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Elder
Member Since Sep 2008
Location: Scotland, UK
Posts: 5,247
15 85 hugs
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#1
So as you all know I'm off my meds and i think I'm doing pretty good.
Has anyone been successful off the meds? Is it do-able? I'm gonna speak to my worker on 11th and see what she says. I tried calling my CPN yesterday to discuss this but she wasn't answering her phone. The receptionist said I could leave a message but I declined. I'm pretty mellow these days i think I have been off my meds for 7 weeks max. I forget lol. |
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Fuzzybear, HALLIEBETH87
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Mar 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 3,021
5 4,300 hugs
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#2
Life free of meds is tricky. I'm glad it is working for you at the moment. You were struggling a week or so ago, so keep that in mind. Working means a long stretch of stability in my mind. While med free you may be able to ride the waves and go up and down, but you may eventually go too high or too low and it takes a lot of insight and monitoring of patterns to know when that happens. Even if you see it, it takes a lot of strength of will to stop what is happening as our thinking is clouded when we are sick.
I was able to do it for 10 months and I do not cycle like typical BP patients. During that time I had random delusions pop up, but they were just passing thoughts. Then, I had a trigger come into my life and it set off a chain reaction. Within a couple of days the unwanted symptoms came back. I went back on a low dose of meds immediately to protect myself and my family. I am trained professionally to analyze data and patterns and it took me a few days to see what was happening to me. I was scared and didn't want to admit I was sick, but I did it to keep everyone I love safe. I had well defined strategies and plans in place. Even with that, it was hard to do the right thing. If you are going to self monitor, I think you need some of those skill sets. Some other members here are really great at it and I learned a lot from them. When my doctor took me off meds I worked hard to be as balanced as possible. I do the same on meds. I work through my emotional stuff with a therapist. I focused on physical health. I worked on spiritual health. I learned everything I could about psychology and psychiatry to assist in my mental health. I put a lot of effort into getting as healthy and balanced as I could. I think that helped the episode I had a few weeks ago be less severe. I think for me at least there may be times when I'm ok med free, but when I need them, I need them. The meds step in and save me from going down a destructive path. That is invaluable. I cannot control the electrical signals in my brain or the chemicals my body releases. I can only try to push back when I am out of balance, but it is like flying blind. Getting assistance from targeted meds just makes sense sometimes. I cannot do it all. Have you ever taken your meds regularly? What is so bad about taking them? I feel that it makes sense to be as healthy as possible so that the amount of meds you need is as low as possible. I think it makes sense to work through some symptoms without adding extra meds. But... Fearing something that can assist you, if only situationally, is irrational. The goal should not be to be med free, it should be to be healthy in whatever form that comes in. For me, the goal is to have the meds responsible for as little of the work as possible. I feel that is attainable and realistic. Being med free isn't a dream I'm chasing or something I will do even though symptoms are staring me in the face. I will not hide my sympyoms from my team in order to stay med free. There is zero shame in taking meds. I don't want them to control my life and it takes work to overcome the side effects. However, mania and psychosis are incredibly dangerous and serious. I will take whatever help I can get in keeping that at bay. Depression is equally as dangerous. If it were me, I would just be completely honest on the 11th. I would explain how you feel about meds ad that you want to do the work to take as little as possible. Or, tell them you refuse meds and want to try without them for longer. Then, do the work. Work on yourself holistically. Learn how to properly monitor yourself and stop hiding things from your family and providers. If you have to hide, something is wrong. Its that simple. When you're there, if meds are the answer, be prepared to care for yourself properly. Good luck with this. I genuinely hope you can work something out you can feel good about. Your health is so important. You owe it to yourself to fight for what you want, but just make sure you're doing it honestly and safely. |
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Anonymous41462, Fuzzybear, jurassi, wildflowerchild25
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*Beth*, jurassi, Miss Laura, Sometimes psychotic, Trippin2.0
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Legendary
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Portland
Posts: 12,681
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#3
I did it in 2012 for 11 months. Ran 60 miles a week. Yoga. Tons of grps and support. Had a huge recurrence despite all that work. I am just not able to do it. The anguish of a big recurrence is not worth a few months off meds to me. I worry about you.
__________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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Anonymous41462
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Miss Laura, Moose72
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Grand Member
Member Since Nov 2019
Location: In my head, mostly
Posts: 754
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#4
I understand the desire to live without meds. If it's going to work, I think the rest of your life will have to be very stable. And if you do try it, please do it under supervision of a Pdoc so that you can start on meds again if things go wrong. My personal experience is that, at least for the past five years or so, I can't get remotely stable without meds. But I still hope I'll go into remission at some point and can try going without meds then.
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Anonymous41462
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Miss Laura
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Elder
Member Since Sep 2008
Location: Scotland, UK
Posts: 5,247
15 85 hugs
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#5
I really wanted to chat to my team about it but chickened out so the 11th will just have to do.
I understand I'm going to need to be savvy re my health and its gonna be a lot of work. I hope I'm up for it though. I do worry I'm going to muck it all up and end up worse off than I currently am. I feel this last 7 weeks have been a rollercoaster of a ride. I'm not depressed or anything its more the hyperness. I'm currently feeling great, calm, mellow, free. But i have been hyper religious, possibly psychotic, definitely hypo-manic maybe not manic yet??, irritable, I've self harmed, fidgetty, itching to talk, talkative, talking to myself and people I see, sleep up and down, antsy... think there are more but thats all I can remember. Oh and researching like mad |
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Anonymous41462
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Grand Member
Member Since Nov 2019
Location: In my head, mostly
Posts: 754
4 31 hugs
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#6
To be honest, that sounds like it would be best to stay on meds until you get a chance to talk to your treatment team about quitting. What you've described sounds like it could easily escalate, since you already have quite a few symptoms.
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Anonymous41462
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*Beth*, Miss Laura
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Elder
Member Since Sep 2008
Location: Scotland, UK
Posts: 5,247
15 85 hugs
given |
#7
I don't really know how I can go back on meds I've been off 7 weeks and I really feel good today. I know i have described symptoms but I think i am coping. I haven't had sever symptoms. I don't think. No-one irl has told me I'm ott my Sister is the only one that knows and she hasn't been too concerned in the respect I've stayed at her flat from Mon night until Thurs during the day. She hasn't really said much. I think I'm managing to control the symptoms. My head although isracing is doing good.
I have 4 days until I speak to my worker so I hope the next 4 days are just as good as today |
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Anonymous41462
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Elder
Member Since Mar 2013
Location: NJ
Posts: 6,433
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#8
I say this gently. But if you have self harmed to manage emotions, you are not “coping”.
__________________ Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
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Anonymous41462
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*Beth*, BipolaRNurse, Innerzone, Miss Laura, Trippin2.0
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Elder
Member Since Sep 2008
Location: Scotland, UK
Posts: 5,247
15 85 hugs
given |
#9
It's only been a few times its nothing major huh it could be worse. I only really self harmed cayse God told me to, for punishment for being me
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Anonymous41462, Fuzzybear
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
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#10
If what you've recently posted on this board is an accurate description of the symptoms you've been having, your situation has, indeed, been severe.
I believe that you know what your smartest choice is, so good luck. __________________ |
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Anonymous41462
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Trippin2.0
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Mar 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 3,021
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#11
Psychosis and self harm are not managing things. I think you need to be honest about all of that with your team. Calm does not = well.
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Anonymous41462, bpcyclist
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*Beth*, bpcyclist, Trippin2.0
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Legendary
Member Since May 2010
Location: Cape Town South Africa
Posts: 11,937
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#12
ML Are you seeking help or attention?
The answer is for yourself, not for me. I however will share why I'm asking you to reflect.... You post threads seeking assistance, and even though it is given so freely by members here, you seemingly ignore what is said, and adamantly carry on doing whatever it is you are doing, proclaiming you know better, when it's abundantly clear that you do not. Case in point. This current thread... You say you have been fine for 7 weeks, then go on to describe how really UNfine you are. A member points this out by using your SH as an example of how you're not coping, and you reply with something to the effect of "its not that bad". (Sidenote, SH is ALWAYS that bad) So ask yourself ML, are you here seeking help, or seeking attention. Because the answer to that question should help guide your threads, I don't mind hand holding and hugs when it's needed. I do however personally take issue with offering assistance that is not actually needed. If in this thread you actually did want help, Fern is spot on, at every turn, comma and full stop ... And should you follow the advice in that post, you will realize that you are nowhere near self-aware enough or responsible enough to be any kind of responsibly med free... I'm not sure in which tone this post is being read by whomever is reading it... But please be assured that I am most definitely trying to assist, sometimes that entails asking the hard questions and pointing out the not so pretty truths. Help isn't always neatly wrapped up in pretty bows, so I ask that this post be received in the gentle helpful manner it was delivered. __________________ DXD BP1, BPD & OCPD "The best way to make it through with hearts and wrists in tact, is to realise, two out of three aint bad" FOB... |
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bpcyclist, fern46, wildflowerchild25
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*Beth*, bpcyclist, fern46, Innerzone, Moose72, wildflowerchild25
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Elder
Member Since Sep 2008
Location: Scotland, UK
Posts: 5,247
15 85 hugs
given |
#13
In all my years I have been here i feel I don't ask for much. All I ask for is advice. I don't understand why I'm bothering. This is my only source of communication as I have no friends. But it's OK I'll just come off of here altogether as I'm obviously not wanted here. Its been a nice 10 + years on here. But thank you to all of you who have spoken to me. I do listen and adhere to most of what you all say. Forgive me as I'm obviously upsetting people. Sorry
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*Beth*, Anonymous41462, bpcyclist, fern46, Fuzzybear
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bpcyclist
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Mar 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 3,021
5 4,300 hugs
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#14
Nobody wants you to leave at all. I enjoy having you around. I think it is just confusing for you to ask for advice on how to live med free when you are self harming and psychotic. The messages you believe are from God are not. They are a symptom of psychosis. So, nobody really has great advice to offer in regards to being med free because we are concerned for your safety and if we were your doctors we would not support a med free course of action.
You're doing a lot of good things. You are asking questions and researching which is all beneficial. When you get past this episode maybe you can work out a strategy with your doctor to be on a low dose of meds or maybe one day no meds at all. I think Trippin is just pointing out what you're asking for advice and support on is a big mismatch for where you are at the moment. It is hard to offer what you are looking for in good conscience. That's a good thing though because it shows we really care. Just think about it ok? |
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bpcyclist, wildflowerchild25
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*Beth*, bpcyclist, Innerzone, Trippin2.0
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Legendary
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Portland
Posts: 12,681
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#15
Laura, I am just worried. I care about you. I pray for you. I just want you to be as happy and safe as you can be. I wld be very sad if u left.
Hugs and love!!!# __________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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*Beth*
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Legendary
Member Since Apr 2012
Location: Earth
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#16
I've try med free. psychosis and self harm is not something that can be dealt with with out lots of support. Ie day program/daily therapy, structured program. You have to make your own daily program. Is there a support group you can go to daily? Can a caretaker come in daily to help you care for yourself and your apartment? Is there vocational rehab to help you work to develop a schedule? What are your goals that you can focus on? I would have a serious talk about how much you are unwilling to take medication and why? What can make you change your mind?
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog Last edited by Victoria'smom; Aug 07, 2020 at 05:02 PM.. |
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bpcyclist
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*Beth*, bpcyclist
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Silver Swan
Member Since Jan 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 16,471
(SuperPoster!)
16 2,548 hugs
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#17
There is something very off about what I just quoted, Miss Laura. I hope you can see that. If not, please call your pdoc. In fact, call your pdoc and tell them what you posted here. I see red flags.
__________________ Wellbutrin XL 300 mg Loxapine 50mg Ingrezza 80 mg Ativan .5 mg 2x/day Propranolol 20 mg 2x/day Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) Mania (April/May 2019) |
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Anonymous41462, bpcyclist
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*Beth*, bpcyclist, Trippin2.0
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Threadtastic Postaholic
Member Since Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,006
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#18
If you’ve been here for 10 years I don’t understand how you could just stop and delete your account.
__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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bpcyclist
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*Beth*, bpcyclist
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2009
Location: NW US
Posts: 9,383
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#19
I, too, very much hope you decide to stay, Miss Laura. If I may quote from fern's last lines... "It is hard to offer what you are looking for in good conscience. That's a good thing though because it shows we really care". That is 100% what is happening here. We care about you too much to support a course of action that is clearly not appropriate to your situation. While that may not be what you want to hear, it is the caring truth. Our job in true loving support is to encourage that which will keep you safe and healthy, not to tell you what you want to hear if that runs counter to what will accomplish the goal of having you safe and healthy.
If someone could not swim and asked you to support them being dumped out of a boat far out to sea so they could swim to shore, you would not tell them to go for it would you? We are being put in a very similar situation here. Can you see that? (Question for you, no need to answer). I'm not sure how to put together the right words that will let you see that without upsetting you. I don't want to upset you. Neither have the others wanted to upset you. I sincerely hope you can take these words to heart in the caring way they are intended. We go way back. I would never say anything to steer you wrong. You know that, yes? Much love. As always. __________________ ********* Mr. Robot Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside. --The Cure
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bpcyclist, fern46
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bpcyclist, fern46, Trippin2.0
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Grand Member
Member Since Nov 2019
Location: In my head, mostly
Posts: 754
4 31 hugs
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#20
Yeah, I hope you come back as well. I think you can use the support. Hope your condition didn't get worse in the meantime.
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bpcyclist
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bpcyclist
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