Bipolar check-in #46

It's not really that I ''can't'' speak about it. It's more my internal censors. It's not anything I ''should be ashamed of'' or anything like that...

I do sometimes journal a bit..

Glad someone is having fun

Good news is always appreciated (as you know

I hadn't heard of that, and I would have fun with that too

Hey there!

Yes, that was a huge trigger.
Please be careful about how much you get triggered in a day.
There's no prize for exposing yourself beyond what's good for you.
I have to remind myself of this.
Maybe you can do a soothing activity before you turn in tonight?
It might lessen the adrenaline rush from the triggering?

(((((( Fuzzy ))))))

May you feel surrounded by Love!

Gonna call my doc tomorrow and try to get an emergency appointment.

Thank you (((((((( Wild Coyote )))))))

What a great idea!
I am glad to hear you are having fun!
Maybe you could paint one of your dreams?
I'll bet you will find lots of ideas!

Enjoy!!!

Oliver--could you call the crisis line or you rtherapist or pdoc, please, maybe, like, right now?

Sending you love and support and safe hugs!!!!!!!!!! Don't give up. You will get through this. It will pass. It always passes.

Just for me, I have found keeping it in or stuffing to almost always make me sicker and unhappier. Maybe the journal is a nice idea...

You can always PM me, Fuzzy. You alwyas have my love ahd support!!!!!!

Good for you, falcon, for looking out for you. I hope it goes well!!!!!!!!

thanks ... yeah stuffing it makes me sicker and unhappier for sure

The world certainly seems to have gone crazy with unrest and pandemic. Things are quiet in my little world. I got my dog in for her heartworm test. Negative yay! I took a shower today. A few things are getting done. Tired of COVID-19. Feel mildly depressed as per usual for this time of year. Just want something good to happen.

I got 4h of sleep at nigth and I am feeling better. IDK why those violent thoughts come to me (I feel an enormous urge to SH because It looks like the funniest things to do and almost like a duty. However, I will not do it. I do not want to end up in the hospital!).

Crazy, inside and aside

"Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a
thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance."
I have no mouth and I must scream -Harlan Ellison-

I hope your doc is able to help!
Good for you for having the insight.

Couldn't sleep, listening to music to drown out voices, office opens at 7 and ill call at 730

I am glad you are okay OliverB.

I have to tell you that your posts re: your "violent thoughts" are not funny at all.
These "violent funniest things to do" posts are frequent in the depression forum. You post these "violent" thoughts and you then won't help yourself by following through on suggestions for getting help. None of it is "funniest."

Hopefully, whenever you are ready, you'll get help.

Maybe you could:

Start a thread regarding your violent thoughts. This way, members upset/triggered by your chronically "violent" content could simply avoid your thread. Members not bothered by the content can participate in your thread.

Just a thought.

Take care, Oliver B.

I hope you can get your needs met by your doc today.
Very wise of you to reach out for help before the weekend begins!

Ugh. Yesterday I felt so wiped out from seroquel that I fell asleep on my phone call to work. I woke up in a panic, thinking I had missed something. Thankfully I hadn’t. I tried very hard to go to sleep without it last night but by about 12:30 I relented. I cut my pill in half and only took 25mg. It helped but I still feel very tired today. Not as tired as yesterday but tired nonetheless.

I want off this evil drug.

Doctor is on vacation, talked to my therapist and he's trying to get in contact with the doctor at the partial hospital program he works at.

I am so frightened by what's happening in my country. I never thought in a million years that this would be tolerated for so long. I am deeply saddened that a democracy is starting to look like a dictatorship. It must change at the end of the year. Must! If not, I am going to ask my husband to move to Europe. But even there, I wonder how safe we will be. Putin and his buddy could try to take over the world and create what many would perceive as an evil empire. And you all know who is most hurt under such totalitarian regimes? The perceived "weak" and those that the hierarchy believes as "inferior".

My husband grew up under communism, a country with totalitarian rule. He knows what it looks like and how it operates. He escaped that in search for more freedom. Now, he believes life in his old country may possibly be better for us. Communist rule was broken down by the Velvet Revolution. But is CZ fully safe? The Ukraine is not that far away, and they have been invaded. There were consequences for that invasion, but in the last few years, those consequences have gradually been taken away, to a large degree.

It's not really tolerated, if I am honest. Most people are sick of it but cannot do anything about it until November. Just read his Twitter and look at all the negative comments. Also look at Reddit. Even people of the same party are sick of it and turning on him.

Putin won't take over the world. Maybe Ukraine and possibly Syria, but not the world. Hitler tried that and look what happened.