Bipolar check-in #43

I hope you are okay this afternoon now after a bit of sleep??

I had a pretty bad case of toxicity on lithium and was stopped cold turkey. Nothing happened. No episode, nothing. But I assume pdoc adjusted my other meds to account for this, but I can't remember at the moment.

So far, no side effects from stopping rexulti!! And the cogentin is working GREAT!!

I gave my mom her custom shoes today. I left them in my apartment lobby for 15 days in case they had coronavirus on them. (I had read that coronavirus lasts on a surface for up to 9 days, and well, the shoes shipped from China on the 13th.) She loves them and is wearing them!!

I am still leery of my diagnosis. I want to discuss it with my therapist... but after seeing this weird guy in the waiting room who spat on the ground, I am worried about getting sick. He also spat in his hands, rubbed them together, and wiped them on the arm rests of the waiting room chairs!! He was with his mom (presumably) and was shouting profanities. Then he spat in his hands again, once again rubbing them together, and then wiping them on his shirt and pants!! He looked like he was maybe 20 yrs old? Didn't seem autistic or somehow suffering from mental retardation. He paid the front desk with his own credit card anyways, so I assume he is "high functioning." Dunno what was going on, but he obviously had issues!! This is why I am afraid of getting coronavirus from the damn therapy office!

That’s wonderful you can trace what’s causing this mood dip monthly.

Blue, corona virus or no, that's just unsanitary and mostly GROSS!

I just saw pdoc this afternoon. Was a boring appointment. She had a student with her that I'd met before. He was nice and asked appropriate questions. We talked about my taking more Haldol and she wanted to know why and I came up with some reason that I've now forgotten. She had me stick out my hands and tongue to see if they were shaking. I'm not sure which med that's about (am not on lithium anymore), but nonetheless... So we talked about n3 about how he's got a case of the "I'll do what I want"s.


Got some usual bills in the mail today. I assume I got my money today now that I think about it. It usually comes Friday before the first if the first lands on a weekend. I'm still worried that I won't be able to afford something- food or whatever- because I have to pay for my car's registration this month. (March.) Its the birthday present that keeps on giving- pay US for YOUR birthday month!

Been writing back and forth with the head of NOCIRC. Yes, that's what its about- no circumcision. It stands for National Organization of Circumcision Information Resource Centers. When I say "head" I mean she started the whole organization; there are state chapters out there run by people in those states, but she is the head chief. We've been talking about newborns and pain and how I was a preemie when born and had surgery 2 days thereafter. Interesting stuff. Of course, N1 and N3 aren't circumcised. Just wasn't something I thought they aught to go through- surgery as newborns. And all is fine-and-dandy. Of course, N1 one of these years might do away with her boy parts and that's okay. Okay- how did I get on this topic? Oh yeah- emails....

Here is an article on pain and the newborn and fetus. (Including preemies.)Very interesting. Pain Assessment in Human Fetus and Infants

Thanks everyone

I do feel some better today thankfully , the Xanax really didn’t help, I just curled up in bed , took me almost 2 hours to fall asleep still had that damn feeling...

I feel a bit better today but still it’s around just certainly not as intense ... meh !

I don’t get that often but I have some pretty major life issues going on so.. I’m not surprised this happened.

Hope everyone is having a good day

I'm glad you could sleep.

Well I had my hopes up that this new internet service I ordered that suppost to work better in rural areas ,, F’ing Nope. The WiFi from it works on our phones only.. but all it does is buffer streaming ... We simply do not have enough cell signal. So we are unable to save any money.

We had hopes it could work so we can cancel our current satilite TV service, internet and go to streaming , get a fire stick , and antenna to get our local channels

But , no . I should have known better.

So we are stuck with what is basically dial up speed, I’m still stuck if I need to make a call , my phone must sit for 5+ mins on my night stand at a certain angle and must be on speaker phone. My husband and I have the same phone but his won’t.

Just discouraged.. since there are only a handful of people on a long road so no cable company will ever run anything to us, it makes no financially sense.

So everyone please enjoy streaming for me

@~Christina There's always DVDs or Blueray.

Christina that sounds frustrating! In our current society internet is kind of just part of being connected, and needed for a lot of things, so it's got to be difficult to be in an area where there's not good access. Maybe they'll be some future advances to the way internet is delivered so it won't matter if you are in a more rural area. Also, sorry you had a rough night last night, hope tonight is better.

I did something ill-advised- I took a 2-hour nap- late too. Now im hoping I'll be tired in a couple hours.



ETA: Not tired yet and its 10-to-9:00

Alright, so on thinking about the situation I think I need to mostly give up caffeine. It lifts my mood and helps me focus and I love coffee, but I think I need to commit to this. I think I can allow myself to have a cup of green or white tea once a day or so, but other than that it's too much. I realized it's probably causing a lot of my irritability, anxiety, inability to sit still and that it's like an uber mild version of how I felt on Lexapro. I honestly think there's something unusual about how I react to and/or metabolize things. Anyways, I'm already feeling sluggish, yet less on edge and so I think this is going to be worth it. Trying to replace it with eating a good breakfast and exercising more for an energy boost. I went to a tea shop near me and got a green tea. My plan is to get different teas I like so as to encourage myself to try them out instead of coffee. I am going to yoga tomorrow with a friend. I haven't been in a long time, so I'll probably struggle, but hey it's a first step. Hope everyone has a great weekend!

I’m glad things seem to be calming down, and I hope the feelings don’t get worse again. Sounds like it was awful. Sending calming vibes.

Well I crawled through University yesterday. The unit seems awesome (Digital Journalism) but my body barely made it home. My heart raced, I was dizzy, pain levels high, and my brain felt like it was being crushed. The efforts of this week has made my fibromyalgia worse. Upon returning home I curled up in bed but couldn’t sleep. My stomach was in knots so I ate little for dinner. I took some seroquel and thankfully slept nine hours.

This morning I felt like I’ve been hit by a truck. At least I have nothing on today besides a little study. My physical state is discouraging, and very uncomfortable but I plan to push on. Next week on top of uni I have a few appointments as well. It is going to be a challenge. All I can do is push through and hope it eases up soon. I will take rest breaks as often as I can. I have a few more weeks to decide to pull out of some units if I need to before I am financially or academically penalised. I will wait it out. I really enjoyed my classes so I hope I can keep going.

My stress levels are immense. My stomach declares this. I have to be careful as despair creeps in fast at times. For now though I have two days rest.

Yeah we have bought tons of DVD over the years. We are just stuck paying far to much to Dish for TV and internet with ridiculous date limit. 5gb per month, it just runs dial up speed.

I went to HR block today and filed my taxes. It was SO much easier to just watch someone do it for me rather than do it myself. It was expensive, but I will be able to pay for it with my return so it was worth it. I got enough back that I will be able to make some big payments toward my cat debt and pay off my two low credit cards. And I will be able to buy myself a treat - an air diffuser with essential oils. We have one in my classroom and I love it. I’ve been holding off getting one for a couple of months because I couldn’t afford it, but I will treat myself when I get my return. Otherwise, the money is going straight into savings to keep me afloat for a few months. I have gotten my spending down so much. There were days this week that I spent not a penny. I always used to buy breakfast and lunch but now I pack those things. Sometimes I go and get a drink but a large Diet Coke from McDonald’s is only $1.00 so I don’t feel that bad. I’ve also been cooking more so we don’t go out as much. Things are all coming together finance wise, thankfully.

I don't feel well, but I'm questioning the reality of my emotional state. Is it what it seems?

It's not light yet, but the night has passed since my last post. I'm up early because I'm helping my sister move today. So, joy of all joys, I get to drive in the San Francisco Bay Area. Can you say tension and anxiety?

What is stressful about going to San Francisco? Is it the traffic or is it a long drive?

I hate driving long distances myself, especially in traffic. I find it stressful since most people here are bad drivers, hence the name "Massholes."

Nevertheless, I hope the move goes smoothly. Maybe it won't be so bad when you get there? I find that I build up a lot of anxiety before an event and I start thinking that everything is going to go wrong, but everything ends up okay in the end.