Bipolar check-in #43

I’m sorry your husband is prolonging her life , I mean it’s never easy to lose a pet but sometimes the best thing to do is let go.

Let me know how that sleep aide works

It was wonderful. I've really not been out much in the last 5 weeks so a whole day out was so much fun and such a nice change.

I've not found anything yet but I've not been into the high risk foods yet. I've kind of stalled a bit with fruits and vegetables because my body was a little startled to have fiber again. So I'm just going slow and listening to my body as far as that goes. I think I'm going to add in egg tomorrow and after that I'm left with higher risk foods. I'm just going to keep pacing myself and if 3 days isn't enough then I'll wait more than 3 days. I don't want to say I have a problem just because I got sick once on a food I've not had in 6 weeks or longer (some much longer). I don't think I'll hit an allergen until milk or peanut butter. I' am pretty sure about those two and I think I've had every other major group and been ok. I guess we'll see.

At this point it is no longer self control and is more like habit. It's also weird how things have changed. Before I went on this diet I was snacking on rice krispie treats every day. Yesterday I had one and it was gross. I'm not used to sweeteners. Givern my pre-diabetes this is for the best but it was amazing how yucky that felt.

Oh, and ~Christina you asked about alternative pastas. I tried brown rice pasta and did not like it. It wasa weird texture and just didn't taste good. I've lots of other kinds to try though. I'll let you know.

Thanks everyone for your support. It means a lot.

@BirdDancer, I think you're right that she has some kind of personality disorder (most likely BPD in my opinion), but she refuses to see a mental health professional. I can't remember where I mentioned it, but basically, I mentioned a while back that my sister thinks EVERYONE ELSE should see a therapist. She thinks everyone else is the problem.

@~Christina: Yeah, my parents really need to stop helping her out. From my sister's perspective, there is no need to change her nasty behavior if everyone continues to help and support her. I don't even want to go to her graduation ceremony in May because she is so nasty, but I'm probably going to go anyway because it would hurt my parents' feelings if I don't go. So, I'm going because of my parents, not because of my sister.

@Innerzone: Yeah, I'm probably not going to go near her once her graduation ceremony is over with. (As mentioned to Christina, I'm only going because of my parents.) I've tried talking to her about her behavior and I've been giving her numerous chances to cut that sh_t out, but all she says is that OTHER people need to go to therapy. She refuses to go herself. I even asked her if she was willing to go, but she gave me a disgusted look and said, "f_ck no! I don't need it! so-and-so needs it!"

@Moose72: She has no friends besides her boyfriend. She doesn't understand why she doesn't have any. lol.

I had a lovely time with my daughter yesterday. The parting is just so darn hard for me. My heart literally aches each time. I’m going to work on that with my therapist Thursday.

I’m about to run errands including grocery shopping and it’s raining cats and dogs. Uuuggghhh. Forecast for the next four days. We’ll see some flooding for sure.

Still doing well.

Warm wishes to all and hugs to those that are struggling.

Thanks, Christina -- it was near the end of the previous check-in thread. Ran for a bus and ran into a pole (well, a box that sticks out from the pole) with my face. Yanno, as one does. Fell, broke glasses (was able to get fixed!), abraded and big old goose egg. The lot. It's swollen on that side from halfway down my forehead to mid cheekbone. It's gone kaleidoscope colors today.

Being so accident-prone, I've started to wonder about my depth perception. Tried a couple online tests last night, and there does seem to be a problem. I'll have to find out more at an eye test or something, but I had one less than a year ago, so it'll probably be awhile. I do recall being perplexed by a test about it when I was a kid.

@WC -- thanks. The one and only option is to carry on. As well you know! (I am amazed at YOUR perseverance!)

*********
Mr. Robot

Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside.

--The Cure

I'm trying to stay present but it's really hard with this depression hanging over me.

I went for a walk today and all I could think about was the past when my kids were young and life was different. I really miss that time and often go back to it when I'm feeling low. I miss the way things used to be so much, I miss my older son who is working far away, I miss his life used to be.

I try to look forward or at least be in the moment but these feelings of missing the past are overwhelming.

When I'm back at work I think of something else but my thoughts always eventually return to how I miss things the way they used to be.

This depression is such a pain!

I gave up on trying to read my book and returned it to the library today. I just don't have that ability to focus/attention span when stable let alone during an episode. I took another Ativan this morning, but it's wearing off and I'm getting super agitated again. Trying to calm down by listening to music and drinking herbal tea. I'm trying to not let the fact that I can't even read a ****ing book on my favorite subject upset me, but that's not going well. The risperdal/ativan combo doesn't even help me sleep that much. It's better than nothing though.

I'm thinking about going back to group today since I have nothing else to do, but I doubt anyone there will be of much help.

Hi! Just a quick note:

So glad you have made it out!

The only brown rice pasta I actually like is a brand named Tinkyada.
Other than that, it's a no go for me. the Tinkyada is so much better than others, but still doesn't cut it the following day.

Much Love

I am so sorry that you are struggling, Spikes. Does the pdoc know what is going on with this right now? Maybe you should let them know about the SI stuff, just so they know?

Sending you strength and support. You can get through this. Don't give up!!!!

I am so sorry you are having a difficult time.
My heart goes out to you.
Love and prayers for you and for your family.

Got about 6 hours of segmented sleep, which is pretty good. Feeling decent mood-wise and have some energy, so all in all, things are okay.

Going to meet a friend from the hospital for coffee. That should be good. He is a neat guy with schizophrenia who is stopping all his meds. I don't think it is a very good idea. But we shall see. We have this totally insane law in Oregn where, if you prove you can do well off your meds, you can get out from under state supervision. All this does, for the most part, is encourage a ton of people who have no business, in my opinion, stopping their medication to do that very thing. It usually does not go well. Hope it does for my pal.

So I was up right before 9 this morning (went to bed at 2). I wanted to sleep another hour or 2, but I was too hungry. I take thyroid medication and probiotics on an empty stomach, so I had those and spent some time online for an hour before eating (this is my daily routine actually). I ate, then puttered around the internet again until my food settled enough. Slept from like 11:47-1:47 waking up once in between. so...that's like 9hours, right? It wouldn't be so bad, except for the timing of it. (should be sleeping by midnight and waking up at 9). Anyway, I'm up now and going to have my coffee. I feel so unmotivated to do anything right now, but maybe that coffee will help. I dunno. But I'm just so blah! I have a whole list of things to do, including writing a list of things to tell my doctor at my next appointment (in like 2 weeks), and I just don't want to/feel up to doing them (especially the list). Sigh!

Thanks bpcyclist,
I just saw my pdoc the other day and she knows I'm struggling (she upped my risperdal). She doesn't know about the SI stuff, but my therapist does.
Take care

Oh, wow, what a day.
I hadn't been sleeping for quite awhile, so pdoc increased Seroquel from 12,5 to 50mg over this past weekend.

I did sleep the first night (Sat.) and felt a little hung over.
I slept the 2nd night, last night, and I cannot get up and stay up. I am in a fog and just need to sleep. (It's 4pm.)

It's a very high pain day.
I do not feel like I can take my prn pain meds because I am so wiped out on Seroquel.

I can usually tolerate quite a bit more Seroquel, so some of this is possibly mood related.

I have appointments tomorrow and need to get straightened out before then.
I feel like I have been hit by a truck.

I think I am holding the Seroquel tonight.

Love to all!

It's been a long day, but I am finally home and I can relax. It takes a lot out of me to have to go outside of my routine, but sometimes it's just necessary. Just trying to get through the day I guess.

I need help for this restlessness. Propranolol isn't doing anything. And on top of that, I have NOT been able to concentrate on my work. I feel awful about it. I might just ask for a sooner therapy appt to discuss what to do about it since I guess my pdoc is out of the office for two weeks now!! I doubt I'll get in for therapy sooner than my next appt, though, because my therapist is ALWAYS booked up. I guess it can't hurt to leave a voicemail...?

Wish your pdoc wasn't on vacation so you could ask about cogentin.

Does your pdoc have another pdoc cover for him when away?

Any chance your PC doc might help out?

I'm with Nammu and hope someone will prescribe Cogentin asap.

It's my understanding that diphenhydramine can help with some EPSE. I have not thought about this option in ages, so please do check it out with a pharmacist before attempting this one.

My heart goes out to you!

Who is covering for your psychiatrist? Someone has to be. You should absolutely not be forced to deal with two more weeks of akathesia!!!! Please advocate for yourself and get in touch with the covering MD.

I hope this gets resolved soon!!!!

Well, had my coffee and was super productive again today! I looked back at the last time I was like this and it was also a Tuesday (last week). Kinda making a tradition out of this?? lol