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Default Feb 14, 2020 at 10:02 PM
  #21
I ate cold food today I have my headphones on life's too loud. I hate being isolated.

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Default Feb 15, 2020 at 11:51 AM
  #22
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Originally Posted by Miguel'smom View Post
Oh no, I'm sorry for months I thought I was going to be arrested any second even though I have not done anything. I was scared out of my mind. So if it's not a contamination issue my issue would be something else.

UGH. I'm so sorry you have to experience that kind of mega-anxiety. I have it, too. Is it a part of delusional psychosis?

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Default Feb 15, 2020 at 01:06 PM
  #23
Pdoc and T don't call it anything they just note it. The closest my T got to naming it was asking if paranoia is isolating. I'm guessing it's psychosis but it's hard for me to label it that because I'm able to function "normally" while having these types of thoughts. Yes they definitely impair my life but only my husband knows something is up with me often he doesn't know what it is until a couple of weeks in. I'm good at hiding so I'm not sure if it's full psychosis. I often have the wrong affect so I can be terrified and laughing and joking. I'd be one of those people that "We never knew anything was wrong.". So that makes treatment that much harder.

Come to find out the other day, my husband wanted me hospitalized during that episode but didn't want to violate my trust so he didn't say anything. So he's glad that the fear of jail is gone.
Possible trigger:
which was a possibility with that particular thought. The fear made me not post on PC for awhile. which never happens. I get quiet but I'm here every day. So it was really bad now I have to explain it to pdoc and she wont be happy.

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Default Feb 15, 2020 at 01:09 PM
  #24
I'm sorry you're experiencing that. It sounds scary. I can kind of relate and wondered at one point if I had psychosis, but now I am starting to think this has more to do with past experiences and my mind throwing out fear-based reactions that are out of proportion. It's almost like OCD/fear/trust issues all mingled into one for me, if that makes sense.
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Default Feb 15, 2020 at 03:00 PM
  #25
Yes, I understand the fear/anxiety thing. Makes me feel like I'm crazy going crazier.

I'm so glad you're posting, MM. I hope you are feeling supported by us, and I sure do appreciate your openness.

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Default Feb 15, 2020 at 03:40 PM
  #26
Quote:
It's almost like OCD/fear/trust issues all mingled into one for me, if that makes sense.
that makes perfect sense. Right now for me it's OCD/Fear mix then trust because I don't feel I'll purposely be contaminated but I've definitely had the mix of all three.

Quote:
Yes, I understand the fear/anxiety thing. Makes me feel like I'm crazy going crazier.
The feeling of going crazy is scary.

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I'm so glad you're posting, MM. I hope you are feeling supported by us,
I always feel supported by you guys, even when I don't trust people IRL I trust people here.
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I sure do appreciate your openness
I always try to be as open as I can. I know I'm on the less functional side of the spectrum but there's others that can't be as open for whatever reason. Here is the only place I don't have to be all put together. The way I see it is if I'm open I can encourage people to find a treatment team that is capable of helping them even if it's your 1000th try.

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Default Feb 15, 2020 at 03:59 PM
  #27
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Originally Posted by Miguel'smom View Post
Hep A vaccine.
My doctor mentioned it to me a while ago because it was going around up here, but i told him i rarely eat out. Actually now i rarely even GO out. But i am kinda oldish.

It was in the news more last year or so. I havent heard much lately. Is there any danger in getting the vaccine? I get all the old people vaccines - i have a sore arm for a while, but otherwise they dont bother me. I HATE being sick, even a LITTLE uncomfortable. If anything really bad ever happens to me, idk. Unless i can ride it out sleeping.
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Default Feb 15, 2020 at 04:06 PM
  #28
s there any danger in getting the vaccine? No there's no harm in it. Just cost and explaining why I want it.

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Default Feb 15, 2020 at 11:02 PM
  #29
It's funny because every therapy week, I want therapy weekly. On off weeks I never want to go back. I'm still wearing my headphones today but my understanding today is better. I really haven't have overwhelming worry of getting sick. I'm cautious today but I had a couple of chips. I'm not fully confident to have uncooked food but I will get there, soon. My family keeps sending me things about the flu, and other virus and I want them to stop but I don't know how to tell them nicely without them worrying about me. The know I have bipolar, they don't agree. They feel my problems are due to my husband and poverty (which is also my husband's fault). They know I use to have bad coping mechanisms but they view it as teen angst.

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Default Feb 16, 2020 at 03:31 AM
  #30
So I'm going out with my mom tomorrow. possibly contaminated food/drink will be a part of it. I'm nervous. I can bring water but eating there is going to be a requirement. Why does this have to be so hard? It's like a fairground food so the risk is high. I'm confident I can act normal and internally freak out. I can't bring my own food/hand sanitizer any suggestions for tomorrow?

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Default Feb 16, 2020 at 08:28 AM
  #31
Hi ^^ I hope you are getting stronger regarding that issue. I'm a molecular biologist so I might think I can help you with some motivation to overcome "contamination" phobias.
Tell me, how did it start in first place?
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Default Feb 16, 2020 at 05:46 PM
  #32
There was a comment on facebook and it spiraled from there.

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Default Feb 17, 2020 at 07:15 PM
  #33
How do you convince yourself your food and meds are not contaminated? That you'll get sick without them?

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Default Feb 17, 2020 at 08:21 PM
  #34
I would do the analysis and review the numbers. I'd estimate how many meals I've had that didn't make me sick and how many doses of meds worked out ok. Then I'd write down how many times I've actually gotten sick and was able to prove it was my food or meds to blame.

Then I'd be able to show myself that contamination is very statistically unlikely.

After that, I'd revisit any time a med or food had actually made sick. I'd remind myself that while it was uncomfortable, I made it through and I'm ok.
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Default Feb 17, 2020 at 10:39 PM
  #35
I ate because that would look really bad tomorrow. We're going to be out all day tomorrow and I was told I could eat today or eat tomorrow but I have to eat. Depending on how my appointment goes I'm going to see if my T can see me weekly at least for a little.

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Default Feb 18, 2020 at 02:27 PM
  #36
Saw pdoc she raised my lexapro. She told me the cotaminiation issue is anxiety not paranoia. She thanked me for being so open. My husband said the not understanding English is anxiety. I see her in two months.

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