Strategies for dealing with/coping with anger?

Hi everyone,
I was wondering if your therapists or pdocs have taught you or told you about any strategies for dealing with/coping with anger?

respect (and hugs) to all

None of my therapists have taught me strategies for dealing with anger, but I have learned on my own that you always need to make a healthy outlet for that anger. Always. If you don't make a healthy outlet, then you're just a balloon that's constantly inflating and will eventually burst when you least expect it.

Personally, I dislike breathing exercises for anger because they don't help me, but for some people, they are a godsend. So, it doesn't hurt to try a few breathing exercises to see how you like (or don't like) them. They're quick, easy, and free to do.

What I do like to do for anger is find an activity that fully engages my brain. For example, exercise, playing guitar, reading along with an audiobook, or watching movies/videos. Basically, pick something that utilizes two or more senses at once.

Finally, you may find it helpful to physically write out, talk out, or type out what is irritating you. So, you can do that via this forum, journaling, someone you can confide in, etc. etc.. Though, if you're journaling, you might like to also list the positives of your day at the same time so that you're not constantly dwelling on the negatives. (When you're talking with others, the other person (or people) will typically help you engage in therapeutic things to calm you down, but when you're journaling, you're kind of on your own, so try to write down some positives while you're seething. In fact, for every negative you write, write one or two positives.)

This is a helpful thread, fuzzy! Thanks for starting this for all of us to share!

I am glad Blue has reminded us that not all therapist teach skills. Some do though! I think I have been self-taught, too.

I am sure you have heard of "DBT," as it is mentioned here often.

I just found this on PC!

It is a DBT strategy for coping with anger. I found it helpful to me as I read through it.

I used to deal with my anger and my anxiety through exercise, playing sports, running every day. I cannot do those things now. I can go for walks out in the fresh air and I can do this out in nature, where I enjoy some serenity. Now, I have to find some new strategies and to be honest, I stuff my anger much more often than is in my best interest! So, I am finding this thread very helpful!

5 Steps to Change Feelings of Anger | Dialectical Behavior Therapy Understood

Thank you, Fuzzy!

This is a good thread. Unfortunately I have nothing to add/share. I do get into a rage and do not have a plan to get out of it until I find I have hurt myself. It's a drag for me and those around me but I just do not know how to lift myself from anger. Perhaps I can find myself a solution here.

For me, identifying my most common anger triggers is the 1st step I use in dealing with it. Obviously, there are things that happen that are unplanned. In those cases, sometimes I manage to curb it quickly, and sometimes not so much. In terms of identification of triggers, here are a couple examples of how I deal:

Trigger (car traffic frustrations): This is inevitable around where I live since I'm from a densely populated area with several aggressive drivers, including myself. Since I know something could piss me off, I say "BirdDancer, there will be a driver who does something ridiculous and plenty of aggressive people. What's the point in getting too angry since you know they're out there. Let them go. Be patient. They're stressed, too. Put some music on and "car dance". Maybe you'll entertain them, too.

Trigger (Dad's and Hubby's annoying antics): "BirdDancer, you know they've always been like that. They're never going to change. Why persist in getting angry? Do your own thing. If you can laugh about it, laugh. You definitely have annoying traits, too, and they put up with them.

Trigger (clumsiness): I know that breaking objects is inevitable for me. It's likely from medications. I can either scream and cry when it happens, or instead, laugh. Or if I can't laugh, just stand for a moment and breathe. Then start cleaning it up and move on. If it's really bad, ask hubby to help. He knows you and your clumsiness."

Trigger (airports): I try to convince my husband to choose destinations that involve the least amount of stress. This usually includes picking airports that are small and not so busy, or are less chaotic. Definitely not London Heathrow! Sorry, London! As for coming back to the US to our evil huge airport, it goes back to the scream or cry. Just take it moment by moment. We also got TSA Pre-Check, recently. When we travel more, internationally, we'll go for the Global Entry.

Trigger (travel stress): I've learned that a calmer itinerary with plenty of breaks and time for myself in the hotel to relax, is necessary. I must keep to a set schedule. If it's too hectic, I'm the Tasmanian Devil from Hell and I will get sick!

Trigger (pantyhose): Wear them as infrequently as possible.

Trigger (news): Avoid it when it gets to be too much. Try to do positive things (even small things) to make the world better. I write to my congressmen. I vote. I contribute little amounts to causes I care about. Even $5. Instead of cursing people for littering, I spend an afternoon with hubby picking trash up. Sometimes strangers thank us.

I used to get angry a lot at work because I was under a lot of pressure. I am disabled now. Someday when I can work again, I will try to have a lower stress situation with flexibility.

I am putting in another link. I am a big fan of DBT.
This comes from a DBT self-help site. I have read this site is run by people like us!

Anger Management

I think stripping away the outer shell of the experience of anger and getting down to the root of it is important. Most of the time the anger I experience is a projection of something deeper that is rooted in fear, shame, abandonment, or something of the like. Anger isn't a primary emotion for me. It is a byproduct of not addressing a first cause scenario.

No therapist ever taught me that. It seems to be my pattern after analyzing my anger. I also experience frustration a good bit and it can feel a lot like anger, but its truly different when I take a deeper look.

I cope by being brave enough to recognize the behavior and look at it through as many perspectives as possible. It makes me feel better to know I'm actively trying to work out why I'm making the choices that I do. I still might make the choice to feel anger in the future over the same situation, but I'd rather choose than feel like my emotions are in charge of me.

HI Again, I am reading off and on as I am finishing up some of today's tasks.

I just want to mention the fact that fern has just made what I feel is a critical point about identifying the source of anger. I also agree that anger is an emotional response to an emotion we have felt just before we'd felt anger. fern gave good examples.

There is a "teaching" which says IF you say something three times, the whole class has heard it once. I wanted to follow-up with fern's insight on this and make sure everyone has heard it at least twice, including me. Some days, I am so clueless.

Thanks, fern!

Hi Fuzzy, I'm going to assume that you mean anger that is deep and lingering from old wounds.

From therapy I have learned that when someone is angry they need to be listened to. They need to be heard. Not 'told', not even 'fixed', but heard.

Mindfulness breathing/mindfulness meditation is an effective way for some people to manage anger that might become explosive and go out of control.