Bipolar check in #45

It’s a beautiful day and I’m in a great mood! We’re going to celebrate my brother’s birthday with a meal from the Olive Garden. Looking forward to that.

I’m going to enjoy some fresh air and sunshine while reading a good book.

Warm regards to all.

Thank you @BirdDancer and @whatever2013 !

I was able to find toilet paper finally. I went to the grocery store super early today and got a 6 pack of it. That's a relief and less to worry about now. I finished my grocery shopping. So I don't have to go out again for at least a few weeks. Thankful for that.

Had cake for breakfast lol why not.

My apartment complex is giving out those care packages to everyone next week with supplies and stuff so hopefully there's some useful things in there.

Other plans today include: take trash out, check mail, read, play video games.. should do laundry but am going to put that off till tomorrow. The grocery store was enough stress for one day honestly.

Hope everyone is doing well

Well, I'm not feeling right today. Angry, lightheaded, and nauseous. Though, I suppose I was fortunate that I managed to sleep 10 hours after getting "six" or "seven" a night. (I put those in quotes because I may sleep from like 12am until 6am/7am, but I will have awoken multiple times a night, sometimes up to 5 times!)

I wasn't feeling nauseous until about an hour ago when I started eating breakfast, so I don't know. I think it's because I didn't take my meds last night. I wanted to take them, but I passed out at 9pm before that could even happen. And my phone alarm that I normally have set everyday for 11pm didn't go off! I checked the app this morning and app was frozen.

I was feeling kinda angry yesterday, but the nausea just makes me flat out grumpy and a little angrier. My emotions (or mood...?) was flip-flopping between happy and angry yesterday. Like, I was happy a lot, but then tiny little things would just set me off. Now I'm feeling awful because of the nausea. Sometimes I wish I would just throw up to get it over with... but I don't think throwing up will help this time because it seems to be med induced, possibly. Guess I'll have to take my meds this morning and totally screw up my med schedule... I'm sure I can fix it though. I'll just space out my meds so that I take them every 26 hours instead of every 24 hours... until I get back to my normal time.

Congrats on getting toilet paper! I don't know why people are hoarding that stuff. Sounds like maybe your grocery store limits the amount of toilet paper one can buy?

Nothing wrong with cake for breakfast. I've done the same... on multiple occasions.

I hope you feel better soon and everything gets back on track.

Hi bluebicycle. The "milder" aspect was what I was originally told, too. However, I was one of the group of people with bipolar disorder where Provigil caused a switch to mania. I was trialed on Provigil three times. The first time, the doctor gave me free samples. It worked, as was intended, within about five days, but then the samples (and IOP) ended. Not too long after, a hospital doctor put me on it again. Shortly after, I started to get manic, so was taken off. Then not too long after, my own private psychiatrist put me on it, reluctantly. I hadn't told him what had happened previously. It was a hassle med because it required prior authorizations.

The third time I was put on it, I got manic again. Unfortunately, the mania really escalated during a trip to Maine. My behavior became out of control. I remember people on a boat making remarks about it, as did people at the hotel. It was November. The hotel had a pool. I remember having insomnia where I got zero sleep, and started having visual hallucinations and delusions. I got up at about 6 am and went to the hotel's outdoor swimming pool and started to swim. Yes, 6 am in November in Maine! Hubby yelled at me to get out. Others noticed, so hours later a big sign went up at the pool and a chain was put up. Hubby threatened to take me to the hospital there. Maine is a little hike from New Jersey. The vacation was cut short because of my mania.

Hubby forced me to stop the Provigil and called my psychiatrist, who told me to get off of it immediately. Hubby urged me to call the pharmacy to cancel refills. My mania did quickly ease after stopping Provigil, as you referenced. That's a bit different than other manias, I've had. However, as my mood leveled, I missed the high. I started to abuse Provigil for a bit. This was not the only time I've taken a stimulant against medical advice. There was a time in the past that I abused pseudophedrine (Sudafed) for the same reason. My regular pharmacist started refusing to sell it to me (it requires purchase at the pharmacy desk, with a license presented). For a bit, I went to other pharmacies where they didn't know me, to get it.

Thanks Yeah I don't get the hoarding either Unfortunately they don't seem to limit how much people can buy because I see people with cart fulls of just TP and paper towels checking out, I only got one because that's what I could afford with the money I had on me but yeah.. I think they really should put at least some sort of limit on it, most stores seem to be

Yeah cake is the breakfast of champions

I hope your stomach calms soon, bluebicycle. I can't know why you're nauseous, but I can say that the rare times I've missed medications, I have had similar physical reactions. Often I also have a major headache, especially when I've missed evening medications. Feel better!

We'lll take a look at those. Thanks!

Diagnoses:
PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain

Oh, good. As long as it's not Nuvigil. Stay away from that one. It made me soooooo sleepy. Lots of other people, too. Nuvigil works the opposite of how it is supposed to, but companies get desperate when they lose their patents. I am quite certain they lied to to get it FDA=approved. Maybe I am wrong, but I doubt it.


Hope it works great for you!!!!

What?!?!?! Big pharma lies? I can't believe you'd say such a thing.

Hoo boy the weather is weird. Yesterday it was in the 60's and tons of people were out walking. Today it's an icy mix that I thought was snow until I went out to get the mail. Cold! On the noon news it said 32!! Very slippery out there. The paper was only 6 pages long.

Just finished my therapy appt 1 hour ago. It went well. We discussed that I'm (apparently) still having symptoms.

Pdoc did not return my call. Guess I will have to call again... except today is Friday and idk how the heck to contact him over the weekend. The "after hours emergency services" never think anything is urgent. It's always "call back during normal business hours."

He does not check his own voicemail, and since his stupid assistant only works from 10am-2pm on M-F, I'm SOL.

Hopefully this weekend will be okay for me, but I'm not too optimistic.

blue. Maybe there will be a miracle, I hope so.

Hope you feel better bluebicycle!

Hi BirdDancer! While I get why her just unsubscribing would be ideal, I don't really see anything awkward about manually removing her. It's not like she'd get a notification of it or anything, right? Besides, the feature is there for you. If you're not comfortable with a reader --any reader, for any reason -- then you are only protecting yourself. You shouldn't have to be uncomfortable! I think that any therapist worth their salt would say the same (not that I'm a therapist, lol, but it seems to be a matter of personal boundary setting).

*********
Mr. Robot

Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside.

--The Cure

Lol! So true!

Diagnoses:
PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain

Good to know! So far so good with this one. We haven't fallen asleep against our will at all today or yesterday... We had been falling asleep at IOP, just head against the wall, sleeping kind of thing. Not the past two days...

Diagnoses:
PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain

Thanks, Innerzone! Maybe I will go ahead and remove her email from my follower list. Maybe I'll wait a day or two to be sure she's sort of forgotten about me.

Yesterday it was 63 and sunny. This morning, I had to scrape my car! (Granted at 4:30 a.m.) And now its almost four and its 65 and sunny. The flowers are up around here and the bushes have bloomed too. It seems a little early for both- usually its like this a month from now.