Bipolar check in #45

I am so sorry. That kind of sleep is no sleep at all. I kept having dreams that I was still with the woman who destroyed my life and basically tried to murder me. Not very happy when I woke up.

If you need a prn, you need a prn. There is zero shame in that. None.

I hope your day was better!!!!!!

Seroquel at 200 stopped making me sleepy after awhile, too. Also at 25 and 50. It just totally stopped working for sleep. The only thing that makes me sleepy now is Nuvigil, which I find sort of funny.

So sorry you are struggling with all this. Back in my massive depression days, I found Cymbalta pretty darn useful when almost nothing else worked. The only 2 ADs that have ever done a thing for me are that and Wellbutrin. Emsam did nothing except drain my account of cash. Lithium has helped my depression a ton over the years and I also think Depakote at 1500 has been useful.

Aerobic exercise is probably very helpful for me, too. Maybe as important as medication, possibly. Just a few random thoughts.

Have you explored ketamine? It does work for some people. I found a relative of it to be very helpful but it had very dangerous side effects, sadly.

Stay with it--it works for a lot of people.

Hang in there, Miguel'smom. It will improve, if you just stay with it. You have been under so much stress lately. Don't give up. Please don't give up. I have been right where you are so very many times, I could never count them all. But I make it, somehow. You guys help me make it.

I am looking for an adult dog. As most everyone knows, I am psychotic a lot and it is refractory. A puppy would just be way, way too much for me to try to manage. I wonder if searching for a more mature, trained, calmer dog might be a better option for you. Just a thought. Rescue dogs are going to start being available again soon in may communities.


Sending strength. And support. And love. And hugs.
Don't give up. we are all here for you.

Was not able to read anything at all from yesterday, sorry, guys. Very symptomatic yesterday and last night. Ugh. So tired of this at times. Really just exhausting for me trying to keep myself, um, going, I guess.

Totally convinced without any doubt now that my neighbor to the right is definitely spying on me with some type of camera he plugs in every night that can see through my wall. Infrared or something like that. I don't really know. Everyone tells me this is more psychosis, but I just really don't believe that anymore. It all just makes me very sad, to be truthful. My poor brain. It's just so very broken. How did I end up this way? I used to operate at a pretty functional level. Oh well.l.

So, had pdoc today, but wrote down the totally incorrect time. The smallest things I cannot even pull off anymore. Was not even close. He rescheduled fro Friday. I really need some help. I can make it that far. I've come this far. Why not...

Love and hugs to all. I wan to thank everyone here on this forum who has been so kind and generous and supportive toward me while I have been here. I am so very grateful for all of you.Other than when I am writing my books or on the bike, this is teh only place I do not feel like a total outcast. Thank you.

bpcyclist Thank-you, H says I can't get a dog because I already have one. My son totally did a 180 tonight on school so I'm racking my head over that now. not a good thing. You guys are the only ones that truly know what I deal with.

A thought... So throw this out with the trash if you don't like it...

I agree with the others who think the neighbor camera is psychosis. However, to one in psychosis that is of little value because the nature of psychosis means it feels 100% real.

So what if you did some exposure therapy and worked with this camera situation like it was real? Nobody likes being watched. It stirs fear in many and it feels like a complete violation. What if you faced that?

Maybe you could make a list of all of the behavior adjustments you make because you feel you're being watched? What are you not doing because you are being watched? What value is it taking from your life?

Then you can assess the list by impact. So for each one decide how scary would it be to change this? And.. How much value would I have if I take back control of this?

So for example, maybe you used to sing but you don't anymore because of the camera. It would maybe only take a minor amount of effort to sing one song out loud a day and it fuels your spirit, so the value would be great.

You can shift something small and then work up to things like walking around your apartment naked Or whatever is the equivalent of being totally exposed. For you I think maybe it is actually leaving while risking them knowing you are gone?

Accepting something as a psychotic manifestation doesn't seem to be working for you and its root is someplace real for you anyway. Why not work with it like it is real or like a virtual reality you can use to your advantage to process some fears? I AM NOT advocating getting so lost in it you lose the knowing this is psychosis. It is important to keep that. This would be more like working with your dreams to process emotion.

Anyway... That's just what came to mind.

Daonnachd, sending best wishes that all turns out ok.

*********
Mr. Robot

Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside.

--The Cure

LOL! Thanks for the morning chuckle!

*********
Mr. Robot

Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside.

--The Cure

Feeling low again. I have a headache that Tylenol isn't touching. I'm thinking about doing online group in a bit, but I'm on the fence. We'll see if I'm doing anything more interesting later I guess.

@wildflowerchild25, did you hear/read that our governor has announced that the parks will reopen this coming Saturday, May 2? See Governor Murphy Re-Opens Parks, Golf Courses May 2 - TAPinto I wanted you to know that because I remember how you expressed sadness about that temporary closure. I was sad, too. Sending you hugs. I read that you are feeling very unwell today. Perhaps a nice walk in the park this weekend will be a bit restorative. The forecast looks pretty good in most of our state for this weekend.

Yes birddancer, RS just came home and told me. I am very happy about that. Sunday is supposed to be gorgeous; maybe we can get outside. Thanks for the update

I started a new thread since we're at 100 pages. I'll ask a moderator to close this one.

Bipolar check-in #46