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Old 03-24-2020, 09:21 AM   #1
bluebicycle
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Trig How to stop impulses?

I keep having suicidal impulses. The impulses come and go, but when they appear, they are very strong and they stay around for a while. Like, I get very tempted, but then I try to use grounding techniques and talk to people. I don't know how long this will be effective, though.

I started hearing voices and seeing things again, but I know they are fake after using some grounding techniques. However, I do not want to become fully psychotic and do something impulsively.

My AP was raised yesterday, but who knows how long that will take to kick in. I hope it kicks in soon, though.

What do you do to ward off impulses? Just trying to get everyone's ideas because I am really struggling right now. I was actually "researching" things last night, if you know what I mean.
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Old 03-24-2020, 09:47 AM   #2
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Default Re: How to stop impulses?

Dear Bluebicycle,

I'm so very, very sorry these impulses are assailing you. Sadly, I have had similar experiences and they scared me.

I try to comfort my brain when it is generating scary thoughts. Some part of me realizes that my brain is hurting and that this is why it is generating unwelcome thoughts and feelings.

What helps me is to think of my little brain as a small child in my care. I try to comfort it. Sometimes I just tell my brain "I love you little brain." over and over again. Not sure this would help you or others struggling with the same issue.

So sorry I do not have anything really wise or profound to offer. Hopefully others here will.

Wishing you only good things! -- Yao Wen.
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Old 03-24-2020, 12:20 PM   #3
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Default Re: How to stop impulses?

I am so sorry, blue. I have totally been there, many, many times. Not that that helps you, but you are certainly not alone in feeling this way, that's all I am saying.

I find interacting wiht other people who can personally relate is the most helpful thing to me. So, being on PC is really my go-to for getting through these times. Sometimes, a little distraction can help--a movie, trying to clean or cook. I like to do mindless little chores for my bike. Clean it. I do like cleaning for getting my head clearer. Even though I hate to clean. Some task to get my head onto other things. Something that isn't super hard, but that still requires some degree of focus.

Sometimes, just getting out of the house helps. A little walk. Looking at whatever is currently booming or blossoming wherever you live (not sure what is in bloom right now in Boston) always brings me some joy, even when I am miserable. Looking at the happy doggies out for a walk always makes me feel better. So on. Squealing, happy toddlers with their moms.

For me, doing something is always better than sitting in a chair and stewing. Ruminating is the absolute worst plan for me.

Maybe you can find something to divert your brain to for a little while today.

If it persists, please have a plan to keep yourelf safe. Call the crisis line. Call your pdoc/therapist/support people. Reach out here, as you are doinng--good job!!!!

Sending you love and empathy. Don't give up. Your brain is playing tricks on you. Don't let it win!!! This will pass. It will turn around. You just have to battle through it. And you can do that. You can totally do it.

I don't know you super well, but I really care about you.I want to help support you in getting through this time. I am around today and am happy to PM with you if that would ever help you.

Hang in there.
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Old 03-24-2020, 12:33 PM   #4
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Default Re: How to stop impulses?

I'm sorry to hear how much you've been struggling. You don't deserve this, Blue. Most people that go through this don't, but we do and we need to accept it and come up with a plan of perseverance.
Keep yourself distracted as much as possible while you're having these thoughts. If you're thinking about something else, you can't think about these impulses at the same time. Feel free to PM or text me too, about anything.
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Old 03-24-2020, 04:38 PM   #5
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Default Re: How to stop impulses?

I'm sending hugs and empathy
I don't have good advice
You can PM me any time
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Old 03-24-2020, 04:53 PM   #6
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Default Re: How to stop impulses?

Blue I am so sorry you are struggling so hard I have been there . unfortunately. I think the main things that have helped me in the past is by putting as many hurdles between me doing something terrible that would devastate family and friends..

I have certain coping skills, Certain people I need to talk to, Calls to my daughter and my T and he only works 3 days a week so I might have to wait, which is good , Letters I would write.. the letters is the big red flag that I must get immediate help, that help doesnt always mean IP. And with the way things are right now I think they many Pdoc are offering temporary heavy hitter meds to snow people under to help them stay safe.

Can you keep taking you benzo right now? you need to sleep, it will give you a break. Call your Pdoc and certainly your T. Keep reaching out to people...

Im here if you need and ear.. Please do everything you can to stay safe
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Old 03-25-2020, 07:16 AM   #7
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Default Re: How to stop impulses?

Thanks everyone. I genuinely appreciate all of your responses.

I'm not feeling better. I was feeling better temporarily yesterday because of distractions, but now I'm just back to feeling awful.

To make matters worse, I have (and sorry for TMI) diarrhea. I don't know what food(s) caused it. I have not been out and about except to Wal-Mart for contactless grocery pickup the other day, so I highly doubt it's COVID-19. That means some food(s) I'm eating is just bad for me, and I don't know which one(s) trigger this diarrhea. It's either eggs, yogurt, or cheese... because that's basically all I've been eating.
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