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Legendary
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Portland
Posts: 12,681
(SuperPoster!)
4 40.2k hugs
given |
#161
Quote:
__________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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swimmingly
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Legendary
Member Since Apr 2012
Location: Earth
Posts: 14,903
(SuperPoster!)
11 5,426 hugs
given |
#162
I don't know if it's the depression or I'm getting sick. I'm quiet, and really just want to sleep through this. I know I need to be strong but I don't want to. I want a break from this. I'm trying to stay occupied but it's hard
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
*Beth*, bpcyclist, Sunflower123, swimmingly, ~Christina
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bpcyclist, ~Christina
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
(SuperPoster!)
4 23.7k hugs
given |
#163
__________________ |
bpcyclist, Sunflower123, swimmingly
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bpcyclist
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Legendary Wise Elder
Community Liaison
Member Since Jul 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 22,450
(SuperPoster!)
12 12.7k hugs
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#164
Quote:
When I was first diagnosed my Husband thought I was not working because I wanted to be lazy.. Oh hell it hurt, but My T Richard blasted off on him and made sure he understood that I have XYZ and there is no laziness going on.. If he is being Emotionally abusive then oh yeah that has to stop !! I am so sorry that your dealing with this I'm always around if you need an ear __________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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bpcyclist, Polibeth, Sunflower123, swimmingly
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bpcyclist, Polibeth
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jul 2014
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 3,105
9 16 hugs
given |
#165
Here I am in Sunny Tucson. It went up to 107° today. My car needs to be fixed, but I do not have all the money for that. I am still having episodes of depression, but it does not last very long. I think it is knowing that my car needs to be repaired, which will be costing me money that I do not have yet, started this. Also not getting to bed at a regular time probably did not help. I need to exercise more. Taking the dog for a regular walk and help me.
__________________ Dx: Bipolar I, ADD, GAD. Rx: Fluoxetine, Buproprion, Olanzapine, Lamictal, and Strattera. |
bpcyclist, Innerzone, Sunflower123, swimmingly, ~Christina
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bpcyclist, scatterbrained04
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#166
It's been five days since i've been off Scrabble. Things seem to be better. No intense frustration or anger. I've gotten back to some simpler hobbies and have been heard to laugh a few times. The days have been a lot steadier tho i still have daytime depression that eases in the evenings. I'm very sad about Scrabble tho. It's hard to give up something i put so much work into and my one toe-hold in the world. But doing something that makes me unhappy makes no sense.
I guess there is always the possibility that not spending so much time and effort on Scrabble will allow me to find a new passion. But i doubt it. I had a hard time quitting a drop-in that was making me unhappy. Once i did, i didn't replace it with a new activity. I just seem to be getting more and more inactive. I'll qualify for seniors centers in a year (55) so that's a possibility. But that's still a year away. Hugs to all who struggle! |
*Beth*, bpcyclist, Innerzone, Sunflower123, swimmingly, ~Christina
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bpcyclist, Sunflower123
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
(SuperPoster!)
4 23.7k hugs
given |
#167
So I graduated from cast to a "walking boot." The thing is wild! I kinda love it. Platform sole, straps and buckles and lots of Velcro! And there's a button on the side that you can push to inflate the inside of the boot. That feels great, like my lower leg and foot are being hugged all around.
If only I had a boot for my other leg I could paint them both a bright color, string some lights on them and I'd be just like Elton John in the '70's __________________ |
Anonymous41462, bpcyclist, Innerzone, Nammu, Sunflower123, swimmingly, ~Christina
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bpcyclist, Moose72, Polibeth, scatterbrained04, swimmingly, ~Christina
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Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2014
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,193
9 2,235 hugs
given |
#168
Quote:
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*Beth*, Anonymous41462, bpcyclist, Sunflower123
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*Beth*, bpcyclist
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Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2014
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,193
9 2,235 hugs
given |
#169
Husband and I had a productive talk tonight regarding his outburst over me not working and him not appreciating what I do around the house/for him. I think we really made some progress but we need to keep the lines of communication open.
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*Beth*, bpcyclist, Innerzone, Nammu, Sunflower123, swimmingly, ~Christina
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bpcyclist, ~Christina
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Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2014
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,193
9 2,235 hugs
given |
#170
Quote:
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Anonymous41462, bpcyclist, Sunflower123, swimmingly, ~Christina
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bpcyclist, ~Christina
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Legendary
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Portland
Posts: 12,681
(SuperPoster!)
4 40.2k hugs
given |
#171
[QUOTE=whatever2013;6887331]It's been five days since i've been off Scrabble. Things seem to be better. No intense frustration or anger. I've gotten back to some simpler hobbies and have been heard to laugh a few times. The days have been a lot steadier tho i still have daytime depression that eases in the evenings. I'm very sad about Scrabble tho. It's hard to give up something i put so much work into and my one toe-hold in the world. But doing something that makes me unhappy makes no sense.
I guess there is always the possibility that not spending so much time and effort on Scrabble will allow me to find a new passion. But i doubt it. I had a hard time quitting a drop-in that was making me unhappy. Once i did, i didn't replace it with a new activity. I just seem to be getting more and more inactive. I'll qualify for seniors centers in a year (55) so that's a possibility. But that's still a year away. Hugs to all who struggle! [/QUOTE Open your mind up, whatever, there are a million options... Hugs. __________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
Sunflower123
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Legendary
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Portland
Posts: 12,681
(SuperPoster!)
4 40.2k hugs
given |
#172
Quote:
__________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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Sunflower123, swimmingly
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Legendary
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Portland
Posts: 12,681
(SuperPoster!)
4 40.2k hugs
given |
#173
Albert slept all the way through the night for first time, a gift. He wakes up when first light appears, before 5 here, as we are waaaaay north. Got to the store and got some food. So grateful I have a little.
Yesterday not as good as day before, but not hideous. Maybe today will be a bit better. I keep hoping. Hope you guys all have good days. Hugs and love!!!!!! __________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
Anonymous41462, Innerzone, Nammu, Sunflower123, swimmingly
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Sometimes psychotic, Sunflower123, swimmingly
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#174
over the weekend I have been trying to sort out my cds- getting rid of old ones I no longer want
today I came across a cd of the fun lovin criminals given to me by my brother dan before he passed away. wow, so many memories attached to that album, not all good, either. feeling worthless and like their's not really any point. mentally and emotionallyh, really struggling. so I through a couple of cds out. big deal, it's hardly going to change the world- and I have so many other problems to contend with |
Anonymous41462, bpcyclist, Sunflower123, swimmingly, ~Christina
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bpcyclist, swimmingly, ~Christina
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Elder
Member Since Mar 2013
Location: NJ
Posts: 6,433
11 9,557 hugs
given |
#175
I made a mistake when I thought my brother was moving to the shore. Apparently my SIL can’t leave the county due to her job (prosecutors office). I’m not sure where they will be moving to as they hate out town but it’s the cheapest town (which is not saying much, houses in decent neighborhoods still run 225k+, plus the taxes are outrageous) in the county. I guess they are just looking to get a bigger house. I wouldn’t know, because he hasn’t contacted me. I’m afraid to reach out to him again because I’m afraid they’ll just say they are too busy to talk. He said he would call this weekend but I have my doubts.
I haven’t been able to sleep well without medicating myself. Up into all hours of the night until I finally break down and drug myself. I have klonopin and seroquel. Last might I opted for klonopin, though 3x my prescribed dose. Seroquel, even just 25mg, makes me sleep the entire rest of the day. I am just feeling such guilt. I wish so desperately that I could go back to ten years old and step up and take care of my brother. Not disappear on him. Maybe things would be different. I know I can’t be stuck in the past but it’s hard. The only thing that sticks out in my mind is that his wife is always calling me “the favorite child”. Like my life was peachy keen and his was miserable. I just don’t understand that. I spent the majority of my teen years in and out of hospitals and long term residential treatment. It was not fun for me. But he believes her. I can’t even begin to describe the guilt I feel for my awful relationship with my late husband. But that’s for therapy. Just a lot to unpack. __________________ Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
bpcyclist, Innerzone, Nammu, Sunflower123, swimmingly, ~Christina
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bpcyclist, ~Christina
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Silver Swan
Member Since Jan 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 16,467
(SuperPoster!)
16 2,542 hugs
given |
#176
Hi all. I have not been on a walk in over a week! I will go tomorrow morning! I just have to!
Sleep is still messed up. I shouldve gotten up when I first woke up instead of lazing in bed! I really need to change this. Seriously. But at least I'm not short on sleep and I went to bed at a decent hour last night. Having my first cup of coffee at almost 2 pm? Not so smart but not the worst thing ever. __________________ Wellbutrin XL 300 mg Caplyta 42 mg Ingrezza 80 mg Ativan .5 mg 2x/day Propranolol 20 mg 2x/day Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) Mania (April/May 2019) |
Anonymous41462, bpcyclist, Nammu, Sunflower123, swimmingly, ~Christina
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bpcyclist, ~Christina
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,113
(SuperPoster!)
7 8,736 hugs
given |
#177
I’ve been feeling pretty stable all day today. I’ve had a good amount of caffeine. A Mountain Dew, an iced coffee, and a Diet Coke, and I haven’t had any anxiety meds yet. I’ve noticed a difference in my anxiety and my moods. I wondering if it’s the increase in Geodon. I may have to go to my primary tomorrow because I have all these painful red bumps on my back and chest. But I’m trying not to stress over it. At least I don’t feel like guzzling melatonin anymore.
__________________ Ridin' with Biden |
bpcyclist, Moose72, Sunflower123, swimmingly
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bpcyclist
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#178
Today is the first day of the rest of my life (God, I hope not. Lol!). Today IS however my first day working at amazon. I have mixed emotions about it but a paycheck is a paycheck. I gotta do something until a teaching position comes available. It’ll all work out. Besides, I expect to be in the best shape of my life soon with all the walking I’m expecting.
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Anonymous41462, bpcyclist, Innerzone, Nammu, Sunflower123, swimmingly, wildflowerchild25, ~Christina
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bpcyclist, Innerzone, ~Christina
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: Central Massachusetts USA
Posts: 1,585
3 3,398 hugs
given |
#179
I woke up this morning and realized how many days I've been in this dysphoric/depressive mixed episode and its really just taken all the energy out of me. I just wish I was getting some hope at some point of this. I just feel like I'm scraping and the SI is so vivid and almost like I'm outside my body. It really sucks.
Sending what little vibes I have out to those who need it |
Anonymous41462, bpcyclist, Innerzone, Sunflower123
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bpcyclist
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2009
Location: NW US
Posts: 9,383
14 31.3k hugs
given |
#180
Quote:
__________________ ********* Mr. Robot Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside. --The Cure
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Anonymous328112, bpcyclist, Sunflower123
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bpcyclist
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