Bipolar check-in #42

So happy your doing well. I’m sure things are complicated with him, but you know what you will and will not accept in your life any longer. I’m
especially glad your job is still going well

Thanks.

The good thing is that my boss said it's okay if I don't like anybody. lol.

I guess I am just fed up with people blatantly lying. I know that people get nervous and screw up, so I give them some leeway, but they just don't know anything, except for ONE guy.

Also, some idiot manager at my work said to me, "if you don't want to hire them, send them to me." I told him why he wouldn't want them, but he insists that people "need a chance to learn." Uh, no. If you hire someone who lied on their resume, you are rewarding the lying! And who knows what else they lied about! I do not want to get in trouble for forwarding a liar's resume to a manager.

Christina

I'll be OK by myself tomorrow, I think. Luckily, I see my therapist every Tuesday, so that wait won't be long. As for my psychiatrist, that appointment isn't for a little over 2 weeks. I'll see how things go. Very often, my mood is worse during the work week (with hubby at work) than on the weekends. If it becomes concerning, I will call pdoc before my next appointment. He knew I was a bit depressed the last time, but I was also very agitated and irritable. I think he assumed mixed features, which was likely right. The questions always are: Lower the Seroquel XR (to elevate mood a bit) or increase it (to lessen agitation and maybe increase mood)?

My nightmares have been the last few days. Prior to that, they were a while ago. I hope tonight is a good sleep.

I have not seen my dad since Christmas day. I attempted to call him about four days ago and he brushed me off telling me he couldn't hear me, and goodbye. Truth is likely that he didn't want to talk at the time. He is more eager to talk to cronies and strangers than his own immediate family. When I've visited him, he barely pays attention to me. That's not uncommon for him. He's always been a self-absorbed type of person who gives little. Maybe some money, but nothing more significant. I told my psychiatrist that I love my dad, but don't like him much. That's where guilt comes in, but I can't change a 78 year old man. My siblings feel the exact same way as me. Our mother was very different than our father.

Relationships require reciprocity. I have that with my husband.

And BAM! Panic attack. Haven't had one in quite some time. Forgot just how awful they are! Was closing at work and couldn't remember how to fix a small discrepancy. And there I went -- off to the races! What a dumb thing. Not like it's that big of a deal! Yet here I am, half an hour later with my heart still in my throat and trying to breathe.

Breathe, dammit!

*********
Mr. Robot

Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside.

--The Cure

They were hers but she rarely wore them. Good thing they ran small.

Well maybe your manager will hire a fool and learn the hard way ? You can sit back and snicker ? lol

It’s really good you have such insight into your current feelings but can look back and see other times when you have felt off.

I’m sorry things are so difficult with your Dad by I’m glad you can see the whole picture, it’s not You !

Oh how awful. I swear panic attack just pounce on us out of no where.

I hope it will soon fade totally away

Well today is the 2 year mark of us moving back home from that disaster of living in Florida for 8 months.

Of course so many negative things happened there. I’m not really giving that stuff more than a quick glance mentally

I’m focusing more on getting back home and unpacking and it all went right back into place. Such a whole feeling.

I remember how our dogs were just unhappy in Florida. Seeing them jumping out of the truck and running around. Running full blast across our acreage barking like fools. Flying up the steps sliding into the washer and literally long jumping into there beds, panting and eyes glowing

I think it was 23 degrees in the house, but I felt finally able to breath, my body finally felt able to relax.

I’m glad we did go back for 8 months tho or my husband would have always wondered “what if”

My husband and I both grew up in Florida and it’s will always be “ a home “ but this?

This is “our home”

Is everyone welcome to post here?
I’ve been feeling really terrible. Can’t stop the intrusive and racing thoughts. Depressed and restless. Took seroquel, but the thoughts continue. SI and SH thoughts. Im in no imminent danger. I can’t keep my mind on what I’m doing. My wife’s understanding only extends so far. After so many years, I still don’t think she understands the depth and reality of what I live with. Or maybe she just gets burned out.

I don’t really have anyone I can talk to in a completely transparent way. I’ve been thinking about finding a therapist for that. Who knows. Upped lithium, but that will take days to build up in my system. Took way too many Xanax last week and I’m running low. Been trying to go easy on them, but they’re the only thing that help quickly.

I’m sick and I know it. I wish I got a little more understanding at home. Apologies for the long post.

Hi Jesters Rags, everyone/anyone is welcome to post here.

Feeling really well today. No anxiety which is a rare thing for me.

You can post here as much as you want. I am sorry to hear you are suffering. Therapy sounds like a good idea. With the right therapist you will find some relief, and hopefully make good progress. Be careful with the Xanax as if you run out after developing a dependance on it the experience will be awful. Could you see your psychiatrist soon to get a script and discuss the right dose for you? Take care.

H and I stayed in bed most of the day talking. He’s depressed about things changing and we agree that I’m still paranoid. We both agree we’re handling this badly. I told him I want to be more independent. We talked more and decided my normal anxiety/paranoia is quite high but even though I can hide it now this is still affecting our lives negatively. Instead/even with a service dog he wants to figure out a way for me to drive. His first reaction was “your replacing me with a dog”. I told him everything I’ve been thinking a lot of things. We went shopping he cooked diner. Now we’re watching a show now. Tomorrow we go back to our busy lives.

Apart from an ongoing moderate Fibromyalgia flare-up I am doing well. The anxiety is easing, although I do still take high doses of Clonazepam. I was on very high doses when out of my mind with anxiety while IP in December (about 8-10 mg a day). My pdoc wants me to very slowly reduce that dose to avoid rebound anxiety. I had tried reducing faster and suffered for it. My days are filled with organising everything in my life that got put on the back burner while ill with PTSD last year, and resting. My mood is stable, and the PTSD has calmed down. Life is good. I am not used to being mentally well. Last week I told my parents that not having a mood episode for the last 10 months has made a life kind of boring in a way. I am used to constantly experiencing the highest of highs, and/or lowest of lows. Not fun, but certainly eventful. It is just taking time getting used to being stable. I do love it, and do no wish any Bipolar/PTSD symptoms to return. I will enjoy each healthy day I have, and live in hope the darkness never returns.

I’m sorry you don’t have more support at home. I think finding a T would really help you. I find Therapy as important as meds many times.

Are there any Bipolar support groups in your area ? You might feel less alone.

Post here as much as you need too. We all “ get it “ here

I’m glad you had a great conversation

Very tired today. Slept for 15 hours on and off. Feel nice and mellow tho.

I am frustrated and I am on the fence about continuing to take the lithium with it effecting my thyroid....tsh was 8.
On one side I feel a bit more stable on the lithium. I think the lamictal stopped working. I still take geodon 80mg twice a day.
I am afraid it is too late for my thyroid....damage is done...no going back. But maybe that is not true.
I see my GP in the morning....I will ask her opinion. She should have the full thyroid panel results by then.
my option is to stop lithium and start on some new cocktail.
maybe try tegretol?????I don't even know if that is a good mood stabilizer.

I don't know!!!!!!
bizi

Been a mixed bag this week. I got the bill for my two hospital visits, including one inpatient stay. Nearly $15000. I have no idea how I'm going to pay that. I'll chat with the hospitals tomorrow and see if I can't get some kind of financial assistance. They better, considering how poor I am and how little they have me working at my job.

Finding a new therapist has been equally "fun." I went to the clinic in my neck of the woods and found out they're not going to be able to see me until March. It's a little better for the psychiatrist, but I still have to wait until the end of the month. Thank goodness my old therapist is still willing to meet with my over Skype in the meanwhile.

On the plus side, celebrated a birthday on Thursday, a milestone one. I said several very bad words when I realized I was 30, but then I had some Indian food and all was well. I also went to the bookstore and saw a movie. All in all, a success!

I’m really glad you see your GP tomorrow so you won’t have to sit and think about for very long.

I’ve known people who have borderline thyroid levels who quit lithium and thyroid recovered.

But if your on a Med cocktail that is overall working well then I think I’d lean towards staying on it. Tegretol is actually one of the meds I have never been on.

It does have the standard side effects but it’s very clear no alcohol.

There doesn’t seem to be any issues of taking it along with Geodon.

Hopefully your GP can help you decide what’s best for you