[The_little_didgee]

My psychiatrist suspects I had a drug induced manic state when I was 18. When this occurred I was on the max dose of Prozac, 60 mg. When I described what happened (what I remember and what others witnessed) she said it was mania, not brief reactive psychosis like I was once told. I don't disagree with my psychiatrist at all, since my experience seems to fit the description of a manic state very well. My question is about appearing somewhat normal, at least briefly? Is this possible? Apparently I had brief periods where I was coherent, and times where I was completely incoherent.

My psychiatric history is complex and filled with misdiagnosis. I'm trying to piece it together, so I can finally get on with my life.

[fern46]

I had an episode that was psychotic and fit the criteria for mania except it didn't last long enough to be true mania. That could be due to the fact my husband got me help quickly and the heavy dose of Haldol or something similar they gave me at the hospital was so strong I couldn't pick my head up for hours.

Some doctors I have seen labeled me as bipolar and as having experienced mania with psychosis. My current doctors say it was brief reactive psychosis induced by PTSD. I've never had depression though, so my case is even more unclear.

I don't think any doctor can know for sure without giving it time to see if you cycle again. How long has it been since all of this occurred? What meds are you on now?

Why were you on such a high dose of Prozac? It can induce mania. The question becomes whether or not one is bipolar and the med brought out the mania or if one has unipolar depression and the high dose of the med is to blame.

My psychosis was completely incoherent, but my mother had it for days and there were periods when she would snap out of it for a few moments. Something would then trigger her and she would go back to the abnormal behavior.

Personally I think the diagnosis process is a hot mess and the lines between many diagnosis are blurred. The way a practitioner labels me matter to me a lot less than whether or not they can help me to effectively manage my symptoms. Are you symptomatic now?

[The_little_didgee]

Thanks for the reply.

Originally Posted by fern46

I had an episode that was psychotic and fit the criteria for mania except it didn't last long enough to be true mania. That could be due to the fact my husband got me help quickly and the heavy dose of Haldol or something similar they gave me at the hospital was so strong I couldn't pick my head up for hours.

Originally Posted by fern46

Some doctors I have seen labeled me as bipolar and as having experienced mania with psychosis. My current doctors say it was brief reactive psychosis induced by PTSD. I've never had depression though, so my case is even more unclear.

Not having a straight forward presentation is very frustrating. In my experience it delayed recovery, and even caused overwhelming self-doubt.

For years I was misdiagnosed and got not help at all.

One doctor who did an autism spectrum disorder assessment on me, diagnosed me with bipolar disorder, because of my reaction to two antidepressants, Prozac and Cipralex. I never had a spontaneous manic state. About 7 years later I had a period of psychosis that was different. That illness slowly developed over months. I have recovered from it.

Originally Posted by fern46

I don't think any doctor can know for sure without giving it time to see if you cycle again. How long has it been since all of this occurred? What meds are you on now?

This happened 24 years ago, in May 1996. I did have a milder reaction to Cipralex when I started taking it in 2015. My psychiatrist was aware and told me it was a hypomanic reaction to the pills. It lasted about three weeks. My psychiatrist added a low dose of Abilify to help with the agitation, which helped. I'm still on Cipralex, because it helps with my obsessive thoughts (E.g., germs) and behaviors.

Originally Posted by fern46

Why were you on such a high dose of Prozac? It can induce mania. The question becomes whether or not one is bipolar and the med brought out the mania or if one has unipolar depression and the high dose of the med is to blame.

I'm not sure why I was on 60 mg of Prozac. I was really struggling with adjustment problems and was living on my own at the time.

Originally Posted by fern46

My psychosis was completely incoherent, but my mother had it for days and there were periods when she would snap out of it for a few moments. Something would then trigger her and she would go back to the abnormal behavior.

Personally I think the diagnosis process is a hot mess and the lines between many diagnosis are blurred. The way a practitioner labels me matter to me a lot less than whether or not they can help me to effectively manage my symptoms. Are you symptomatic now?

I'm fairly stable even though I am struggling with a bit of a low mood right now. This happens every winter. The restlessness I have been getting has been making it feel worse.

[yellow_fleurs]

I don't know if I can answer your question, but just wanted to add that I had a bad response to Lexapro that my psychiatrist thought was a mixed/hypomanic episode. However, I don't seem to fit the criteria without the medication. I am more inclined to think I had akathisia as another doctor mentioned. My diagnostic process has been confusing so I can relate to that. It's tough not being sure what is going on. I hope you can get some answers and feel better in terms of the low mood.

[The_little_didgee]

Thanks for the reply.

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

I don't know if I can answer your question, but just wanted to add that I had a bad response to Lexapro that my psychiatrist thought was a mixed/hypomanic episode. However, I don't seem to fit the criteria without the medication. I am more inclined to think I had akathisia as another doctor mentioned. My diagnostic process has been confusing so I can relate to that. It's tough not being sure what is going on. I hope you can get some answers and feel better in terms of the low mood.

I have wondered about akathisia as the cause for the second reaction. It probably contributed to how I was feeling. I couldn't focus, and I didn't require my normal 9 hours of sleep. It was odd to feel refreshed after 5 hours. Plus my confidence was high, something I usually struggle with. I liked this experience except for the restlessness and scatterbrain I had.

It is hard for me to let go without having concrete answers, especially after I was misdiagnosed based solely on exclusion. I didn't fit the diagnosis and was ignored and accused of seeking attention. It profoundly hurt me.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by The_little_didgee

Thanks for the reply.


I have wondered about akathisia as the cause for the second reaction. It probably contributed to how I was feeling. I couldn't focus, and I didn't require my normal 9 hours of sleep. It was odd to feel refreshed after 5 hours. Plus my confidence was high, something I usually struggle with. I liked this experience except for the restlessness and scatterbrain I had.

It is hard for me to let go without having concrete answers, especially after I was misdiagnosed based solely on exclusion. I didn't fit the diagnosis and was ignored and accused of seeking attention. It profoundly hurt me.

No matter what, nobody should be accused of attention seeking. I can't imagine what you'd have to be doing to actually have this.

[yellow_fleurs]

That does sound hurtful, I'm sorry. Just because your diagnosis doesn't fit in a box doesn't mean your symptoms aren't valid. I hope you can find someone to take you seriously. On Lexapro I had restlessness/couldn't sit still, and racing thoughts, but was very depressed and feeling very negative about myself. So, some similarities, but there was really nothing positive or enjoyable about my experience. Also, for me it began within hours of taking the first dose which kind of made me think it's more likely to be a med reaction than an actual mood issue, but I'm not certain of that.

[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by Moose72

No matter what, nobody should be accused of attention seeking. I can't imagine what you'd have to be doing to actually have this.

I was misdiagnosed with BPD when I was 16 due to a nasty reaction to Zoloft. It made me very irritable, suicidal and impulsive during the entire 9 months I was on it. This happened in 1994 when BPD was given to patients who didn't respond to treatment. It was used back then to deny access to treatment for stubborn patients. I was stubborn, because kept asking what was going on with me.

Undiagnosed ASD and anger from my ordeal, along with the self-harm(I learned this while in hospital) I experimented with made my personality appear disordered.

Psychiatrists usually minimized my feelings and told me that I was making stuff up. Some even thought I had PTSD from sexual abuse, which I never ever experienced, and had dissociation, which turned out to be from lorazepam.

[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

That does sound hurtful, I'm sorry. Just because your diagnosis doesn't fit in a box doesn't mean your symptoms aren't valid. I hope you can find someone to take you seriously. On Lexapro I had restlessness/couldn't sit still, and racing thoughts, but was very depressed and feeling very negative about myself. So, some similarities, but there was really nothing positive or enjoyable about my experience. Also, for me it began within hours of taking the first dose which kind of made me think it's more likely to be a med reaction than an actual mood issue, but I'm not certain of that.

You are right, but the world doesn't seem to work like that, at least in mine.

My psychiatrist is tired of me going on about this, so I don't bother discussing it with her anymore.

She said something that left a lasting impression on me. It was about the type of illness and interest doctors have that determines if a patient gets treatment or not. If the illness is minor, they seem to lack interest in the patient and will refer or just give up. If it is an interesting illness that is clearly treatable, they will go out of their way to help.

Me, I was blamed for all my problems. I was the root cause.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by The_little_didgee

You are right, but the world doesn't seem to work like that, at least in mine.

My psychiatrist is tired of me going on about this, so I don't bother discussing it with her anymore.

She said something that left a lasting impression on me. It was about the type of illness and interest doctors have that determines if a patient gets treatment or not. If the illness is minor, they seem to lack interest in the patient and will refer or just give up. If it is an interesting illness that is clearly treatable, they will go out of their way to help.

Me, I was blamed for all my problems. I was the root cause.

So its your fault that you're sick? When someone gets breast cancer is it their fault for not having their breasts removed asap?

[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by Moose72

So its your fault that you're sick? When someone gets breast cancer is it their fault for not having their breasts removed asap?

Yes, that is the message I got.

The very last time I went to the Emergency Department was in 2006. The psychiatrist told me that I wouldn't get better and that I wasn't deserving of her assistance. Basically I was wasting her time.

In her opinion I had BPD based on a discharge summary she read from the late 1990s.

After that experience I have vowed never to go to Emergency for psychiatric reasons again.

[Victoria'smom]

Are you seeing a long term therapist? A lot of times they are better help figuring out what is going on. I've had a ton of Dx's from IED, BPD, PD nos, Bipolar 1, general anxiety, bipolar 2, scizoaffective..... It's hard to be med compliant when no one knows what's going on. Currently my therapist and psychiatrist don't agree on my written Dx. I understand wanting a definitive answer but I don't think some of us will get that until psychology and neurology marry and becomes a lot better. I'm sorry.

[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Are you seeing a long term therapist? A lot of times they are better help figuring out what is going on. I've had a ton of Dx's from IED, BPD, PD nos, Bipolar 1, general anxiety, bipolar 2, scizoaffective..... It's hard to be med compliant when no one knows what's going on. Currently my therapist and psychiatrist don't agree on my written Dx. I understand wanting a definitive answer but I don't think some of us will get that until psychology and neurology marry and becomes a lot better. I'm sorry.

My psychiatrist does therapy and is my therapist. I've been seeing her for 8 years. She's helped me a lot, especially with autism spectrum disorder and self understanding. I usually see her once a month. We tried doing more frequent appointments, but it didn't work, because I often didn't have anything to talk about. We would just stare at each other.

What is IED?

[Victoria'smom]

Intermittent explosive Disorder

[The_little_didgee]

A definite answer would help me forgive myself and finally move on. I feel responsible.

My psychiatrist thinks I am obsessed with finding a definite answer.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by The_little_didgee

...

After that experience I have vowed never to go to Emergency for psychiatric reasons again.

I'm so sorry you went through that. I had a similar experience and will never go to the ER for a psych reason again.


Something that's important to note is that the standard BP "you must have mania for 2 weeks or more", etc. is being strongly challenged in the psych community. More and more, BP is showing to have a varying degree of mood changes.

[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I'm so sorry you went through that. I had a similar experience and will never go to the ER for a psych reason again.


Something that's important to note is that the standard BP "you must have mania for 2 weeks or more", etc. is being strongly challenged in the psych community. More and more, BP is showing to have a varying degree of mood changes.

Thanks. I didn't think my experience was unique. Psychiatry is quite dismissive of people who don't easily fit into a diagnostic category.

I'm upset, because I want to forgive myself. I need relief. I need to clear my conscience.

I originally posted this thread because I wanted to determine if I had a manic episode or some kind of psychosis. Something definitely happened. I'm not sure how long it lasted. It took about two months to fully recover.

I'm not looking for a BP diagnosis. I just want to understand what happened when I was 18.

What really bothers is the lack of judgement I had and the things I did. For example I ended up in a situation that was extremely out of character. Something that I would definitely never do.

Guess what? I was blamed for it, for an inappropriate sexual encounter. The guy knew I was sick and took advantage of it. Psychiatry condoned his behavior. I was told it was due BPD. No one took me seriously at all. So it was all my fault. I created all my suffering and the illness.

I was misdiagnosed, but that doesn't relieve my guilt at all.

No one gave a damn.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by The_little_didgee

Yes, that is the message I got.

The very last time I went to the Emergency Department was in 2006. The psychiatrist told me that I wouldn't get better and that I wasn't deserving of her assistance. Basically I was wasting her time.

In her opinion I had BPD based on a discharge summary she read from the late 1990s.

After that experience I have vowed never to go to Emergency for psychiatric reasons again.

@The_little_didgee
When you write "BPD" you mean BiPolar Disorder, correct? I'm not sure if you meant that or Borderline Personality Disorder.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by The_little_didgee

A definite answer would help me forgive myself and finally move on. I feel responsible.

My psychiatrist thinks I am obsessed with finding a definite answer.

I understand wanting an answer, I went through that. I moved away from it though. A definite answer is like an anchor. I am experiencing something that feels more like a dynamic spectrum. I'm focused more now on what is going on for me in the moment and what I can do to manifest the life I want for myself. The answers I was given do not fit. The doctors have admitted to me they are only making educated guesses.

You've been through a lot. The causes are multifaceted and a mix of mental, emotional, physical and potentially even spiritual. No psychiatrist is going to nail that down for you.

I also understand doing things in an episode that are more than wildly out of character and the shame that goes with it. In my case I have discovered that several things were trapped in my subconscious mind from traumas I experienced as a child and they were essentially unleashed while I was sick. I am learning to forgive myself. I am also learning to work with and take steps to heal that trauma so that it has a healthier outlet next time.

It is a strange road to travel when you aren't in control of your mind and then you are told you have to take responsibility for it. I think the best we can do is show ourselves compassion and fight with all we have to find balance and wellness. That's how we make peace with what we've done. Don't wait on others to give you what you can ultimately give yourself. Its a long line...

[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by Moose72

@The_little_didgee
When you write "BPD" you mean BiPolar Disorder, correct? I'm not sure if you meant that or Borderline Personality Disorder.

No, I meant Borderline Personality Disorder. BP is bipolar disorder.

All those years ago I was diagnosed with a mild form of bipolar disorder. I never accepted that diagnosis. It made no sense, plus the symptoms went away when I stopped all my medications.

I'm not looking for a BP diagnosis, just some better understanding of what occurred all those years ago.