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Junior Member
Member Since May 2020
Location: United States
Posts: 14
3 3 hugs
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#1
Hi all. This is my first time posting and I have to admit I am doing it half drunk. I struggle with shifts in moods even after 15 years of meds. I am going through a depression but I feel myself taking a big upswing and I have to admit I want it to come. A little psychosis and a hospital although horrifying seem better than dredging through another one of these episodes. But alas I can't because I have two teens and a husband that need me happy and whole. I have to hold it together yet again when all I want to do is let the dandelions fly. I know you all understand and I am sorry for venting with no question. I just needed to say it and let it fall from my fingertips. Thanks for listening and thank you for sharing yourselves in this forumn.
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Anonymous46341, BeyondtheRainbow, Bipolarchic14, bpcyclist, Fuzzybear, Innerzone, OliverB, Victoria'smom, wildflowerchild25, wiretwister
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bpcyclist, Fuzzybear, OliverB
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Elder
Member Since Mar 2013
Location: NJ
Posts: 6,433
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#2
Can 100% relate.
__________________ Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
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Anonymous46341, bpcyclist, Fuzzybear
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Fuzzybear
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#3
Welcome MamaBear4! I get what you are saying. No one wants to continue on a long path of depression or even major league "blah" feelings.
I'm going to write something that I probably shouldn't, but it is based on my experiences with such a desire as you express. Rather than aim for total manic destruction, have you ever thought about aiming higher than stable, but...not too very high. My psychiatrist knows I've spent a rather large percentage of my life "riding just below maximum speed" before reaching full blown. And I like it pretty well. Unlike for others, when I've reached full blown mania, it gets bad and ugly and almost always equals hospitalization, some level of eventual trauma, or other bad news. My psychiatrist doesn't wish to over-medicate me, if he doesn't have to. However, a little control is necessary. I can sometimes have hypomanic periods on a little extra medications. If I can keep it from skyrocketing, I can prevent eventual plummeting in the opposite direction. |
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bpcyclist, wiretwister
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bpcyclist
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Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2014
Location: Over there
Posts: 1,076
10 354 hugs
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#4
I am not sure I understood correctly. If you are delaying hospitalization because your family needs you, try to remember you need to put your own mask on first before you can assist others. If you don’t think this episode is going to correct itself, waiting longer could make recovery. longer.
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bpcyclist, Fuzzybear
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bpcyclist, Fuzzybear
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Junior Member
Member Since May 2020
Location: United States
Posts: 14
3 3 hugs
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#5
Thank you guys. I was in a depression and coming out and here I go back into the depression again. I'm cycling quickly now and just trying to get stable from what started in October. I'm tired, just really tired.....
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bpcyclist, Fuzzybear
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bpcyclist, Fuzzybear
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,325
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#6
Thinking of you and sending hugs
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bpcyclist
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bpcyclist
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Legendary
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Portland
Posts: 12,681
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#7
I totally get it, Mama Bear.
What is the current med situation for you? When do you see the pdoc next? __________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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Fuzzybear
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Fuzzybear
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: Central Massachusetts USA
Posts: 1,585
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#8
@MamaBear4 Just reading this now, and I want to let you know that I'm thinking of you. I, too, have a family and know how hard it is to balance the happy face and the burdens we shoulder. Please come back and talk more?
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Fuzzybear
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Fuzzybear
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