No symptoms

Ok guys, maybe I'm talking absolute nonsense. I've just joined a dating site. Been chatting to guys for the last 9 hours constant. They are really digging in about a picture for my profile but I'm maintaining no photo at the moment. 1 guy was pretty forth coming and was really getting into sex and we had just started to speak. I told him I was looking for friendship first. Then I told him I wouldn't be answering these type of questions but he kept going on and on. Sp I finally wished him well and said good bye and blocked him I'm like no way not happening. A lot of them want a picture. I'm not ready for that just yet. What is wrong with people. Its currently 12:45am.i was up until 4am yesterday then I was wide awake up at 8am. Yes that's right 4 hours sleep. I didn't nap or anything yesterday so I'm running on 4 hours sleep. I've no intention of going to bed anytime soon. Oh so it begins!

I just want to share a little of my experience re: relapse. I was very, very unwell from the ages of 14 to around 18. Then I got so much better that I decided I never actually had bp and eventually stopped taking meds by around age 20. I had very few issues (none, except one mild ppd that I could recognize) for 8 - 9 years. I always say that out of nowhere I lost my mind but in therapy, I’ve realized that’s not true. About 9 years ago (around this time actually), I shared my personal testimony of a major trauma from my youth and the trauma of my early experiences with my illness on video for a Bible study my preacher was working on. I had never, not once, processed any of that trauma and so the experience triggered a massive psychotic/manic episode. I’ve had episodes ever since. And, honestly, I think I always will. I personally stay on my meds for my husband and kids but I know if I didn’t, and my husband found out, there would be some serious issues.

So I've been off my meds for 3 months solid. Yes I came off them without telling someone. I've been feeling good not great as in mania but just good. So you all knew this anyway lol as I mentioned it in original post.

Yesterday I saw my Community Psychiatric Nurse and she had a student with her. She says I'm antsy and have pressured speech and an high. She hadn't told the student that I have bipolar. She turned to the student after an hour of me being high etc and said so Laura has bipolar and the student laughed and says yeah I guessed. I looked at my CPN and she said that I have pressured speech and am antsy and I'm literally talking so fast its hard to keep up.

Now I lied to her and said I had maybe had the odd day off the meds. She's well aware I'm a non-complier of medication. Anyways she got her diary out to book next appt. She looked at me and I said 4 weeks will be the week beg 9th March. She was like erm... I was thinking next week or week after. So I'm going to see her next week.

Now... conundrum do I admit I'm off my meds and have been since Nov or do I lie a wee bit and say it's been a month or two. She has seen me 3 times in Nov and 3 times in Dec and once in Jan. I have also seen my Peer Worker once and my Community Worker 4 times since Jan. They all work in the same centre and no-one has sussed me out. Plus I've seen my therapist 5 times since Jan and she knows I'm off my meds though. I see her privately.

Kinda worried it's all coming about now means my hiding skills aren't that great. Means I am losing the ability to trick people.

Apparently I talk non stop and topic jump etc etc the list goes on. I spent 4 hours last night talking to myself cause I had to. I talk to no one as i live alone but i see people so it's nothing major it's not like a hallucination. Time flew away from me i started at 8pm and was like this until midnight. I was up all night and got no sleep I've not slept well since before I came off my meds. OCD tendencies have came back too.

Any way I'll stop talking as I will go on and on and on