Bipolar check-in #42

Finally fell asleep a little after 5 AM and slept on and off until 10ish. So, much better that a few weeks ago. The mania is definitely tamped way, way down on this big dose of Depakote we added. Have not been too psychotic, really, much at all, either, though I still don't think the Thorazine is doing anything appreciable. My whole brain is just less activated and more calm now and that is progress. Grateful for that. I just hate it when I am super psychotic--it's just constant panic and dread.

Trying to organize an affordable dentist for this tooth. When it is flaring, which it is much of the time, the whole right side of my face from my neck to my eye is really, really hurting. At its height, it is a 10/10, truly. Hope I can get this done by early next week.

Hugs and love to all!!!!

Increase in Risperdal is working for psychosis and agitation, but I still feel a bit on the manic side of life. only woke up twice last night. I think I like my NP, that means she's probably going to leave soon or I'll get transferred to someone else. Honestly I'm kinda jealous of those of you who say you've had the same psychiatrist for years. I don't think I've had the same one for more than a year because here they're always leaving their practice or something.

I gave up on working today. I left work at 12:40pm because I couldn't sit still and couldn't concentrate. I figured there is no sense in me staying at work for many hours if all I'm going to do is pace around the building.

In the end, I don't think propranolol is doing its job and I need something else -- or at least a higher dose of propranolol if my pdoc is insistent on continuing it. I can't sit still no matter what. It's frustrating as hell. I'm inwardly freaking out right now because this restless feeling is worse than it is on most days.

I might just call the after hours service tonight to see if anyone can help me. I might be able to get ahold of my pdoc for once because I doubt his assistant is working during after hours too. I really need to talk to him about this because it's getting worse and worse. I don't appreciate him writing a prescription for something over the phone when I don't even get the chance to discuss it with him. I mean, he wouldn't even let me have an appt with him!

But yeah, my pdoc's assistant stops listening to phone calls at 2pm. It's 2:45pm right now. There's no way I'd get any help if I called during normal hours, hence I have to call during after hours.

I got up and took n3 to work this morning then went and got the two proofs I needed (from two different places) and then drove to DHHS and turned them in. So Medicaid recert is in the works! Oh! And all three places I was in and out within 5 minutes!

Was feeling euphoric but then had a massive panic attack then hearing voices again and worrying about meds poisoning me and cameras being in my apartment watching me. Just took one of my klonopin so hopefully things calm down a bit. Just some breakthrough symptoms I guess.

Things are going well in my new apartment. I've been here a week now. It's really nice. Still have some stuff to bring over from my old place over the next week. Was going to do some of that today but we have a big snow/ice storm going on right now. Next month I plan on starting to decorate.

Right Now I'm feeling like I want to sleep all day. No, actually eating is making me feel a bit better, but still not sure if ill be ready to face what I need to do. I got interrupted sleep this morning and I guess I'm just tired from the workout?? I dunno. Plus, I seem to be a bit bored. There's a show on in an hour (well, now its in 15min lol) I'd like to catch, but I've got some work to do. Not sure if ill make it! :/ I seriously don't know what's wrong with me. Am I depressed again? Or is this anxiety making me sleep poorly and feel like cocooning in bed? I'm kinda thinking the latter, although I am bummed from the boredom.

Just finished reading "Gorilla and the Bird". Took me 4 days. Good descriptions of psychosis and mania.

Suddenly it's snowing where I am. That's quite unexpected. It's barely snowed at all in my neck of the woods.

I have a slight upset stomach. I stress-ate a whole bunch of Terra chips. I did the same thing last night, eating the whole bag between last night and this afternoon. Normally I don't buy such snacks. Hubby bought them. I can't force him not to, but will admit that they do me much more harm than him. He is the type that will eat 3 chips and that's all. Then not eat more for 3 days. He does eat something more than I'm aware of, because he's even more overweight than I am.

Today was definitely not one of my better days. I pretty much stayed in bed all day long, only getting up to eat, get water/espresso, and go to the bathroom. I have zero motivation to make dinner and everything easy I can think of is cholesterol increasing crap. I'd be OK not eating anything for dinner, but I do feel the obligation to give hubby something. If I don't, he'll be a little annoyed and eat canned sardines and bread. He may even ask for a few Terra chips. I'll have to tell him they "were eaten by snakes".

I'd order something for hubby, but it's severely difficult with his garlic allergy. Evil difficult. Like, there's absolutely nothing except desserts and beverages at some places, for him, unless he skips the sauces, skips the veggie sides, skips the protein, and just eats lettuce.

I have the same problem with my husband. He'll bring home snacks and he can eat portions like that, while I tend to overeat or at least eat daily till they're gone.

Just right now I stress ate a whole meal when I just had breakfast less than two hours ago. I'm nervous because I have to go out in the snow. Drive or walk? Driving makes me nervous even without snow and with someone, but I'd be alone in this snow...but I don't know if I can walk and handle the cold either.

Someone crossed 2 lanes of traffic to get into a gas station to my right- right in front of me! I had to slam on my brakes and even then I just narrowly hit her! Another car waiting to pull out of the gas station was just shaking her head at the lady!

When I was juicing, I'd add apple and lemon to the beet juice. Tasted great! Everyone in the house wanted it!

A trick if diabetic and drinking juice(s): You can slow down the absorption of any sugar by adding an oil. I am not diabetic; however, I did often drink carrot juice with flax oil in it to slow down the rapid sugar intake.

I love the brand fern has mentioned.

My brother drinks 1 cup twice a day, straight beet juice, to control his blood pressure.

There are also many brands of powdered beet juices. Some are just beets. Some have other flavors mixed in, like cherry, apple, etc. My mother makes a mega health drink each morning. She adds powdered beets and loves it.

You might be interested in:

Investigators at the University of Iowa used SuperBeets to conduct a randomized, placebo-controlled crossover study comparing the use of SuperBeets to use of a placebo over 4 weeks. The results showed after the 4-week trial period that those individuals using SuperBeets experienced a beneficial effect on blood pressure levels vs. the placebo group.

Am J Physiol Heart Circ Physiol. 2018 Jan 1;314(1):H45-H51. doi: 10.1152/ajpheart.00389.2017. Epub 2017 Sep 29.

I am not sure that the specific brand used in this study is necessary for helpful effects. I have not heard anyone complain of adverse side-effects; yet, there may be some. Please seek advice from doctor/pharmacist.

I hope this info is helpful to someone at some time!

Rough day. Ran into a pole with my face while running for bus. Broke glasses, fell. Big goose egg. Same side as last time my face hit an immovable object. Went into work (have an icepack there) as I was almost there anyway. Worked for awhile, but I'm having slight confusion, so took off. They were actually able to fix my glasses up at a nearby shop. I couldn't believe it -- they were a mess (lens out, the whole deal)! Going to look for some glasses anyway. They'll not survive another crash, and my record's bad there.

In other news, I called about how much MRI would cost me. 100% out-of-pocket. Over $1000. Not going to happen. I don't know what that will mean for my vertabrae/arm situation.

In good news, that company that I worked for said they did not offer insurance (true). TG. I was really worried about that. (I have Marketplace insurance, which does not allow that.)

*********
Mr. Robot

Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside.

--The Cure

Oh no! I am so sorry you've been hurt! Wow. Quite an account.
Has your confusion cleared up?
MRIs are so expensive! Can you get financial aid from the hospital to pay for the MRI?
Please take it easy. I hope you will be alright.

Hey everyone !

Lots of self care was needed and I’m feeling much better

I have missed you all

As long as your blood pressure doesn’t drop to low you should have some wiggle room on doseage.

Have you tried cogentin ? The inability to sit still could be akathesia, years ago when I was on Haldol I needed both meds.

It would suck to have to change your meds as your current seem to be doing a good job overall. Yes it sucks to need other meds to allow you to take other meds.

Are you still getting good sleep ? I’m sure you have talked about that but o can’t even try and go back to catch up so forgive me if I’m repeating advice you already have gotten it tried.

Hope things settle down soon

So glad you didn’t get stuck wasting hours turning in paperwork

I’m sorry you had some hiccups...

Again congratulations on the new apartment. My daughter recently moved into a new place and she’s enjoying getting settled on and has some ideas on decorating but that will take time , moving in tapped her out money wise.

Enjoy your new digs

So glad you weren’t in an accident. So many horrible drivers on the road

Yay!!!! So happy you’re back! You’ve been missed.

Welcome back Christina!!