annoyed feeling when I tried stopping, so I just had to finish "fixing" until it was good enough. Sigh! I dunno! Perhaps it just takes some time until this med starts working fully.

@bluebicycle I started the taper yesterday as you can see above

@BeyondtheRainbow is the half doze of Clonazapan too drastic of a taper you think?

I see your signature says you're prescribed 0.5mg of Klonopin. Is your signature up to date?

Assuming your signature is up to date, I would say that 0.5mg of Klonopin is a very low dose since it is the smallest dose that manufacturers will produce. So, going from 0.5mg to 0.25mg is not a large jump in my (non medical) opinion. But if you feel that cutting down to 0.25mg is too fast, you can always cut the tablets into 4ths and take 3 of the 4 pieces everyday until you feel comfortable taking only 2 of the 4 pieces (AKA half of the original tablet).

When it comes to going off a med completely (i.e., the last stage of the taper), some people find that it helps if they take their dose every other day rather than everyday. Then, if needed, they will space it out by taking it every three days. My pdoc told me to do this with Lexapro when I tried to go off it, and it didn't really help if I'm honest, BUT it does work for some people and I think it's worth a shot. However, you should *DEFINITELY* contact your dr about this approach before doing it. I do not recommend my approach without talking to your dr first.

It will take more time to be able to draw any conclusions about what the gabapentin is doing for you. It's only been 2 nights. Consider also that withdrawal is confounding the situation. It's part of the dynamic.

I came to realize gabapentin's benefits over time. Not immediately. I don't know if it had to build up or not, or if I just needed to give it time to reveal itself to me, but that was my experience.

Glad you are off to a good start with your words goal.

*********
Mr. Robot

Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside.

--The Cure

I hope you're having a good day

many hugs

Yea Blue! My Sig is up to date. Thank you all for the tips and support! Hope you're doing well too! (((Hugs)))

I'd go with what Blue said about tapering and doing so in conjunction with your doctor.

I've been tapering down from 2-3 mg/day but it's taking a very long time because I went down .25 mg and then my father died and we waited a long time to go down again so I was stable and then we went down .25 mg a year later than the first taper and immediately a loved one got seriously ill and now COVID-19 has happened. So it probably will be nearly a year before we go down again I'd guess. It can be done MUCH faster than I'm doing it; my life is just making it tricky. For what it's worth I've really not had much trouble with it, just a week or two of feeling off. But I'd hoped to be done by now and I'm still on 1.5 mg/day. However I'd rather go this slowly and respond to life events than to fail and have to face the taper again knowing I hadn't succeeded before.

Good luck to you.

I'm really not feeling well tonight. I suddenly started feeling really tired and kinda weak with a headache. I'm also feeling sad and missing someone. I think I'm going to sleep right now and hope the pain goes away, but I feel somehow that I won't feel better. Ok I'm not even sure if I'm still making sense. Need to sleep now.

How are you feeling today?

I'm hanging in there.

This morning I will go in for my bloodwork (and maybe get weight checked). It's the first time I will be doing the whole cholesterol and blood glucose (I think) stuff, so hopefully I'm in a healthy range. Otherwise it will just give hubby another thing to lecture me about (stress me about) which just makes me gain more weight, right? Sigh! I'm anxious just thinking about all this now. I really hope the results are good, but I'm a little scared. :/

glad you're hanging in there

oh dear.. medical stuff

When I was a bit younger a GP slammed me as ''the worried well'' as I felt that cervical smear tests should be done more than every 5 years and I was concerned about 2 or more health issues I had. I didn't go to a doctor very often. But now I avoid avoid avoid. I have no idea what any of my ''vital'' things are. Going to a doctor makes me ill That is me personally, in my forest, its not good advice for most people (and it's not to do with this latest ''situation'' Its been going on for me for a long time, and this of course makes my so called ''paranoia'' about visiting any medic or other even worse

Sorry about the rant, feel free to ignore it

hugs to you Fuzzybear!! That's a horrible place to be in! I hope you'll find some good care one of these days and actually enjoy going to the doctor again (well, you know, in a normal sort of enjoyment way. not sure we actually enjoy going, although when we know we'll feel better after, then maybe there is some enjoyment. i dunno)

So, I'm wondering why I seem to keep forgetting to take my meds after lunch. I mean, like an hour after lunch. I can understand because an hour is an odd time to hold a thought. But then today, ugh!, I literally just took them out, put them in my pocket to get water, and then forgot again! wth?!! And I also took a nap again tonight. At first I thought the naps were from the Gabapentin making me sleepy, but now I'm wondering if it's from missing these afternoon meds (aspirin actually). And I feel like kinda depressedlike too before sleeping, but there's also the tiredness. Sigh!

Set the alarm on your phone. That can help.

I've always struggled with remembering mid-day meds (when I've had them. I don't currently.)

*********
Mr. Robot

Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside.

--The Cure

Hi giddykitty,
I was wondering... re an earlier question in this thread, do you want any responders to this thread to be more reassuring and comforting, rather than challenging and pushing for growth? Do you want to make any changes? If so, what area(s?) do you want to work on maybe changing?

Thanks! But the problem the other day was that I literally had them in my hand but then put them in my pocket to get water and by the time my water was filled, I had forgotten all about them. I'm hoping it was just a fluke. Maybe I was distracted by something. I've forgotten meds and vitamins before when putting them in my pocket (well, mostly vitamins) so maybe I need to stop doing that. :/