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Default Aug 10, 2020 at 10:34 PM
  #941
Glad to hear some folks are doing well and sorry you're having a bad moment @bpcyclist.

I'm enjoying studying mindfulness. I watched news mindfully and took a shower mindfully and liked them both! My formal meditation didn't go as well as it could have as my belly was full and i couldn't do proper belly-breaths. But i managed to last the 15 minutes with more moments of awareness of my breathing than yesterday, so score. I like reading about mindfulness. It's very uplifting. I'm reading "Full Catastrophe Living."

I feel some fragile hope.

Hugs to all who struggle!

 
 
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Default Aug 10, 2020 at 10:50 PM
  #942
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Glad to hear some folks are doing well and sorry you're having a bad moment @bpcyclist.

I'm enjoying studying mindfulness. I watched news mindfully and took a shower mindfully and liked them both! My formal meditation didn't go as well as it could have as my belly was full and i couldn't do proper belly-breaths. But i managed to last the 15 minutes with more moments of awareness of my breathing than yesterday, so score. I like reading about mindfulness. It's very uplifting. I'm reading "Full Catastrophe Living."

I feel some fragile hope.

Hugs to all who struggle!

Albert calmed me down, thanks.

Glad you are enjoying the mindfulness. It really helps me.

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Default Aug 11, 2020 at 01:48 AM
  #943
Reading a ton of papers for this new book and just learned moms who have flu during pregnancy increased the risk of bipolar disorder in their babies by 4-fold! Wowzer.

So, I wonder, are we going to see an epidemic of bp in babies born in the US in 2020-2021 due to Covid? Interesting.

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Default Aug 11, 2020 at 04:36 AM
  #944
apart from the extreme body pain and the complete lack of sleep?

I had some candy arive for me today (loads of it from the supermarket), run out of plums (so had to settle for peaches and grapes today), and not doing anything.

I can barely walk today
 
 
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Default Aug 11, 2020 at 04:42 AM
  #945
Mountaindewed and Jennifer I hope the test results aren't that concerning, or concerning at all. I am scheduled for some soon, too. One a uteran biopsy. I wish I could get it over with soon, but have to wait for my period to come and then end. It's not coming. There may be some signs of PMS, but that could be wishful thinking on my part.

I have been such a busy bee lately working on projects. No hypomania, just necessity. I have fallen asleep early for days now, totally beat, but therefore wake up at 4 am/5 am.

I really am doing quite well with my diet. No cheating at all. I even already feel and see a difference. I'm going to keep it up. I weigh myself on Fridays. I would like to lose yet another 6 or more pounds before our upcoming trip. I imagine that I will likely gain a little during the trip. Hope not.
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Default Aug 11, 2020 at 04:49 AM
  #946
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apart from the extreme body pain and the complete lack of sleep?

I had some candy arive for me today (loads of it from the supermarket), run out of plums (so had to settle for peaches and grapes today), and not doing anything.

I can barely walk today
Hugs, vortex.

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Default Aug 11, 2020 at 04:53 AM
  #947
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Mountaindewed and Jennifer I hope the test results aren't that concerning, or concerning at all. I am scheduled for some soon, too. One a uteran biopsy. I wish I could get it over with soon, but have to wait for my period to come and then end. It's not coming. There may be some signs of PMS, but that could be wishful thinking on my part.

I have been such a busy bee lately working on projects. No hypomania, just necessity. I have fallen asleep early for days now, totally beat, but therefore wake up at 4 am/5 am.

I really am doing quite well with my diet. No cheating at all. I even already feel and see a difference. I'm going to keep it up. I weigh myself on Fridays. I would like to lose yet another 6 or more pounds before our upcoming trip. I imagine that I will likely gain a little during the trip. Hope not.
Hope the biopsy goes smoothly. Soupe. And great job on the diet. I have not weighed myself in so long, I have no clue what I weigh. Maybe if you walk a lot, you won't gain much on the trip?

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Default Aug 11, 2020 at 06:41 AM
  #948
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Originally Posted by bpcyclist View Post
Reading a ton of papers for this new book and just learned moms who have flu during pregnancy increased the risk of bipolar disorder in their babies by 4-fold! Wowzer.

So, I wonder, are we going to see an epidemic of bp in babies born in the US in 2020-2021 due to Covid? Interesting.

Well that's just perfect. My wife got the flu twice while pregnant with our twins, despite getting a flu shot. That plus my genes...
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Default Aug 11, 2020 at 06:43 AM
  #949
Getting worse again. Just want to sleep all day or sedate myself cause I don't want to be conscious. Problem is I can hardly sleep at all. Going crazy with anxiety, can hardly work anymore. Too tired to do anything. Just want this bs to end.
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Default Aug 11, 2020 at 08:05 AM
  #950
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Well that's just perfect. My wife got the flu twice while pregnant with our twins, despite getting a flu shot. That plus my genes...
Oops--sorry, Fluffy.

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Default Aug 11, 2020 at 08:07 AM
  #951
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Getting worse again. Just want to sleep all day or sedate myself cause I don't want to be conscious. Problem is I can hardly sleep at all. Going crazy with anxiety, can hardly work anymore. Too tired to do anything. Just want this bs to end.
What's the med situation?

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Default Aug 11, 2020 at 08:38 AM
  #952
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What's the med situation?

It's all changing. Already quit Seroquel, now quitting lithium too and increasing Lamictal. I don't think it matters much, things were going downhill before the med change. I don't really care what happens med-wise at this point.
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Default Aug 11, 2020 at 09:30 AM
  #953
Hey guys, saw my psychiatrist yesterday, no med changes since I'm doing well!! It's been a long time of adjustments, changes/tweaks to my meds but I'm finally fully stable. I'm no longer thinking my neighbors are plotting against me. And also not hearing voices. My mood is good too.

I got a Fitbit Charge 3 the other day. It's been motivating me to walk more. Trying to lose some weight. Since the metformin increase I've lost 5 lbs. I'm now challenging myself to 21 days without sweets since I have a major sweet tooth and that contributes to weight gain of course.

Going to Walmart today. They have a 100 pack of crayola colored pencils I want to get since I recently got an adult coloring book. I find coloring and doing artwork very relaxing. I'll use them to color my drawings too.

I have to go renew my library card sometime soon. That way I can continue checking out ebooks and regular books/dvds/etc from the library via curbside pickup. I'll try to do that either later this week or next week. Checking out stuff via curbside pickup gives me more incentive to take walks too since I don't have a car and have to walk everywhere or take the bus so that's always a plus for getting exercise.

I've been reading a book called Christmas Shopaholic by Sophie Kinsella. She has a whole series of Shopaholic books and they're all really cute fun stories.


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Default Aug 11, 2020 at 10:30 AM
  #954
I had been trying to contact a consignment shop as a means of cleaning out nice clothes that no longer fit. Most would normally have good resale value. One place never got back to me. Then today I called another, further afield, and the woman had to refuse. She kept talking on about the whole situation with her small business, and others. She sounded so desperate that I thought she would start crying. It was very heartbreaking. Though I really could have used the money that it could have provided, now I'm thinking I might as well donate it. Even some of the best pieces. Or maybe if I do lose enough weight, some of it will even fit again.

I'm churning homemade ice cream right now. Caramelized banana ice cream. I'm experimenting with a lighter version, but not too much lightened. We'll see how it turns out. Any new ways of using up ripe bananas are welcome, in my book. It was great last time. Not too tempting since ice cream is not my passion.
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Default Aug 11, 2020 at 11:01 AM
  #955
I’m not doing well today. Lots of SI and SH thoughts. Still struggling with the idea of (possible) abuse. I just want to push it out of my mind, but I can’t. I have to see my therapist today and I don’t want to. I definitely don’t want to tell her anything. I’m very embarrassed and ashamed that I let it go on for so long. However I do not want to continue feeling emotionally detached from RS. I want to heal, but I don’t know how.

I’ve decided to take seroquel on the regular, at least until work starts. I can’t risk going 24-36+ hours with no sleep again. I haven’t been really hungry, so I’ve been easily sticking to my calorie limit. I’ve gained back the five pounds I lost, which I expected. I’m just hoping I’m one pound lighter on my weekly weigh in. I don’t mind losing weight slowly. It’s excruciating but I know it’s the healthy way.

RS had a sinus migraine yesterday so he stayed home from work. When He was feeling better, We went on a hike, but only made it half a mile into the trail before confronted with a veritable rock climb steep as stairs. Surveying the situation, we decided it would be unwise to attempt it. We are not in the physical shape to handle it. So we turned back and headed out. Just as well, it was about 90 degrees and humid as hell. We’ll pick a new trail and try again on another day.

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Default Aug 11, 2020 at 11:33 AM
  #956
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apart from the extreme body pain and the complete lack of sleep?

I had some candy arive for me today (loads of it from the supermarket), run out of plums (so had to settle for peaches and grapes today), and not doing anything.

I can barely walk today

I'm so sorry. I know well how it feels to be in such pain that I could barely walk. Such pain takes a toll.

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Default Aug 11, 2020 at 11:38 AM
  #957
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Getting worse again. Just want to sleep all day or sedate myself cause I don't want to be conscious. Problem is I can hardly sleep at all. Going crazy with anxiety, can hardly work anymore. Too tired to do anything. Just want this bs to end.

Hey there, FluffyD, I'm wondering if your overmedicated from the lithium and Lamictal together, since you're still taking some lithium.

You have to care about meds. You naturally feel defeated because they're not doing what they need to be doing. As for anxiety - my worst problem with treating BD was that nothing was alleviating my severe anxiety (which is often part of a dysphoric mania). Finally, finally, after years of trying meds my pdoc prescribed perphenazine (Trilafon). It was like magic. bpcyclist has also had good luck with Trilafon. My level of anxiety dropped way down. Might be worth mentioning to your psychiatrist.

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Default Aug 11, 2020 at 11:43 AM
  #958
I have a UTI. I guess those can cause people to feel completely washed up and tired and have no energy. I’m on antibiotics 3 times a day. I am very tired and I am not feeling good today. But I am glad I have an answer. When they said the doctor wanted to give me the results I was freaking out.

Has anyone noticed a drastic decrease in appetite when they have gone up to 80 milligram on Geodon? I can’t eat much and I’ve recently gone up on mine and I’m looking pretty skinny. Not like sick or anything but if I went back to in person therapy sessions right now I think I’d be asked some questions.

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Default Aug 11, 2020 at 11:46 AM
  #959
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Mountaindewed and Jennifer I hope the test results aren't that concerning, or concerning at all. I am scheduled for some soon, too. One a uteran biopsy. I wish I could get it over with soon, but have to wait for my period to come and then end. It's not coming. There may be some signs of PMS, but that could be wishful thinking on my part.

I have been such a busy bee lately working on projects. No hypomania, just necessity. I have fallen asleep early for days now, totally beat, but therefore wake up at 4 am/5 am.

I really am doing quite well with my diet. No cheating at all. I even already feel and see a difference. I'm going to keep it up. I weigh myself on Fridays. I would like to lose yet another 6 or more pounds before our upcoming trip. I imagine that I will likely gain a little during the trip. Hope not.
I hope your tests go well.

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Default Aug 11, 2020 at 11:50 AM
  #960
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Hey there, FluffyD, I'm wondering if your overmedicated from the lithium and Lamictal together, since you're still taking some lithium.

You have to care about meds. You naturally feel defeated because they're not doing what they need to be doing. As for anxiety - my worst problem with treating BD was that nothing was alleviating my severe anxiety (which is often part of a dysphoric mania). Finally, finally, after years of trying meds my pdoc prescribed perphenazine (Trilafon). It was like magic. My level of anxiety dropped way down. Might be worth mentioning to your psychiatrist.

I spoke to him today, and I'm going to taper off the lithium. I'm hoping that will help, but I'm also a little afraid to do it. What if it makes me more unstable, and then covid gets worse and I lose access to my therapist again? I don't want to make that situation any worse than it already would be. But I suppose we'll see if it helps or not, and if not I might preemptively build the lithium back up at least until the covid hell is over. Right now I'm just tired of all the meds. If Lamictal doesn't work either then I'm considering ECT. I'm going on 9 months of alternating between depression and mixed, and I just have to make it stop because I'm worn out. I also need to stabilize my life but there's too much change and uncertainty that I have no control over, and that includes covid.
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