Just Not Happening?

Is life on hold for everyone? Am I expecting too much? I'm doing telephone sessions with my pdoc and with my therapist. To put it bluntly, the sessions are so frustrating that part of me wonders if the stress is worth continuing.

Maybe my providers are under stress with all of this insanity (pandemic); perhaps I am seeing their humanity without the level of professional demeanor I'm used to seeing. Maybe doing therapy over the phone feels awkward for providers. Or maybe they purposefully avoid going too deeply at this time.

An example. I just had a phone session with my therapist (been seeing her for 18 months). She was chatty; every time I tried to get into a deeper subject she would come back with "positive" encouragement or an example from her own life about how good something turned out.

In short, I felt like I was being too needy...yet I didn't really feel like I was asking for too much. I mean, I'm struggling with horrible anxiety and a degree of depression. I know that most everyone is at this time. But she's my therapist, so...?

Ugh, I don't know. I might be reading too much into this and I should just calm the eff down. I can't seem to get out of my own mind and if the whole summer is like this...I'm scared.

I know most (or all) of us who are in therapy are not doing sessions in person. How's it going for you? Do the tele sessions feel really different than in person sessions do? How are you coping?

I think that some of them are purposefully avoiding going too deeply. Maybe also they feel uncomfortable with the method of communication, I guess that might improve ....

I think things are hard for everyone right now, there is so much uncertainty.. I spoke to my T last week and my Pdoc yesterday.. This is a whole new way of treating patients, So this isnt easy for anyone..I think we all just need to take a deep breath and realize we are living in a different time right now and the future is unknown..

My advice is we all make the best of it and eventually things will improve to something that will be our" new normal"

You are not alone in your fears, Everyone is scared for there own health and providers have there own family and friends to worry about, also.

I do not see my Pdoc or T ever doing Video sessions and thats great I have no desire for that.. Considering how our world is right now I am more than happy with phones sessions.

You have found a med that is working better than ones in the past. Focus on that positive and the fact that we still do have access to our providers

Breathe

I think teletherapy is difficult for everyone involved, especially when therapists oftentimes rely heavily on body language, facial expression, eye contact, etc. to assess how a patient is feeling/doing. Even when a therapist looks at someone on camera, they cannot necessarily see their patents' body language, etc.. It can also be difficult to see facial expression if the video is really laggy/choppy. So whether it's through video or on the phone, teletherapy is definitely not easy on anyone (IMO).

I think in your case, your therapist just doesn't see how you're reacting because you're on the phone, so she is saying things that she thinks will help, but she is not there in person to judge your responses/reactions. The only way she can judge your reaction is through your tone of voice (which even then can be mangled over the phone) and you literally telling her how you feel. That's not anyone's fault, though. It is what it is. It's the nature of the beast.

I think what might help you is telling your therapist that the level and type of care you're receiving from her right now is not adequate for your needs. Explain what you feel about her giving examples from her own life. It's 100% okay to tell the therapist, "no, this isn't helping me." Sometimes therapists don't know what they're doing wrong until we tell them, and they are oftentimes more than willing to make changes if you need them to.

Thank you, Fuzzy and thank you, Christina.

I mean really thank you both.

I think I'm freaking out. All I want to do is stand in the sun and then sleep. Maybe that's what I should focus on. Maybe that's what I should do, most of the time. Uncertainty terrifies me.

I agree, uncertainty is horrible. I think everyone is ''managing'' very well in this crap situation.

I would like to be able to hibernate for a long time and maybe wake up for an hour occasionally and bask in the sun,

I have a tough relationship with my T. I'm going to write notes to T and ask her to listen to them. She can't do anything but either talk it through or hang up. I guess she can do a wellness check. She wants to do video with me but I refuse. Even though this is going bad I can see she's trying which is making me trust her. I have to convey I'm doing better then usual and that I just starting to trust her before reading the note.

Pdoc wanted to keep my meds the same for now. She asked maybe 5 questions but my appointments are usually really fast. I blurt everything out or hand her a note if I can't talk within the first 5 min. She apologizes things have been hard makes adjustments and I leave.

The phone is difficult for me because no matter what I have my chipper/superficial conversation voice on that I use for the phone and my family. One time my husband asked how the hell my parents didn't know. I showed him how well I can hide he hugged me asked me never to do that to him again. So I have to remind myself I'm on the phone with T and she has my file. The first session was light hearted, The second was short because I didn't really want to talk/worry her. this next one is going to be intense.

I say try to write it down and blurt it out.

I have a phone appt with my pdoc on Thursday. And I just did a zoom meeting with my t.’it was awkward trying to get sound to work. He ended up calling me and we finished session that way. It was on Monday and I had just gotten
Out of ip the Friday before. The hospital made my appointments.

It’s just a new normal for now. I try not to let it stress me out. Hey! It saves me a 40 minute drive one way. And gas is down so I’m saving some money.

I just wish good health on everyone

Thank you blue, Fuzzy, MM, and Halliebeth, for your input. It's truly helpful. I spoke with my husband about how I felt, too...he said therapists just can't engage the same way they do in person.

I guess I'm afraid everything is going to fall apart so I'm grasping, expecting too much.

What do you mean by "everything is going to fall apart"?

I do not think you are expecting too much. You want and need help during these stressful times, much like others out there. Of course everyone has different needs, but I do not think it is unreasonable to expect a certain level of care.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluebicycle What do you mean by "everything is going to fall apart"? I do not think you are expecting too much. You want and need help during these stressful times, much like others out there. Of course everyone has different needs, but I do not think it is unreasonable to expect a certain level of care.

I mean that the not in person therapy will weaken the relationship between my therapist and I so much that when we do see each other I won't be able to feel like I can...trust her...? Or just trust therapy, in general.

I feel that I deserve a decent level of care, too. But I'm not really sensing that my T wants to do more than a quick phone check-in. She's carrying her own clients plus several of another therapist's clients, I understand that. It's just that she's telling me more about her "stuff" than she's asking about mine. Her behavior is disturbing the way I feel about her. But then I feel like maybe I'm expecting too much during this time of societal crisis.

I see. Try to take things a day at a time. Try not to think too far ahead, but instead, live and think in the moment. You don't want to stress yourself out more than you are right now. Thinking too far ahead can lead to anxious, catastrophic thinking, which does us no good. We need to ground ourselves by taking deep breaths and reminding ourselves that while sh_t *does* happen, that doesn't mean *everything* will go to sh_t.

Also, I do think you need to address your concerns with your therapist. Again, I think it's 100% okay to tell her that you're not receiving adequate care for your needs. I think a discussion needs to be had because if she currently thinks it's okay to talk about herself, I don't foresee herself stopping that behavior unless you point it out to her and explain how it's affecting you.

Believe me, I have been there with a therapist (like 3 years ago). He would often compare my depressions to his breakups, regardless of what I was depressed about. He would be like, "yeah, I know. depression is hard. I had a nasty breakup a few years back and I was depressed for about a week. it hurt a lot." errr... I think you can see what's wrong with that picture. So one day, I told him that his "breakup" discussions weren't helpful at all, and he immediately respected my wishes by stopping those "breakup" stories.

I mean that the not in person therapy will weaken the relationship between my therapist and I so much that when we do see each other I won't be able to feel like I can...trust her...? Or just trust therapy, in general. Tell T this while you still can.

Excellent advice, blue! I have a persistent habit of obsessing about what *might* happen rather than where things are today. My therapist pointed that out a long time ago, but I never got a sense of what she expected me to do about it.

Grrrrr....I understand exactly what went on with your therapist, because that's what mine does. It used to be an occasional mention...no big deal. Then she started saying that she felt like we'd be friends if she wasn't my therapist My red flag went up when she said that. More and more she talks about herself. I'm wondering if she feels like she's not sure how to help me, so she turns our sessions into "visits."

Thank you, blue

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom I mean that the not in person therapy will weaken the relationship between my therapist and I so much that when we do see each other I won't be able to feel like I can...trust her...? Or just trust therapy, in general. Tell T this while you still can.

Thank you, MM. I'm wondering if I should call her today. I get worried about burdening her. I start caretaking her. I hate that I do that and I wish she'd stop me. Shite.

Okay. I'll call her today. I can't cope with this damned anxiety.

Tell us how it goes.

How did your call go???

Hey, Beth, I hope the call went well.

I want to second what blue bicycle said on the first page about body language. Just today, in fact, during my conversation with my T she said, "I can't see your body language so I want to be sure you'd tell me if you weren't doing well." ...And she and I are close. She can read a lot from my voice and diction, so for a T body language must be vital. Without it they're doing their best they can for us.

Not that it's everything, I just wanted to share my experience to reinforce blue's perspective. I hope it helps.

Thanks to each of you, I had the inspiration to call. I am so glad I did! I explained to her how I was feeling, and as I was realized I miss her. After all, there was no warning of this...just went in for a session and it was, "No in person sessions for months." No clinic thatI'm used to.

She was incredibly supportive, understanding, and genuine.

I am so very glad that I called!

I really appreciate you bringing up this topic, BethRags!

I have also been feeling dissatisfied and frustrated with therapy and my psychiatrist video sessions. It's all so "distant". Distant. Between technical issues (freezing screens, loss of sound, delays) and the almost lack of reality of it all (like not "really" meeting with them), I almost wish it would stop for a bit. I find my psychiatrist and I talking over each other a lot, which is something we never otherwise do. His face and voice appear almost different, which is disconcerting. I get the feeling he feels the exact same way as me about all of this. During such a stressful period, it is hard to be feeling the stress in the people that are usually our rocks. As outrageous as this may sound, I almost feel as if I am mildly grieving their loss, especially of my psychiatrist. I am reminded of the uncertainty of my future because of all of this. Yesterday, I had a video session with my psychiatrist. We got through everything, including scheduling a new appointment. Then the video suddenly stopped before saying any kind of goodbye. Neither of us called back for that. We just ended it there, likely saying "Oh, well!" to ourselves.

You've been given a lot of good advice from others here. I'm afraid I have nothing much more to offer than to write that this will eventually pass. I am betting that our first times back in our tdoc/pdoc's offices could feel strange, but that that strangeness will ease quickly and we'll feel back to a normal again. This may eventually feel like the memory of a weird dream. In the meantime, we must hold on tight and do our best.