Stuck

My T and pdoc want me to quit my job and try for disability. I am not doing well. But my partner says I have to work 8 and a half years until I am 50 to quit. I just don’t think I can make it that long. So right now I am being self destructive and blow up my whole life that I have built. Quit my job and leave my family and go live with my parents at least they won’t care if I quit my job. Problem is if I quit my job of lifestyle will change and my partner is very comfortable in this lifestyle. Who should I listen to? T and pdoc? My partner? Me with all the consequences that comes with that?

Hi Crook. Eight and a half years is a long haul, indeed. How long do you really think you could white knuckle it? Plus, sometimes we are just plain too unwell to even do that.

I understand your partner's anxiety, but this is a test of what means the most. You and your well-being, or money? You say that your parents would accept you being on disability and help support you in various ways. You fear your partner might not? I am glad to read that you are sure of your parents' unconditional love. There are partners/spouses out there that show similar unconditional love.

I am pretty sure that if you were to get on disability that you wouldn't just be languishing in a corner. I do what I can to support my husband, despite disability. There is a lot one can contribute of value to a relationship beyond an 8 am to 5 pm job at an office, factory, or other place. And those alternative contributions are important. I know that my husband finds more value in our marriage now than even before I went on disability. Do we have as much money and financial security? No, but money does not buy happiness. Or if it would for her, would it for you, sufficiently? Partnership/marriage must provide some satisfaction for both parties.

I absolutely understand your dilemma.

Technically we have enough for me to retire and if I could get disability which is what my pdoc wants me to do that will help out some. A lot depends on where the kids go to college and if we are going to pay for it. Our financial advisor recommended I work until fifty to see about college. I just don’t know it I can make it through the week let alone 8 years. If I quit we lose half our income and a lot of security. I understand why my partner doesn’t want me to do it but I do think it is understood how hard each day is for me. I just feel so self destructive right now.

I do understand those pressures. As for your kids college, perhaps if your income is reduced, they could qualify for financial aid. Or maybe, things will have changed enough that many 4-year public colleges will be free, although I know some people are against that. I know that student loans plague many young graduates in the US. It's rough, and I feel very bad for such young adults, but that's all too common in this day and age (in the US), and most of their parents do not have serious illnesses.

My parents did not have to pay for my siblings' college, because my brother went into the navy and my sister got married young and received a minor degree through her work education. They did pay for my college, but they encouraged me to go to the state university, which was much cheaper than a private college/university. There was absolutely nothing wrong with my state university. Plus, many graduates who did well, went on to graduate school at ivy league universities. My first love was accepted into graduate school programs at Princeton University, Yale University, Cornell University, and UC Berkeley, from our state university. They paid him a stipend in the chemistry program, which covered his expenses. He didn't need a car, nor did he need fancy belongings. My point? I would hope your kids would understand how ill you are and out of love, be willing to forgo some luxuries in earlier life. Of course it's just my opinion, but I think it's often a good thing.

Keep in mind that the longer you've been full-time employed, the more money you will receive from SSDI.

That is what I heard. I am just really scared to quit my job and try for disability. Two lawyers have told me I don’t qualify. They said it didn’t matter how many hospitalizations I have had because I worked in between all of them. Also they didn’t care about my PHP and IOP visits. They said if I can mop a floor then I won’t get disability. So because I am high functioning that it doesn’t matter how much pain I am in. I lost my security clearance because of my mental health and less that 1% of people have that happen. They said that didn’t matter either. Basically they dismissed all my evidence. My pdoc has said people less sick then me and younger than me have gotten it. It is really frustrating and not sure who to believe.

Just have to make it until Saturday for the ketamine treatment.

I’m sorry that I don’t have advice. I send hugs if acceptable.