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Default Jun 01, 2020 at 06:20 PM
  #1
Just wondering if anyone has suggestions. I normally lose insight with my mania and psychosis. Last few days has been extreme irritability and agitation. I managed to send off a very inappropriate, raging email to a lawyer I kind of know. Later, spotted it and apologized. He is not a very warm or fuzzy person, but he was quite sweet to me, I must give credit there.

Anyway, Looking for strategies to not do this ever again. So upsetting to me. Reminded me of some of those crazed bipolar events from my past. Things I really don't want to relive...

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Default Jun 01, 2020 at 07:03 PM
  #2
Unplug your computer? and Wifi at least then you'll need to replug it all in and boot up. Might give you enough time to reconsider sending email. As for phone, Just turn it off and go take a walk around your neighborhood? Take a shower it often calms people down.

Im glad your Lawyer was understanding

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Default Jun 01, 2020 at 07:37 PM
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Unplug your computer? and Wifi at least then you'll need to replug it all in and boot up. Might give you enough time to reconsider sending email. As for phone, Just turn it off and go take a walk around your neighborhood? Take a shower it often calms people down.

Im glad your Lawyer was understanding
Good thoughts, thank you, Christina. I can do those things. The problem was, I did not recognize my own anger. Until I had already sent it.

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Default Jun 01, 2020 at 07:43 PM
  #4
Send yourself an email with "AM I IN THE RIGHT STATE OF MIND TO EMAIL RIGHT NOW?"

Put some sticky notes on any land line with a similar note as above. Set up intermittent reminders on your cell phone with something like above.

Basically, the point is to check yourself. Count to 10 and breath in 10 breaths and ask the above question.

Sometimes in the early stages of my mood elevations, I lack insight. I have gotten a little better at eventually having my light bulb go on, before its too late. When I question myself about my behavior, like you are doing, I know that intermittent "checks" become more and more important. My therapist reminds me to do these. Even when I don't believe I'm getting elevated in mood. I don't like to dwell on my moods excessively, but a few times per day if I ask myself "How am I doing, BirdDancer? Anything a little "over the top"? How's my temper?"

Depending on the answers, I make a decision about next steps. Very often, for me, I benefit from "laying low", as I call it. Going out into public can be a major trigger. Not just anxiety, but even elated mood elevation. Excitement builds quickly for me and could fuel a hypomanic or manic fire. At home, if I can't seem to sit still, I try to involve myself in a "safe activity". My choices are usually baking or cooking. I also like being online, but sometimes being here on PC is too much. Cooking subreditt can be good. Working on a blog post. Watering the gardens. Etc.

If I must go out to do something that is often triggering, a past therapist taught me to "play the experience through ahead of time". For example, I imagine myself going to the grocery store. It will inevitably be crowded and stressful, but I don't have to feel the full brunt of that. I say "BirdDancer, if you feel the adrenaline rising, hightail it to the most important two items you really need to get, then go straight for the checkout. Preferably self-checkout." Or sometimes I simply put my cart in a quiet area and leave the store for a few minutes, then return. I have all kinds of "being in traffic" game plans, too.
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Default Jun 01, 2020 at 09:23 PM
  #5
Ohhhh, yeah...I hear you, bpc! I've fought that battle many, many times. In fact, it's the toughest part of having bipolar disorder for me.

Okay. So. At the risk of sounding cliche

Breathing.

Seriously. Practicing my breath every day, several times every day, is like money in the bank. When I need the emotional "nest egg", the calm and stable feeling of steady, whole breathing is available for me to take from my "bank" and use.

Meditation is ideal, but I'm not even suggesting something that organized and lengthy. My suggestion is to stop several times, every day, and do some relaxed breath work. 1 minute. 30 seconds. Any time you can give to noticing and using your breath pays off.

If I do the breath work, as soon as I start to flip out (anger, irritability) I stop (it is hard, but I force myself). I take some relaxation breaths. Doing that gives me a minute to self-check, to step back and ask myself, "Do I really want to proceed in the direction I'm about to go? What are the consequences if I do and what will it take to FIX the action I have taken?"

Sticky Notes and/or any image or a meaningful object you can hold in your hand that is a symbol for you. Stop, take a breath, relax your shoulders and entire body, and check yourself and check the action you are contemplating. What will the outcome likely be and how much energy will it take to fix the consequences (if they can be fixed), should you continue with your anger?

I find an object most helpful. I can hold it inside my closed hand, feel the object, and use it to connect with the promise I made to myself to step back and turn the other way; to stop facing the thing I'm prepared to attack and place my energy on self-care, instead.

Those are a few ideas I have. If I can think of more, I'll post them.

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Default Jun 02, 2020 at 06:59 AM
  #6
Before you send the email, try to visualize fully that you are the recipient. Assume they arent just jerks for no reason, but that their life circumstances led them to the place they are in. Imagine the possibility that they have also been mistreated in life or never had the opportunities you've had to learn empathy as you have. Imagine that they have an open heart and then think about the words that are needed to reach them. Then write that email instead of an angry one.

When you send anger, it is a repelling force. I believe what you are after is change and that requires a different tactic in most cases. Focus on your end goal. Write it down. Be clear about that and reread your messages before you send then to ensure they will get you closer to your goal.

Slowing yourself down is a great idea, but it does not address the root cause of the issue. I think finding a way to integrate and process rhe anger and then find a way to effectively communicate the essence of your concern is key. Maybe write your angry email by hand on paper first to give you a processing outlet for your feelings. Then transform it to the email you'd need to read to change your mind if you were the other person. Transform it with the golden rule.

I feel your struggle today. I am processing a lot of anger myself. My father has coronavirus. He got it at work after the owner of his company forced everyone to come back to work and failed to implement any strategy to keep them safe. My father was very productive from home. He collaborated and landed lots of revenue for the company despite the pandemic. There is no need for him to be in the office physically.

Several people in his office have the virus. The owner has made zero attempt to check on any of them. My dad is actively experiencing symptoms, and he got a call yesterday telling him they sanitized the office and it is safe to come back. WHAT??!?!?! He declined.

They have zero clue who is a carrier at this point. The office became tainted again as soon as the doors were opened yesterday. The actions are irresponsible and inhumane in my opinion. They demonstrate the owner values money over human life and the wellbeing of the community he relies upon for profit.

My Dad is over 65 and he is handling it well. I am so very grateful. He is ill and struggling with fever and heaviness in his chest, but he is not in need of medical assistance right now. The reality is this could have killed him, his coworkers and their loved ones. They are spreading the virus. All because the owner is 'old school' and doesn't trust work from home. He prefers to keep his eye on things.

I am furious. I have imagined the other ways this could have played out and it makes me sick. I am thinking of contacting the owner, but I know throwing insults and anger will not help. I keep going back to 'he is my equal' and 'what can I say to reach his heart'?

Meanwhile, I'm trying to help my Dad see working for someone who shows no concern for the lives of his employees is a bad move. He is a year away from retirement.... Tricky.

I realized this morning that maybe the route to take here is to offer the owner my service. I am thinking maybe I can research protocols and technology options that can keep my Dad and his coworkers safe in the future. I wanted to smack the guy, but I think it might be more effective to lend a hand instead of my judgment. I'm still so pissed though...

Anyway, sorry to unload that here. I feel a little better though. I just wanted you to know that I'm trying very hard right now not to have any angry exchanges. I think there is a way to change through their hearts. We just have to find the right path.
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Default Jun 02, 2020 at 09:25 AM
  #7
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Originally Posted by BethRags View Post
Ohhhh, yeah...I hear you, bpc! I've fought that battle many, many times. In fact, it's the toughest part of having bipolar disorder for me.

Okay. So. At the risk of sounding cliche

Breathing.

Seriously. Practicing my breath every day, several times every day, is like money in the bank. When I need the emotional "nest egg", the calm and stable feeling of steady, whole breathing is available for me to take from my "bank" and use.

Meditation is ideal, but I'm not even suggesting something that organized and lengthy. My suggestion is to stop several times, every day, and do some relaxed breath work. 1 minute. 30 seconds. Any time you can give to noticing and using your breath pays off.

If I do the breath work, as soon as I start to flip out (anger, irritability) I stop (it is hard, but I force myself). I take some relaxation breaths. Doing that gives me a minute to self-check, to step back and ask myself, "Do I really want to proceed in the direction I'm about to go? What are the consequences if I do and what will it take to FIX the action I have taken?"

Sticky Notes and/or any image or a meaningful object you can hold in your hand that is a symbol for you. Stop, take a breath, relax your shoulders and entire body, and check yourself and check the action you are contemplating. What will the outcome likely be and how much energy will it take to fix the consequences (if they can be fixed), should you continue with your anger?

I find an object most helpful. I can hold it inside my closed hand, feel the object, and use it to connect with the promise I made to myself to step back and turn the other way; to stop facing the thing I'm prepared to attack and place my energy on self-care, instead.

Those are a few ideas I have. If I can think of more, I'll post them.
Some good practical tips, Beth. Sticky notes have always worked well for me. I can go get some.

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Default Jun 02, 2020 at 09:32 AM
  #8
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Originally Posted by fern46 View Post
Before you send the email, try to visualize fully that you are the recipient. Assume they arent just jerks for no reason, but that their life circumstances led them to the place they are in. Imagine the possibility that they have also been mistreated in life or never had the opportunities you've had to learn empathy as you have. Imagine that they have an open heart and then think about the words that are needed to reach them. Then write that email instead of an angry one.

When you send anger, it is a repelling force. I believe what you are after is change and that requires a different tactic in most cases. Focus on your end goal. Write it down. Be clear about that and reread your messages before you send then to ensure they will get you closer to your goal.

Slowing yourself down is a great idea, but it does not address the root cause of the issue. I think finding a way to integrate and process rhe anger and then find a way to effectively communicate the essence of your concern is key. Maybe write your angry email by hand on paper first to give you a processing outlet for your feelings. Then transform it to the email you'd need to read to change your mind if you were the other person. Transform it with the golden rule.

I feel your struggle today. I am processing a lot of anger myself. My father has coronavirus. He got it at work after the owner of his company forced everyone to come back to work and failed to implement any strategy to keep them safe. My father was very productive from home. He collaborated and landed lots of revenue for the company despite the pandemic. There is no need for him to be in the office physically.

Several people in his office have the virus. The owner has made zero attempt to check on any of them. My dad is actively experiencing symptoms, and he got a call yesterday telling him they sanitized the office and it is safe to come back. WHAT??!?!?! He declined.

They have zero clue who is a carrier at this point. The office became tainted again as soon as the doors were opened yesterday. The actions are irresponsible and inhumane in my opinion. They demonstrate the owner values money over human life and the wellbeing of the community he relies upon for profit.

My Dad is over 65 and he is handling it well. I am so very grateful. He is ill and struggling with fever and heaviness in his chest, but he is not in need of medical assistance right now. The reality is this could have killed him, his coworkers and their loved ones. They are spreading the virus. All because the owner is 'old school' and doesn't trust work from home. He prefers to keep his eye on things.

I am furious. I have imagined the other ways this could have played out and it makes me sick. I am thinking of contacting the owner, but I know throwing insults and anger will not help. I keep going back to 'he is my equal' and 'what can I say to reach his heart'?

Meanwhile, I'm trying to help my Dad see working for someone who shows no concern for the lives of his employees is a bad move. He is a year away from retirement.... Tricky.

I realized this morning that maybe the route to take here is to offer the owner my service. I am thinking maybe I can research protocols and technology options that can keep my Dad and his coworkers safe in the future. I wanted to smack the guy, but I think it might be more effective to lend a hand instead of my judgment. I'm still so pissed though...

Anyway, sorry to unload that here. I feel a little better though. I just wanted you to know that I'm trying very hard right now not to have any angry exchanges. I think there is a way to change through their hearts. We just have to find the right path.
Oh, fern, like some others here on PC, you are one of my heroes. Always seeking a positive way and course through the soup. Good for you and for us.

Not sure where you are, but here, I think there are laws currently on the books prohibiting the kind of clueles reckelessness displayed by your dad's boss. So sorry about that. Will add him to my prayer list tonight...

Yes, I do normally carefull consider every single word, historically. But it went out the window the other day. Will try to redouble efforts to be more cautious in thinking of the party to whom I am sending the note. Thank you.

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Default Jun 02, 2020 at 10:34 AM
  #9
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Originally Posted by bpcyclist View Post
Just wondering if anyone has suggestions. I normally lose insight with my mania and psychosis. Last few days has been extreme irritability and agitation. I managed to send off a very inappropriate, raging email to a lawyer I kind of know. Later, spotted it and apologized. He is not a very warm or fuzzy person, but he was quite sweet to me, I must give credit there.

Anyway, Looking for strategies to not do this ever again. So upsetting to me. Reminded me of some of those crazed bipolar events from my past. Things I really don't want to relive...
I also feel extreme irritability and agitation Grrrrrrrr. And that is not ''me'' .. it is not part of my ''personality''

I have no advice

btw I take it as a compliment your saying I'm outspoken (some ''diagnosing'' jerks irl pretty much said the opposite and in a very nasty way. I wish I had told
them the Truth about who they are .. (incompetent and stupid. can't fix stupid
(not about anyone on pc)

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Last edited by Fuzzybear; Jun 02, 2020 at 01:50 PM.. Reason: Typo
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Default Jun 02, 2020 at 10:58 AM
  #10
I have so many ideas whizzing around in my head. Good ideas damn it. F this ****ed up world, I really do not like it

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Default Jun 02, 2020 at 02:08 PM
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I also feel extreme irritability and agitation Grrrrrrrr. And that is not ''me'' .. it is not part of my ''personality''

I have no advice

btw I take it as a compliment your saying I'm outspoken (some ''diagnosing'' jerks irl pretty much said the opposite and in a very nasty way. I wish I had told
them the Truth about who they are .. (incompetent and stupid. can't fix stupid
(not about anyone on pc)
Cannot speak for the UK,but here in the USA, major civil rights advances and social change are never offered or handed out. They must be taken. Being polite and sweet is never, ever gonna get it done here.

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Default Jun 02, 2020 at 05:04 PM
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Originally Posted by bpcyclist View Post
Oh, fern, like some others here on PC, you are one of my heroes. Always seeking a positive way and course through the soup. Good for you and for us.

Not sure where you are, but here, I think there are laws currently on the books prohibiting the kind of clueles reckelessness displayed by your dad's boss. So sorry about that. Will add him to my prayer list tonight...

Yes, I do normally carefull consider every single word, historically. But it went out the window the other day. Will try to redouble efforts to be more cautious in thinking of the party to whom I am sending the note. Thank you.
Thanks so much! Hero... Right back at ya

I really applaud the effort you are making and how conscientious you are. It is very cool to see.

Thanks for the well wishes about my dad. I researched all of the laws and regulations today for his industry. My brothers and I were all over it and put together an arsenal of information for my dad to use in his own defense should he need it. OSHA violations are happening for sure and they are breaking CDC guidelines. One of my dad's coworkers now has pneumonia, so this could end badly.

My dad is hanging in and I took him a ton of electrolyte water and some other self care essentials today. So far, so good. I really appreciate the prayers!
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Default Jun 03, 2020 at 03:46 AM
  #13
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Originally Posted by bpcyclist View Post
Cannot speak for the UK,but here in the USA, major civil rights advances and social change are never offered or handed out. They must be taken. Being polite and sweet is never, ever gonna get it done here.

That's the truth if ever I've heard it.

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Default Jun 03, 2020 at 11:04 AM
  #14
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Cannot speak for the UK,but here in the USA, major civil rights advances and social change are never offered or handed out. They must be taken. Being polite and sweet is never, ever gonna get it done here.
I do tend to try to be polite and sweet usually. Maybe that is where I have been going wrong ..

If we speak up and are deemed ''rude'' we are simply struck off the GP practice

That hasn't happened to me but has happened to a few I know irl. And it is almost impossible for them to get the minimum ''care'' which is offered me (ie meds which do not work..

Someone was told ''we don't help people like you''

someone else was told ''coping with your illness involves accepting the level you are at''

and they were then discharged

.. UGH PUKE GRRRRR THUD

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Default Jun 03, 2020 at 11:20 AM
  #15
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Originally Posted by Fuzzybear View Post
I do tend to try to be polite and sweet usually. Maybe that is where I have been going wrong ..

If we speak up and are deemed ''rude'' we are simply struck off the GP practice

That hasn't happened to me but has happened to a few I know irl. And it is almost impossible for them to get the minimum ''care'' which is offered me (ie meds which do not work..

Someone was told ''we don't help people like you''

someone else was told ''coping with your illness involves accepting the level you are at''

and they were then discharged

.. UGH PUKE GRRRRR THUD
You don't hve to try to be sweet, Fuzzy, because you are sweet constitutionally...

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Default Jun 03, 2020 at 11:23 AM
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You don't hve to try to be sweet, Fuzzy, because you are sweet constitutionally...

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Default Jun 03, 2020 at 07:18 PM
  #17
I don't like people who are so far up their own *** that they need a world atlas to find their way out

I'm very pissed off tonight. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

(not about anyone on pc)

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