Bipolar check-in #42

Appt with Rheumatologist went well. We are going to try Xeljanz it’s a pill twice a day not a biologic shot... but it’s another Medication that can severely impact your ability to fight infections.

They have to get it approved through my insurance and that can take a couple weeks.. hurry up and wait.

It “can” show results in a few weeks but 3-4 months to show full effect.

I just want to get a break from the pain.

Hugs!

I hope it is a speedy process getting the approval and that it works well with no side effects! Fingers crossed,....toes too.

Were you able to get your injections in your fingers?

Hope the approval process is fast.

Thank you thank you

Thanks ! I so hope approval goes quick too

Actually no injections ... after he poked, prodded ,wiggled , stretched and twisted he said he knows there’s inflammation and some visible swelling but the joints aren’t super warm or hot at this point. He prefers to hold off unless the joints gets physically hot or someone just can’t stand it another minute.

There are standard guidelines he follows.. joints can only handle so much Lidocaine and steroid injections before it wears on tendons and makes matters even worse.

So we are hoping the Zeljanz kicks in quick and I can hold out but if I just can’t he said he would.

It’s been awful for almost a month so I’ll just add it to the pile of all my physical pain.. god it’s a huge pile LOL .. I have to laugh because if I let one tear drop I’m gonna drown.

Oh I think you should allow yourself a good cry.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Tonight, I’m still flying high. Not too high, just at cruising altitude.

Thanks Bizi

I continue to feel better, physically, but won't feel totally back to normal until one GI issue is resolved.

Hubby found that he cracked a tooth yesterday and it hurts. It wasn't long ago that he had a molar cracked. They sent him to an oral surgeon for the latter, but the surgeon wouldn't do anything because of hubby's blood pressure. His blood pressure has since improved (on blood pressure medicine), but he skipped the oral surgeon because of the cost. Half of the molar came out a while ago. He simply pulled it himself. Now he thinks he wants to go to his esteemed dentist friend in Prague, CZ (in May) to get both taken care of. Would you believe that for the amount of money oral surgeons want in the US, he can go to Europe and have it done? His friend will even do the work for almost nothing, to boot. No, we have no dental insurance in the US. Even if hubby elected for it, it wouldn't cover costs beyond $1,200. Believe me that the dental work hubby needs would far far exceed $1,200 in the US.

Actually, hubby wants to book a trip for both of us in May. We would fly to Barcelona, Spain then travel around southern France looking for potential areas to eventually live in. [Barcelona is not too far from the French border.] Then we would fly to Prague. This sounds great, but is very scary for me on many levels. I talked about it at length with hubby. May is when I most commonly become manic (full blown, even). Airports, time differences, hectic out of the normal schedules, and excessive visits with friends/family (in Czech Rep) are other extreme triggers for my mania. The last time we went to Europe I became manic and even psychotic at the end, even bringing hubby to tears. The whole idea of moving abroad is a huge stressor. Hubby wants to consult with a real estate agent there, like we did the last time we were in Europe, though that was a different country. Hubby suggested he leave me in France, while he is in Czech Republic. Leave me alone in France? That sounds dangerous! I suggested I'd join him to Prague, but just stay in the hotel a lot while he visits his multitudes of friends. He doesn't want to stay with his sister because they fight easily.

I applied for a Leave of Absence from work - I've been struggling and pdoc suggested it. I'm only part-time and I haven't worked there long so I hope it is approved.

I got my Abilify shot today... I hope it helps my mood and psychosis... I'm tired of everything right now...

Diagnoses:
PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain

The winter storm has arrived. Wish I had a fireplace. Supposed to get 5-8 inches maybe with ice. I got everything we need for the next few days and we plan to hole up till Tuesday.

Fireplaces are so nice. I had one at my previous house. Your plan to hole up until Tuesday sounds cozy! Stay safe.

we're getting hit with it tomorrow. fortunately, I have a garage now where I can park my car, so I don't have to dig myself out or clean the car!

no one knows how much we're getting. reports vary... I've seen anywhere from 2 inches up to 6 inches, which I suppose isn't too bad for us. what I do dread is the annual February blizzard. I know we have one coming. we never go a year without one!

stay warm

I bought some chocolate milk from wal-mart this morning and it had giant chunks of ice in it! yuck! I'm going to try it again in a few mins to see if all the ice has melted yet.

today is going alright, but I haven't done any work yet. I've been waiting on someone to do something and they didn't do it, so I've legit been doing nothing all day. I don't want to have to work on the weekend, but I will do that if need be since I'm evidently not working today.

I suppose I could do some cleaning up around here. My place is getting messy again and I have to stay on top of things before things get worse.

Mood is okay. I met with my therapist today after she screwed me over on an appt.

Please don't misunderstand me and I really do not intend to speak out of turn, but in hubby's apparently massive push to return to Europe, does he just not get just how unbelievably scary, stressful, and potentially dangerous this could be for you? It kind of sounds like he is all focused on him and his want. But I am sure I am missing a lot.

bpcyclist, thanks for your sweet concern! He does know. We were talking about this a lot today, which helped ease my mind a bit. I know this type of travel must be in my future. I can't deny that. I know what needs to be done, and that includes careful planning and using past experiences as lessons for what not to do and things to do for preventative purposes.

When my husband first brought up moving to Europe (years back) my reaction was severely negative and my psychiatrist even reinforced that. I must confess that life circumstances have changed that, a bit. I know any major change in life is destabilizing for me, to various degrees, but the changes must happen, all the same.

15 years ago, I may have never thought I would be in my current situation, but I am. Like a child resisting a spoonful of medicine because of the bad taste or fear of vomiting, the medicine will likely bring me wellness in the end. Putting it in the mouth, swallowing, and dealing with aftertaste is hard, I know, but it passes.

Who knows, maybe something will happen in the next year or two that brings hope for me here. Or, maybe the prospect of a move will become increasingly easier to deal with. I can say that not many people have the advantage/ease of making such a move. My husband has joint US/EU citizenship and we both speak some French, and he is a native Czech speaker. Also...though sad to write, we have a stronger family and friend support system in Europe than the US. I love my siblings and dad, but we live our own very separate lives. Perhaps if my mother was still with us, this would all be different. My fears about living abroad are less about missing them, and more about new beginnings and challenges. Honestly, in some ways, I could experience similar moving from where I am to another place in the US itself. Weighing pros and cons can show interesting results.

Oh wow ... can the dental issue wait til May ? He pulled out the other half??? Holy hell.

Im glad you had a discussion about possible problems you will face traveling especially in a tune of year you have struggled with in the past.

I hope that can be worked out

I hope you get your leave and feeling much better fast !!

Stay warm and safe