Bipolar check in #45

have you tried wal-mart pickup? I did it just yesterday and a few weeks ago. All you do is open your trunk yourself and they place the groceries in there without touching anything (and they're wearing medical grade gloves too). Then you close your trunk yourself and that's it. No need to sign anything anymore.

wal-mart only lets people book out 1 day in advance, so there are always openings if you check every single day. the reservations open at 12am daily. you do not need to put anything in your cart online in order to reserve a spot. when you click "reserve time slot," your time slot is reserved regardless. just make sure you have a wal-mart account and that you're logged in in order to reserve.

That's terribly inconvenient what your grocery store did. I don't think my local ones have such a capacity restriction. Who knows. I had heard about the face masks. Luckily, my husband and I have a small supply. At least enough for now, for the amount that we go to stores.

I understand how you feel. It will be nice when things loosen up again.

So to Moose and @bluebicycle: You're both right, of course, I should talk about it with her. The thing is, I mentioned the tip of the iceberg last night to my wife and ended up crying. I really dislike crying in front of my T.

I think it's perfectly okay and perfectly healthy to cry in front of your therapist. By crying, you are letting out that inner hurt that you've been bottling in for so long. The pressure in the bottle has built up and it needs to be let out in some way so that it does not continue to consume/overwhelm you. Crying is the easiest way to do that and it's a very soothing relief compared to a lot of other things like exercise or painting/coloring. However, you wouldn't be the first person to cry in front of her and definitely wouldn't be the last either.

I cried in front of my first pdoc during our very first meeting. I also cried in front of my 2nd therapist. They were totally okay with it and did not judge me. Therapy and pdoc appts are judgment free zones.

I was too scared to go to the ENT specialist today. I rescheduled it for next Tuesday afternoon when I’ll have a mask and gloves. I wish it wasn’t necessary.

I’ve been working on a program that eliminates limiting beliefs and I was able to get rid of the belief that I’m not good enough and the pain around my adoption that formed that belief. I feel lighter and freer now. It’s a good day.

Warm regards to all and hugs to those that are struggling.

Maybe try to get out for a little walk. Look at some flowers--lots of things blooming right now, depending on where you live...

You are my hero today!

I’ve had mixed luck with them. Many things I’ve needed have been out of stock and I’ve had to go to Food City. Still...the Walmart pick up is my first choice.

Yeah, Wal-Mart is very mixed -- I will admit. I would do grocery delivery instead, except they're booked out for many, many weeks in advance.

at least they do give partial or full refunds if your item is out of stock (depending on whether you will accept their suggested substitute).

around here, wal-mart always has lots of dairy in stock. The stuff they occasionally run out of is frozen goods and canned goods. so, you're pretty much stuck with fresh foods. not sure about in TN though.

I second what bluebicycle replied. I not only cried in front of my therapist, it came out of nowhere talking about my dad's likely early death from medical issues and I just started sobbing! Im sure my face was beet red and I kept having to blow my nose. She just sat there listening to me slash watched me cry. I could barely talk. Still it was good to get that all out - I had no idea it was so bottled up! And nothing bad happened. So I say go for it- you cant be sure what will happen until it happens.

I have to preface this by saying I'm not trying to be insensitive, but I don't understand and think some perspective from the other side might help. I've had a DNR (and full advance directive) in place since my 40's (in full health). It was my own personal decision, and I honestly don't think it's anybody else's business. The decision is mine to make. As it is theirs.

Not that any reason is needed, but among the reasons for mine is that I watched my grandmother die on life support. She wouldn't have wanted it that way (but did not have papers attesting to), and I don't want it that way for myself. I'd be pissed AF if someone thought it was their business to oppose what I want for myself in such an incredibly personal issue.

Truly, I don't mean to be insensitive, but it's their decision. It's about them. It's not about you.

Alternately, you could take the tack that it *is* about you -- in the form of a kindness from them -- that they have taken care of this piece of the puzzle before it becomes an issue so as not to have to potentially throw unimaginably difficult decisions at the rest of the family. Better that people declare what they do and do not want NOW. It's when people refuse to deal with it that things can go REALLY bad.

Food for thought.

*********
Mr. Robot

Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside.

--The Cure

I swear to god... I cannot believe this sh_t!

My pdoc's assistant sent me an email (rather than calling me...?) asking me if we can change my appt to next Thursday. So much for "HE HAS NO OPENINGS FOR 2 WEEKS."

I am SO sick of these two. I put in a request to transfer pdocs, but I guess that sh_t didn't go through. Maybe I should ignore the transfer request for now and go with the pdoc appt? I think Rexulti is f***ing with me becauae I occasionally hear and see things. So maybe this will all work out? Like, just go with the flow and then after my appt, ask the front desk why the request hasn't gone out.

Oh, and I never got a reminder for my therapy appt on Friday. I just realized this when looking at my email. I never really even check this email, but I didn't get a phone call reminder, so I checked for an email reminder. Nope. I think I will go nuts if I do not have my therapy appt on Friday. I NEED to talk to her. ughhh. But I don't think she is the kind of b**** who would cancel my appt on me like my first therapist. Most likely, there is a problem with the reminder system.

Interzone I would never go against there wishes whether it's in writing or not. I just don't understand them. Not a judgement. I would never ask them why but it hurt to talk about their death.

That conversation can hurt. Which is exactly why people avoid it. But that doesn't change the inevitable. A smaller amount of pain now can save larger amounts of pain in the future. It is the best approach, even though it is difficult.

The thing about whether it's in writing or not is that unless it IS in writing, medical personnel are legally bound to act as if there ARE no wishes in place. All available measures. Then it's all down the rabbit hole.

All I can say about understanding them is this: They are doing the responsible thing. Many, many do not. They are likely trying to save you as much pain as possible. You are very lucky that way.

*********
Mr. Robot

Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside.

--The Cure

@bluebicycle and @Moose72: I talked with my T about it and didn't even cry. It was really good to process it with her, changing the way I viewed everything. Thanks to you both for encouraging me to do so.

In other news: I have a mentor now for my sculpting. He's a pro sculptor so I feel lucky to have his attention. Much of my day has been correspondence with him. I'm energized about starting a new project or two.

I also did my 5 mile walk. Along the way I talked with the parent of a former student (think 2000-01 year), a former boss of my wife (1990s), and my sons' high school PE teacher.

This evening we are in my house making personalised lists of goals, responsibilities, and aspirations. This will help while we continue to shelter in place for another month (or more).

What a physical and mentally challenging day this has been

My husband is still not doing well, the Antibiotics and steroids should really kick in by Friday, I also am taking daily pictures of his Tick bite bulls eye to monitor size..

In 14 days he has fallen off the damn mower and is bruised literally from hip to spine to his knee, black bruise and its hard as a rock to the bone contusion, Caught a lung bug that has his oxygen levels at 90 or below and off and on Oxygen through out the day and full time when sleeping and this freaking tick bite..

Stop the ride I want off for a couple days !

I do hope your husband's medications kick in as early as this morning. It's horrible how he's been plagued with one physical challenge after another. He's at least lucky to have you with him looking after him. I know you have so many of your own challenges, too. Sending group hugs...We need to be together in all of this.

That's great, Daonnachd! I'm glad you were able to talk to your therapist about your feelings. It sounds like it really helped.

Best of luck with your sculpting. Sounds like a fun hobby to pick up!

You seem to be doing a little better now that you're doing more things?

Toilet paper shortage now makes perfect sense.

I was watching a recent clip of Chris Hayes' news show where he interviewed a journalist who investigated the toilet paper shortage during the pandemic. The explanation was that consumer need for "home" toilet paper has increased extremely since they are making pretty much all of their bathroom visits at home, instead of at work, school, or elsewhere in public. Apparently, the supply chain for home toilet paper is totally different than the ones for corporate (including school) usage. So the corporate toilet paper suppliers now have a glut of toilet paper, while home use suppliers are short. Wouldn't it seem logical that people's employer/school should be donating their glut of toilet paper to the employees/students?