My little post of all my ****ed upedness so I don't spam the board!

Victoria'smom · Apr 09, 2020 at 04:32 PM

Why are you so worried about being alone?

Possible trigger:

I don't want someone to come murder me (normal concern for me not mood related), I don't want to hurt myself trying to ground myself and go to far (normal concern not mood related), I don't want to hurt myself for fun and go to far (current mood), I don't want to develop a head ache and od because time's running slow. (I've done this before).

Then there's the fact I can shop online and destroy our lives, drinking alone for me isn't safe. And who knows what other Ideas I will get. Last night I wanted to walk to walmart 2 miles alone in the dark when I physically can hardly walk to the car.

Victoria'smom · Apr 09, 2020 at 04:40 PM

I don't want to worry my parents. I can't hear my thoughts because the music is blaring to loud. I want to do impulsive behaviors but H keeps telling me no. I can't concentrate. so all I'm doing is typing on PC.

Victoria'smom · Apr 09, 2020 at 05:19 PM

My mom was just here. It went well. I was already standing and just kept busy.

Victoria'smom · Apr 09, 2020 at 06:23 PM

Listening to two songs at once is so much better!!!

*Beth* · Apr 09, 2020 at 07:04 PM

First, you are not annoying at all. Next- I give you credit for knowing your limitations. Third, I thought I was the only one to listen to 2 songs at once

Victoria'smom · Apr 09, 2020 at 09:11 PM

Beth

BeyondtheRainbow · Apr 09, 2020 at 10:02 PM

Not annoying; I'm just worried about you. You seem so anxious and it sounds like the only solution to the anxiety is to be with someone which is not easily done. Do you think you are feeling this because you are anxious or because you are having a mood episode?

Either way I think your therapist and/or pdoc need to know about the anxiety and fears you are having because they are disrupting your life. When I go to my pdoc I have to do a computer assessment thing that asks a bunch of questions about symptoms and then how much they are affecting your life. In your case it sounds like the severity may be worse than you'd rate the symptoms. I've had that happen before and it is disconcerting for sure. But whatever the cause you need to feel better.

Victoria'smom · Apr 09, 2020 at 10:25 PM

My dad's pissing me off! We told them Miguel is turning down the state university to go to the local college BECAUSE M told everyone he was going to the university. All my dad had to say was negative and how he's turning his back on an opportunity that he'll always regret, job prospects will suck, he's smarter then that....but it's his choice. I'm damn proud he's continuing college. He has choose debt free and (I have a feeling) he put his health first. It really bothers me. I didn't say anything, never do but dude he's going to college. That's a huge deal especially for him. I don't know what I expected they don't get along great with him they've always been critical of him. It just saddens me he is treated so different then the other grand kids.

Victoria'smom · 11:17 PM

BeyondtheRainbow- I don't feel anxious. I'm actually less anxious then normal. I feel like I took a kolodipin anxiety wise. I can't stop shaking my leg though. I can't even label this enough to tell them what's going on. Here are my notes to T so far
NVM to personal

I want to say some of this is my normal and things that I wouldn't say in person so I'm going to say them over the phone. It's the not normal stuff that makes me wonder if I'm "UP". I am safe and H knows this.

Victoria'smom · Apr 09, 2020 at 10:49 PM

Forgot to add that I want to talk to T and figure this out before talking to pdoc. So I'll talk to T Thursday and if need be talk to pdoc next Monday. Unless T thinks it's an emergency and has one of there pdoc call me. The good thing is I'm not psychotic and but I keep thinking H is on the phone with my T but he doesn't even know her full name.

Victoria'smom · Apr 10, 2020 at 04:51 AM

6 am and I'm still *****ing and red hot with anger.

Victoria'smom · Apr 10, 2020 at 07:41 AM

Finally calm enough to lay down.

Apr 10, 2020 at 07:48 AM

Glad you were able to calm down, MM. I deal with severe rage issues, too, at times. It is definitely no fun.

I know you're not exactly the biggest fan of taking meds, and I know you want to go off them. However, based on how you're feeling now, do you think you would be able to cope well without meds?

Victoria'smom · Apr 10, 2020 at 01:13 PM

I'm still mad lol
I know you're not exactly the biggest fan of taking meds, and I know you want to go off them. However, based on how you're feeling now, do you think you would be able to cope well without meds? not currently, but there's got to be skills I'm missing or prn meds for when this happens.

Apr 10, 2020 at 01:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I'm still mad lol
I know you're not exactly the biggest fan of taking meds, and I know you want to go off them. However, based on how you're feeling now, do you think you would be able to cope well without meds? not currently, but there's got to be skills I'm missing or prn meds for when this happens.

In my opinion, one of the biggest coping "skills" for managing bipolar symptoms is the skill of knowing how to effectively use distractions. Having a list of distractions will help you, but only to a degree if you don't know how to effectively use them.

Of course there are traditional coping skills like "listen to nature sounds" or "do some rhythmic breathing," but oftentimes, coping skills only do so much for us when we're symptomatic, and the more frequent we use them, there is the risk of them becoming less effective over time. So, that's where distractions are important. I think there are more combinations of distractions out there than traditional coping mechanisms. I mean, there are only so many different breathing exercises you can do, while there are endless possibilities for distractions, if that makes sense. So, you need to build up your arsenal of distractions. Maybe even talk to your therapist about coming up with a list if the ones people posted here won't work for you.

Fuzzybear · Apr 10, 2020 at 06:20 PM

Thinking of you...

Victoria'smom · Apr 11, 2020 at 02:41 PM

So I stayed away yesterday because I was pissed off. and didn't want to take it out on you guys. I getting "Why are you yelling?" asked a lot.

Fuzzybear · Apr 11, 2020 at 05:10 PM

That's very thoughtful of you. I haven't seen you taking anger out on anyone here

Fuzzybear · Apr 11, 2020 at 05:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

6 am and I'm still *****ing and red hot with anger.

I'm angry too. It sucks

BeyondtheRainbow · Apr 11, 2020 at 09:46 PM

Are you feeling any better?

PS your lists look good. I should probably do the same since I have trouble focusing on video or worse phone. Video doesn't work very well wiht my therapist so we get on, see each other for a while and then the connection is lost and we switch to phone. It's hard.

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Victoria'smom Legendary Member Since Apr 2012 Location: Earth Posts: 14,906 (SuperPoster!) 12 5,442 hugs given	Apr 09, 2020 at 05:19 PM #43 My mom was just here. It went well. I was already standing and just kept busy. __________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog
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Victoria'smom Legendary Member Since Apr 2012 Location: Earth Posts: 14,906 (SuperPoster!) 12 5,442 hugs given	Apr 09, 2020 at 06:23 PM #44 Listening to two songs at once is so much better!!! __________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog
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Beth catches the flowers Member Since Jul 2019 Location: Downtown Vibes, California Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!) 4 23.7k hugs given	Apr 09, 2020 at 07:04 PM #45 First, you are not annoying at all. Next- I give you credit for knowing your limitations. Third, I thought I was the only one to listen to 2 songs at once __________________
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Victoria'smom Legendary Member Since Apr 2012 Location: Earth Posts: 14,906 (SuperPoster!) 12 5,442 hugs given	Apr 09, 2020 at 09:11 PM #46 Beth __________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog
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Victoria'smom Legendary Member Since Apr 2012 Location: Earth Posts: 14,906 (SuperPoster!) 12 5,442 hugs given	Apr 10, 2020 at 04:51 AM #51 6 am and I'm still ***ing and red hot with anger. __________________ Dx: Me- SzA** Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog
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Victoria'smom Legendary Member Since Apr 2012 Location: Earth Posts: 14,906 (SuperPoster!) 12 5,442 hugs given	Apr 10, 2020 at 07:41 AM #52 Finally calm enough to lay down. __________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog
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Anonymous35014 Guest Posts: n/a	Apr 10, 2020 at 07:48 AM #53 Glad you were able to calm down, MM. I deal with severe rage issues, too, at times. It is definitely no fun. I know you're not exactly the biggest fan of taking meds, and I know you want to go off them. However, based on how you're feeling now, do you think you would be able to cope well without meds?
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Fuzzybear Wisest Elder Ever Member Since Nov 2002 Location: Cave. Posts: 96,331 (SuperPoster!) 21 81.2k hugs given	Apr 10, 2020 at 06:20 PM #56 Thinking of you... __________________
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Victoria'smom Legendary Member Since Apr 2012 Location: Earth Posts: 14,906 (SuperPoster!) 12 5,442 hugs given	Apr 11, 2020 at 02:41 PM #57 So I stayed away yesterday because I was pissed off. and didn't want to take it out on you guys. I getting "Why are you yelling?" asked a lot. __________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog
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Fuzzybear Wisest Elder Ever Member Since Nov 2002 Location: Cave. Posts: 96,331 (SuperPoster!) 21 81.2k hugs given	Apr 11, 2020 at 05:10 PM #58 That's very thoughtful of you. I haven't seen you taking anger out on anyone here __________________
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