My little post of all my ****ed upedness so I don't spam the board!

So I'm having mood whiplash. I slept for Maybe 3.5 hours. I had a 30 min argument with my son that I was not going back to bed. He wants me to take melitonin and take my *** to sleep but it's daytime. I decided against taking my meds last night but I promise I'll take them tonight and I don't break promises. I don't know whether to take an ambien tonight or melitonin.

My waist long hair is so knotted it's above my shoulders. I tried detaingling it several days ago with no luck. This whole self care thing I suck at.

So T keeps asking to do Zoom but I'm uncomfortable with that. First off She's going to notice my hair. I'm always perfectly showered and well kept when I show up there no matter how I actually feel. Plus I don't want her to see my house that's an odd invasion of privacy. Plus my bed is up against a window (no other place in the house is private). Has anyone ever taken there own notes in therapy? So both you and T take notes. I "see" T next Thursday.

Sorry to hear you're struggling, MM.

It is ultimately up to you if you want to do Zoom, but I personally don't think she will care about how your hair, etc. looks. Therapists know and understand that these times are stressful on a lot of us, and that this stress impacts everyone in different ways.

If you still don't feel comfortable, it's okay to tell your therapist that you're NOT comfortable going on camera. You don't have to tell her why if telling her the real reason will upset you, but a good therapist will respect your boundaries if you politely tell them, "no, I do not wish to do this." If your therapist continues to push you, though, then you need to push back and again, say, "no, I do not wish to do this. This is what I have decided."

I want to drink, smoke, .... do tons of bad things but I have no bad things to do. If I ask to do bad things I'll just get told no.

Why do you want to do bad things? Did something happen?

Thanks blue I have no problem saying no to her. I have more then enough excuses of why not.

Why do you want to do bad things? Did something happen? Nothing happen I think it would be fun. I know logically it won't turn out good but still sounds fun.

I do think it is good that you know doing bad things won't turn out well. It's important to recognize when things are unhealthy.

not to shamelessly promote my own thread, but I asked people on here to list their distractions and coping mechanisms: Let's support each other by sharing distractions that people can use

Maybe you can use one of those distraction techniques to keep yourself safe?

Yes Ive taken notes with a T and with pdoc. I just am not always that great in the memory department.

I am safe. I'm posting here, blaring music in my head phones. I'm going to wake up H soon.

By the time I "see" T next week I'll be fine. I always get better a day or two before my appointments. I guess it's self preservation.

I'm mad at my son because he was all set for college and now he chose a different school and we have to start all over again and may have to pay for summer semester. He has a month before classes start and has to get everything possessed by then. At least he's excited gets to keep his treatment team. Hopefully He'll be able to get his masters in what he wants with the path he's going.

My husband's grumpy boo. I didn't even wake him when I SOOOOOO wanted to. My son has decided to walk around the complex every hour from morning to 8 pm.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom So I'm having mood whiplash. I slept for Maybe 3.5 hours. I had a 30 min argument with my son that I was not going back to bed. He wants me to take melitonin and take my *** to sleep but it's daytime. I decided against taking my meds last night but I promise I'll take them tonight and I don't break promises. I don't know whether to take an ambien tonight or melitonin. If Ambien works well for you...well, I'd take that, myself. My waist long hair is so knotted it's above my shoulders. I tried detaingling it several days ago with no luck. This whole self care thing I suck at. Some years ago mine did that so I dreadlocked it and I've never loved my hair more. I know...it's not for everyone. Maybe I really am nuts, but I think tangled hair is sexy. So T keeps asking to do Zoom but I'm uncomfortable with that. If one more person tells me to do Zoom I'm gonna puke on their feet. First off She's going to notice my hair. I'm always perfectly showered and well kept when I show up there no matter how I actually feel. Plus I don't want her to see my house that's an odd invasion of privacy. Plus my bed is up against a window (no other place in the house is private). Has anyone ever taken there own notes in therapy? So both you and T take notes. I "see" T next Thursday. Actually, you've made a good point about her seeing your house and privacy. I've never thought of that, but if you feel awkward about the breach of privacy that's a boundary that needs to be respected. I seldom take notes in therapy, but I often bring notes to therapy. I have, however, thought that taking notes during session would be helpful because my memory is so bad.

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Questioning my DX's I'm asking T and maybe Pdoc. Would you change your pdoc if your T and pdoc don't agree? I like my pdoc she's med lite, never has hospitalized me, but doesn't have access to my therapy notes. Pdoc has me down as BPII but I trust her.

I was also told no to drinking.

Thinking of you ...

So I just put together Miguel's 2.5 year plan for his bachelors. Had it approved by H and M and sent to his adviser because She didn't understand what my husband was saying about him not going right into the Bachelor program. The adviser was confused why he's turning down a university for the college.

Well I know your struggling with wanting to get off meds, that's a pretty constant for you.. I hope your Pdoc can lower doses and you still function well.. but honestly you seem resigned to settle for what your life is right now, Bad thoughts, wearing headphones to make it through the day and night. Spring time is usually very bad/hard on you.. You deserve a life you enjoy and can engage in, not stay in bed and hide.

You deserve better...But only you can reach for it

I'm not always like this and I'm honest with them. I'm happy right now but trying not to bother anyone that's why I have my headphones on. My bad thoughts don't bother me because they sound fun. Now tonight when I feel like hell that'll be different. I'm not a danger. I don't feel this is bad enough to call anyone plus they'll take away my happy. My pdoc isn't around until Monday anyway. I could call T but she may over react. I can't be in the hospital right now and she doesn't like my pdoc to begin with. Is a weird situation because pdoc doesn't have my notes and I'm logical even when I shouldn't be. Another pdoc told me I couldn't be BP because I can think about the consequences. I just don't give a **** about them so it's a personality disorder. Basically my first pdoc sucked and I question everything. I grew up with mental health services/hospitalization/group home being threatened if I stepped out of line. So That compounds my issue I still think anything I say will lead to hospitalization. And for someone that mistrusts everyone/thing the hospital is a scary place. I don't think I need the hospital though I'm not doing anything bad and wont for fear of hospitalization. I'm not going to reduce meds any time soon. That's not the plan.

Let play what the hell is this mood? Is it high enough to be manic? hypo manic? low enough to be mixed? Is this day 1? or have my posts been (insert mood) for a while?

Would you let a T read a thread like this? not that mine will.