What is wrong with me?

I am highly agitated and just went ballistic on my wife for messing up at the pharmacy. I told her and gave her a picture of the one med she was supposed to pick up. The pharmacy had another one I didn’t need and have been trying for a month for them to take it off my account.
So she goes and picks up two meds and pays $55 when I told her and sent her a picture that it would be one med for $15. She didn’t think to question it. This other med I get mail order for 3 boxes for $60. Then she pays $40 for one box.
I know I can have a sensitive trigger at times but she constantly does stuff without thinking. It just triggers me that I have to do most things or hold her hand but she always screws up. When my mood is already on edge I just explode. I am tired of always having to handle everything because she never gets it right. I think she does on purpose just so I will do it. She knows my triggers and exploits them.

I'm sorry you're having a rough day. I know how you feel- at leadt I know how it is to be fed up and frustrated. Give yourself some time and space to let this blow over. Hopefully you'll feel better.

Well you have been under a Enormous amount of stress with job change.

If you truly think your wife does things on purpose then I of course would say couples counseling.

But honestly I think you need to write down a list of all the chores and things that need done each month and divide them. If she’s messing up getting your meds at the pharmacy then you just be responsible for getting them and she can do something else.

There are certain things that my husband just doesn’t do well , like grocery shopping, if he goes and has a list sure he will get that stuff but he will toss in 20-30 dollars worth of junk we just don’t need .. so basically I do all the shopping, he’s welcome to come along but he won’t waste money on junk if I’m there

He takes care of most everything outside , mowing the yard , bushhogging our acreage, he fixes the car and truck , oil changes , washing them etc.

I do most everything inside , cook clean , grocery shop, pick up our meds they are at different stores, but I know all his meds, I schedule doctor appts and tests .. If the tv or internet or cellphone are problems I am who calls and waits on hold because he simply has zero patience for any of that.

He handles the bills, all but 2 bills are set up to auto pay each month and those two I take care of , he checks our bank balance daily to make sure it’s right

So maybe you both need to sit down and pick chores and tasks that you each are fine doing and the ones left over ? Both of you need to compromise and agree to doing things that just aren’t fun but has to be done.

I’m sure it will need tweaked here and there.

I love to clean.. its a huge coping skill for me.. but our TV stand is glass and I freaking loathe its existence... so my husband dusts that because he knows it’s the only bit of house cleaning that drives me crazy.

Compromises

I have a similar problem. I live w my ex platonically. He is a longtime diabetic w a gala xy of serious health issues. His issues have taken over my life. When I try to deLegate things to him, he screws them up tho he’s highly intelligent.. I wouldn’t say he does it on purpose. He just doesn’t pay attention. On the upside, I have learned a huge amount . Does yr wife work?
I agree w Cristina that you could give her tasks she is good at, but I recognize how the carelessness and lack of attention seem passive aggressive and can be infuriating. I am currently seeking out household help. We can get a lot on our ins. I have access to hiring people for lesser skilled tasks from the neighborhood forum . That forum is probably available to you. I just love it for neighborhood news and resources. There are also websites devoted to odd jobs. Lots of help is available. I have started reaching out because I was starting to burn out every couple of months.
I have also decided to take regular trips by mysel. Did u ever get a chance to take a vacation. Even if you have to accrue vacation time on the new job, a weekend devoted just to recharging yr batteries, even a stay cation might help a lot.

Has she messed up your meds at the pharmacy before?

Sounds like my husband. It could very well be a passive-aggressive way to deal with not wanting to be responsible...not listening and not being dependable. And of you get angry enough with her, she might be thinking Good! I screwed up so badly that he won't ask me to do it next time.

Just a thought.

Hi Crook. I totally get why you are frustrated about the medications. Pharmacies are just major stressors in life, for many of us. As for your wife, obviously I don't know her, but even so, I'd lean on the side that she just screwed up and was likely not passive aggressive. I know I've needed to be very vigilant with my pharmacies. They have tried to sell me meds without applying coupons I gave them, and like your situation, wouldn't put one on hold after three requests, and then would autofill it. It does sound like you worked very hard to ensure your wife pick up the right thing. Maybe if she is picking up for you again, ask her to call you before leaving the pharmacy counter to tell you exactly what she picked up. If you don't leave the pharmacy counter, you can generally still give back (for a refund) the medication. It seems to only be the case that you can't, if you leave the premises with it.

I'm sorry you have been stressed at work and I totally understand needing your wife to pick up some slack. I think Christina and luvyrself give good suggestions on working out exactly what each of you can handle.

I think you nailed exactly what is wrong. You're in a highly agitated state and you were triggered. I think perhaps you would have handled this differently otherwise. Maybe make a mental note to revisit this issue with your wife when you are calm. I think it is fair to let her know it feels like you cannot rely on her for basic things. If that is the truth, discussing it when you are in attack mode will only serve to make the matters worse. I am confident she is able to do many things correctly. I liked the suggestion of writing out the duties. Perhaps let her suggest which items she feels she can be most successful at.

Another measure you might take is to just quickly call trhe pharmacy next time, before she leaves for it, and tell them what to get ready for you to come pick up. It might ensure that you get what you really need and not what you do not.

You posters are all very rational and very patient, but for people who are already overwhelmed, doing yet another step of not being able to delegate is exhausting.
It would really help us to get some perspective to know if she works outside the home? The full scope of both people’s responsibilities definitely comes into play here.

We both work. I just realized that my life insurance ends after Saturday. Not the best thing for me to be focused on. And yes the policy pays out even for suicide. I am just so tired of it all. Two weeks and I still have panic attacks at work. I feel like crap. My T was very close to calling the cops on me but I am going to have a gap in my insurance so I can’t afford the hospital. She wants me to go to a residential retreat but it is Florida. Plus I have no leave at work yet.

Ok time out. Pay the insurance and reward yourself with some kind of break.
Everybody’s here for you. Are you giving yourself some me time every day, even if it’s brief? And a full day on the weekend and more if necessary.