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Old 05-22-2020, 02:09 PM   #11
BethRags
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I can imagine it would be quite triggering to feel yourself putting her needs first especially when the whole goal of therapy is to address your needs.

Yes, it just set off "the whole mess" again. Since I'll be talking (video) with her today, hopefully we can work stuff out.

What strength and courage it must have taken to care for your mother in her state at such a young age. You're really a remarkable lady Beth!

Aw, thank you. Yes, my mom needed to be cared for until she passed away when I was 42. It was hard...at times, when she became vicious, intolerable. But funny, I'd give a lot to go to lunch with her now.

I am hopeful the surgery goes very smoothly for you and you find your way back to crusing around on your injured foot again very soon.

Thank you! I'm so looking to getting back (eventually) to being able to take walks!
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Old 05-22-2020, 11:21 PM   #12
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Okay, had my first therapy appointment by video! It's not as bad as I had expected it to be. It's not as good as in-person, what can I say. But considering it was our 1st one things went smoothly as far as tech stuff.

The appointment was immensely helpful. I explained every single thought I had in my mind about everything from our last session. I told her about the demons. She reiterated that they are the result of trauma, and that mixed with BP it gets very challenging, very quickly. It happens when I feel abandoned and entirely alone.

Mostly, the demons are alongside my mom; like I've mentioned, she was quite mentally ill, married a man who was also severely mentally ill, and my dad was gone. There were big problems.

Possible trigger:


Anyway, I'm feeling fairly calmer after the therapy session. I was going to do once per week because I feel ashamed to take up so much of my therapist's time, but she said not now...still 2 times/week.
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Old 05-23-2020, 01:34 AM   #13
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I think perhaps it could be worth considering holding compassion for the fear your T is experiencing at this time. It is not personal or a choice she makes to harm her clients. It is a choice she makes from a fear based protective perspective. Human to human, amd especially a human who understands fear, you can respect that even if it is incongruent with her selected profession...

I want to thank you for this, fern. What you wrote was a wake-up call in a sense. It helped me when I had the session with my therapist today. And she had a good point...she told me that she is doing self care, and that that is important; something I can learn from.
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Old 05-26-2020, 08:20 PM   #14
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I want to thank you for this, fern. What you wrote was a wake-up call in a sense. It helped me when I had the session with my therapist today. And she had a good point...she told me that she is doing self care, and that that is important; something I can learn from.
You are more than welcome. I think it is really great your session went well. I feel you are incredibly brave for being honest with her about what you were seeing and how you were feeling.

I can understand her assessment of the demons. I projected some wild stuff onto my husband when my childhood trauma surfaced. It can be so incredibly powerful.

I can also relate to the stuff your mother did. I yelled all kinds of crazy things my children heard the night I was sick. I know it traumatized them. The scared look in their eyes is tremendous motivation for me to work hard to stay as balanced as possible. I can only imagine what would happen to them growing up with that as a constant presence.

Of course, what your step-father did to you was just horrible. Like your mother he was incredibly sick and most likely suffered great trauma as a child himself.

You aren't their victim anymore. You stopped the cycle and that is priceless. That is you stepping into your power. And... you fought hard for yourself last week at your T session. You were authentic. The scared child part of you probably really appreciated it. You loved her the way your parents should have. That's a great healing behavior. Virtual high five to you!

Surgery is on Thursday? I'll be thinking of you.
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Old 05-27-2020, 12:37 PM   #15
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You are more than welcome. I think it is really great your session went well. I feel you are incredibly brave for being honest with her about what you were seeing and how you were feeling.

I can understand her assessment of the demons. I projected some wild stuff onto my husband when my childhood trauma surfaced. It can be so incredibly powerful.

I can also relate to the stuff your mother did. I yelled all kinds of crazy things my children heard the night I was sick. I know it traumatized them. The scared look in their eyes is tremendous motivation for me to work hard to stay as balanced as possible. I can only imagine what would happen to them growing up with that as a constant presence.

Of course, what your step-father did to you was just horrible. Like your mother he was incredibly sick and most likely suffered great trauma as a child himself.

You aren't their victim anymore. You stopped the cycle and that is priceless. That is you stepping into your power. And... you fought hard for yourself last week at your T session. You were authentic. The scared child part of you probably really appreciated it. You loved her the way your parents should have. That's a great healing behavior. Virtual high five to you!

Surgery is on Thursday? I'll be thinking of you.
Thank you, thank you!
Yes, surgery tomorrow (Thurs.)
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Old 05-27-2020, 12:50 PM   #16
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Thank you, thank you!
Yes, surgery tomorrow (Thurs.)
I hope the surgery goes very very well for you, BethRags
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Old 05-27-2020, 02:13 PM   #17
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good luck
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Old 05-27-2020, 03:13 PM   #18
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Thank you Birdie

Thank you MM
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Old 05-27-2020, 10:30 PM   #19
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Good luck Beth
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Old 05-28-2020, 12:07 AM   #20
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Thanks so much, Christina!
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