Bipolar check-in #43

Feb 22, 2020 at 09:01 AM

Hi Christina. Three years to go from pixie cut to the length in your avatar photo seems quick, in my book. My hair takes forever to grow, except for my bangs, for some reason. The shortest hair that looks OK on me is a short bob. I have had shorter as a teen and couldn't pull it off. My hair is a bob now, but growing. It gets really big with my curls. Your suggestion about pulling it back wet is one I'll try. It does straighten a bit when I pull it back, but hubby says I look like a child, when I do. Not long ago, I went to my psychiatrist's office with it pulled back and he stared at me with an incredibly perplexed look, as if he didn't know me (I've known him for 14 years), and commented about it. I guess my curly hair is something people associate with me. When my hubby got home I mentioned this story. That's when he said the thing about me looking like a child with it back. He said it looks better down.

Your hair in your avatar photo is gorgeous!

Feb 22, 2020 at 09:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Well Zantac was taken off the market there’s a link to it and cancer . I changed to Pepcid and it works well for acid reflux, I also keep tums on hand if I need a bit more.

Why did you stop Latuda? It seems like your likely going through withdrawal even tho you were only on small dose. Did you take it morning or not?

Does your malaise and anxiety hit more before your husband gets home ? Or once he is home?

Does your feeling poorly effect your ability to prepaid meals ? Does your evening become easier as it’s closer to bed time , like skin care , brushing teeth, ect?

Taking your Ativan certainly will help you feeling better , are you okay with using more daily as opposed to just a pen ? What does your Pdoc think? Or is he already gone out of the country now?

I didn't know that about Zantac. Eek! I'll try something else. Last night was miserable. It definitely was heartburn and indigestion. As usual, I feel better in the morning and early afternoon.

I took the Latuda at night. My mood has been fine since stopping it. If there is withdrawal, it's only affecting me physically. I am vulnerable to indigestion/heartburn. Ever since my teen years. Maybe it is anxiety-related. Ativan helps, but I deliberately didn't take Ativan (a prn) last night. It usually starts around 5 pm, before hubby gets home. It has affected my desire to cook. Last night I ordered delivery. The night before just microwaved leftovers, that were a quick meal the day before that. I should prep dinner in the early afternoon, when I feel OK.

Hugs

Feb 22, 2020 at 09:17 AM

bpcyclist, sorry you couldn't sleep last night, but hopefully fern is right that it was just a fluke. I am jealous that you are making some great progress on your book. Since mentioning my book progress I have had total writer's block. Have you already had your bike ride? Me? I'm still lazy in bed, and I am on the opposite coast from you, I think. Hubby and I do plan to walk along the canal after the post office. Coincidentally, he is mailing out a copy of a book he recently finished working on. His has nothing to do with mental illness.

wildflowerchild25 · Feb 22, 2020 at 10:50 AM

I think, I THINK I am starting to feel better. The pink eye is gone after just two days of drops. My throat is no longer sore. I’m still having intense sinus pain in the middle of the night after the Sudafed has worn off but I’m hoping that will die down as I continue the antibiotics. I’m still completely exhausted too but I know it can take time to build up your energy after being sick for so long. I’m going to rest today and tomorrow and then hopefully by Monday I’ll be able to go to work and not want to die lol.

Feb 22, 2020 at 11:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Such a cluster F Blue

I hope something can be changed. And certainly make sure you question why you have gone through hell trying to get his assistant to do anything to help you. Why can’t he take 5 bloody mins to call you back when you are driven to the edge and needing to stop a meds due to lack of care !

I personally think he's just lazy and doesn't want to deal with people. It's like in the old days where rich people had servants to give them a bath and wipe their own @sses. It's not that they couldn't wipe their own @ss. They just didn't want to, so they paid someone else to do it.

All I know is that it's a damn shame when doctors can't show basic respect or at least attempt to understand someone's situation when that person reaches out for help. But I guess... they're not the ones with the problem, right? It's not them who has to deal with it, so what do they care?

I have a love-hate relationship with my therapist, but she will at least return phone calls herself and offer "crisis" appointments at the end of her workday if needed. (So basically, she will offer to stay longer than normal in order to help a client in need.) My pdoc won't do that. But then again, what do you expect from a guy who won't even return phone calls himself

bpcyclist · Feb 22, 2020 at 11:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fern46

Truth. We are all connected and offering all what we can clearly see is such a huge gift. My writing takes a different aim, but the essence is similar. I'm attempting to level an inverted and disturbed playing field that has been a cesspool of corruption for far too long. I'm not blaming anyone. I just want to offer some insight that will help whoever might want it have the rule book instead of only a select few.

Can't wait to read it.

bpcyclist · Feb 22, 2020 at 11:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

bpcyclist, sorry you couldn't sleep last night, but hopefully fern is right that it was just a fluke. I am jealous that you are making some great progress on your book. Since mentioning my book progress I have had total writer's block. Have you already had your bike ride? Me? I'm still lazy in bed, and I am on the opposite coast from you, I think. Hubby and I do plan to walk along the canal after the post office. Coincidentally, he is mailing out a copy of a book he recently finished working on. His has nothing to do with mental illness.

Wow--it's raining books! I have had writer's block at various times, too. I don't have a solution for it, so I just wait for it to pass. I am sure you will regain the desire to write at some point in the not too distant future.

Yes, I left for my ride at about 6 AM my time. I could only stay out for about 90 minutes because it is absolutely freezing cold here this morning. There was ice on the mutli-use path I ride, which was interesting and not especially safe.

I did not know there were canals in your state, but then, I am only really familiar with Bergen County. I had a good friend wh lived in Ridgewood and I spent a good deal of time there.

I hope you feel better this afternoon!!!

bpcyclist · Feb 22, 2020 at 11:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I think, I THINK I am starting to feel better. The pink eye is gone after just two days of drops. My throat is no longer sore. I’m still having intense sinus pain in the middle of the night after the Sudafed has worn off but I’m hoping that will die down as I continue the antibiotics. I’m still completely exhausted too but I know it can take time to build up your energy after being sick for so long. I’m going to rest today and tomorrow and then hopefully by Monday I’ll be able to go to work and not want to die lol.

Glad you are feeling better, wfc. Interestingly, Sudafed is a prescription item in this state now. An anti-meth measure. Really a hassle for everyone with allergies and cold symptoms.

bpcyclist · Feb 22, 2020 at 11:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I personally think he's just lazy and doesn't want to deal with people. It's like in the old days where rich people had servants to give them a bath and wipe their own @sses. It's not that they couldn't wipe their own @ss. They just didn't want to, so they paid someone else to do it.

All I know is that it's a damn shame when doctors can't show basic respect or at least attempt to understand someone's situation when that person reaches out for help. But I guess... they're not the ones with the problem, right? It's not them who has to deal with it, so what do they care?

I have a love-hate relationship with my therapist, but she will at least return phone calls herself and offer "crisis" appointments at the end of her workday if needed. (So basically, she will offer to stay longer than normal in order to help a client in need.) My pdoc won't do that. But then again, what do you expect from a guy who won't even return phone calls himself

Pathetic!!

Fuzzybear · Feb 22, 2020 at 01:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I personally think he's just lazy and doesn't want to deal with people. It's like in the old days where rich people had servants to give them a bath and wipe their own @sses. It's not that they couldn't wipe their own @ss. They just didn't want to, so they paid someone else to do it.

All I know is that it's a damn shame when doctors can't show basic respect or at least attempt to understand someone's situation when that person reaches out for help. But I guess... they're not the ones with the problem, right? It's not them who has to deal with it, so what do they care?

I have a love-hate relationship with my therapist, but she will at least return phone calls herself and offer "crisis" appointments at the end of her workday if needed. (So basically, she will offer to stay longer than normal in order to help a client in need.) My pdoc won't do that. But then again, what do you expect from a guy who won't even return phone calls himself

Grrrrrrr. I agree its a real shame when doctors can't or wont show basic respect, or attempt to understand when someone reaches out for help. This has happened to me more than a few times

And in ''therapy'' too

Moose72 · Feb 22, 2020 at 02:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Let him sleep there, if he has to work tomorrow let him figure it out on his own since he’s being a big ungrateful jerk !

And plus what I told you in PM

He ended up walking home from her place last night in the dark. I don't think that's safe. See THIS is when he'll declare that he's an adult- when he does stupid shyt.

Moose72 · Feb 22, 2020 at 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

bpcyclist, sorry you couldn't sleep last night, but hopefully fern is right that it was just a fluke. I am jealous that you are making some great progress on your book. Since mentioning my book progress I have had total writer's block. Have you already had your bike ride? Me? I'm still lazy in bed, and I am on the opposite coast from you, I think. Hubby and I do plan to walk along the canal after the post office. Coincidentally, he is mailing out a copy of a book he recently finished working on. His has nothing to do with mental illness.

All this talk about writing books! I only have my blog and that's surely not a book. Its very choppy, but it gets my thoughts down at the time and that's all I really want it for. Still, I'd like to write a book. I've read so many bipolar memoirs lately though - they all start out with a big bang of a bad episode. My pdoc keeps me so medicated to the gills that I have never HAD a "big exciting" episode. Yeah, last May I had a manic episode, and I did write in my blog at the time, but she squashed it with a mountain of Seroquel. I know- I'm not saying I WANT my episodes to be bad, I'm just saying that I'm usually good about catching the episodes myself. Last May, not so much.

xRavenx · Feb 22, 2020 at 02:45 PM

I just find myself reflecting on things. Since I've been stuck in this depressive episode for a long time now, it seems almost like it defines me, if that makes any sense. Also, lately I feel as if I need to be alone again. I wasn't isolating, but things weren't going well. Now, I feel the need to go back into my shell.

I re-start therapy next week with my last therapist, who I only had 2 sessions with and am not 100% comfortable with. I hope she meets me where I am at, because last time it felt like she was pushing me too far too soon. Certain things made me feel invalidated. I guess I need to be more vocal. I'm nervous about therapy, but it is better than the alternative (IOP, drastic med changes when I'm not ready to do so). Hopefully this will all pay off.

Feb 22, 2020 at 04:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72

All this talk about writing books! I only have my blog and that's surely not a book. Its very choppy, but it gets my thoughts down at the time and that's all I really want it for. Still, I'd like to write a book. I've read so many bipolar memoirs lately though - they all start out with a big bang of a bad episode. My pdoc keeps me so medicated to the gills that I have never HAD a "big exciting" episode. Yeah, last May I had a manic episode, and I did write in my blog at the time, but she squashed it with a mountain of Seroquel. I know- I'm not saying I WANT my episodes to be bad, I'm just saying that I'm usually good about catching the episodes myself. Last May, not so much.

Blog writing is wonderful and therapeutic, Moose! I used to write daily in mine, but my writer's block slowed that down, too. It's lovely to attract followers and follow other blogs, isn't it? Blogs are a rich source of information, enjoyment, and other benefits.

My intended "memoir" of course includes stories about my bipolar episodes, but I am reluctant to call it a "bipolar memoir". I look at it as something more than that. Mine will include a collection of stories that I hope will seem like a journey. Hopefully an interesting one.

Moose72 · Feb 22, 2020 at 04:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Blog writing is wonderful and therapeutic, Moose! I used to write daily in mine, but my writer's block slowed that down, too. It's lovely to attract followers and follow other blogs, isn't it? Blogs are a rich source of information, enjoyment, and other benefits.

My intended "memoir" of course includes stories about my bipolar episodes, but I am reluctant to call it a "bipolar memoir". I look at it as something more than that. Mine will include a collection of stories that I hope will seem like a journey. Hopefully an interesting one.

The memoirs I've read usually start out with a bang of an intense episode and then start with the author's childhood re: bipolar. Some are just a time line of each episode and/or hospitalization (like "Madness"by Marya Hornbacher) and some tie in other parts of their lives along with the bipolar aspect (like "Gorilla and the Bird"). Actually, Terri Cheney, author of "Manic", wrote a whole book about her childhood being bipolar called "The Dark Side of Innocence". So whatever your book turns out to be, I think I'd see it as a bipolar memoir- with an added bonus! (Like "Gorilla and the Bird").

Feb 22, 2020 at 05:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72

The memoirs I've read usually start out with a bang of an intense episode and then start with the author's childhood re: bipolar. Some are just a time line of each episode and/or hospitalization (like "Madness"by Marya Hornbacher) and some tie in other parts of their lives along with the bipolar aspect (like "Gorilla and the Bird"). Actually, Terri Cheney, author of "Manic", wrote a whole book about her childhood being bipolar called "The Dark Side of Innocence". So whatever your book turns out to be, I think I'd see it as a bipolar memoir- with an added bonus! (Like "Gorilla and the Bird").

Hi Moose. I guess if the only reason a person would read such a memoir is because it includes stories/mentions of bipolar, then it could be a "bipolar memoir" to them. But if other people read such a book for the pleasure of good storytelling and a life journey, then it need not be.

bpcyclist · Feb 22, 2020 at 05:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72

All this talk about writing books! I only have my blog and that's surely not a book. Its very choppy, but it gets my thoughts down at the time and that's all I really want it for. Still, I'd like to write a book. I've read so many bipolar memoirs lately though - they all start out with a big bang of a bad episode. My pdoc keeps me so medicated to the gills that I have never HAD a "big exciting" episode. Yeah, last May I had a manic episode, and I did write in my blog at the time, but she squashed it with a mountain of Seroquel. I know- I'm not saying I WANT my episodes to be bad, I'm just saying that I'm usually good about catching the episodes myself. Last May, not so much.

I am very grateful for you that you have never had to deal with one of these mega-disasters that destroy our lives--sometimes, forever.

Moose72 · Feb 22, 2020 at 06:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

I am very grateful for you that you have never had to deal with one of these mega-disasters that destroy our lives--sometimes, forever.

I am grateful too! I've almost lost friends with my manic thoughts and flights of ideas.

Jester's Rags · Feb 22, 2020 at 08:42 PM

I’ve been pretty well the past couple of days. A little irritability and anger, but I’ve been able to hold it off. This is something that I’ve had trouble with.

I am experiencing a side effect from one of my meds. I’m going to wait a week more and see if it gets up. I mean it lets up.

Feb 23, 2020 at 12:01 AM

Today the weather continued to improve and so did i. I got in a shower right off and got out to enjoy the sunshine. Two more nice days on the way! Scrabble started out well with some good studying and an advanced play, EULOGIAE, quite unusual for me to make such a clever play. So i was pleased with that. Then i got two stinker games and decided i hated Scrabble. It can be terrific but then again it can be pretty darn awful. But then i watched some animated fractal videos and felt better. I like "Morphy's World" by Authur Sammet the best. It's really science-fiction-y.

Hugs to all who need them!

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Bipolar check-in #43

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