Bipolar makes me want to run

Let's start by saying I was diagnosed bipolar type 2 about 6 years ago, and have made tremendous strides mentally since then. I take my meds, but do have to switch them regularly. However I am also a recovering addict and alcoholic. I have been in a wonderful and supportive relationship for the past 6 years as well. My life is great, everyone is taken care of financially, I do not have a want that I cannot have. That being said, at some point I always cycle back to the feeling of wanting to escape it. To leave my life, and go back to partying, and sex, and all the impulsive craziness that I lived for so long. I know if I went after that again I would lose everything in my life. But sometimes when it comes around I cant stop thinking about it. I dont know which one I really want. I know what I should do, but I question it so much

Hello Diamondlette: I see this is your first post here on PC. Welcome to Psych Central. The Addictions forum, here on PC, may also be of interest to you. Here's a link just in case you haven't already noticed it:

https://psychcentralforums.com/addictions/

And then here are links to 6 articles, from Psych Central's archives, 1 on bipolar disorder in general and then 5 on bipolar 2 as well as mania & hypomania in particular:

Bipolar Disorder: Symptoms, Types & Treatments | Psych Central

What Bipolar II Disorder Really Looks & Feels Like

Bipolar II: Anger, Angst & Understanding

What Helps Individuals with Bipolar II Disorder Successfully Manage Their Illness

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/bipol...-is-hypomania/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/10-way...pomania/?all=1

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

Running was one of my go to mechanisms of escape, the other was taking enough pills to tranquilize a horse... That was my entire teenaged life, every few months running away from my feelings, and the fact that I felt trapped. (Feeling trapped is still a trigger for me, though not as intense as it once was...)

I was forced to change my coping mechanisms after I turned 19 because I had my daughter.

Not easy, and when she was old enough to comprehend what was going on, I had to let go of the last of my unhealthy ways coping... Breaking shyt until the rage wore off.

Anyway, my point is 2 fold, I get wanting to run, and I get having to learn how not to act on that feeling.

I started DBT when I had to quit raging, it helped me alot since I needed to learn new coping mechanisms to deal with my overwhelming emotions.

Like they say, "When in doubt, go without" ... You are second guessing the option to run, that in itself is a good thing.
So go without running.

Maybe give DBT a try, if you can't get it from a T or group T, then there are a apps and worksheets you can download to work through on your own.

Also make a Pros and Cons list, that way you have physical evidence to reference the reasons why you have chosen to stick around.

I hope the need to run passes soon for you.

Yeah, I hear ya. I often have the strong desire to just leave everything behind and start over. Despite having it all together "on paper," my life just feels all wrong and more like a prison than anything else. My best guess is I'm "externalizing my depression" as they call it.

Welcome, Diamond. I need a clarification b4 I comment. When you use the word "run," do you mean, get your sh#&, drive to the airport, and go to Fiji-London-Alaska-wherever and never look back? Or, do you mean, go to the Ritz-Carlton in Chicago, hook up, drink, hopefully get manic, and then let the chips fall where they may? To me, these are very different kinds of running.

Welcome, Diamond