Bipolar check-in #42

Hahaha. Absolutely not. We use the tools we have available.

Glad today was a bit better , it’s a start

Me too...

Diagnoses:
PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain

I thought you had been to the ER 22 times total. not the tv show.
lol
glad you enjoyed them!
bizi

@BirdDancer: Thanks for your kind words of support as one experienced pet-parent to another.

In other news i am still upset about Scrabble. The situation there seems impossible. I went out for dinner with my tablet and tried to study but it just seemed pointless. I'm at the top of my division and can't make the leap to the next division and can't get a competitive game. Also i just feel so worthless for having put so much work into Scrabble and getting so little out of it. One opponent said i am having Pyrrhic victories, victories won at excessive cost. True that. So i feel worn-out by Scrabble.

I had a few drinks tonight as i felt at wits end. I've taken six times my dose of Clonazepam and am hoping it will kick in soon. I feel being a drunk and a junkie are viable options at this point. They say boredom can't kill you, but you might wish it could.

6 times your regular dose of klonipin is a bit high.
Are you allowed to take it as needed like that?
bizi

I was bad and didn't call my NPs office yesterday. I took the daily max dose of Ativan again yesterday because I'm charged like the energizer bunny! It doesn't even feel bad anymore. I went running around in the snow in barefeet and it just felt sooo good.

The added lithium did the trick. Hypomania gone. I have mixed feelings about it; I miss that high.

I feel so refreshed today! Getting drunk was just what i needed. I only do it a few time a year. I cried vigorously and got all the bad feelings out. Of course i will continue with Scrabble! I love Scrabble! I hope i didn't alarm anyone. I truly feel drinking is a good option once in a while.

Love and hugs to all who need them!

Tonight hubby and I go to our friend's house for a Chinese New Year celebration. It should be a real treat. We bought her special flowers and a red hummingbird feeder as gifts, since they fit the theme (either red-colored or meaning of luck). Hubby will wear a red tie and I'll wear a pretty red blouse. 新年快乐

On a different website, relating to weight loss, someone brought up a favorite cookbook. I decided to mention that a recipe I submitted was published in one of the mentioned cookbooks. I didn't mention specifics, but the person asked for them. I had to decline for anonymity sake. It felt uncomfortable basically saying no to her, albeit in a nice way, but the fact is someone (maybe not her) could find my full name. Being a unique name, that could lead to a lurker's (or other person's) ability to find a whole lot of information about me. As wonderful as the internet is, it definitely has its downsides. For that reason, I try to maintain anonymity, or partial anonymity, as much as possible. My participation in social media is also limited and I have done my best to delete links between certain sites/social media.

I hope you don't feel like you have to read all of the posts in order to participate here. Anyone can ask for support for wherever they are at in their journey.

Please do continue to post and to reach out here. We all know you have been having a very challenging time and I know I would like to hear of how things are going for you and would like the option of continuing to offer support to you whenever I am able to do so.

I am sure others feel the same way!

You are important here simply for being you; you do not need do more than to be here when you feel up to doing so.

I hope you will continue to participate without feeling guilty or otherwise inhibited.

Much Love

Well, still couldn't fall asleep last night until I had been up for about 24 hours or so, but once I did, I managed to sleep for about 5 hours uninterrupted--a huge victory in my current world. What I don't know is if the Thorazine and Depakote I took at 9 pm had anything to do with those 5 hours. Will have to ask the pdoc Monday.

Anyway, maybe if I can keep this part going, I can then address the falling asleep part and get that fixed. Then, I could maybe be in good shape. Still have to deal with the trauma, though.

That said, interestingy enough, I woke up feeling extremely anxious and awful emotionally. Immediately started thinking about how much financial flexibility I once had and how little I now have and it felt bad. Felt like failure. But then, I did some quickie CBT and remembered that I am doing the best I can in my situation and that anyone who had gone through what I have been through would almost certainly be way, way worse off--possibly homeless.

So, I'm okay now. Accept reality. Do what you can. Don't have unrealistic expectations. You have an incurable, life-threatening illness of the brain. Remember that. That's what I try to do.

Hugs and love to all.

You can get picked up by police for not being properly attired you know.

I'm empty. Sorry, nothing good to say.
Que os vaya bien.

Am I being a worry wart? I am afraid of getting the Coronavirus because Boston/Cambridge has a HUGE Chinese population. Lots of Chinese students study at Harvard and MIT when they can't get into Oxford.... And well, the Chinese (and nothing against them) have "reliably" brought over SARS, H1N1, etc..

I am afraid to go to Chinatown now, but I have to go to that area in 1 week's time for work. I am thinking about backing out. I feel like going to Chinatown is asking for an instant infection. Not that the rest of Boston would be much safer, but I mean... it's CHINAtown.

I think I have to go though. I think there is no backing out without serious repercussions, but if there is an outbreak in that area, I am going to stay far away and make up some BS excuse. I think the CDC said that a single cough from someone is enough to infect you!! No thanks!!

Oh had I been on 22 episodes I could have died a happy woman lol !

If scrabble is causing you such anxiety and causing you to not only drink but your taking 6 times your benzo dose?? Do you realize how unhealthy that is for you ? Not only that but drinking and intentional taking 6 times your benzo ?? Do you not want to wake up in the morning ???

You need to step back and re evaluate your actions.

Stay safe.

It’s hard to take something that tamps down the Hypo, but you weren’t having enjoyable Hypo, weren’t you in a horrible state of mind??

I’m glad your feeling better

I hope you have a wonderful dinner.

Yes we all have to decide to what level we share ourselves online.

Congrats again on having a recipe published

Gentle hugs. Go easy on yourself