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Default Feb 25, 2020 at 07:45 PM
  #721
Still feeling very depressed and having bad thoughts. Idk what’s wrong with me, This depressive episode is the worst I’ve had in years. I was able to get some cleaning done today so that’s good. I did get my psychiatrist appointment moved up to this Thursday because it wasn’t until March 10th and I need help sooner than that. I went to the crisis center yesterday. Basically it’s just a place at the clinic I go to where you can talk to someone if your feeling bad, and can do activities like drawing, coloring, listening to music, watching Netflix/YouTube on their big tv , have snacks and drinks like coffee tea or hot cocoa. I was honestly too anxious and tense to do any of those so I just talked to someone for a bit. It’s nice to know that’s available though it’s a great thing.

I’m missing my cats like crazy. Thank you for all your replies about them I appreciate it , sorry I haven’t been able to reply to everyone individually but I’m thankful for the support

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Default Feb 25, 2020 at 08:43 PM
  #722
School is closed tomorrow. Just about to take N3's gf home. We are supposed to get a lot of snow tomorrow into Thursday.

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Default Feb 25, 2020 at 09:07 PM
  #723
I went to the pharmacy to pick up meds today and as I approached the counter the pharmacist greeted me by name. I hesitated a brief instant then asked "How did you know it was me?" She said, "I recognised your face." I answered with, "Or was it my bald head?" She seemed to experience a mixture of shock and shame but I laughed. So I think she realised it wasn't something that bothered me.

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Default Feb 25, 2020 at 09:16 PM
  #724
So my pdoc wants me to wait another 5 weeks to find out if the Remeron is working. She doesn't want to change anything until I have been on the increased dose for 8 weeks.

What a pain.

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Default Feb 25, 2020 at 10:22 PM
  #725
Stayed up way too late watching a show yesterday, but somehow didn't feel too awful today as a result. I went to the gym after work and tried out a new class with dumbbells. It made me feel quite good and I am going to try to do it twice a week. I also might do yoga with my friend once a week if our schedules allow. I am pretty tired so will keep this update short. Sending compassion.
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Default Feb 25, 2020 at 10:24 PM
  #726
Still depressed and oversleeping and no energy. Only walked my dog for a few minutes today. It's not enough and i feel like a bad dogmom. Have an intense stomach ache for the second day in a row. From overeating. Have stomach aches more days than not. Have to get off Coke Zero. Studying Scrabble was interesting but playing was awful. I feel really out-of-control. I want to make healthy changes but i also want to make no effort at all.

A big dump of snow is on the way so Winter is not done with me yet.

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Default Feb 25, 2020 at 11:56 PM
  #727
@Blue_Bird: Your crisis center sounds nice. Here we call them drop-ins. I spent many years going to one regularly and really enjoyed it.
 
 
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Default Feb 26, 2020 at 12:04 AM
  #728
Feeling pretty good. I’m still experiencing some mania symptoms. I have my second therapy appointment tomorrow morning. I also have to stop in and get my blood drawn for a Lithium level. You know. Typical bipolar s\*t.

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Default Feb 26, 2020 at 12:36 AM
  #729
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Originally Posted by Blue_Bird View Post
Still feeling very depressed and having bad thoughts. Idk what’s wrong with me, This depressive episode is the worst I’ve had in years. I was able to get some cleaning done today so that’s good. I did get my psychiatrist appointment moved up to this Thursday because it wasn’t until March 10th and I need help sooner than that. I went to the crisis center yesterday. Basically it’s just a place at the clinic I go to where you can talk to someone if your feeling bad, and can do activities like drawing, coloring, listening to music, watching Netflix/YouTube on their big tv , have snacks and drinks like coffee tea or hot cocoa. I was honestly too anxious and tense to do any of those so I just talked to someone for a bit. It’s nice to know that’s available though it’s a great thing.

I’m missing my cats like crazy. Thank you for all your replies about them I appreciate it , sorry I haven’t been able to reply to everyone individually but I’m thankful for the support
I am so glad for you and proud of you that you went to the Crisis Center, Blue_Bird--great job reaching out!!!!!! I wish I had a place like that I could go to when I am really suffering.

It's great that your appt. was moved up. I am sure you guys will come up with a game plan to get you headed in the right direction again soon.

For the first couple of decades of my bipolar experience, I was very depression-dominant. I really, really feel for you. Just do what you can. Try not to set the bar too high right now. Be gentle with yourself. You will get through this. It is just going to take a little time.

Sending you relief and peace and support and love!!!!!!

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Default Feb 26, 2020 at 12:38 AM
  #730
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Originally Posted by Daonnachd View Post
I went to the pharmacy to pick up meds today and as I approached the counter the pharmacist greeted me by name. I hesitated a brief instant then asked "How did you know it was me?" She said, "I recognised your face." I answered with, "Or was it my bald head?" She seemed to experience a mixture of shock and shame but I laughed. So I think she realised it wasn't something that bothered me.
Yeah, I do think one of the consequences of this illness is that our pharmacists get to know us pretty well...

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Default Feb 26, 2020 at 12:39 AM
  #731
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Originally Posted by Scooter9 View Post
So my pdoc wants me to wait another 5 weeks to find out if the Remeron is working. She doesn't want to change anything until I have been on the increased dose for 8 weeks.

What a pain.
I'm sorry, Scooter. Hopefully, it will begin to kick in soon!!!!

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Default Feb 26, 2020 at 12:43 AM
  #732
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Originally Posted by whatever2013 View Post
Still depressed and oversleeping and no energy. Only walked my dog for a few minutes today. It's not enough and i feel like a bad dogmom. Have an intense stomach ache for the second day in a row. From overeating. Have stomach aches more days than not. Have to get off Coke Zero. Studying Scrabble was interesting but playing was awful. I feel really out-of-control. I want to make healthy changes but i also want to make no effort at all.

A big dump of snow is on the way so Winter is not done with me yet.

I've only made 1500 posts but i've given 4000 hugs. I like that!
You're an Olympic-caliber hugger, Whatever. That's a good thing!!

I'm sorry, I can't recall off the top of my head, have you guys made med moves lately? Sorry for asking.

Hang in there. Do what you can do. Don't judge yourself. Your depression is sitting on you right now and expctations must be adjusted.

Sending you support!!!

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Default Feb 26, 2020 at 01:24 AM
  #733
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Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 View Post
Feeling a bit down. Felt a bit down yesterday too, even though it was a beautiful day. Probably just a small blip.


I went to my mom’s house and found the tax document I was missing. I am going to get my taxes professionally prepared this year. Usually I do it myself but I have four W-2s this year. Plus I have my usual childcare tax credit, student loan interest, etc etc. not up to it. Plus I’m always terrified of being audited because I’m not good at keeping paper work around. So yeah. HR block it is. I have to get there soon. I really, really, REALLY need the money. Last year I got a decent amount because I made so little. Thus year I made about the same, maybe slightly more. I have to pay taxes on my disability claim though so idk how much that will be another reason for professional help.


My cat is doing well. Except one of them, I’m suspecting the cat who had surgery, is vomiting. I keep finding it around the house. It’s not that much so I’m not that concerned. The surgery cat has a sensitive stomach and is likely just getting used to his new food.


I have therapy in an hour but don’t feel like going. I never feel like going. I think it’s because I just don’t have anything to talk about anymore now that I’m stable. Plus it’s so late at night. By 8pm I just want to be in my sweats in bed. I did talk her into biweekly sessions instead of weekly sessions so that’s good. I guess I’ll just suck it up and go.


Any chance this is connected to hormonal changes ? I might be mistaken but I think you had a few low days prior to your period in the last few months ?? I dunno just a thought

Oh lord IRS audit We got audited about 5-6 years ago.. I got that letter and almost passed out I was shaking.. we called and ours just was plucked randomly out of the system. It was cleared up pretty quick I mean we are both on disability there’s no extra money anywhere.

When we were working we had a local accountant do ours.

Hope tomorrow is a better day for you

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Default Feb 26, 2020 at 01:29 AM
  #734
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Originally Posted by Blue_Bird View Post
Still feeling very depressed and having bad thoughts. Idk what’s wrong with me, This depressive episode is the worst I’ve had in years. I was able to get some cleaning done today so that’s good. I did get my psychiatrist appointment moved up to this Thursday because it wasn’t until March 10th and I need help sooner than that. I went to the crisis center yesterday. Basically it’s just a place at the clinic I go to where you can talk to someone if your feeling bad, and can do activities like drawing, coloring, listening to music, watching Netflix/YouTube on their big tv , have snacks and drinks like coffee tea or hot cocoa. I was honestly too anxious and tense to do any of those so I just talked to someone for a bit. It’s nice to know that’s available though it’s a great thing.


I’m missing my cats like crazy. Thank you for all your replies about them I appreciate it , sorry I haven’t been able to reply to everyone individually but I’m thankful for the support


I’m so sorry your struggling

I’m thinking the stress of moving even tho it’s a good thing could knock anyone sideways.

Glad you have gotten an appt sooner !

That’s really awesome you have a place like that to go...

Go easy on yourself

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Default Feb 26, 2020 at 01:30 AM
  #735
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Originally Posted by Moose72 View Post
School is closed tomorrow. Just about to take N3's gf home. We are supposed to get a lot of snow tomorrow into Thursday.


Snowball fight? You could hit N3 a few times for him being a big jerk??

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Default Feb 26, 2020 at 01:32 AM
  #736
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Originally Posted by Daonnachd View Post
I went to the pharmacy to pick up meds today and as I approached the counter the pharmacist greeted me by name. I hesitated a brief instant then asked "How did you know it was me?" She said, "I recognised your face." I answered with, "Or was it my bald head?" She seemed to experience a mixture of shock and shame but I laughed. So I think she realised it wasn't something that bothered me.


LOL. that’s funny !

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Default Feb 26, 2020 at 01:34 AM
  #737
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So my pdoc wants me to wait another 5 weeks to find out if the Remeron is working. She doesn't want to change anything until I have been on the increased dose for 8 weeks.

What a pain.


Ohhhhhhh damn 5 weeks ?? Long time, I understand that we get told that and it’s true meds take time but just hearing “5 weeks” would make me nauseous.

Here’s hoping you get relief much much sooner

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Default Feb 26, 2020 at 01:35 AM
  #738
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Stayed up way too late watching a show yesterday, but somehow didn't feel too awful today as a result. I went to the gym after work and tried out a new class with dumbbells. It made me feel quite good and I am going to try to do it twice a week. I also might do yoga with my friend once a week if our schedules allow. I am pretty tired so will keep this update short. Sending compassion.


Good for you !

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Default Feb 26, 2020 at 01:46 AM
  #739
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Still depressed and oversleeping and no energy. Only walked my dog for a few minutes today. It's not enough and i feel like a bad dogmom. Have an intense stomach ache for the second day in a row. From overeating. Have stomach aches more days than not. Have to get off Coke Zero. Studying Scrabble was interesting but playing was awful. I feel really out-of-control. I want to make healthy changes but i also want to make no effort at all.


A big dump of snow is on the way so Winter is not done with me yet.


I've only made 1500 posts but i've given 4000 hugs. I like that!


I’m sorry your feeling rough. Your Doggie will be fine. Think about times it’s pouring down rain for a few days so it’s take doggie out to potty then you both run back inside.

Does your dog like to play fetch or something ? My 2 are mostly sleepy lazy critters, but here and there they will get frisky. Maybe teach yours a neat trick .. thousands of YouTube videos showing easy ways to train your pup , it would be good for you and your baby.

I had a beagle stray we took in years ago, we live way outta town and unfortunately hateful people like to dump dogs , we would wind up taken a few in every year, and find them a home .. But that beagle was goofy, I made a snowball one day and he kept jumping up wanting to play thinking it was a real ball so I threw it and he ran then looked at me in total confusion woof at me and run back I’d make another over and over, I’d make one and hand it to him he would gently take it out of my hand trot a few paces away drop it lean down to I guess bite it and poof gone. He had lots of fun he barked every time he “ list “ his ball

Congrats on your hug count ! Since I use Tapatalk to come on PC only option I have is a thanks lol

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Default Feb 26, 2020 at 05:34 AM
  #740
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Blue .. your in quite a pickle. But you have an ongoing problem getting your medications handled and treating side effects, then that assistant blowing you off. Youve talked a lot about your T but usually your kind of “ whatever “ about her because you and her seldom agree on your diagnosis which is something I know you struggle with accepting whatever it might be

I understand your hesitant to leave that practice. I know most Pdocs have a long wait list but you can get on numerous ones that accept your insurance and continue with your current providers until then, yeah some Pdocs might have a policy about seeing a T and some surely won’t..

Just over the last month you have no help with a very treatable side effect that got so bad you just stopped taking your Med..

Why willingly stay with providers that just aren’t reliable about providing prompt attention ?
I don't know. Maybe I have a case of "Stockholm Syndrome" (if you will) with my pdoc and his assistant.

Like I said, though, I don't want to have to rebuild my history all over again. That's part of what's frustrating me. I mean, I looked around last night and finally found one possible place that accepted my insurance and didn't require seeing a therapist there, but they had pretty bad reviews. I know that a lot of people are mentally unwell when leaving reviews and thus, a lot of the reviews are crap, but these ones said that they had to report their therapists to the state!! (It was a smallish practice with like 3 therapists and 1 pdoc.) I don't know if that problem has been fixed, and I know the complaints were about therapists rather than the pdoc, but that concerns me. People also said they got erroneous charges to their insurance. (So possible insurance fraud?)

I may have to expand my desired proximity, but I really don't want to have to drive 1+ hours each way just to see a pdoc. I hate driving around here as it is since people in MA are the worst drivers. And going to downtown Boston at a place like MGH is a no go because parking is expensive, limited (i.e., I may not be able to find a spot), and it can take me 2+ hours to get there because of dead stop traffic, even though it should only take 30 mins. And public transportation is just as awful. Getting on a bus or train isn't worth it. Firstly, you have to find a parking at the train/bus station. Secondly, you have to hope there is enough room on the bus/train (otherwise you're waiting an hour or more until the next one comes). Thirdly, you are stuck dealing with public transportation schedules. Like, if you have an appt that ends at 2pm and you get to the train/bus station, you may have to wait until like 3:30pm to get a train/bus, assuming others aren't waiting on line!!
 
 
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