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Default Jan 16, 2020 at 10:18 PM
  #1
Hey, gang. So, long mtg. with pdoc today. Med changes, long convo about what he thinks is happening with my brain, Will share later. Big med changes, for now. Again, more on that later. He was quite worried about me. "We will make this go away," were his last words to me. "Immediately," he added. More to follow. I see him again tomorrow.

Okay. So, that's that. Now, this morning, while in the midle of a 140-minute bike ride in the rain, my cell phone, which was in my gilet pocket and totally unaccessible to me, since I was cruising 21 mph down the midnight path, quite magically and mysteriously began sending text messages (4 of them) and phone calls (2 of them) at roughly 7ish AM local time to my partner/ex-partner/not really even sure what we are. Hard to explain, we are not really together, but we have not formally uncoupled either. Long story. In my mind and heart, it is totally over. But she seems incapable of just saying the words that she would like to move on. Again, 17 years together, gorgeous child--long story.

The texts comprised a series of big, giant pulsating heart emojis, a big sign that says: I will always love you forever, two emojis making out, and some weird video of a guy gesticulating a kind of guy expression of : "Yessss!"

Now, as it turns out, I do not actually know how to attach an emoji or whatever those are called to a text message. I have no clue how to include a video in a text. And given the tenuous/totally over nature of the relationship, I would absolutely never in ten zillion years be sending her hearts and pictures of couples smooching and such. Not my style.

So, in short, I did not send any of these messages that were sent from my phone to Jenn and I did not call her, either. My phone appears to have been accessed and taken over by some outside force. Has anyone ever experienced this before? What should I do?

The thing that strikes me abou tall this, and the reason this is a primary bipolar issue for me, is that the very personal nature of these texts suggests an intimate knowledge of the rocky relationship Jenn and I have suffered through. They were highly inappropriate to the situation at hand. It feels like someone is trying to drive a wedge, which is amusing, since there is already a Grand Canyon there, between us.

As I have mentioned very briefly before, I was tortured by the Portland Police Bureau from 2010 to 2012. You think I am exaggerating? I am not. They illegally accessed my psych and prescription records and then developed a cunning strategy to attempt to either massively destabilize me or get me to commit suicide. They have done it before. When I complained loudly that my rights were being violated, the response was--"Yeah, but you're manic and psychotic, so you're just making this all up." Then, they kept doing it. Brilliant, brilliant strategy. Long story, I'll tell it someday. Suffice it to say, they have abused and murdered countless mentally ill Portalnders and are currently being monitored by the USDOJ and a federal judge because their conduct has been so disgusting and there are so many lawsuits pending, you can't count them all.

My PPB (Portland Police) PTSD is now screaming at me. Are they back again Torturing me again? I do not violate any laws. Why? Is is something else? I don't know, I am not tech savvy in the least.

How should I handle this?

Many, many thanks for all feedback, whatever it is. I am really worried right now and kind of freaking my stuff.

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Unhappy Jan 16, 2020 at 11:00 PM
  #2
WERE YOU ABLE TO EXPLAIN THE ABSURDITY TO YOUR EX?
sorry did not mean all caps....
I am sorry all of that happened to you....how awful.
I don't have any advice.
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Default Jan 17, 2020 at 03:07 PM
  #3
Hmm.

Yes. Her immediate response was: "You don't think I had anything to do with this, do you?"

What I did not inlcude in the initial post is that the detective in charge of my mistreatement in 2010-12, well, she just happened to be having an affair with him during those years. Personally, I believe it is him. He is the antichrist.

If it happens again, I will immediately inform the US Attorney of my entire story. I am not a bad little counterintelligence agent when I have to be, so, I just happen to know his full name and, of course, where he works. Clever little me. I have a friend who is a reporter at th Oregonian who sorta likes me. I will meet with her and discuss possibly telling her my story as well.

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Default Jan 17, 2020 at 03:48 PM
  #4
Hi bpc! How are things going today?

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Default Jan 17, 2020 at 07:03 PM
  #5
Thank you very much for asking, Beth. I started on a fairly big dose of Depakote yesterday night. That plus some Restoril got me some sleep, but even with what would normally put most folks in a big coma, I still only slept 3 hours before waking right up. May have to add some Thorazine for a little while, says the doctor. He says my bipolar is 'smoldering,' whatever that means. Something about how, after many years, it becomes sort of refractory to treatment and just kind of sticks around all the time no matter what you try to do. Something like that. Not really sure what he meant--he's too smart for me.

Very sweet of you to check on me. I am very grateful to you for that. Truly.

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Default Jan 17, 2020 at 08:25 PM
  #6
I am sorry this happened. It must be quite unsettling. If it were me, I'd trash my phone and buy a burner phone with cash. I'd start using that for everyday use and maybe only give the new number to people I trust.

If you want to test your theory that it has to do with her ex, maybe buy two burner phones. Use one exclusively to talk to her and the other for all of your other communications. If it gets hacked again you could then assume it has something to do with her.

You shouldn't have to do any of this, but that's a strategy that came to mind.

These Burner Phones Can Help You Evade Data Snoops | WIRED

If you are going to keep your phone and your number I'd cover up the camera(s) and remember it has a mic. Sometimes hacking can include watching and/or listening.
Here are some tips you can use to protect your phone in the future.

How To Protect Your Smartphone From Hackers And Intruders | Digital Trends

I know it feels invasive and infuriating, but try not to give this too much of your energy. If someone is playing these kinds of games, watching you destabilize is exactly what they want.
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Default Jan 17, 2020 at 09:35 PM
  #7
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Originally Posted by fern46 View Post
I am sorry this happened. It must be quite unsettling. If it were me, I'd trash my phone and buy a burner phone with cash. I'd start using that for everyday use and maybe only give the new number to people I trust.

If you want to test your theory that it has to do with her ex, maybe buy two burner phones. Use one exclusively to talk to her and the other for all of your other communications. If it gets hacked again you could then assume it has something to do with her.

You shouldn't have to do any of this, but that's a strategy that came to mind.

These Burner Phones Can Help You Evade Data Snoops | WIRED

If you are going to keep your phone and your number I'd cover up the camera(s) and remember it has a mic. Sometimes hacking can include watching and/or listening.
Here are some tips you can use to protect your phone in the future.

How To Protect Your Smartphone From Hackers And Intruders | Digital Trends

I know it feels invasive and infuriating, but try not to give this too much of your energy. If someone is playing these kinds of games, watching you destabilize is exactly what they want.
Thank you so much for the support and insight, Fern. I really appreciate it. I will take a look at those links when I am feeling a bit more with it. I hae a burner around here somewhere. Easy to activate. And you are right, destabilizing me further is probably the goal, if I am even right about any of this. But what do I know--I'm still intermittently psychotic and manic and this morning when I woke up, I did not remember where I was. I thought maybe I was back in my trveling days and that my apartment was a hotel room in Tokyo or Bangkok. It took me like a full minute to remember that this is where I live. I'm a mess.

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Red face Jan 17, 2020 at 09:52 PM
  #8
I am sorry you have having to deal with this. It all sounds awful.
hope you can get to sleep. Do you have any benzos?

klonipin used to put me to sleep for a solid 8 hours.
pdoc took it away unfortunately.

I have a stock pile of them....I take one if I really need to get to sleep.

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Default Jan 18, 2020 at 04:16 AM
  #9
Thanks, bizi. Yeah--just took 30 0f Restoril. We shall see...

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Default Jan 18, 2020 at 06:23 AM
  #10
bpcyclist, I am so sorry this is happening to you. I'm glad you saw your psychiatrist and that they are aware of your situation. Sending warm wishes that you get some quality sleep soon.
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Default Jan 18, 2020 at 07:07 AM
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Thank you so much for the support and insight, Fern. I really appreciate it. I will take a look at those links when I am feeling a bit more with it. I hae a burner around here somewhere. Easy to activate. And you are right, destabilizing me further is probably the goal, if I am even right about any of this. But what do I know--I'm still intermittently psychotic and manic and this morning when I woke up, I did not remember where I was. I thought maybe I was back in my trveling days and that my apartment was a hotel room in Tokyo or Bangkok. It took me like a full minute to remember that this is where I live. I'm a mess.
It is good you are open to possibilities. It definitely seems like focusing on your health and adjusting to the new meds is the top priority. That is very wise. I am sending positive vibes your way. I hope today you are feeling more like yourself.
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Default Jan 18, 2020 at 03:03 PM
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bpcyclist, I am so sorry this is happening to you. I'm glad you saw your psychiatrist and that they are aware of your situation. Sending warm wishes that you get some quality sleep soon.
Thank you so much, BirdDancer. I really appreciate your support.

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Default Jan 19, 2020 at 11:43 AM
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I'm sorry you're feeling this awful. Hope your meds kick in soon. Psychosis is no joke.
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Default Jan 20, 2020 at 08:26 AM
  #14
Feeling that your a mess is a rotten feeling, to be sure. But be patient...remember that this takes patience...give your meds a chance to kick in.

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Default Jan 20, 2020 at 09:36 AM
  #15
I hope your thoughts continue to clear up and you feel better with each passing day -- or sooner!

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