When someone’s opinion means a little too much

My t has suggested I write a book about my bipolar because it is very “typical” bp1 with psychosis. I have thought about it because I love to write, it’s probably my biggest talent, and I would really love to advocate for mental illness (bipolar disorder in particular). The problem is, my mom is so strongly opposed to me sharing my story that she has actually become angry anytime I’ve suggested it. She is very worried that if I share, especially the details, that it will have a greatly negative impact on my friendships and life in general. I HATE when my mom is upset about anything to do with me and I do see her side a little. Should I share my story without her blessing? How can I get past it?

I think that if you want to do it, you should. I can see where your mother is coming from, but in the end it's your life, your friendships, your story, so you get the final say. Your mother should respect your decision, in my opinion. Maybe it helps if you talk to your mother and tell her that you understand her worries, but that this is important to you and why.

Also, maybe there's something you can do to alleviate her worries a little, like publishing under a pseudonym and anonymizing things where possible. Maybe you can try a different format, such as using your story as the starting point for a novel rather than an autobiography. But in the end the most important thing is to do (or not do) this in a way you feel comfortable with, without letting yourself be influenced by guilt or other kinds of outside pressure.

Wow. First of all, its a long long ways from writing to sharing. I mean, we share small parts of our story when we write here in pc, but a book is different. You cant tell someone not to write a book. You cant tell someone TO write a book. Its like commanding them to run a marathon! Or to not. The point is the journey for the author or the runner, and how could anyone else insert themself in that process? If she would stop you from doing this, she is too involved in your life and decision-making, and maybe thats the bigger problem to begin with. Are you allowed to poop whenever you want, or do you have to ask her permission for that too? My mother had me constipated my entire life until she died. THEN my gut relaxed. Literally.

I’ve been married for almost 15 years and I have three kids. I’m very independent. I’m very close to my mom, yes, but not nearly as dependent as you are suggesting. My mom doesn’t get overly intwined in my life unless I’m sick in which case she practically takes over because my husband is not very good at it. Perhaps I should specify that my mom doesn’t have an issue with me writing the book like I shared before but rather making my story known. I also hadn’t thought of writing a book for myself but rather to share my life with others to advocate for the illness and possibly help those are ill. Writing it for me is the best place to start I suppose. Anyway, I’m not codependent on my mother even if it seems that way. She just has a lot to say about my illness and is very protective of my life regarding that. She is afraid I will make a rash, dangerous decision (which is something I definitely only do while manic. I’m otherwise very conservative.) and will regret it. We almost always see eye to eye anyway. It’s just that I so highly value her opinion that I don’t want to go against it and I’m not sure what to do about it.

I really relate to this, cashart. I have written and am editing a book about my time in the state hospital, which, natrually, must include information about a number fo family members. Some of it is quite dicey, in terms of trying to walk a line between faith to truth and what happened and not further hurting people. With time and reflection, I do hope I have found a path that is fair to all, including, of course, me.

As I have stated, I was terrorized and tortured for two years by my police department, who do this all the time, even though teh USDOJ is on their *** about murdering mentally ille people over and over. This is discussed in the book. Those people are going to be livid with me and will very likely come after me again. After ten years of refelction, I have concluded that it is more important to my recovery to tell this truth than it is to continute to live in silence. Silence begets evil. It is a necessary ingredient. If they kill me, I am totally good with that. At least my children and loved ones and you guys will all know that I told my truth. Screw the haters. History always gets it right in the end.

So, I say to you, if you feel compelled to write thsi, go for it. There is always a way to navigate these churning waters. But your mother is very likely not going to be very happy with you. You just need to decide how much that matters to you.

I agree that the time between starting to write a book and finishing a book for publication is a long, long time. Years. My suggestion is that you write one chapter. Then see how you feel.

I would be interested in reading the book. I’m always looking to learn more about mental health issues and it’s not often I get a perspective from someone who lives with and manages bipolar. I suspect a family member of mine has bipolar and would like to know how to handle some of the issues that are coming up. I think you could just start writing and see where things go. If it develops into something exciting and productive, I think your mom might come around to the idea.

There's lots to agree with here, that others have written. Certainly, I hope you don't let your mother stop you from writing the book. As BethRags said, a good book is not written in a month, or a year, or even five years, sometimes. She need not even know what you are working on. If you do have it ready and want to publish, you then could easily take FluffyDinosaur's suggestion of using a pseudonym. Many many people do. There is nothing wrong with that, and it doesn't take away from sharing a story, educating, and fighting stigma.

I have been writing bits for a memoir for quite a long time. I shared a lot of very personal stuff on my blog, about my experiences. I'll admit that the disinhibition I felt when I shared it has faded. That is part of why my writing slowed to a snail's pace. But this is mostly because people who know me, personally, have access to my blog. My dad even shared my blog address around town. If I was totally anonymous, like I am here, I bet the slowdown may not have happened. I may have also included some stuff that I didn't, even while comparatively "disinhibited".

I think that it would be great if you share your story. My mom was upset with me many times when I tried to be me. Pooping as another poster mentioned was even an issue. I had to ask permission to pee or to poop. I know this probably sounds ridiculous.

I am sorry that your mom is so strongly opposed to your sharing your story that she has become angry when you have suggested it. I can also see her side a little. I also hate when a close person is upset about anything to do with me. I do think that it would be to your advantage (for want of a better term) to do what makes YOU happy. You are not hurting anyone else by doing this. I also think your mom's fears are not very likely to happen. Go for your dream

I’m so sorry that you experienced that trauma and abuse. That is plain awful! I also thank you for your support and encouragement. I think I am going to go for it!

Thank you all for your thoughtful responses. It hadn’t occurred to me that regardless I won’t have to deal with the issue right now. Anonymity is also a great idea! Knowing it can be published anonymously will help me be more open.

If it helps, mother doesn't always know best. I get the feeling your mom might be a little too used to you two seeing eye to eye. Is that fair? Unless you were a child bride (you weren't, were you? lol) you've been an adult for a number of years now. It sounds like mom needs to see that it's OK for her to step back a little and not be quite so protective. You know your mom so I won't try to tell you how to handle the situation. But think about this. How would you like one of your children to tell you that they're an adult now and it's OK, you can trust their judgement? I would think that's a good place to start. You just need to tailor it for your mom.

I just want to say that I started writing my story in the hospital and it’s and excellent release and I can see where it will be a creative journey worth investing even if it’s only for me! I recommend it if you’ve ever considered it!

This is 100% right on.

It's great that you've started writing, Cash! And thanks for the inspiration.

I think so few people understand bipolar that it would be so great for you to write your book. A small number of people have this and there is huge stigma. People dont know or forget that many of the most brilliant people have this. I believe my niece is bipolar, and she wont even be treated for depression. I just made a big effort to have her come spend time with me so we can talk, but no go. She is 26, I am 71 and we have this covid mess. My grandfather refused to be treated also--whew, bad genetics. At least we have had the chance to do some wonderful things in our lives. I just received a small inheritance my Grandpa left us from the company he started in the Great Depression with his brothers. Go, Grandpa and all you wonderful bipolars!!!