Bipolar check-in #47

Instead of calling, I went for a quick and easy hike which helped me take my mind off of things and helped a little with my physical symptoms. I'll call later when my mood plummets again. Could be ten minutes from now, but maybe I'll make it to group before that happens. I'm worried they'll convince me to go IP. I need to be spending MORE time outside, not less.
I'm fairly certain that the drugs have exacerbated the negative feelings. Weed has helped with sleep and PTSD type symptoms until the dispensaries closed and I had to get it elsewhere where I didn't know what the hell I was getting (at the dispensaries you know what % THC and CBD/what strains you're getting, one of the reasons why I'm all for legalization), then all of a sudden after I switched it started making me anxious and awfully restless. The other stuff, especially the drinking, was definitely not good for my mental state.
I'm worried about sleep now though. Most of the stuff I was doing was sedating (because I couldn't sleep) and I have a feeling I won't be sleeping more than three hours a night.

I think you need to call a hotline, Your just not stable. it happens to all of us at some point or another, there is no shame reaching out for help.

I think once you realize that your drinking and drug use ultimately is going to always hold you back from finding stability...... you will decide to get treatment and help to live a sober life.... only then you will make better life choices and feel better.

Im sorry that you self harmed, Please keep areas clean and treated well, you dont need an infection..

Call a hot line or use a text hotline. Help is available you just have to reach out for it.

Stay safe

My mind is finally quiet. I’ve got my sleep schedule fixed without meds and sedation. I feel stable after three months. It’s a wonderful feeling..

Congrats! Glad you're feeling stable and that you're able to get your sleep schedule fixed.

Stability is a wonderful thing to hear.

Still feeling down in the dumps, but I'm trying to stay positive. It's just getting harder and harder to stay positive and do things that I need to get done.

I also need a haircut because my hair is getting WAY too long. I should have done it back in January when I first thought about it. Now that corona has taken over the world, I'm not sure I want to get a haircut...

I wish trileptal kicked in sooner than my pdoc's claim of 2-4 weeks. I hate how meds take forever to kick in. It kind of demotivates me, if I'm honest...

Fantastic

......

wildchildflower, I'm so happy to read that your bipolar disorder is under control and you can enjoy life more. Things are getting a little easier in our state. Hopefully that will help, too.

bluebicycle, I hope the Trileptal kicks in soon. Sometimes it happens that you wake up one day and things look suddenly a little different. My doc just let me cut out a little of a med in the morning. I'll be waiting on that to help, too.

My energy levels are still lower than I'd like, but my mood is otherwise OK. I wish it wasn't so darned hot and humid today. It wasn't so bad a few days ago.

I made the most delicious spinach quesadillas for lunch today, along with a black bean salad. Last night I made a chicken dish that beyond marvelous, one I've made before. If hubby didn't totally agree, I'd wonder if my thinking was a bit skewed on the taste. I mean, eating those meals was like a mini paradise. Hubby even said that if I want to subscribe to the NY Times cooking section (the subscription for that is separate from the paper) that I should. I think I will because most of their recipes are five star recipes.

I certainly hope that someday I will be able to at least work part-time again. I've been trying to think about what I might do. I do not believe going back to a managerial level marketing/sales job would be good. Though I'm not an enthusiastic house cleaner (though I keep mine acceptable), I do love to cook and bake. Maybe someday I could go and cook a couple meals per day for someone who needs that help. I can cook/bake pretty much anything. Any type of cuisine. My only limitation is that I get very nervous when cooking for larger gatherings/parties.

Haven't checked in here on this thread in awhile. I'm doing really well, completely stable and have been for a couple months now. My birthday was last Thursday, my sister got me an Xbox gift card and I bought a new game with it. Also went and got a haircut over the weekend. I have my hair in a short stacked bob style, I really like it, it's so much easier to deal with especially in the hot weather.

So yeah, things are going good. Have an appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow. Not much to report since I'm doing well.

Right now I have some spicy Italian sausage and homemade meatballs in sauce cooking in the crockpot so I can have it with pasta later! I'm looking forward to eating that. I'm getting more into cooking lately. Looking up recipes and stuff on pinterest. This is the first time using my crockpot.

Hope everyone's doing alright

I called my doctor and asked why I’ve been so dizzy and lethargic. He said I’m dehydrated and I need to be eating more. I haven’t been drinking much water. I just haven’t been thirsty so I forget to drink water. I drank an iced tea today though for the caffeine. I don’t drink much of anything else besides iced tea and soy milk and sometimes a Coke. I told him I have been dieting too. He said I need to up my calories by a lot. Right now I’m just hanging out on the chair trying to get up the energy to do something.

I also forget to drink. I hve found that a water bottle set down next to me all day long helps a lot. If it is there, I will use it.

Hi Mountaindewed. You know, I have seen some of your "dinners" listed on the "Rate your dinner" thread in the Coffeehouse forum. I was quite surprised. Two hard-boiled eggs, one night? A yogurt, another? A soy drink, another? Am I remembering wrong, but was it you that one day listed "watermelon" as your dinner? If so, this is not a healthful way to diet. Please don't abuse yourself by eating like that. You need a well-rounded diet, and even a 900 calorie per day diet would allow for a much more indulgent dinner than the ones I mention above. I'm worried about you, just as your doctor is. Starvation diets can backfire in various ways, including slowing down your metabolism. I think that especially taking psychotropic medications, it's quite important to stay hydrated and have good nutrition.

If you hate plain water, have you considered making iced herbal tea?

Oh fun,fun. They must have found blood cause they just called me to schedule a colostomy! Thankfully my sister can drive me. They're looking for why my hemoglobin is low and suspect that I'm bleeding internally. Oh well, the good part is that they will get me an ASL interpreter. That's a relief. With all the masks I can't read lips. Speaking of terps, my governor has a really good one he uses. A cool woman who has a buzz cut. She's very ASL. Hearing people have taken note of her.

Oh, I did not know--when is this going to happen, Nammu?

Prayers and love...

The 24 of this month. Was a surprise that it is so soon.

I'm just rage today. I wish I wasn't, but everything that is coming out of my mouth is venom. My wife's grandfather passed on overnight on Monday, and my kids are lazy. Just laying around. Not helping. Just constantly sleeping. I want to unleash hellfire. Why am I like this?

Thanks for your concern. I have issues with food and weight that have gone way back since I was about 11. It didn’t become an issue until I got off psych meds 5 years ago, and lost a lot of the weight I gained from them. No ones payed attention until about a year ago when I started with the new therapist. I honestly think right now it’s just the dehydration. So I’m drinking a lot of water.

Sorry, swimming. Remember, though, irritability and agitation are a big part of the illness. They have always been for me. I constantly have to keep an eye on all this stuff, or I will implode on people. I have taught myself to always wait before speaking or sending a text or email if I am relly mad.

Well, I'm feeling even worse now than I was feeling this morning. I am pretty low right now, but I have to wait at least another week for the Trileptal to *possibly* have an effect. *how exciting*...

I'm just going to go to sleep at 7pm... so... in less than 5 minutes. I don't want to be awake right now. I would rather just sleep and not have to deal with negative thought patterns.