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Default Mar 12, 2020 at 06:37 PM
  #41
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Originally Posted by Wild Coyote View Post
HI Jennifer,

You are very courageous to post your experiences here.
I am so glad you have survived and are okay.

I do think many attempts are impulsive.
I am soooo sorry you'd felt you could not share about this and were left all alone to cope with all that was going on for you.

I certainly wish I could have been present for you during that time.
I am available to you anytime, whatever is going on, no judgment, ever.
I love you!
Thank you! Your message means a lot to me. I was afraid to speak out for fear of getting in trouble and I was ashamed and embarrassed as well.

I know you are there for me and I love you for that and so many other reasons.
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Default Mar 12, 2020 at 07:00 PM
  #42
I needed this thread right now thank you.

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Default Mar 12, 2020 at 07:01 PM
  #43
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Hi Fuzzy,
If you are feeling triggered, you may reach me by PM and I will talk with you.
Thank you Wild Coyote

much love to you

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Default Mar 12, 2020 at 07:08 PM
  #44
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I needed this thread right now thank you.
I'm on right now. You can send me a PM if you want.

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Default Mar 12, 2020 at 07:15 PM
  #45
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I'm on right now. You can send me a PM if you want.
Thank you I'm safe with family right now

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Default Mar 12, 2020 at 07:17 PM
  #46
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Thank you I'm safe with family right now
Good. That makes me feel better. But keep me in mind if ever you need to get in touch with someone.

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Default Mar 12, 2020 at 09:33 PM
  #47
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My first attempt was at age 16. My most recent was in early 2019. I’m horrified when I’m thinking clearly at what I’ve done. At the time it seems to be the only answer and I am impulsive. I’m not scared to seek help. It just gets that bad that quick and it’s off to the races. I’d like to think I’ve learned from these experiences so it won’t ever happen again.

This is a great thread. I was active on the site in the days before and after my latest attempt and I felt that I couldn’t say a word so I didn’t. There is such a stigma around it that I feel vulnerable and will probably delete this post.

I do now have a detailed prevention plan as well as a hope box.

Jennifer I am so sorry that you have hit that dark hopeless place. Thank you for sharing

This Thread came together because we need to have a place to come to and talk and how yes we can go from doing okay to hell in the blink of an eye..

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Default Mar 12, 2020 at 09:48 PM
  #48
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I want to first send a huge Thank you! to Christina and Wild Coyote for getting this thread going. ...And to the administration team for having faith in the members' ability to keep the community safe.


I on occasion struggle with suicidal ideation and impetuous urges so may post here, but mostly I will be reading to make sure that if I can help someone by listening they know that I'm here. I hope most especially that for those fighting urges once they've "gotten it out" here that they will feel somewhat freed of the pressure.
Thank you for your input in this Thread existing , You have been very strong when you talk about your struggles.. Im so happy we have a place we can talk about things like this

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Default Mar 12, 2020 at 09:51 PM
  #49
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A hope box is a box - decorated or not - which you place items in to help you out of a tight spot. My box includes photos of family/friends/pets, a letter from the “well” me, a particularly meaningful letter from my daughter, cards, sand from my favorite beach, prayer beads and cards with helpful affirmations from my NP.
That is a wonderful idea..I have things I hold onto, But a Box ? yes I need to do that.. Thank you so much for sharing something that could change the tide when its going down

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Default Mar 12, 2020 at 09:56 PM
  #50
I want to Thank everyone who is sharing there personal struggles with a topic that still has a Stigma. You are very brave.

Sharing things and being able to tell someone and not be judged? Thats a beautiful thing. I hope that the world starts to be more compassionate and we find ways to get more and better help for people in need..

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Default Mar 13, 2020 at 02:00 AM
  #51
I lost my gran to this. And I‘m worried I may lose my dad to this too ....
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Heart Mar 13, 2020 at 02:34 AM
  #52
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I lost my gran to this. And I‘m worried I may lose my dad to this too ....
I am very sorry for your loss.
Yes, it can be a very scary topic in families who have already lived through this experience. Please do practice self-care.

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Default Mar 13, 2020 at 03:24 AM
  #53
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My first attempt was at age 16....

There is such a stigma around it that I feel vulnerable and will probably delete this post.
I am glad you haven't deleted your post. I remember how when I had my very serious attempt in 2015 that when I was with others who didn't know (for instance, my H and I went to a play with friends), I felt like I was different from every in the room and if they knew what I had done they would be shocked. It was hard to think of much else other than how shameful what I had done was. I was in a whole different mindset and PC was the first place I could talk about it. My H supported me as much as he could but it was hard (and would be repetitive) to talk to him about it everytime it was on my mind because it was always on my mind. My POV is that it helps to have a place to talk about it. Hugs to you. I know the more recent the trauma is, the harder it is to talk about it. Stay safe Jennifer and everyone else struggling with this issue.
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Default Mar 13, 2020 at 02:18 PM
  #54
People were surprised when I went to the hospital for my attempt. They said it came out of left field- that I was just fine earlier that same day. I guess that's how it goes sometimes.

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Default Mar 13, 2020 at 02:50 PM
  #55
I have “successfully” avoided hospitals since I was last abused in one aged 8...

Respect and hugs to all

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Default Mar 13, 2020 at 04:47 PM
  #56
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I lost my gran to this. And I‘m worried I may lose my dad to this too ....
I am so sorry for your loss Is your father getting mental health care? I hope so, Men are more likely to be unwilling to reach out for help I will keep you and your family in my thoughts

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Default Mar 13, 2020 at 04:50 PM
  #57
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People were surprised when I went to the hospital for my attempt. They said it came out of left field- that I was just fine earlier that same day. I guess that's how it goes sometimes.
My attempt when my daughter was 5 was a hugh stock, Noone realized just how bad I was, I wish I had reached out, It would have saved me the trauma and certainly saved me family and friends.

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Default Mar 13, 2020 at 10:19 PM
  #58
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My attempt when my daughter was 5 was a hugh stock, Noone realized just how bad I was, I wish I had reached out, It would have saved me the trauma and certainly saved me family and friends.
You bring up a good point, that of family and friends.

My first suicidal episode hit my wife very hard. While I can't recall much of that time, I do remember her asking me, "How can I trust that you're safe, that we're safe?" It has made me afraid to seek help because I don't want to bring back those fears for her.

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Default Mar 13, 2020 at 10:36 PM
  #59
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You bring up a good point, that of family and friends.

My first suicidal episode hit my wife very hard. While I can't recall much of that time, I do remember her asking me, "How can I trust that you're safe, that we're safe?" It has made me afraid to seek help because I don't want to bring back those fears for her.


Yes, she did have a valid question honestly. My family and friends felt the same, wondering if I would try again next week or next year

I think by you seeking out help and having a treatment team you are showing with actions you are taking your mental health seriously and taking steps to find stability.

Actions are better than words in many cases.

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Unhappy Mar 14, 2020 at 03:30 PM
  #60
The Skeezyks has 2 major suicide attempts to his credit each of which landed me in the psych wards of 2 area hospitals (plus some not so serious ones that didn't.) I regularly think I should try yet again, but have no plans to. I've also been an active self-abuser... some unexpectedly recent. I'm just now coming to the realization I will never be truly safe...

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