Bipolar check-in #43

Here's a new one to re-start the count.

Here Bizi to answer your question from old thread I copy pasted



I think my sleep improved when I realized I was slacking on coping skills kind of across the board.

I really was spending too much time online..

I just focused more on what my body needed more.

Will this sleep last ? Very doubtful, insomnia is just part of my life but I’ll enjoy it while I can

I just took a Xanax and melatonin nightly.

I am not ready to trust CBD oil yet.. there’s virtually no regulations on quality yet and honestly I’m tired of the hype that’s it’s a cure all for everything under the sun. I think it will be helpful... I have too many major health problems that I am concerned about interactions for.

I am lucky my Pdoc is fine with my bring on Xanax but the company is trying to push going benzo free .. so I try not to think about that too much. He’s will soon retire in a few years and I wonder if the new “ Dr Graves” will understand benzo’s are okay for some people.

@~Christina

Have you tried to set your bed time in a ritual.

off computer 10pm

such and such time to wash face and brush teeth.
take meds
11pm bed time lite reading 1130 lights out. what does your hubby do? what is his routine?
just curious.
bizi
Ear plugs have helped immensely!

I have sort of a bedtime ritual. Watch Colbert's stand up, then get ready for bed. Watch Seth's stand up then go to bed with a couple cubes of cheese, take my meds eat cheese and read for up to an hour then turn the lights off. More or less works. My cat comes with me and tucks me in, then when I open my book he goes off to play. On weekends I watch PBS on Saturday and Sunday I go to bed an hour earlier and read longer. On good nights I can rest after lights out and fall asleep on bad nights I toss and turn. On really bad nights when the bed turns to stone I get up and read and go online. But mostly after lights out I try to stay in bed.

Having a set bed time actually causes me anxiety. As a child about age 6 I learned to fake sleep. My mom would catch me awake and I’d be yelled at and get a whipping.

I have a pretty complex bedtime routine brush floss and skin care..I shower every night. Take a Xanax and melatonin .. Then I read for a while , I often lose track of time when I fall into a book. Then I will either sleep or not. Lately I’m sleeping well it won’t last but I’m going to enjoy the hell out of it haha

My husband is pretty good routine bed 8-10Pm and up 5-7am, he takes trazadone and it knocks him out and has for years, I call him light weight. Last night his neuropathy pain was terrible and he didn’t fall asleep until close to 5am.. I finally fell asleep about 630 and got up close to noon.

He uses oxygen at night and I thought it was going to drive me nuts but it’s got this kind of beat as it concentrates the oxygen, it’s soothing

Unfortunately since neither of us can work it really doesn’t much matter when we sleep.

I sleep better the less amount of time I think about it , if that makes sense lol even my T and Pdoc feel specific bed times just won’t work.

It's quarter to 1am here right now. I'm not on my tablet, but obviously on the PC. Tablet before bed seems to make me insomniac for awhile. Unfortunately, I can't seem to consistently break the habit if say my husband is on the PC late at night or I just don't want to get out of bed.

I'm too tired to type out my routine, but this actually reminds me I still have one more thing to do before bed. I'm watching Home Alone right now though. hehe

My sister begged me to visit her at her new apartment yesterday with my parents and her boyfriend. What a nightmare! I don't know why I even went. It was awful in so many ways. For example, my dad partly came down to help her out with setting up curtains and her headboard for her bed. My dad had been working from like 2:30pm until 6pm setting everything up because the headboard's holes didn't align with the bed frame's holes, and the curtains were being a pain. Well, at 6pm, my dad said he was tired and couldn't finish the curtains, so he offered to come by the next day. My sister then screamed at him: "WHY DID YOU EVEN COME? YOU WERE GOING TO DO ALL OF THIS FOR ME AND NOW YOU DIDN'T DO IT. YOU DON'T LOVE ME, DO YOU?"

The thing is... it took my dad over an hour to drive there and back, and he had already spent part of his day buying supplies to even set that stuff up in her apartment. (Electric screwdriver, curtain rods, etc..) So all in all, he was out from like 8am until 6pm and was exhausted. But no, she could not be thankful. She just screamed at him, and IN FRONT OF HER BOYFRIEND.

I don't know why she is so abusive and manipulative!! Awful human being!! She treats people like trash when they don't do everything she wants. Plus, she didn't even BUY anything. Didn't buy the electric screwdriver, didn't buy the curtain rods, didn't buy the curtains, didn't buy the headboard, etc. etc..

Anyway, it was awkward for me to stand there and watch her yell at him. I was helping my dad out with stuff, and I told my sister to calm down, but she was like, "NO!!!!! HE TOLD ME HE WOULD DO ALL OF THIS TODAY!!!!! STAY OUT OF IT!!!!!!"

Whatever. That's the last time I go to visit her. I can't stand her. I only went because she wanted me to see it before she starts her new job. She was being manipulative about it and I gave in. I shouldn't have.

I don't blame you, blue. Her behavior is just completely over the top. I am so sorry for you and your dad.

Your poor dad!!!!!!!!!!
I can't believe she said that to him!!!!!!
How awful.
shakes head......
bizi

Blue I'm sorry you had to witness that. But now that she's out of the house your dad should get some respite. Gees what an ungrateful little witch

Just taking the day to rest. Nothing else to really say

bluebicycle, I'm not sure what could help stop your sister from saying such things. I can tell you that if she was my daughter, I'd likely tell her that I love her, but I detest her behavior and that she'd better stop that nonsense. At some point she will have to be told that, by someone.

Does she have a personality disorder, by chance? Or if something else, she really needs some therapy. Preferably with some family input.

Blue, I totally could not deal with your sister's behavior. Imagining myself in the situation... me:"WTF is your problem, you ever-ingrateful *****?!" Her:"stay out of it!" Me:"Let me know if you ever decided to get your **** together and grow the **** up. Till then, that's it. I'll have nothing to do with you. There. I'm out of it.". Aaaand walk.

You're far more patient than me. My heart goes out to you Blue, it really does.

*********
Mr. Robot

Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside.

--The Cure

Blue, your dad is helping out of love but he should kunderstand that your sister isn't going to change. He needs to take care of himself first. And so do you. You've been so patient! I commend you for not blowing up at her. Seems she will yell and scream at people no matter how they treat her. Im surprised that she (presumably) has any friends. Sending healing vibes to you and your family.

I've been reading today. Talked with my dad finally. Last week I dreamed that he died! AND so did my sister! I hadn't been able to get ahold of him until today. He called me back. He said he was perfectly alive and all was well. We had a nice conversation. Makes me happy. He's 72. He's not in the best of health but he's plugging along. He lives alone. Sometimes, I wish he didn't.

I am sitting across the table from my friend Cr. She's feverishly doing homework. She's in grad school for occupational therapy. I wrote my penpal an email while I've been sitting here. One of the managers here just ran like a bat outta hell out the front doors to his car. No coat on either. Im wondering if something happened to his daughter or his pregnant wife.

N3 is at his gf's house. Its her birthday. I hope he is having a good time.

My mom and her husband are going to Disney on Thursday. Im jealous. I have zero idea when I'd be able to afford going there again. For a whole month, I have to get the mail and water the plants. That's going to add up quickly!

I've been thinking that it would help if I got a job. But I haven't had one in so long. And last time, I got so confused at all the rules and instructions how to cook this and that. My memory couldn't keep up. Then I think "what about volunteering"? I keep thinking of the humane society for some reason. But then I'd have to deal with them putting animals down. I get so conflicted about this.

I’m sorry you and your dad had to put up with those shenanigans. Distancing yourself seems like it would be a healthy thing to do. There’s no sense in that kind of behavior.

HI Blue,

I am very sorry you had to endure that again. What a disappointment.

I know you love her and you keep trying and I find your devotion remarkable and commendable.
Ii think your sister realizes you love her and you will keep trying. It is important she does know you love her.
As others have mentioned, maybe you can save yourself some pain and get a message through to your sister by not giving in to her?
It does not mean you are giving up on her. It just means you are wanting to be treated well/right.

Your sister has not seen anything change. No matter what she does, people show up to help, to support her.
What if people stopped showing up? Might she get the message then?

She is not going to "get it," the fact that people are fed up, until they ACT fed up.

I know you know all of this. You are very intelligent. it is difficult when it concerns a family member. I think it is even more difficult because there are only two sisters. If you had another sibling to talk with, it might be easier to take a hard line with her.

No matter what you decide to do about this, I am here for you anytime!

Well, got about 8 hours of sleep last night--continuous sleep. Just weird. Never would have thought I was capable of that. Maybe it is just a pleasant blip. Whatever, I'll take it.

I do think the Depakote has been really key, as I reflect on all this. But it makes me wonder, this recent 3ish month recurrence was mostly mania with a ton of psychosis. Thorazine did not do squat. Abilify at 25 did not prevent it. Does this Depakote benefit mean my mania caused my psychosis, and when the mania got better, so did the psychosis? What is the relationship between mania and psychosis exactly?

Anyhow, just sort of trying to understand what happened to me. But it doesn't really matter, I guess. Drive myself nuts trying to figure this all out. I am better and that is what matters.

Sending everyone love and hugs!!

I know several people who get a lot out of volunteering at animal shelters. We have a few shelters with policies of no euthanasia. I wonder if there are any near you?

I try to identify topics/activities which really get me excited. I then try to spend my time on those things/in those places.

Is there some other type volunteer activity you might find boosts your energy?

It's great you have friends at the coffee shop, etc..

Much Love to you and to yours!

It must feel great to be getting some sleep!
I had my first night of sleep in a very long time, just two nights ago. It meant I'd have to increase the Seroquel dose, which I am not too happy about. I have gained weight on it. Uggh! I am grateful for sleep now.

I find your question re: the relationship between psychosis and mania quite interesting. I have never thought of it in this way, yet it makes sense.

Depakote! I have a love-hate relationship with it! Sometimes, I have really needed it. Other times, it wipes me out.

I appreciate your presence here. You offer a great deal of support to all of us!

Much Love