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Default Aug 11, 2020 at 10:13 PM
  #981
I spent all day crafting a post. I have T tomorrow and I need to go over some things. I still don't feel real but that doesn't bother me as much as how guarded I am with my treatment team. I'm thoroughly confused right now. I'm so thankful for spell check and music right now. I'm breaking.

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Default Aug 11, 2020 at 10:45 PM
  #982
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Originally Posted by Miguel'smom View Post
I spent all day crafting a post. I have T tomorrow and I need to go over some things. I still don't feel real but that doesn't bother me as much as how guarded I am with my treatment team. I'm thoroughly confused right now. I'm so thankful for spell check and music right now. I'm breaking.
Just try to tell them what you are experiencing--everything, preferably.

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Default Aug 11, 2020 at 11:10 PM
  #983
I always try but it's like I get stuck on one symptom and don't get to the rest.

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Default Aug 11, 2020 at 11:29 PM
  #984
Write it down? It helps me.

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Default Aug 12, 2020 at 01:27 AM
  #985
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I just do have to share that I clearly have become much less stable over the decades Much. Maybe just bad luck or something I spose.

So have I. without a doubt. In fact, it was a week in November of 2011 when suddenly my bipolar symptoms began to go haywire.

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Default Aug 12, 2020 at 02:06 AM
  #986
Sorry, Beth. This current bade scene for me started in 2018.

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Default Aug 12, 2020 at 03:27 AM
  #987
I have been taken off Lamotrigine/Lamictal because I developed this strange rash/ulceration on my tongue. It looks weird making my tongue look like it has a scalloped edge.

On the anxiety front, I’m probably the least anxious I’ve been for awhile. My psychologist is going to do something called ‘interoceptive exposure’ with me starting this week. It’s supposed to help with panic attacks. I’m a bit nervous.

Big hugs to those that need them.

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Default Aug 12, 2020 at 03:38 AM
  #988
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Originally Posted by BethRags View Post
The medication tango gets terribly wearying. At times, intolerable. ECT is certainly an option. I strongly considered it at one point when I was feeling tangled up between mixed and depressed, with plenty of dysphoric mania thrown in, especially a vicious anxiety that never let up. I told my pdoc that I wanted to look into getting ECT, she okayed that, but asked if I'd try one more med (Pristiq). I did, and I got lucky. The Pristiq lifted the depression off my shoulders. Then we added in/took away some meds/adjusted doses and bit by bit, between the meds and therapy, I became more and more stable.

But, despite the scary reputation it has, every person I've known who has received ECT in contemporary times is glad they made that decision. And by "every person", I do mean every person I've communicated with about it. (There's a thread in Bipolar Treatments about ECT.)

Whatever you decide, there is one way or another that you will have relief from your symptoms. I promise you that. I've been deeply involved in the mental health community IRL for decades and online for a long time. I have yet to meet anyone who, if they stick with treatment, doesn't become stable sooner or later. I'm being honest about that.

Also, I want to mention that you're still climbing up there on Lamictal. You have a long way to go before you're at the max dose.

Another thought I have...Lamictal alone...anxiety...I can only speak for myself on the subject, but I definitely have to take a med specifically to lessen my anxiety (in my case, Trilafon).


btw- there might be 2 threads on Bipolar Treatment about ECT. There's a man named Guinness here on PC who could give you a lot of info on ECT. I think he's a mod or a community liason.

Not pushing you toward ECT, but it's a feeling of security to have that option.

Thank you for that, those stories about ECT are encouraging! I was (am) pretty afraid about memory loss but about cognitive decline in particular. However I feel like a huge mix of meds is not beneficial either because it will ruin the rest of my body.

I'll keep Trilafon in mind for anxiety, though to be honest I would prefer to keep away from antipsychotics in the future because of the side effects and dependence issues that are hard to get away from. It's too bad benzos are so addictive or I would take them way more.

I'm actually not sure if ECT does anything for anxiety? I sometimes tend to think about anxiety as a symptom of depression, but then again it can also be a cause. Another vicious cycle.
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Default Aug 12, 2020 at 05:06 AM
  #989
It’s 6am. I’m home — I had stomach issues and spent a good amount of time in the bathroom at work. I’m just expecting to hear I’m fired. I don’t care— I’m literally over the part where I give a damn about it:

So the depression, the missed therapy and not rescheduling, the med situation (let’s just not go there..), it’s all just not looking too good and are looking like “signs” of something. I’m too frustrated to even fight. Work is just the major cog in the machine that’s making the grinding noises right now. But they’re all rusted and busted up, let’s focus on any aspect of my life and we will see the same issues. lol.

Im going to go to sleep. I hope to have a job tomorrow but if I don’t? Well then I don’t.

What’s my next move? No clue.

Bright side? Still looking for it.

Stress, anxiety, depression, bipolar, mental illness — it can all just go to hell. I’ll never be able to live a life how I wish, I’m sick of that illusion. I’m just f’n sick and tired. And clearly I can’t get this “pissed off” vibe out of my system either lol. Anyway...

Have A good night all .
 
 
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Default Aug 12, 2020 at 05:21 AM
  #990
today I need to write my grocery list for next week.

items I will buy are: coca-cola (which I have been craving all morning), strawberry water, my dinners, and some treats too.

it is hot today (it was hot yesterday, too). got my fan on and cooling spray to hand though. should be good
 
 
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Default Aug 12, 2020 at 06:27 AM
  #991
At first I was functioning well and feeling lousy. Now I'm functioning horribly and feeling great.
Tremor came back.
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Sometimes my feelings get in the way of what I really feel I needed to say"
 
 
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Default Aug 12, 2020 at 07:15 AM
  #992
MarcusAurelius, sending hugs I hope your health and work situation improve soon. Thinking about you.
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Default Aug 12, 2020 at 08:01 AM
  #993
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pookyl View Post
I have been taken off Lamotrigine/Lamictal because I developed this strange rash/ulceration on my tongue. It looks weird making my tongue look like it has a scalloped edge.

On the anxiety front, I’m probably the least anxious I’ve been for awhile. My psychologist is going to do something called ‘interoceptive exposure’ with me starting this week. It’s supposed to help with panic attacks. I’m a bit nervous.

Big hugs to those that need them.
Hugs, Pooky.

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Default Aug 12, 2020 at 08:04 AM
  #994
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Originally Posted by MarcusAurelius View Post
It’s 6am. I’m home — I had stomach issues and spent a good amount of time in the bathroom at work. I’m just expecting to hear I’m fired. I don’t care— I’m literally over the part where I give a damn about it:

So the depression, the missed therapy and not rescheduling, the med situation (let’s just not go there..), it’s all just not looking too good and are looking like “signs” of something. I’m too frustrated to even fight. Work is just the major cog in the machine that’s making the grinding noises right now. But they’re all rusted and busted up, let’s focus on any aspect of my life and we will see the same issues. lol.

Im going to go to sleep. I hope to have a job tomorrow but if I don’t? Well then I don’t.

What’s my next move? No clue.

Bright side? Still looking for it.

Stress, anxiety, depression, bipolar, mental illness — it can all just go to hell. I’ll never be able to live a life how I wish, I’m sick of that illusion. I’m just f’n sick and tired. And clearly I can’t get this “pissed off” vibe out of my system either lol. Anyway...

Have A good night all .
Hugs, Marcus. Maybe this is yhe time to focus on brain health?

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Default Aug 12, 2020 at 09:13 AM
  #995
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Up and down today. Did lots of good housework but got stirred-up by a ZOOM meeting. Did my meditation but still with the avalanche of thoughts.
A little late to the party, but I just wanted to say that I'm so happy for you with your meditation and mindfulness practices. Quite thrilled, actually.

It's so encouraging to see people taking steps to improve their lives. And, dear lady, one of those people is you. Take a moment to pat yourself on the back.

Avalanches of thoughts can happen. It's the pushing through and not letting it deter you that matters.

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Default Aug 12, 2020 at 10:18 AM
  #996
I’m kinda anxious today but it’s still manageable. This morning I woke up at 3 and it was insane. I’ve been drinking kombucha and that has a very tiny amount of alcohol in it. It shouldn’t be that but who knows. Anyways I had to take a Xanax at 3 in the morning. I took it with my Geodon and then had trouble waking up. I pulled myself out of bed right before 8. Yesterday evening I did a deep clean and got rid of all the candy and ice cream and most unhealthy foods I have. I did mention my change in eating habits to my therapist yesterday and she thinks It’s a good thing but she also thinks I’m sort of restricting even though I think it’s a more of a med thing. Right now I feel fine.

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Default Aug 12, 2020 at 02:13 PM
  #997
Well that sucked. I was really out of it to the point I had to call my husband in. She did say that she thinks I exaggerate my symptoms sometimes. She's worried this will turn dangerous. She said I often have delusions but that's not psychosis because I understand that they're not proper. Thoughts. I did tell her the thoughts I had a couple weeks ago and then I have trouble being honest with her about them. She said I can't email. Did I can make list and share them with her when I call the word exaggerating keeps playing over and over in my head. I think she used the wrong word. I don't know we'll see what the doctor says next week

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Default Aug 12, 2020 at 03:51 PM
  #998
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Originally Posted by Miguel'smom View Post
Well that sucked. I was really out of it to the point I had to call my husband in. She did say that she thinks I exaggerate my symptoms sometimes. She's worried this will turn dangerous. She said I often have delusions but that's not psychosis because I understand that they're not proper. Thoughts. I did tell her the thoughts I had a couple weeks ago and then I have trouble being honest with her about them. She said I can't email. Did I can make list and share them with her when I call the word exaggerating keeps playing over and over in my head. I think she used the wrong word. I don't know we'll see what the doctor says next week

Yikes. I never, never want to hear any mental health professional tell a patient that they "exaggerate." Furthermore, I do not agree that just because you have a degree of awareness about certain thoughts or beliefs being questionable that it means you're not experiencing psychosis. Many people, myself included, have insight into psychotic thoughts, but cannot let them go for fear that they are real on some level.

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Default Aug 13, 2020 at 03:32 AM
  #999
The new thread is here: Bipolar Check-In #49
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