Bipolar check-in #42

Thank you so much!

I ended up getting off the couch and taking that shower...a normal one. And...I did some laundry, scrubbed the bottom and all of the shelves in the refrigerator (it’s needed to be done for a while), cleaned all of my kitchen appliances, and straightened up the house. I still didn’t feel wonderful but I just told myself that I wasn’t going to just lay there in my own filth doing nothing another day. My husband is still awake but I’m already dying tonight. I hope I actually get some sleep tonight. That is the only way I’ll have some normalcy. I added melatonin to my cocktail. We’ll see if that helps.

I had hoped to have more energy and to get more done today, meeting some additional deadlines (need to be met soon). It is a quiet day around here, which is a good time to completes tasks requiring concentration.


I have also been studying some of the laws/regs/criteria that come into play with SSDI/SSI. Needless to say I am shocked. Some must be new regulations?

I need to have a good working understanding in order to properly advocate for myself. I have been stumbling around, doing my best while blindfolded.


Letters issued to me and claim reps, especially the one assigned to each claimant, are supposed to advise us of our rights to appeal any/all of the various decisions made within the disability determination process.. Claim reps are supposed to help us through the process. Absolutely none of this is occurring in my case. In fact, my assigned claims rep is very antagonistic.


As some of you know, I have gone as far as reporting this (in a formal complaint).


I will have more to share once this is all said and done. It will be done one day, just have no idea as to when and/or as to what it will take to push through the utter nonsense.


I am doing a lot with it and about it. I just cannot comment further right now.


I am working on distracting myself when I am not actively working on the issues/case.


I had looked up a couple of points/questions which had come to me late last night. One question/answer led to yet another and before I knew it. the clock read 6 am.! Not wise. I slept for two hours and then needed to get up to attend to my Sunday morning tasks, as well as to welcome company.


I need to go get some more rest, at least for another hour or two!

I hope everyone is having a decent day today.

Love to All!

Hello WC!

The past week was much better than the week before. Thanks for checking.

I don't know how my friends here at PC could be more supportive. You already humour me. That's best when I'm feeling worthless like the last couple of days.

Fun and entertainment? I've actually been cleaning out my hobby room and either giving away or throwing away my stuff in preparation for moving to a smaller house. It makes me sad, but I don't know what else to do with it. I haven't got the energy to try to sell it. .... and right now I need to take the dog out for a walk.

I think this week will be relaxing for me at work. Lots of people in my group are already gone because they're on a trip to England. (This trip was not the trip I was worried about, though. I knew I wouldn't have to go to England, so I wasn't ever anxious about having to go there.)


As far as today goes, though, I've been doing a mix of reading, watching movies, and using my computer. Just total relaxation.


I'm probably going to read some more and then take a nap because I'm tired as hell. Mood is really good, though! But I'm not talking about having an upswing. I just mean feeling good and stable (for once).


I hope everyone has a great rest of their day.

Life long insomnia here as you know.

I use to just worry and fret when I had poor sleep or no sleep , I would get obsessed over it.

Well one day with my T I was ranting and raving about no sleep for 4-5 days. I suddenly stopped talking.

According to my T I sat there for almost 5 mins lost in thought..

I said ... I’m done, I honestly don’t care if I sleep or not. Eventually my body will override my mind and I will sleep.

Well that was a turning point with my relationship to sleep.

Sure I’d like to sleep great nightly but it’s just not something I do

The only time I really need to sit up and pay attention is if I go 4-5 days of no sleep or single digits or hours, otherwise I just ride the wave.

Sometime when we stop bashing our heads into a brick wall sleep just will happen

Hope you find a solution

Thanks, Christina, I really appreciate your thoughts. You're probably right. I need to detach from this. It will be exactly and perfectly whatever it is intended to be. And I will just have to do that. I am generally quite accepting of life's difficulties, but sleep has always been avery touchy subject for me. I just need to let go. Thanks for that.

bluebicycle, I felt relaxed just reading your low-stress sounding post. Enjoy the time with fewer people at the office!


Wild Coyote, keep at those SS people! Hopefully soon you'll finally be done with that nightmare.


Today was good for me. I did a lot of self-care that I don't normally do. My husband said he thinks my face is less red than yesterday, but I still see some redness. I hope it goes away. I have no idea what has caused it. I haven't used any new creams on my face. Hubby did put a cream on my forehead a few days ago, but the redness is not on my forehead.


I did some housework. Tomorrow the floors and bathrooms will be cleaned. I told hubby that perhaps afterwards we should invite our new neighbors over. I'm not up to anything major. Perhaps just drinks, tea/coffee, and a little dessert. We haven't even met them. We know they're Chinese, and we don't think they have any children.


Speaking of Chinese, hubby had the marvelous idea to go to a Chinese restaurant we discovered a month ago. That is, by far, the best authentic Chinese restaurant outside China towns. It is primarily a Szechuan restaurant (a lot of spicy), but they have other dishes, too. And it's very reasonably priced, with always lots of leftovers. Then this coming Saturday, we are invited to a Chinese friend's house for a Chinese New Years celebration. That will be absolutely marvelous! Chinese New Years celebrations are a most wonderful thing! So I guess this week I'll be practicing my rusty Chinese a bit. Our neighbors on the other side of us are mostly all Chinese, as well, but we never see them. They are 20 something year old graduate students at the university. I think they more often live in the labs.

'

I’m glad to see your feeling better, extra self care can really help

Oh I would love some real Chinese food. My town has 2 Chinese buffets, nasty ! I want real order from a menu, but we don’t want to basically drive almost into downtown Nashville, we did it years ago, too expensive us now.

Did your husband enjoy the lecture ? Did you enjoy a bit of time for yourself ?

For now, we’ve settled on seeing my therapist 2 to 3 times per week instead of IOP unless anything changes. I had a rough appt with her on thurs so she called my husband in to both make sure he took care of everything sharp and come up with a game plan to give me company at night when this depression is at it’s worse. He didn’t follow through with the second part but it’s not entirely his fault. Last night for instance he had worked from 6-4:30 AM that day so he was exhausted and simply couldn’t make it and had to get back up at 4:30 this morning to do it all again. I told my mom the same thing (my t suggested we get her help as well) and she didn’t volunteer to help. She just told me to take more klonapin. But, like last night and tonight, she is keeping 2 of my brother’s kids so she couldn’t even if she planned it. Last night was another rough one. I couldn’t go to sleep until after 12 then I woke up again around 1 and then after 3 as well. Now today is also rough and my husband is working all day so it’s just me and the kids. I want to go back to sleep but I drank my regular coffee so I’m too awake. I feel worthless though so getting things done feels nearly impossible and I really want to because I want my husband to come home to a clean house and some of the laundry finished. Plus, I haven’t showered in 4 days and I cringe at the thought. But I know that is so disgusting. I just don’t want to get off the couch. I absolutely will though. I’m at the point I can’t even deal with myself right now. I feel so gross and my hair is all greasy. On the plus side, I’m down 18 lbs!

Nope nope nope toooo cold for me!!!! LOL !

I love that you have your niece in your life

Stay warm woman !!!! LOL !

Tonight my procrastination is in overdrive.

SO much work to do today....and I did nothing. Well, I cleaned out my closet, but it still feels like I did nothing.

I don't know why it is. I can't get motivated to do my work. There is so much I want to do and accomplish, but I can't get myself to do what I am supposed to.

Feeling like such a failure right now. Sigh.

Tonight my procrastination is in overdrive.


SO much work to do today....and I did nothing. Well, I cleaned out my closet, but it still feels like I did nothing.


I don't know why it is. I can't get motivated to do my work. There is so much I want to do and accomplish, but I can't get myself to do what I am supposed to.


Feeling like such a failure right now. Sigh.