Masked Therapy

Thanks all.

Yes, we have to wear masks unless we are at home or inside our own car. And I fully support that. I'm just concerned about...I dunno...expressing myself in therapy (and her the same). I'd hate for therapy to turn into a discussion about the latest books we've read or other trite subjects. Another consideration is that masks generally blur speech so it's difficult to understand each other.

Adjustments...*sigh*

If your T sessions ever veer off point, Then say,, Excuse me we need to be talking about X..... I dont think the Mask will be near the problem you think. I have 50% hearing loss and I have had no trouble while out hearing what others are saying at social distancing + wearing an actual thick mask .. We show more of how we react with body language than anything our mouth is going to physically show.

I hope she is able to open her office soon, But I thought I heard your state might have extended some thing further...

Hang in there

Okay, now I'm confused!

I thought I'd read you've been able to find a webcam ? I guess I had hoped the webcam might get you out of the masked therapy?
Maybe I'm hoping for too much? Maybe it's too early and I should go back to bed?

The televideo and the masked therapy approach(es) can be quite taxing for our providers, too. My pdoc/therapist is quite stressed by suddenly having to deal with "techie" challenges on top of offering therapy. I find it helpful to remain mindful of the fact that we are all trying to adjust to the need for alternative methods of conducting therapy.

Either way, I believe in your ability to find the silver lining(s) while reaping meaningful rewards with each session. You can do it!

Thanks Christina. Yeah, my T told me last week "it's looking like about 2 weeks and we'll open." Hmm. I doubt that at this point...from what our gov is saying it'll be more like (at least) a month...or more



WC, yes, you remember correctly. I have ordered a webcam. The clinic has an IT person who will walk me through the process of setting up the webcam, etc. I'm just so nervous about it. What if I totally cannot understand how to use the thing? I'll feel like a dork.

If all goes well and I am able to make use of the webcam (and my providers and I are able to connect properly) I'm still uptight. Doing therapy by webcam...ugggghhh. I guess I just plain feel like my therapy situation has fallen apart.

Doing pdoc appointments using the webcam should be more helpful than phone only, though.

As for the tech stuff being hard on providers - definitely. My T has mentioned it, several times. And while my pdoc strongly encourages me to use telemedicine she has a horrible time with technology! When I've been in her office she always struggles with getting prescriptions sent to my pharmacy and keeps saying I don't know why this isn't working...

Ah, we shall see

Beth, that is great that your provider has an IT person to help you through the steps of using your webcam for a video visit! If they have an IT person, they have enough faith in the IT person to do it for them, and if you have faith in your providers, you may extend that faith to the IT person.

Earlier in Beth's thread, Wild Coyote's suggested and BirdDancer's encouraged using Doxy.me. Thanks to their suggestions, I had my first video appt with my therapist today using the free level Doxy.me video appt! Yay!! It went much better than I feared, and I am very grateful for it. For me, a video meeting was so much better than a phone call for therapy. We were both engaged in it. I feel much more positive about continuing with our visits than I was getting after at least a month, maybe 2 months of phone visits. A video appt is different than an in-person visit, but, for me, it is fine.

Beth's concerns about the webcam and video appt were also true for me. What motivated me to go ahead was that
* phone therapy visits work poorly for me
* getting a webcam and learning some kind of video meeting also opens the door for me to do video visits with distant friends and family or participating in distant conference that would be better than by phone.
* If I move or for some non-COVID reason can't go to an in-person meeting, I could still continue with my therapist. My therapist also brought up that she had a client who had moved away who still wanted to see her, and this video meeting technology could allow that.
* Learning to do telemedicine can also be helpful for the future. Things were already slowly moving towards telemedicine before COVID, and COVID has definitely sped it up.

Beth's points above about the therapist and pdoc also having a problem with the technology was an issue for my therapist. She doesn't have an IT person. She is familiar with Apple products, but not all of her clients use them. I put together and emailed her some of the materials at Doxy.me for providers about it being HIPAA compliant, encrypted for confidentiality for provider and client, nothing to download for provider or client, clients don't have to register, and it is free for the free basic level (there is also a pay level for providers and a pay level for clinics that have more extensive features). The free level has only LD (Low Definition) video, but I thought it was fine. LD uses less bandwidth and computer power, so that can lead to a more stable connection and more people being able to use it.

Both my therapist and I were concerned before the appt just about whether the technology would work. She had to do some work to get it set up before hand, so this was her first time with Doxy.me. At the end of the appt she said she would try to get her other clients on it, too. She said that insurance companies are concerned about Facetime and some of the other video apps, and using them now is OK now because of the COVID crisis. But she said that insurance companies have indicated that at some point, there needs to be more confidentiality etc. Doxy.me is designed for telemedicine.

She was also concerned about how difficult it would be for her clients. I told her I was also concerned and glad to see it work. (In addition to BP, I also have GAD, and am in my early 70s and technology change is difficult, so I was anxious. ) But I had found the Doxy.me checkin list (Check-in flyer for patients | Doxy.me Help Center), and that helped calm me about what the experience would be one-step-at-a-time and to try to have faith in the process that looked pretty simple.

For me with my anxiety, it was difficult to face and walk into my fears and have faith in the process to learn and get things set up to do video appts. For me it was worth the effort, and I feel a little bit elated tonight--but not too elated to be hypomania yet, I hope

Beth, best wishes with using a mask or video meetings!

@Rick7892 Fantastic!!!

I'm happy the doxy.me worked well for you, @Rick7892!

Tomorrow I'm seeing my therapist in her office...masks and across the room distancing.

I'm fine with pdoc by telemedicine. I'm not "getting it" for therapy, though. I'll feel things out tomorrow, but if she's still insisting on video sessions I'm leaning towards telling her I need to stop therapy...or maybe just check in a couple of times/month.

I don't know exactly what it is, but I can't stop feeling creeped out by video sessions with my therapist. Some of it is self-consciousness. Some of it is because it feels like blurry boundaries. A lot of it is that talking to a computer screen seems nutty to me.

Would I be able to get used to it? I dunno...maybe I'm just too old for it.I mean, the first time I sat down at a computer I was in my mid-30's. It's not like I was raised with technology like younger people were/are. The video therapy seems ingenuine to me, like play-acting. Ugh. Sorry...I'm rambling. Trying to figure out...well, I'll see how it all goes tomorrow.

Best wishes for tomorrow!

For me, talking to my therapist into a telephone is nutty because I just hear a voice coming out of a box. It was kinda OK for a couple of times, but I was becoming increasingly disconnected to point I wondered about continuing. I am a visual person, and I saw no person when I looked at a box that was talking and when my eyes drifted onto seeing other stuff, my mental connection with the telephone call and my therapist drifted.

Video conferencing is not talking to a blank computer screen. It is talking to the live image of my therapist on my computer screen, who is looking back at me. I see her reaction (or not) plus hear her response at the same time. I see her, she is real, and we are looking at each other. My eyes don't drift all over the place like in a phone call.

For me, I would prefer video conferencing where neither my therapist nor I wear a mask to an in-person visit where we both wear masks. With masks neither of us can see facial expressions and seems more sterile. And being distant from each other in a room doesn't help.

Beth, how about giving a video meeting with your therapist one try before making a decision to quit therapy or reduce visits? The first visit may be awkward, but it isn't a job interview or a test!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rick7892 Best wishes for tomorrow! Thank you so much, Rick. I'll definitely follow up here. For me, talking to my therapist into a telephone is nutty because I just hear a voice coming out of a box. It was kinda OK for a couple of times, but I was becoming increasingly disconnected to point I wondered about continuing. I hated phone therapy! I think it's good as an option for some people, especially older folks who need support, someone to check in on them. But I, too, felt disconnected. I couldn't do any kind of real therapeutic work over the phone. I am a visual person, and I saw no person when I looked at a box that was talking and when my eyes drifted onto seeing other stuff, my mental connection with the telephone call and my therapist drifted. I miss her office. For example, there's a stuffed frog...somehow it made me feel "real" when I looked at it. It was like, Okay. You're here, you can really talk. Not so when I'm in my own home, stressed because a motorcycle whips by or something and suddenly I'm totally distracted. Video conferencing is not talking to a blank computer screen. It is talking to the live image of my therapist on my computer screen, who is looking back at me. I see her reaction (or not) plus hear her response at the same time. I see her, she is real, and we are looking at each other. My eyes don't drift all over the place like in a phone call. For me, I would prefer video conferencing where neither my therapist nor I wear a mask to an in-person visit where we both wear masks. With masks neither of us can see facial expressions and seems more sterile. And being distant from each other in a room doesn't help. While the mask is unusual for sure, by now I'm somewhat used to wearing one whenever I leave the house. It's the distance part that I'm really concerned about. I mean...practically yelling to each other across the room? How weird is that?! Beth, how about giving a video meeting with your therapist one try before making a decision to quit therapy or reduce visits? The first visit may be awkward, but it isn't a job interview or a test! Thank you so, so much for that suggestion. I hadn't thought of it. Since I have an appointment with my pdoc on Friday, I will see how the video goes with her...how it feels. Get some experience with it. Funny thing is that a few years ago I did video conferencing from my clinic to a pdoc in another clinic. I liked him. I wished we were seeing each other in person. But there was definitely something missing. The thing is, I don't know if that had to do with the video or if would have been the same "missing something" feeling had we met in person. Anyway, thank you again for sharing your experience and suggestions.

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I thoroughly enjoy meeting on televideo. Sure, I prefer to meet in person and without masks. However, it's not an option just yet. Like Rick, I definitely prefer to meet by video over meeting in person with masks on. Just my two cents.

I like Rick's invite for you to try televideo just once before giving up on it?

Looking forward to learning just how things go for you!

Thanks, WC! One things for sure...the session tomorrow will sure be an adventure. I kind of feel like a pioneer, charting new territory

For me too, it was re-assuring to go into my previous therapist's office and see some of the things such as rocks, a wall tapestry, or posters that I would look at each visit. The office seemed more homey that way. With COVID and a new therapist, I only have had one visit in her office but her office was homey, too. I could see enough of it during the video conference to recognize that she was in her office.

In a video call with your therapist, you might be able to see the frog in the background. If not, you could ask your therapist to put it in view. I think she would be happy to do so.

Best wishes for your visit tomorrow!

Frog = good idea

Hey BethRaggs,

That Rick guy is such a nice guy!
It's fun to have him around!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote Hey BethRaggs, That Rick guy is such a nice guy! It's fun to have him around!

He sure is!

So I had the masked/distanced appointment with my therapist. It was good to be in the clinic. It was good to say hi to the receptionists I've known for several years and used to seeing at least 3 times/week, but haven't seen at all for 10 weeks. Everything was stringent; temperature taken, questions asked/answered, several stops at hand sanitizer stations. All of that was okay with me.

I felt comfortable and so safe to be in my therapist's office. And sad. It was really sad, and pretty miserable.

That said, we needed to meet in person. The entire structure of my therapy needs to be reformatted.

The mask wearing wasn't terrible; mostly, I felt sleepy after a while, which I believe was from not getting quite enough oxygen. Sitting across the room from each other seemed kind of silly to me. The coach I sit on is a good 5 feet from her usual chair. She's extremely cautious because she has immune system issues. I certainly understand her concern/fear. At the same time it seems that if someone can't wholly do her job, maybe it's time to retire. It's like...if I have a job in which I have to lift heavy items and I hurt my back and can no longer lift the stuff, I would need to go out on disability.

Anyway. I spoke openly with her. I voiced my concerns about teletherapy. I made it clear that not having in-person appointments simply cannot allow the depth of therapy that is necessary to really "do the work."

She agreed. She told me there are still so many areas (trauma) that I need to work with, but that she's not comfortable with doing trauma work by video. And I completely agree with that. I mean, this is my mind, this is my life.

We discussed it all. We talked about how we're pioneers (ALL of us alive at this time are!). She said that the format of all psychotherapy will change in major ways, at least for the foreseeable future, and maybe permanently.

We discussed a plan for the time being. She said that she believes having a supportive connection is better than no connection. I suppose I agree, but barely. We discussed the importance of being upfront on video (for example, if there's noise or disruption say so, rather than straining to make it all "perfect").

I had been seeing my therapist twice a week, which was going so well. Then I was talking with her on the phone twice per week, which was absurd. When I left her office today I made appointments for once/week, with the idea that I'll see how teletherapy goes (thanks Rick and WC).

I left the clinic feeling sad and angry. And confused. I felt mildly suicidal. I mean, in the sense that I am sooo tired of being in pain. I'm so tired of...all of this. Saying good-bye to everyone as I left the clinic was miserable. I wanted to cry, but what's the point? Crying won't change anything. It would have just gotten my mask snotty and wet.

That's where it's at. I have the first telemedicine appointment with my pdoc on Friday. I expect that will go okay.

I don't even know when my next appt. with my therapist is. I just don't feel like looking at the appointment sheet.

Now the demons have returned, telling me I should have listened to them, that they knew this therapy would be no good. My mother is telling me that seeing that woman was wrong, just a way to hurt my mother. Now I realize that the man who stands and stares is just the leader of the demons. The demons, it turns out, were correct and I should have listened. Everything has been blown apart.

I feel ashamed, but I think I'll call my pdoc tomorrow and, if she's in, tell her I need help. I would like to email my therapist and tell her I hate her, that if she won't see clients in person she should just retire. She has sooo lied to me, telling me she'd hold hope for me and crap like that. I'm hurt and so angry.

Bethrags, do you mean demons in a metaphorical sense, or are you hearing from actual demons? It sounds tough either way, and reaching out to your psychiatrist is probably a good idea. Do you think it might be useful to discuss with your therapist how you are feeling and they could help you figure it out? I think the issue I mentioned with my therapist has stirred up some emotions in me and I am trying to figure out what exactly I am feeling and if I want to talk it over with my therapist. Sending lots of compassion. It's such a tough time right now to deal with mental health and therapy.

Thank you very much for your reply, fleurs

The demons are evil... entities? Or these kind of beings who talk to me in my mind. I can "see" them in the sense that I know what they look like, and they're really creepy looking. My mom...she was always very threatened any time she thought I was talking about her to, say, a therapist. At the beginning of therapy I struggled hard with my mom warning me not to talk to "that lady." My T and I worked a lot on it (she called it trauma therapy). It took about a year of work before the demons and the "mom" voice stopped tormenting me.

Then last night it all returned. How can I deny that they were correct? They warned me and instead of listening to them, I listened to my therapist who, it turns out, betrayed me to quite an extent. I feel like a fool, they are mocking me. They were just waiting to return.

I recognize that maybe a medication adjustment might calm my mind. So I called my pdoc's office this morning, but then I lost my courage and made up some excuse for calling. I have to set up the webcam before I talk to her again, that's what she said last week.

Right now I'm going to call the clinic's IT department and see if they can help me set this thing up before my whole self comes unraveled.