Bipolar check-in #43

Well, got about 8 hours of sleep last night--continuous sleep. Just weird. Never would have thought I was capable of that. Maybe it is just a pleasant blip. Whatever, I'll take it.

I do think the Depakote has been really key, as I reflect on all this. But it makes me wonder, this recent 3ish month recurrence was mostly mania with a ton of psychosis. Thorazine did not do squat. Abilify at 25 did not prevent it. Does this Depakote benefit mean my mania caused my psychosis, and when the mania got better, so did the psychosis? What is the relationship between mania and psychosis exactly?

Anyhow, just sort of trying to understand what happened to me. But it doesn't really matter, I guess. Drive myself nuts trying to figure this all out. I am better and that is what matters.

Sending everyone love and hugs!!

Black eye still a hideous mess, and will be for some time. Co-workers recommended arnica, so I picked some up last night.

That's about it. Mood-wise alright I guess. More upset with myself than anything. Being such a klutz and all.

Much

I’m thrilled for you that you got 8 hours of sleep! That’s great!

How is your tooth doing?

Black eye still a hideous mess, and will be for some time. Co-workers recommended arnica, so I picked some up last night.

That's about it. Mood-wise alright I guess. More upset with myself than anything. Being such a klutz and all.

Much

My sister begged me to visit her at her new apartment yesterday with my parents and her boyfriend. What a nightmare! I don't know why I even went. It was awful in so many ways. For example, my dad partly came down to help her out with setting up curtains and her headboard for her bed. My dad had been working from like 2:30pm until 6pm setting everything up because the headboard's holes didn't align with the bed frame's holes, and the curtains were being a pain. Well, at 6pm, my dad said he was tired and couldn't finish the curtains, so he offered to come by the next day. My sister then screamed at him: "WHY DID YOU EVEN COME? YOU WERE GOING TO DO ALL OF THIS FOR ME AND NOW YOU DIDN'T DO IT. YOU DON'T LOVE ME, DO YOU?"


The thing is... it took my dad over an hour to drive there and back, and he had already spent part of his day buying supplies to even set that stuff up in her apartment. (Electric screwdriver, curtain rods, etc..) So all in all, he was out from like 8am until 6pm and was exhausted. But no, she could not be thankful. She just screamed at him, and IN FRONT OF HER BOYFRIEND.


I don't know why she is so abusive and manipulative!! Awful human being!! She treats people like trash when they don't do everything she wants. Plus, she didn't even BUY anything. Didn't buy the electric screwdriver, didn't buy the curtain rods, didn't buy the curtains, didn't buy the headboard, etc. etc..


Anyway, it was awkward for me to stand there and watch her yell at him. I was helping my dad out with stuff, and I told my sister to calm down, but she was like, "NO!!!!! HE TOLD ME HE WOULD DO ALL OF THIS TODAY!!!!! STAY OUT OF IT!!!!!!"


Whatever. That's the last time I go to visit her. I can't stand her. I only went because she wanted me to see it before she starts her new job. She was being manipulative about it and I gave in. I shouldn't have.

I've been reading today. Talked with my dad finally. Last week I dreamed that he died! AND so did my sister! I hadn't been able to get ahold of him until today. He called me back. He said he was perfectly alive and all was well. We had a nice conversation. Makes me happy. He's 72. He's not in the best of health but he's plugging along. He lives alone. Sometimes, I wish he didn't.


I am sitting across the table from my friend Cr. She's feverishly doing homework. She's in grad school for occupational therapy. I wrote my penpal an email while I've been sitting here. One of the managers here just ran like a bat outta hell out the front doors to his car. No coat on either. Im wondering if something happened to his daughter or his pregnant wife.


N3 is at his gf's house. Its her birthday. I hope he is having a good time.


My mom and her husband are going to Disney on Thursday. Im jealous. I have zero idea when I'd be able to afford going there again. For a whole month, I have to get the mail and water the plants. That's going to add up quickly!


I've been thinking that it would help if I got a job. But I haven't had one in so long. And last time, I got so confused at all the rules and instructions how to cook this and that. My memory couldn't keep up. Then I think "what about volunteering"? I keep thinking of the humane society for some reason. But then I'd have to deal with them putting animals down. I get so conflicted about this.

Black eye still a hideous mess, and will be for some time. Co-workers recommended arnica, so I picked some up last night.



That's about it. Mood-wise alright I guess. More upset with myself than anything. Being such a klutz and all.


Much

Having a pretty good day! Between exercising today and acupuncture yesterday, I feel more relaxed. I went to the gym and out to dinner with a friend. I am now trying to work on my paper. This is my best week of the month with my hormones and I need to take advantage and live life to the fullest haha. I had some good moments of insight into my brain during my acupuncture session. I guess it's also good for a moment of mindfulness as what else can you do at that moment? I was thinking about my relationships with others and how guarded I can be, almost suspicious at times. This is not healthy and I think comes from some bad experiences being picked on growing up and at work. I need to talk to my therapist more about this and how I could possibly work on my interactions with people.


Sending compassion to everyone!

Glad to hear you got some more sleep Christina. I managed to get some too but was only left with an impression that I was on the enterprise, 1701, with Kirk and crew but no details

Tonight we Did Hatties awful dressing change.

8 inches by 6 inches dressing.

It could be much worse....
more drainage, more bleeding....
Thank goodness it is only draining a little.
How long can she continue?????
She is getting to look emaciated, though not as bad as could be......
she is still eating and drinking.....Hubby's requirements to keep her alive.

sigh
trying a new sleep aid. terry naturally

"anxiocalm"

health food store. supposed to be for anxiety. going to try it tonight.
wish me luck!
bizi

I made it back to church today for the first time since starting my elimination diet. It was really good to be there again. I spent the afternoon babysitting for a church function and now i'm really tired but mostly just so glad I got to do those things. I still have a long way to go but it is getting exciting. I think I"ll be done in 2 months being very cautious so hopefully sooner than that.