Your Best Techniques For S Prevention

TRIGGER WARNING--S

Note--this thread approved by Doc John for us.

So, this thread is a place for us to share our S prevention techniques and strategies. If you have struggled with this, what have you learned to do to keep you safe when struggling? Please share if you feel safe doing so.

For me, I have two prior attempts. Since then, I have put several measures in place to try to help me. One is, I promised my HP and pdoc I wld never do that again. This has really helped. I can just remind myself it is not an option when I have SI. It works very well. 2 is, I promised I wld always tell pdoc of any SI whenever it happens so he can adjust meds. Also, since he trusts my commitments now, he does not feel required to put me IP just cuz of SI. He knows he can count on me. He told me he trusts me.

My S attempts have been in dysphoric manias with psychosis. Specifically, the pattern is I begin receiving commands to do very dangerous things. Happened three nts ago. But I recognized it and remembered, oh yeah, these commands are super dangerous and I can't do what they say. It worked, I did not go down to the protests and get beat up or shot by Trump's Storm Troopers. Good job, Cyclist!!

While waiting for whatever med change to kick in, i somehow have to survive. If it is bad, i deep breathe and pray and meditate. If possible, I use DBT--it helps a ton.

Last, if it ever gets to the point I cannot do it anymore, I just call 911. The police will be here in 4 minutes or less and they have always been sweet and supportive when needed.

Not really something I learned, but whenever I think about really doing something stupid my wife and kids always come to mind, and I just can't bring myself to let my kids grow up without a dad. It doesn't make me feel better, in fact it makes me feel even more trapped and hopeless, but it does stop me from doing it.

I think about my family too, Fluffy, and have the same feelings about being trapped and hopeless. Whenever I think "screw them!" is time to start to worry and usually when I go IP.

We have a scenic highway here called the Kancamagus. When I start to feel SI coming in I drive it and spend time at all the stops to remind myself there is still beauty in life. If I have time I'll do a short hike off of it or go swmming.

If it gets to the point I can't be alone, I'll give someone my meds and keys. A few years back we actually flipped the doorknob on the bathroom around so I can't lock myself in it.

I also sometimes give the keys to my meds to my wife, but I do find it kind of degrading. Plus that lock is so flimsy I could probably get it open if I really wanted. My therapist and Pdoc want me to do this, so sometimes I do it and sometimes I just say I did.

One other thing I like to do is whenever I read books I mark parts that I find helpful, and then I can re-read those when needed.

For me, I don’t have family to rely on. I’m not close to my family nor do I have children or a spouse. For me, I remind myself this won’t always be this way. I feel like I feel and it’s important to realize that, but it’s not forever. A final solution to a temporary problem is terrible. This helps me get through my days.

I keep a picture of my daughter handy as well as a letter from her. I also go to sleep if I can and hope I sleep it off.

Similar to what FluffyDinosaur mentioned, we have a lockable safe. There was a period in my past when my medications were locked in it, and my husband unlocked it once per week for me to fill my pill boxes. I do not have the combination. Only my husband and his best friend do. I do still keep my medication tray in the safe, but these past "safe years" the safe has not been locked.

Looking back at my life, I always realize the old AA adage "This, too, shall pass." It's been 100% the case. As long and horrible as an episode might be, it does always pass and days become much better. I then know that it would have been a tragedy if my life was ended because of an extremely rough, but temporary, patch. I think of my youngest nephew, who at 24 years old lost his life because of bipolar depression. That was over three years ago. Now, I'm absolutely certain that he would have recovered from that depression and would be happy that he didn't do what he did. That horror need not have happened for him, my sister, brother-in-law, older nephew and all others that loved him. Today, he could be walking the woods taking photographs of wildlife, his passion.

I've thought about events in my future life that would make me very vulnerable to S. It's hard to, but can be helpful. For example, if my husband passes before me (certainly possible since he's 13 years older) I will absolutely be devastated. He's my most prized treasure. So what would I do? Would I just take myself, too? It need not happen. I would know he wouldn't want that. So I try to imagine a life that would be without him. I force myself to not look at a horrible life, but rather a not so very bad one. What are some things I could do to keep myself feeling valuable to others and myself? I imagine it, so if the time comes that I need to live on, some plan options are in place. Again, good ones. If I can do this as a childless woman with few friends and close relatives, others can, too.

Two things really.

One, I leave things undone that I would want done, in other words I leave my affairs not quite in order. Sure, I could do those things, but it is a barrier.

Two, I have a son (adult). He already has issues, has been suicidal numerous times and to boot is an alcoholic. I know full well what anything done on my part would set into motion. He has told me that his dad and myself are the only reason he keeps on. Unfortunately, he refuses to get help. With his being an adult, there's not much I can do about it. But you better believe I hope with all my might that he will see his way to getting help.

I don't know the stat, but it has been studied and a parent's S considerably increases the chance of any of their kids following suit. And, given my circumstances, that likelihood would be MUCH higher. I couldn't possibly put him in that position. He looks to me for acceptance and support, not devastation.

*********
Mr. Robot

Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside.

--The Cure

Rarely being left alone...

I made a S action plan- that is I wrote a list of things I can do when feeling S. I lost it, but I could write another one. What I do is, if I am just feeling down and have SI I call my best friend and we talk and he is a voice of reason and sanity. Like once I told him I could fly and was going to attempt to do so and he said "No. You can't." We were on the phone. We talk almost every day and he keeps me this side of sanity. He is a very special friend.

I also think of my kids- what it would do to them if I died. My whole family, in fact. As you know,

I obviously think of the impact it would have on my son. Everyone else I can write off when I get fAr enough into it, but I can never, ever write off my son. Just a few weeks ago he came into my room. He remembered I had told him he could always share his fears with me. He looked at me and said “I do have one fear....losing you” with tears in his eyes. I think he may have been listening to my conversations with my therapist where I was taking about my suicidal thoughts. That broke my damn heart. I know he would never recover if I died, especially at my own hand. That keeps me going.

However, I do get worried I will do something impulsively. So I ensure my go to methods are cut off. This last go around, I made my boyfriend d hide my meds. I was so depressed that I didn’t even think of taking anything In the medicine cabinet, as I knew (through previous compulsive research during a psychotic episode) that none of it would work anyway so why bother. My meds though might work as I had a three month supply so they had to go.

My other go to involved my car. I told my boyfriend to not let me drive on the highway alone. Around town is fine, I can’t get up to a high enough speed to do what I want. But highway is a no go. Thankfully, it was quarantine and I was working from home while my son was learning remotely. Obviously if I had wanted to go anywhere I’d have to take him with me, so that method was nixed.

These things kept me safe, and saved me from being hospitalized. If I didn’t have my boyfriend cutting me off, I might been at too great a risk to do something impulsive.

Keeping my husband and children on my mind as well as my mother.

I consider how they'd react in the moment and in the future. I can't imagine hurting them in that way. Losing me would have a devastating impact on them and I'm not saying that to be vain or conceited.

I think a lot about past experiences, and the problems it caused me for months afterwards and ask myself: do I really want to risk that again?. I think about this site. I listen to my summer/ holiday playlist. I watch big daddy (such a funny film), and I also watch lion king

I also read jokes, or watch youtube (I really like charlie bit my finger. lol)

Relationships. Connections I have with all the people in my life. I think of how it would darken their worlds if I took myself out. Many of them have worked hard to help me be stable; what a cruel action it would be to take, when they've put so much into my well-being.

Even relationships on a forum, those count, too. I was on a forum years ago and had had some wonderful conversations with one of the members. He was struggling with suicidal thoughts, and he did end up killing himself. To this day I grieve when I remember that person. his suicide left a dark place in my life.

My children are doing wonderfully well with their lives and I sure don't want to mess that up for them.

And last, but in a way, first...my cats. They give only love and care. They don't know of anything else. I love them so much and treat them gently and kindly. What would happen to them if I wasn't around for them? The thought is so upsetting to me that I know I'd do anything to keep us together, and as safe as possible.

My family is estranged, I live alone, and I don't have close friends. However, I find purposes for living in trying to be of service to others, even in small ways. I try to be of service through the 12 Step program I am involved in, through volunteering to do things such as recycling at the apt building where I live, moderating an email list unrelated to mental health, and other ways that may seem small but are something. I can contribute time, energy, and some kind words that may help others.

In the 12 Step program I go to, some have been lost to S, and it has been very difficult for the survivors, who start questioning keeping their sobriety. This is particularly true for members lost to S who have years in the program. I have some time, and when I am in a dark place and have the screw-its, I remember that my S may be contagious in others relapsing or S, too.

I also try to get enough sleep and naps because when I am tired and exhausted, I can be infected with the screw-its and give up. In 12 Step programs, HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) is an warning acronym for when bad decisions such a relapsing can be made.

Trying to take and live just One Day at a Time also helps me cope. I can get the screw-its when I start imaging worst-case scenarios that may happen in the coming months, years, or forever, and it will always be like this. When I am in a rough patch, taking even One Day at a Time may be too long, so I try to take One Hour or 10 Minutes or 1 Minute or just One Breath at a Time. Just live and cope in each time interval--getting through One Breath or the longer intervals helps me cope with the next, one at a time.

Best wishes to all!

Rick, thanks so much for offering that 13-step wisdom. I forget about it sometimes. Been sober a long time, but it us still helpful.

Just don't go through with it. For example, I wanted to drink an entire bottle of liquid Benadryl this spring but I chose not to go through with it. I don't meditate or pray, or use a 12-step program, or call a suicide hotline, or call anyone for emotional support. Just sheer willpower prevented me. And knowing that people would label me negatively -- not that I'd care since I'd be dead.

I don't think there is one correct answer, bpcyclist. Everyone is different so their reason for staying alive will be based on their life.

I stay alive because I don't know what happens after death. If this is *it* then as ****** as my life is, I'm happy to be alive.

Relationships.

I’ve been more su these last few days........,

(the anger that lives on these streets with no names )

How can we support u, Fuzzy?