Bipolar check-in #42

Went to a dermatologist yesterday and left with several prescriptions. I was mostly going for the rash I have had on my wrist for over 2 months, but it would be nice to get rid of the acne and red splotches on my face. Also, I think I am way less likely to skin pick if my skin is cleared up, so might be an easy way to help with that, too. I also will be getting glasses soon, I picked out a pair in a light tortoise.

I am feeling pretty down and lacking energy. I guess I am depressed, but don't even know. I am also just weirded out by my cognitive issues when I really think about them, but am trying not to dwell. Like, I don't remember faces of people I know sometimes, get lost/disoriented in familiar places, my memory is terrible, my executive function and attention are not good. Add in the sensory issues and I am just confused as to what is wrong with the way my brain is working. Is this really all anxiety/depression related? My gut tells me no, yet maybe I am just underestimating the effects of anxiety. Anyways, really hope that my psychiatry appointment is useful.

I am going to try to work on my paper today. Got to get out of bed first and shower.

Wishing everyone a nice weekend.

For now, we’ve settled on seeing my therapist 2 to 3 times per week instead of IOP unless anything changes. I had a rough appt with her on thurs so she called my husband in to both make sure he took care of everything sharp and come up with a game plan to give me company at night when this depression is at it’s worse. He didn’t follow through with the second part but it’s not entirely his fault. Last night for instance he had worked from 6-4:30 AM that day so he was exhausted and simply couldn’t make it and had to get back up at 4:30 this morning to do it all again. I told my mom the same thing (my t suggested we get her help as well) and she didn’t volunteer to help. She just told me to take more klonapin. But, like last night and tonight, she is keeping 2 of my brother’s kids so she couldn’t even if she planned it. Last night was another rough one. I couldn’t go to sleep until after 12 then I woke up again around 1 and then after 3 as well. Now today is also rough and my husband is working all day so it’s just me and the kids. I want to go back to sleep but I drank my regular coffee so I’m too awake. I feel worthless though so getting things done feels nearly impossible and I really want to because I want my husband to come home to a clean house and some of the laundry finished. Plus, I haven’t showered in 4 days and I cringe at the thought. But I know that is so disgusting. I just don’t want to get off the couch. I absolutely will though. I’m at the point I can’t even deal with myself right now. I feel so gross and my hair is all greasy. On the plus side, I’m down 18 lbs!

Well, Day 2 of the Great Add-A-Ton-Of-Depakote-And-Restoril experiment is in the books and it is an abject failure. 90 minutes of sleep last night. My brain is just laughing at anything we throw at it. I am on so much sedating medication right now and about an hour or so after I take it, I could literally run two freaking marathons. It's just ridiculous. I wonder if there has ever been someone so refractory to sleep meds that they just never really slept again?


So, I guess it sounds like adding Thorazine is next. I am not hopeful. More to follow.

I'm giving my dog away! I love her but i've always felt guilty about the inconsistent schedule i have her on. This is due to my bipolar cycles, being manic in the Spring and Fall and up at dawn and depressed in the Summer and Winter and up at noon. That has to be hard on her. Dogs need routine. Also, due to being so rundown physically due to bipolar i haven't been walking her. I've just been taking her to a dogpark, which isn't ideal either.


So my neighbor's dog died recently and she is a superb dogmom, you can set your clock by her, she was out three times a day walking her dog and she's going to take my dog! That way my dog's environment stays the same and i can still see her occasionally. My neighbor already loves my dog and my dog loves her and i know she is going to a good home.


My neighbor is going away to Florida for a week soon so we'll just try and transition my dog for now and she'll take her permanently once she gets back. My neighbor's going to be taking her out for walks and i'm so glad i don't have to face that anymore! I love my dog but i won't miss the crushing guilt i've felt about her inconsistent schedule. I'm just soooooooooo pleased! It's best for all of us.

I still have my job. I have not been fired yet. This can be a good sign, In the past, I hated to go to work. This job is not too bad. I have tomorrow off. So I can catch up on many things that I should of completed earlier this week,

I've been checking in intermittently and I think I've mentioned life has been very demanding. I won't go into it tonight.


It's 9F here right now. Maybe as low as -20F below tonight. I am grateful for the new furnace!


My niece came to visit today. We had a great time....AGAIN!!! The good times never end with her! She's delightful in every way!

I gave her a gift I had chosen for her. She loves sparkly things! Her eyes lit up!. I was/am thrilled, as it was a bold choice and not everyone would have the fun-loving courage to show these off! What FUN!


I am thankful for a day away from the ongoing demands.

Am weary and hope to retire early tonight!


Love to all!

Hot and muggy today. Fairly agitated and can’t figure out if it’s because of bipolar, anxiety or the weather. Otherwise my slow wean (started just before Christmas) off Seroquel is going well. Come to think of it my agitation may be because of the weaning.


Hope everyone is well. Hugs to those who need them.

Thanks for the response! I am not currently on any psych meds and usually not on any other meds, but perhaps it's anxiety and depression. I guess I'll see what they say. Trying to not get my hopes up about getting a definite answer, but hope they can give me some insight.

Ahh hun I am so sorry life is just so damn hard right now

I’m sorry you’re not getting the support nightly that you really could use and that sucks but you are indeed managing.

As for a shower , this has been a issue in the past , staying in for hours and religious delusions... maybe just a really good wash up sponge bath way ??? Maybe was your hair in the sink ??

Just keep up as much self care as possible I’m around if you need an ear or shoulder

I had to take my cat to the emergency vet today. He was peeing around the house but producing no urine. He was walking funny and just generally acting weird. I didn’t want him to suffer all weekend. And thank god I didn’t! He has a urinary blockage, and if I had let it go on another 24hrs, he would have died. He has to stay in the hospital for a couple of days while they pass a catheter to hopefully unblock him, and they will monitor him until he passes urine on his own. He should be home on Monday. I had to apply for care credit to pay for it ($2700! : eek: ) but he’s only 3 years old and I love him dearly. So I’ll just have another credit card to pay off. Oh well.

Not much going on otherwise. Crappy weather here today, snow and rain. Only an inch or so of snow though so that’s not bad.

Tomorrow I’m going wheeling agAin with RS and then we are helping my grandma take down her Christmas tree. My MIL wanted to have dinner but I didn’t want to drive 45 minutes. Monday me and my son have off. We probably won’t do much, I have a lot of chores around the house to get done.

Well, Day 2 of the Great Add-A-Ton-Of-Depakote-And-Restoril experiment is in the books and it is an abject failure. 90 minutes of sleep last night. My brain is just laughing at anything we throw at it. I am on so much sedating medication right now and about an hour or so after I take it, I could literally run two freaking marathons. It's just ridiculous. I wonder if there has ever been someone so refractory to sleep meds that they just never really slept again?

So, I guess it sounds like adding Thorazine is next. I am not hopeful. More to follow.

Fibro exacerbations can be so incredibly painful, so distressing in many ways. I go through this and am sorry you do, as well.

Relationships are rather notoriously challenging, for sure. it certainly seems as though you both care deeply for one another. Of course, we also need to consider whether the differences/difficulties are weighing upon us too heavily, affecting any aspect of our well-being to any degree.

Any chance a couple's counselor might assist him with some insight and/or help him to take responsibilities? I'm not second-guessing you. In thinking about what you've written, I am reminded of relationships I've seriously had to end. I am also reminded of a couple of others where I am sorry I did not try even short-term counseling.

it's fantastic you are proactively addressing your goals for your future!
This reminds me that I need to better adjust and clarify mine!

You are sounding good!

Much Love, Wander!

I had to take my cat to the emergency vet today. He was peeing around the house but producing no urine. He was walking funny and just generally acting weird. I didn’t want him to suffer all weekend. And thank god I didn’t! He has a urinary blockage, and if I had let it go on another 24hrs, he would have died. He has to stay in the hospital for a couple of days while they pass a catheter to hopefully unblock him, and they will monitor him until he passes urine on his own. He should be home on Monday. I had to apply for care credit to pay for it ($2700! : eek: ) but he’s only 3 years old and I love him dearly. So I’ll just have another credit card to pay off. Oh well.


Not much going on otherwise. Crappy weather here today, snow and rain. Only an inch or so of snow though so that’s not bad.


Tomorrow I’m going wheeling agAin with RS and then we are helping my grandma take down her Christmas tree. My MIL wanted to have dinner but I didn’t want to drive 45 minutes. Monday me and my son have off. We probably won’t do much, I have a lot of chores around the house to get done.

Thank you so much!


I ended up getting off the couch and taking that shower...a normal one. And...I did some laundry, scrubbed the bottom and all of the shelves in the refrigerator (it’s needed to be done for a while), cleaned all of my kitchen appliances, and straightened up the house. I still didn’t feel wonderful but I just told myself that I wasn’t going to just lay there in my own filth doing nothing another day. My husband is still awake but I’m already dying tonight. I hope I actually get some sleep tonight. That is the only way I’ll have some normalcy. I added melatonin to my cocktail. We’ll see if that helps.

Thanks WC. When we were married we sought counselling, and we met with my T several times. My T knew our marriage T and they agreed it was hopeless in a lot of ways due to my partners gross lack of insight, or his ability to follow through with any suggested changes. I was advised to accept him as he is (and all that comes with it) or move on. I stayed with him for another year, but in the end the stress of being in a relationship with him was too much.


To get reduce stress we don't live together and meet up when we are both up to it. This works pretty well, and we do have fun - which is why I stay. However, I can feel him slowly dragging me down as at times he can be the most selfish, un-grateful, and even mean, person. He has personality issues along with Bipolar and ADHD. I can handle his metal illnesses; it's his personality flaws that crush me. He has been the love of my life. We have a very intense bond. It is going to be difficult working out what to do. There is no rush. I am not giving more than I am able or willing to give, and I don't put up with poor treatment either. It's stressful though.

Thanks WC. When we were married we sought counselling, and we met with my T several times. My T knew our marriage T and they agreed it was hopeless in a lot of ways due to my partners gross lack of insight, or his ability to follow through with any suggested changes. I was advised to accept him as he is (and all that comes with it) or move on. I stayed with him for another year, but in the end the stress of being in a relationship with him was too much.

To get reduce stress we don't live together and meet up when we are both up to it. This works pretty well, and we do have fun - which is why I stay. However, I can feel him slowly dragging me down as at times he can be the most selfish, un-grateful, and even mean, person. He has personality issues along with Bipolar and ADHD. I can handle his metal illnesses; it's his personality flaws that crush me. He has been the love of my life. We have a very intense bond. It is going to be difficult working out what to do. There is no rush. I am not giving more than I am able or willing to give, and I don't put up with poor treatment either. It's stressful though.

Things are pretty mundane in my life with the exception of my wife being gone to Indiana to present her research. So I'm just here to give hugs and keep tabs on all of you.

HI Guy!

I have been thinking of you, hoping you are feeling better than you might have been last week?

You and your wife have been/are un der a lot of stress and I am concerned.
Please let us know the ways in which we can be most supportive to you at this time?

What are you doing for fun/entertainment?
This is an area of my life I need to give more attention!
I am always looking for ideas!

My very best to you and to yours!