[Victoria'smom]

H is being an ***. I'm being a bit**. We're both in the middle of a mood swing his has been 3+ months down. Me IDK how long, UP? He had a med increase about a month ago. Hasn't helped. He'll start and I cut it down until he stops. I don't want to contribute to his depression. Usually I just ignore whatever he says when he's depressed but when I'm like this my mouth runs before I convince myself it's not worth it. That he's just saying stuff to start fights to prove his negative feelings. I've already planned not to be around them tomorrow but I can't avoid them all day. I know unless he chooses not to there will be a fight over me going to bed.

How do you avoid fighting during mood swings?

if you feel you want to say something but you fear you might regret saying it because you know you're impulsive, stop yourself and think about it for at least 5-10 mins before deciding whether or not you're going to say it. I think that's your best course of action right now. also, if you feel that there is even a *slight* chance your husband may react very negatively, then journal your thoughts and keep them to yourself (or post them on here).

[Victoria'smom]

I'm usually reacting to something he says. I feel I'm posting to much already and It feels like I'm talking **** about him. Hell T doesn't even know we have issues. She knows I think he's being an *** but that's the most negative thing she (or anyone but here) knows.

[~Christina]

Wait..... Why are YOU cutting his meds back??? Are you suddenly a Pdoc? If his meds are not working then HE needs professional help , a Pdoc .. You can mess with your meds all your want and you do ,, But to decide to cut his? Nope ! He needs to listen to his Pdoc and reach out to he/she for help if he feels meds are not working.

I fully agree with Blue.. stop, walk away , go wait 5-10 mins in the bathroom , count to 1215 if need be until you can calm down and have a discussion with him.... Id start with ,, Hey Im sorry things got heated can we discuss the X problem?

[Victoria'smom]

No, I'm not cutting back his meds. The things that are coming out of my mouth is like designed to cut at him and I don't mean it. Sorry I'm not writing clear. As far as I know he's taking his meds properly but honestly I'm not really paying attention because he's an adult.

[Fuzzybear]

I'm feeling angry too. I don't have any advice. I guess that ''I suck''........

hugs

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

H is being an ***. I'm being a bit**. We're both in the middle of a mood swing his has been 3+ months down. Me IDK how long, UP? He had a med increase about a month ago. Hasn't helped. He'll start and I cut it down until he stops. I don't want to contribute to his depression. Usually I just ignore whatever he says when he's depressed but when I'm like this my mouth runs before I convince myself it's not worth it. That he's just saying stuff to start fights to prove his negative feelings. I've already planned not to be around them tomorrow but I can't avoid them all day. I know unless he chooses not to there will be a fight over me going to bed.

How do you avoid fighting during mood swings?

Have I understood this wrong then ??? what is it that you are cutting ??

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

No, I'm not cutting back his meds. The things that are coming out of my mouth is like designed to cut at him and I don't mean it. Sorry I'm not writing clear. As far as I know he's taking his meds properly but honestly I'm not really paying attention because he's an adult.

I think you are saying that you are impulsively using cutting words to your H?

[Victoria'smom]

Yes, I'm impulsively cutting him with my words. Sorry.

[downandlonely]

I know this is easier said than done, but it sounds like he says stuff that provokes a strong reaction from you. Can you try not to react? Maybe as some others have said, just walk out of the room, go to the bathroom or bedroom and take some time to calm down. Again, I know it's far easier said than done.

[~Christina]

Ok ok... I misunderstood your use of the word cutting in the sentence... Sorry about that

Its hard to keep quiet when your bursting to "fight back" My husband went through a very rough spot around the time I was very ill and in and out IP 3-4 in a couple months... We argued alot. What I did learn to say is... Ok you and I are on separate pages and we need to drop it until later when we can speak and not bite at each other.. While we we took a break we both wrote down what we feel is the problem.. Later, sometimes hours later we talk about what we wrote and almost always there was no reason to argue about it..

The best thing I have ever learned about relationships is your might not like that person at the moment but thats anger talking.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by downandlonely

I know this is easier said than done, but it sounds like he says stuff that provokes a strong reaction from you. Can you try not to react? Maybe as some others have said, just walk out of the room, go to the bathroom or bedroom and take some time to calm down. Again, I know it's far easier said than done.

Good post. Maybe try to do this and not react.. I know its not easy, try going to the bathroom (etc) as others have suggested

[Victoria'smom]

Can you try not to react? That's what I normally do but my responses are just waiting right now.

I will try to walk away, write it down, edit it and then talk to him about it.

[*Beth*]

You're not posting too much, MM.

It took me over 30 years to learn not to tangle with my husband. I refuse to do it anymore. I finally understand that arguing with him only hurts me. I let him burn himself out as I just sit there, taking good, full breaths and placing my focus on my own self-care, rather than his words, attitude, and mood.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by BethRags

You're not posting too much, MM.

It took me over 30 years to learn not to tangle with my husband. I refuse to do it anymore. I finally understand that arguing with him only hurts me. I let him burn himself out as I just sit there, taking good, full breaths and placing my focus on my own self-care, rather than his words, attitude, and mood.

Good post

His words, attitude and mood are not as important as your self care

In fact if he is being mean they are of no importance since mean words are full of crap.