Bipolar check-in #43

Wild Coyote · Feb 14, 2020 at 07:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wander

HI to all, and hugs to those who need one. This week I have almost finished all my organising/errands that I wanted to get done before university begins in 10 days. The only things left are potting some plants and cleaning my flat. I have to go slow to avoid making the Fibromyalgia worse. Thankfully, this week it has slowly improved. I have been going for gentle swims in the ocean regularly. I do crash a little after, but my recovery time is improving. My hip injury from a year ago is still giving me grief. Just when I think it's over something triggers it and it flares up again. These physical limitations frustrate me endlessly, and sometimes lead me into despair.

Today I am feeling good mentally. The anxiety that was plaguing me has finally eased so I can now begin tapering down my clonazepam dose. The weather has been hot this week so my tiny little flat without air-conditioning is beginning to warm up. Even the nights are hot so I can't even open the windows then to cool the place down. At least I have fans to keep me cool enough. On Wednesday I saw my T and we had a great chat. The session went 20 minutes over. I hadn't realised the time and my T seemed to be enjoying the discussion. We were talking about my diagnosis, my physical illnesses, and how I think I will go adding 20 hours a week of study to my load. He initially thought I was getting hypomanic as I was talking faster, and changing topics, but I explained I was just happy to be feeling a little better and saw no other symptoms (outside some insomnia) that would indicate hypomania. My mind is running at a normal pace. I think the previous month I have been so fatigued I spoke slowly, and sparingly with my T so now I feel a bit better I am back to normal speech patterns. He ended up agreeing that I am still stable.

Due to being so exhausted this last month(Fibromyalgia) I have not been out much, or caught up with people. I am getting lonely so I have tried to set up catch up with a few people but they say they want to then don't get back to me. Life gets in the way I guess. This weekend I am going to finally catch up with my partner who I haven't seen in 10 days due to him and I being unwell. Fibromyalgia steals so much from me. This massive flare-up seemed to be caused by the severe PTSD I had last year. All that adrenaline and stress finally made me physically ill again. Now I have little stress in my life, eat well, meditate, and do other things to keep me calm and get me strong, I have hope that my body will recover. At least to a degree where I can look for casual work and do well in my studies. The mental fight against despair is constant but I refuse to give in. It has been a long battle to get stable mentally. I am tired from it, but I WON! Now I just need the physical to follow suit and I will be the happiest I have ever been while stable.

It's such a challenge to live with fibromyalgia.

the exhaustion and the pain can both be very overwhelming. We need an optimal number of mitochondria, which give our muscles energy. The only way to increase the mitochondria and to stoke the energy is to exercise. As you know, most doctors suggest we exercise anyway. yet, the resulting fatigue can be crippling, as you know all too well.

I have had some success with using a supplement called D-Ribose. There is a wealth of info on this on the net.

I hope life continues to get better and better for you!

Wild Coyote · Feb 14, 2020 at 07:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

Thanks for always being so supportive. I'm just waiting to see what's going to have with my mouth. I'm strongly considering getting back into therapy. I haven't done it in about 7 or 8 years. I think at this point I'm frustrated enough that it may be beneficial to me. I kind of feel like I'm going to explode from bottling everything up from living with bipolar for 20 years and mostly keeping my experiences and emotions to myself. If that makes sense. But the people in my life probably wouldn't get it, nor want to hear about it. So I'm thinking it'd be a good outlet for me. Of course I know I can always vent here. I know at lot of you here would totally get a lot of it!

I recall you've had a relatively stressful job as a manager. Now I am wondering if your role is, in fact, management. Please forgive me if I have it wrong. It's been awhile!

I think it makes total sense to try a therapist.

How is your son?

Great to be hearing from you!

Feb 14, 2020 at 07:21 AM

I've decided that I am not taking my antipsychotic anymore until I can talk to my pdoc face to face. I can't take this akathisia anymore.

I didn't take my rexulti last night and it looks like I won’t be taking any AP until my pdoc appt on feb 28th (assuming we can even come to an agreement). I am not going to continue playing phone tag with an imbecilic "assistant" who can't even spell propranolol correctly when it's written in my file right in front of her face. That's just plain stupid and inexcusable. Sorry.

Well, at least I have a journal now and I will be journaling myself off this med. We'll see if it's hurting more than it's helping.

So far, the akathisia is a little less if I'm honest. I want to see how things go when I have been off it for 2 weeks. Though, considering my pdoc said that abilify stays in your system for months and rexulti is very chemically/structurally similar, I bet I won't see full benefit until the drug is completely out of my system.

Hopefully my work won't be impacted too much, but I can't take this anymore.

Wild Coyote · Feb 14, 2020 at 07:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I've decided that I am not taking my antipsychotic anymore until I can talk to my pdoc face to face. I can't take this akathisia anymore.

I didn't take my rexulti last night and it looks like I won’t be taking any AP until my pdoc appt on feb 28th (assuming we can even come to an agreement). I am not going to continue playing phone tag with an imbecilic "assistant" who can't even spell propranolol correctly when it's written in my file right in front of her face. That's just plain stupid and inexcusable. Sorry.

Well, at least I have a journal now and I will be journaling myself off this med. We'll see if it's hurting more than it's helping.

So far, the akathisia is a little less if I'm honest. I want to see how things go when I have been off it for 2 weeks. Though, considering my pdoc said that abilify stays in your system for months and rexulti is very chemically/structurally similar, I bet I won't see full benefit until the drug is completely out of my system.

Hopefully my work won't be impacted too much, but I can't take this anymore.

I am so sorry, Blue, that you doctor does not understand the fact that you need to be able to talk with him directly. He's putting you in a terrible spot!
I, too, hope withholding your med will not have any adverse effect upon your life!

Were you able to discuss the possible use of diphenhydramine with your pharmacist?

Thinking of you!

fern46 · Feb 14, 2020 at 07:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I've decided that I am not taking my antipsychotic anymore until I can talk to my pdoc face to face. I can't take this akathisia anymore.

I didn't take my rexulti last night and it looks like I won’t be taking any AP until my pdoc appt on feb 28th (assuming we can even come to an agreement). I am not going to continue playing phone tag with an imbecilic "assistant" who can't even spell propranolol correctly when it's written in my file right in front of her face. That's just plain stupid and inexcusable. Sorry.

Well, at least I have a journal now and I will be journaling myself off this med. We'll see if it's hurting more than it's helping.

So far, the akathisia is a little less if I'm honest. I want to see how things go when I have been off it for 2 weeks. Though, considering my pdoc said that abilify stays in your system for months and rexulti is very chemically/structurally similar, I bet I won't see full benefit until the drug is completely out of my system.

Hopefully my work won't be impacted too much, but I can't take this anymore.

I'm sorry this is happening. I hope the med change helps and doesn't cause any major psyc issues for you. Did you stop cold turkey, or are you tapering? Maybe a reduction could be therapeutic and also reduce the negative symptoms?

I can't remember if it has come up before, but are there other pdocs in your area worth seeing? I know contacting your pdoc with medication issues has been a problem repeatedly. It seems their level of service is a mismatch for your needs. I know you don't want a longer drive, but maybe it is time to consider a change.

Wishing you some much needed relief soon!

Wild Coyote · Feb 14, 2020 at 07:47 AM

Hey ~Christina!
Thinking of both you and Steve today!

Much Love

Feb 14, 2020 at 08:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I've decided that I am not taking my antipsychotic anymore until I can talk to my pdoc face to face. I can't take this akathisia anymore.

I didn't take my rexulti last night and it looks like I won’t be taking any AP until my pdoc appt on feb 28th (assuming we can even come to an agreement). I am not going to continue playing phone tag with an imbecilic "assistant" who can't even spell propranolol correctly when it's written in my file right in front of her face. That's just plain stupid and inexcusable. Sorry.

Well, at least I have a journal now and I will be journaling myself off this med. We'll see if it's hurting more than it's helping.

So far, the akathisia is a little less if I'm honest. I want to see how things go when I have been off it for 2 weeks. Though, considering my pdoc said that abilify stays in your system for months and rexulti is very chemically/structurally similar, I bet I won't see full benefit until the drug is completely out of my system.

Hopefully my work won't be impacted too much, but I can't take this anymore.

Bluebicyle, I am also sorry that it has come to this. Knowing akathisia well, I can say that I would be desperate, too, without proper relief.

I agree with Fern's suggestion to consider lowering the dose of your AP before cutting it out cold turkey. That may help relieve the akathisia and reduce possible withdrawal and/or mood episode relapse. If not, after a couple days...

When you finally see your psychiatrist, he needs to know how you made a major effort calling his office for help and not getting adequate in response. In my book, that would more than justify you taking some action for relief on your own.

Blue_Bird · Feb 14, 2020 at 08:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Sorry you are being piled on with all this stuff at once, Blue_Bird. I hope you get some rest tonight.

Thank you!

Blue_Bird · Feb 14, 2020 at 08:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Oh damn

Wow you are just getting hit from all sides ! I hope the cold clears quickly

and you can get the dental over with.

Thanks!, it's like day 6 of the cold and I guess they generally start getting better around this point on, so hopefully I feel better soon.

Feb 14, 2020 at 09:12 AM

Happy Valentine's Day! I'm sending virtual boxes of chocolates and/or flowers to all. Which ever you prefer.

bpcyclist · Feb 14, 2020 at 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I've decided that I am not taking my antipsychotic anymore until I can talk to my pdoc face to face. I can't take this akathisia anymore.

I didn't take my rexulti last night and it looks like I won’t be taking any AP until my pdoc appt on feb 28th (assuming we can even come to an agreement). I am not going to continue playing phone tag with an imbecilic "assistant" who can't even spell propranolol correctly when it's written in my file right in front of her face. That's just plain stupid and inexcusable. Sorry.

Well, at least I have a journal now and I will be journaling myself off this med. We'll see if it's hurting more than it's helping.

So far, the akathisia is a little less if I'm honest. I want to see how things go when I have been off it for 2 weeks. Though, considering my pdoc said that abilify stays in your system for months and rexulti is very chemically/structurally similar, I bet I won't see full benefit until the drug is completely out of my system.

Hopefully my work won't be impacted too much, but I can't take this anymore.

I don't blame you one bit, blue. Personally, I feel the way you have been treated as a patient in this whole thing is unconscionable. For your pdoc to not have someone covering while he is gone does not meet the standard of care anywhere in Massachussetts, and most certainly, not in Boston--where I once practiced. It is absolutely ridiculous. Personally, I would be looking for a new psychiatrist.

I really, really hope you feel better soon!!!!

~Christina · Feb 14, 2020 at 03:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Sorry to hear about the storms. Tornadoes are always so frightening. I know we never get any beyond an EF3 up here, though, so we definitely don't get it as bad as you do.

I have an online friend who lives in TN and was telling me about how radars and radios work for this stuff. (Or how there are radar dead zones.) Her house almost got hit because she lives in a dead zone and a tornado cropped up between scans as well.

Continue to stay safe

Well we have satellite tv which always goes out during a storm, our cell phones get no service at home so we can’t pull a radar to see what’s going on .. We had a weather radio and not specific to my area just the entire county.

It’s really scary for sure

~Christina · Feb 14, 2020 at 03:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Hey ~Christina!

Thinking of both you and Steve today!

Much Love

Thanks so much

Steve is getting his scans right now

BeyondtheRainbow · Feb 14, 2020 at 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Thanks so much

Steve is getting his scans right now

thinking of both of you. will you get results today?

~Christina · Feb 14, 2020 at 09:33 PM

We have an appt Wednesday.

Since he had the scans and nothing major showed up and we could leave that is a good sign.

But still a worry...

How are you feeling ?

BeyondtheRainbow · Feb 14, 2020 at 09:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

We have an appt Wednesday.

Since he had the scans and nothing major showed up and we could leave that is a good sign.

But still a worry...

How are you feeling ?

I'm so glad that the scan was clear enough to let you leave. That's a good sign for sure. I'm sure Wednesday can't come soon enough.

I'm ok. I've learned to like brown rice pasta. Barilla plus is still better but I can't have it yet. The texture is still weird but not as bothersome as the first time I tried it. I have made it through the egg challenge if I don't get sick tonight. Although if I do get sick it wouldn't rule them out as I ate some at the hospital when I took my mom for her colonoscopy this morning and I suppose they could have had milk in them. Tomorrow I should get to add something else in.

I'm estimating 5 more weeks. I can do that.

yellow_fleurs · Feb 14, 2020 at 10:07 PM

Doing okay! I had a good therapy appointment this week. I went in there and said I wanted to talk about something different (usually I end up rambling about OCD symptoms and such) and she seemed pleased. We discussed my unhealthy habit of internalizing my emotions, and issues with shame, trust and intimacy. Hopefully something I can continue to work on. I realized I developed these habits when I was a child and it's strange to realize the unhealthy patterns I've been walking around with. I guess I sort of knew, but it's different to talk about and get perspective on. I think I got them from my parents, who got them from theirs most likely. Fingers crossed therapy can actually help with these issues.

I will probably be up most of the night with this project that I've procrastinated on. Then getting up early to go plant the spring garden. Sending compassion!

Victoria'smom · Feb 14, 2020 at 10:53 PM

I'm doing good mood wise. English is getting difficult to understand. H and I have resorted to typing to each other. Usually I can understand typing better if I'm having difficulty. I have my headphones on too. They'll suppose to leave me alone for the day tomorrow again but IDK. we'll see if they go tomorrow. I'm hoping they don't

yellow_fleurs · Feb 14, 2020 at 11:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Happy Valentine's Day! I'm sending virtual boxes of chocolates and/or flowers to all. Which ever you prefer.

Thanks BirdDancer! Happy Valentine's Day!

bpcyclist · Feb 14, 2020 at 11:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

We have an appt Wednesday.

Since he had the scans and nothing major showed up and we could leave that is a good sign.

But still a worry...

How are you feeling ?

That is very good news!!!!

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Bipolar check-in #43

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Wild Coyote Legendary Community Liaison Member Since Jun 2016 Location: USA Posts: 12,735 (SuperPoster!) 7 70.9k hugs given	Feb 14, 2020 at 07:47 AM #246 Hey ~Christina! Thinking of both you and Steve today! Much Love __________________ May we each fully claim the courage to live from our hearts, to allow Love, Faith and Hope to enLighten our paths.

~Christina Legendary Wise Elder Community Liaison Member Since Jul 2011 Location: Tennessee Posts: 22,450 (SuperPoster!) 12 12.7k hugs given	Feb 14, 2020 at 09:33 PM #255 We have an appt Wednesday. Since he had the scans and nothing major showed up and we could leave that is a good sign. But still a worry... How are you feeling ? __________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~